Name: Election Night with Tim & Vic and many special guests
Uploaded: 2020-11-04T08:23:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Election Night with Tim & Vic and many special guests' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Election Night with Tim & Vic and many special guests' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-11-04. Transcript available.

Election Night with Tim & Vic and many special guests

And we are live.
To the mountains white with foam.
God bless America.
My home sweet home.
God bless America.
My home sweet home.
Yes, where would he be?
What the hell?
Hey, everybody.
Is it my aunt?
Is it my aunt?
Keep America great.
Gotta stick to our guns.
Keep the freedom we want.
Keep America great.
Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt. Cunt.
Come on!
We're gonna keep it clean.
What's the president?
What are you gonna do?
I don't like my...
Oh, hi!
Everybody's here.
I don't like my audio.
I think it's because I'm wearing new headphones.
New position.
But whatever.
Don't worry, everybody.
Can we pump it up a little bit for Tim?
Is the MAGA YMCA too loud for you?
I don't know, but I don't see anyone rising.
They should be rising for the national anthem.
That's true.
No one in Zoom has risen.
Got another flyover coming.
You're saying it's the new national anthem?
Mm-hmm.
Is YMCA?
That's right.
You gotta pump your trombone arms.
Well, listen, ladies and gentlemen, I am so happy to be with you tonight.
I've got one eye on the news.
There's a big news day today.
I am eating lots of pizza, folks.
We've never seen so much pizza go in my mouth.
Cheese pizza?
Cheese pizza, if you know what I mean.
We've had it delivered, ladies and gentlemen.
There is a place that's ironically called Pizza Boy.
We have pizzas.
We have 300 hamburgers.
And I'll tell you something.
This is good pizza.
This is nice slice.
We could have gone to Pizza Man if we wanted to, but Pizza Boy's got the best.
No, no.
We only want Pizza Boy.
Pizza Boy here in Glendale, California.
It's been an honor for them to serve us.
Actually, the guy delivering the pizza said to me, he said, "Sir, thank you so
much for
what you do with Office Hours.
We really love it, and we thank you."
And he says, "I'm a pizza guy!"
I deliver pizza, right?
And I'm listening to you every day.
I listen to every episode of Office Hours.
He wouldn't accept your tip?
He wouldn't accept any money.
He said, "The pizza's on me.
It's an honor to deliver it to you."
Terrific.
So, we love pizza, and we love eating it.
And I'm going to have another slice pretty soon.
I'm here with Vic Berger.
Hello, hello, hello.
Hello, hello.
Is that your new thing?
You go, "Hello, hello, hello."
Victor Berger.
Hello, hello.
We have Vuck.
Oh, wait a minute.
Wrong job.
Dick.
Dick Doug Pound.
Doug Pound is a dick.
He is.
We hate Doug Pound.
Uh-huh.
He has let us down.
No, Doug is...
No controversy there.
Doug is camping this weekend, and we hope he's safe and sound.
But I believe he's going to call in?
From the woods?
Is this true?
He thought we were starting at 7:00, but he said he'll call in.
Oh, he's in a different time zone, too, probably.
Uh, no.
He's got to be in the...
Vic Doug.
Vic Doug.
Jim Apple.
What are we doing here, folks?
We are creating the old, uh, well, the old fireside chat.
The community out there, the Office Hours community, we are going to be here
for as long as we can.
For as long as YouTube lets us.
I'm worried that they're going to start clamping down and they're going to
start censoring us.
Um...
Crush the algorithms.
They're crushing my algorithms at this...
We can watch it in real time.
We can watch it happen.
We see them dropping.
It's not good.
Um...
You still want that pepperoni?
I've got to order it.
I forgot.
Yes.
Please send pepperoni my way.
I'm off my...
We've had...
We've, uh, put a postponement on all kinds of diets.
All kinds of...
Uh...
Dr. Greger would be very disappointed in me right now.
How's it looking in Florida?
Not great for Biden.
We're looking at...
Matt, what's our latest...
Oh, you're doing pizza work.
What do you need to know?
