Name: Kevin Morby & Natalie Palamides on Office Hours Live Ep 137 12/3/20
Uploaded: 2020-12-03T19:41:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Kevin Morby & Natalie Palamides on Office Hours Live Ep 137 12/3/20' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Kevin Morby & Natalie Palamides on Office Hours Live Ep 137 12/3/20' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-03. Transcript available.

Kevin Morby & Natalie Palamides on Office Hours Live Ep 137 12/3/20

I like having fun. I like to laugh. I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
I like having fun. Yes, I like to laugh. I like having fun to meet people who
laugh.
Good, good, good. Good night, Mikes. Good night. It's me. I'm back. And we're
welcome to Rocket Road. It is Office Hours. Tim Harker in the house. I'm joined
by the Holy Trinity DJ. Dug-a-dub-dub-dub-dub. Loosen up. From Naperville,
Illinois.
Not really, but close enough. Where is that again? Downers Grove. Sorry. Am I
correct with Downers Grove? I went to Downers Grove South High School. Hey-o!
Let's give a shout out to the folks out there at Downers Grove, Illinois.
Central Time Zone is where it's at, ladies and gentlemen. We're honoring
everybody right down the middle here. We're a flyover country, and we love it.
That's right, folks. We are also joined by the number one burger boy, Mr.
Burger himself.
The Burger King, if you will. The Whopper Boy. Whopper Junior.
Everybody. Whopper Dopper. Dippity-doo. Whopper Dopp. Ding-dang. Whopper Dopp-duner.
The original Burger King. Mr. Vic Burger. The four coming in from Bell M. P.A.
Enjoy the show. Thank you, everybody. Welcome back. Welcome back, everybody.
What the hell was that? We got a ghost. You're hearing ghosts? We got a ghost.
We are so happy to be back. It's been a long, too long of a break. We were off
for just a mere week, but it feels like just being off for a day.
We've got to turn this into a daily show, folks. We'll call it The Daily Show.
Brought to you by Burger King.
Well, my reserves...
That first...
The first two minutes of the show was entirely supplied by my energy reserves,
and they are now completely spent.
Spent.
Spent.
Spent.
Spent.
So they're out.
So we are going to wrap things up here.
There we go.
Thanks, everybody, for joining us.
We're chilling.
Thanks to our guests for agreeing to do the show.
We don't really want to hear from them anyways.
We're chilling.
Guys, the key is we are back.
It is December.
We got one more month of this wretched year, 2020, to look forward to.
Now, there's no real daylight at the end of the tunnel here for me.
I mean, maybe there is maybe March, April, May.
But I started looking forward to the end of this year.
But when you really look at it, January is going to be a slog.
Guess who's back?
Guess who's back?
Guess who's back?
Guess who's back?
Guess who's back?
Tim, when 2020 is over, we've got to start fresh with a brand new year.
Everything is going to be back to reset.
It won't be.
There will be no...
There will be a vaccine that won't be really widely distributed.
Tim, 2020 is the worst year ever.
And when 2021 hits, we're going to be good.
We're going to be sailing soon.
Let me ask you guys.
Let's not start too down.
How was your Thanksgiving, Doug?
Oh, it was great, Tim.
I had a Carl's Jr. Beyond Burger.
Now, careful.
We're sponsored by Burger King today, so I don't want to get too much in the
weeds with that.
Oh, come on, man.
How about you, Doug?
Oh, by the way, let's get to this real quick.
We've got a lot of business to discuss today.
Kevin Morby is on the show and Natalie Palamedes.
I'm excited about it.
That's exciting.
And, of course, your Zooms and a lot of information.
But before we begin, the Super Chats are engaged.
And for the month of December, the Super Chats are going to charity all month
long.
Who cares?
Who cares?
Turn it up.
Who cares?
No.
Who cares?
I think the people that we're giving the money to care, don't you?
I'm talking about the American Humane Society.
We've got AmericanHumane.org.
Okay.
So, any contributions you make to the Super Chat today go right there.
Okay.
If you want to support this show, Office Hours, officialofficehours.com.
We've got a brand new line of beautiful merchandise based on our beautiful
Office Hours sign here.
We've got hats.
You have asbestos mouth.
That would be a good point.
What do you call it?
Beanies.
Tim Pool beanies.
Uh-huh.
Designed by Tim Pool.
Pim Tool.
Dim Pool.
Pim Pool.
Pim Pool.
Pim Pool.
And if you're a Patreon, you go to patreon.com/officehourslive, you're going to
get a nice discount on that merch.
Matt, if people order today, do you get a discount?
Of course.
I'm sorry, will you get items before Christmas?
Yes, you'll have until the 14th.
It's kind of interesting, isn't it?
In the US.
Regular speed shipping, it'll be there.
Yeah.
Overseas, no guarantees.
Well, people overseas, believe me, they don't celebrate Christmas.
That's been proven.
We have information on that.
A couple other quick things.
There you go.
The drop concert, the motion picture, is available to buy now.
You can buy it digitally or you can buy it as a card.
Massive dumps.
That's kind of a cool gift, if you think about it.
Vic, something you worked hard on.
Yeah.
Something you should have some kind of personal investment in its success.
I mean, I just like looking at the artwork, too, that Marika did.
It's beautiful.