Um...
What...
Yeah, we need somebody to get the stats.
Who's...
Is anybody...
Could've thought of that before.
Let's take a caller to make sure that that works.
Yes.
Oh, Trump just won Kentucky.
Excellent.
They called that a while ago.
Oh, Lord.
It's all downhill from here.
Kayleen in Michigan, give us the report on the ground in Michigan, please.
Uh, can you hear me?
Yes, hey Kayleen, how are you?
Good to see you.
Thanks for being here with us on this momentous night for America.
Hello.
I feel very honored to be the first guest of the evening.
You might be the last.
I'm a little sick of this already.
Well, I've just been, I've been anxious for weeks and I'm glad that this is
like the final
event and that it's coming hopefully to a close soon-ish.
Yeah.
Um, do you, so you're in Michigan?
Yep.
Yep.
Where, whereabouts.
I'm in the Ypsilanti Ann Arbor area.
Uh, that seems like a liberal enclave in the.
Quite.
Quite.
Yeah.
Quite.
Not a great snapshot of the Michigan voter.
Maybe.
No, no.
It has been stranger though.
Like my, my mom lives in a very, very like red area and driving to her house.
There's just thousands of Trump signs and flags.
I thought it was not American flags.
I'm chewing my ice.
Sorry.
So your mom lives in.
Yeah.
Your mom is, uh, in a red area and there's lots of Trump flags and has anybody
been hearing
about any violence or any kind of like justification for the boarding up?
Is that coming?
That's coming tonight.
Tonight.
Okay.
So right now, Trump is up, uh, in Virginia and in Florida.
Did you vote in person today?
I did.
And what was it like?
Do you have a long wait?
I did not.
It was very quick.
Um, I accidentally filled out like three people for one of the sections where
you're supposed
to put two people and the machine was like, ah, ah, ah.
So I just fixed it real quick and they were all really nice.
I thank them for their work.
Great.
And yeah, pretty easy.
Pretty easy voting experience for me personally.
That's good.
I've seen some stuff in Philadelphia where they're close.
See that lady trying to get into the, into the voting thing last night.
And then, and the dudes like, well, the rules are all 4:00 PM.
It's if you don't, not there in time.
She was waiting.
Apparently.
I don't know.
I would like to say, I don't know.
They say if you're waiting, like when the polls close, you're supposed to be
able
to vote.
Right.
I don't know about that.
Listen, I'm going to be a hard liner today.
I don't think it.
I voted online.
It was easy.
Use an app.
No, it was a website.
America votes, 2020.ru.
And it was simple.
I just picked.
That sounds like something.
John Biden.
I picked John Biden.
You can buy it on iTunes or Amazon.com.
You can also.
I use an iTunes gift card.
It was 9 99, which is a lot, but I had an iTunes gift card that I got through
another
email.
I received.
You paid to vote.
Yeah.
I paid to vote.
Yeah.
I paid to get early.
It said early access VIP voting.
So I got early access VIP voting.
So I got early access VIP voting.
I don't know.
And now I'm eligible to have a hot tub estimate, like a free estimate of a hot
tub or something.
I don't know.
I don't know.
But we're looking at that.
Biden's up in Ohio.
So if we win, if he wins, I'm by the way.
I don't know.
If he wins.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I paid to get early.
It said early access VIP voting.
So I got early access VIP voting.
And now I'm eligible to have a hot tub estimate, like a free estimate of a hot
tub or something.
I don't know.
We're looking at that.
Biden's up in Ohio.
So if we win, if he wins, I'm by the way, I should say, I'm a totally impartial
tonight.
I have no dog in this race.
No horse in this race.
I'm not.
I'm a journalist for first and foremost.
So it's important that my audience knows I'm just here to report.
And so you might as well turn off CNN or Fox or MSNBC or whatever you're
watching, because I'm watching them all.
And I'm distilling it down to 30 screens on their little TV split screen here.
It's a war room down here.
We have a lot of experts here.
Vic has been studying the map and studying the numbers.
Right.
Fascinating, isn't it?
I'm doing good.
I'm learning a lot about the country and I've been talking to a lot of people.
So let's get to the headline news today has been the journey of Adam Kregler.
We noticed this.
We love talking about, we love talking about Adam Kregler.
Am I just going to do my bad Trump impression all night?
I don't know.
Why not?
We don't know.
We're looking into it.
So Kregler is, as everybody knows, is Tim Pool's former sidekick.
The guy, he wears a beanie like Tim Pool, but he has long hair.
He's a skateboarder, influencer.
Former Chanel model.
Yeah.
He plays guitar.
He rocks out.
And so he was Pool's sidekick and then there was some kind of divorce there,
some kind of
breakup that we don't know all the details of.
We don't know all the details of.
Right before Pool went into his mansion in the DC area.
The compound.
The compound.
The Pool compound.
They split up.
Right.
And the Krigs has been living in Maryland ever since then.
Right.
But the guy, so the guy talks politics.
He's been on the East Coast a long time.
He talks politics every, he does a daily show where he's become out, he came
out as
a Trump supporter a long time ago.
He would wear a MAGA beanie.
Yeah.
And only, it was only Monday that he realized that he wasn't registered to vote
in Maryland
where he was living.
The election's the next day.
And so he said, well, this is an awesome opportunity to get some news, some
headlines.
He boarded a plane and flew back to Arizona to cast his vote for the president
and made
a big splash about it.
Right.
I mean, it's pretty smart actually, because his vote in Arizona, I would think
is much more
impactful.
He wasn't trying to be smart about it though.
No.
It was a happy accident for the Krigs, I guess.
All right.
Well, thank you Kayleen.
I hope you'll stay with us throughout the evening.
We're breaking numbers, by the way, as far as viewership goes.
A lot of setting records tonight?
Yes.
Tremendous night.
Tremendous night for us.
And I'll tell you what, it's not going to get any better than this.
Over 4,000.
No way.
Yes, sir.
What?
We're getting close to Krig numbers.
Wow.
We got some racists to announce.
Some racists?
Some racists?
Some racists are running for president.
I've got some results here.
You want some?
Yeah, give us some results.
We got Biden with 85 in the electoral college and Donald with 55.
So, Biden is in the lead.
I kicked everybody's...
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Come on, man.
Come on, man.
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes.
Biden is in the lead in Texas.
That's pretty exciting.
Wow.
This could be...
I hate my...
By the way, I hate my angle here.
It's like I'm in some kind of...
Can you bring him back a little bit?
Is that possible?
Well...
I think it's like too close up and you can't see your hat or hat.
I know.
It's like I'm at a photo booth here.
It's like, should I be getting my passport done?
We don't know.
It's a little...
Yeah, it's been upsetting me here.
You know, I just want to go...
My angle looks beautiful though, I must say.
I just want to go a week without any controversy.
I want to get back to the way things were.
The good old days.
The good old days.
Who else do we want to talk to?
Let's find...
Let's get some people in.
We got an actual pundit on the line.
Bring him in.
Who would that be?
This is our old friend Grant.
Oh, Grant.
Hallmark.
I don't know about this show either.
We've talked to him before.
Yeah, we need...
Something was off.
Hey guys.
We need a competent...
We need somebody like Mike Nichols or...
Maybe...
Who's the guy that did...
Oh boy.
I'm blanking.
Why are you thinking about it, Tim?
Brian De Palma.
Get Brian De Palma in here to get some interesting shots.
Right.
We have to differentiate ourselves from these other web streams.
Uh huh.
Maybe you would get a little...
A little bit of a canted shot.
A little Dutch angle here would be nice.
Yeah, what if it's over here though?
Like this...
Because then...
Because you'll probably be talking to me.
Or what if you like put Tim's...
That's a good idea.
Across...
A Vic view.
Shot reverse shot.
From my angle.
A Vic view.
A Vic eye view.
You know what we should do is get...
Wes is not liking this idea.
Get cameras and wear glasses so I'm seeing a total PO view of you.
This right here.
Every