The line drawing, and obviously what Ben did with it.
God bless.
I think it ought to be a nice stocking stuffer.
What the hell?
It was funny.
It was really good.
How much is the card?
How much is the card with all the stuff on it?
I don't have that information.
$25, and it has everything.
That's kind of neat.
That is a deal.
That is kind of neat.
It has everything.
It has David O'Reilly's game everything on it.
Cosmic Evil Toys is auctioning off in office hours.
Pun toy box for Bob Baker's marionette theater.
Whatever that means.
Oh, we have these.
They're right here, right here.
We have these.
Cosmic Evil Toys.
Can you see if a Zoomer can guess?
You can buy these.
Okay.
I guess.
And they're all individually made.
They're handmade.
There's very complicated puns here.
I don't think people are going to be able to tell from this perspective.
But that's a great way to support Bob Baker.
We love that.
And finally, we'll move on with the show.
But finally, this Saturday is just really a huge day.
It's one of the big ones.
Ten-year anniversary of Crimbus.
The great Crimbus special that, Doug, I'm sure you worked on.
Saturday.
Saturday.
Saturday.
And Vic was just a little boy watching.
I was watching, crying laughing at her.
Saturday at 5 p.m. Pacific.
That's 8 p.m. Eastern.
Whatever that is central.
Let's dial that in right now so we can 6 p.m. Central.
Go to Crimbus.biz.
Get your tickets.
Me and the big man himself.
Eric Wareheim and I will be right here, live, on camera, watching the Crimbus
special.
And we haven't watched it in years.
And so it's not like we sit around every night and watch our own shit.
Even though it's probably better than 90% of the garbage out there.
Trust me.
It would be better to watch our own shit than the shit that's shoveling us.
We're going to sit and watch it.
You can watch with us.
It's for another really magnanimous gift we're doing for charity, feedingamerica.org.
And it's $10.
You watch with us.
We'll do a Q&A afterwards.
It's going to be a lot of fun.
Okay.
On with the show.
I've done my duties.
I've read my plugs.
And let's get on with the show.
Let's get after it.
I'll do that every week now.
Let's get a call in real quick.
Because we have so much to get through.
I don't know if I'm going to get too many zoomies today.
Matt, do you have anybody that's just dying to keep-
Anna Quinlan has a topic.
Anna Quinlan was a popular columnist.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Right?
Are you there, Anna?
Yes, there is an Anna Quinlan.
I wanted to ask, can you hear me?
Yeah.
I can hear you.
We can't see you.
Something's going on on the other side.
Can you hear me?
All I see...
Yeah, there you are.
There we go.
I see...
By the way, so people understand where I'm coming from.
People understand the trouble that it is for me to do the show and the pain.
Sometimes in my head, I think I'm looking forward to doing this.
But in the moment, it's very unpleasant.
I'll tell you one of the reasons why.
I hear you, brother.
When I'm not looking at the beautiful Hannah here, whoever the guest is,
whoever's on Zoom,
I'm staring at dead Jensen the intern's face.
And he's like this.
He's like, no, he is.
It might as well just be a screenshot of him.
He's like this.
That's what I'm looking at the whole time.
I'm trying to be funny, trying to be creative, trying to think off the top,
trying to make
you guys laugh, trying to make the audience laugh.
And Judson's like this.
Like talking to a brick wall.
Matt, build a brick wall right here.
Because it'll be better than looking at him.
But it is his last day with the show, so I don't want to rough him up too much.
Thank you, Judson, for helping out.
Now, how can I help you?
Okay, so I'm wondering if you know something that happened to the Dave Matthews
Band in 2004 at the Chicago River.
Yes, their bus driver emptied the toilet into the river.
Next caller, please.
Well, they actually emptied it onto a sightseeing boat.
What's that?
Onto a sightseeing boat?
They emptied it onto a sightseeing boat.
I don't know if I knew that detail.
I don't know.
Was it a thing that Dave Matthews himself initiated?
He's into that, yeah.
It was apparently just the violinist.
Oh.
He did it on first?
It was just the violinist's bus.
It wasn't the whole band.
The violinist has his own bus.
It was only one member's bus.
Wow.
That guilt by association thing is too bad.
Apparently, Ben & Jerry's was supposed to release an ice cream flavor the
months that it happened.
And the ice cream flavor was going to be Dave Matthews Band Magic Brownie.
And they had to take it off the shelf.
Is that a joke you made up or is that true?
That's a fact?
No, that's true.
I love it.
Well, thank you.
I feel bad for Dave Matthews because, you know, that's total guilt by
association.
He had nothing, you know, he's trying to probably live in a good, clean life.
I know.
It's probably not even his violinist's fault.
It's like the driver, right?
Absolutely.
It's like the violinist making that call.
The violinist pulled the lever.
The violinist wouldn't know where the lever was.
He pulled the lever like an executioner pulling the...
They're like, "This boat's coming.
Hold it.
Hold it.
Don't push it.
Don't pull it yet.
Don't pull it.
Now, now, now!"
I mean like bus drivers and they do that like on the road.
If it's like they let the liquids out, right?
Don't they?
I've told this...
Well, they have...
You know, you can...
You have to hook it up to a septic receiver.
Some kind of...
There's a whole...
You don't just dump it somewhere.
That's...
Yeah, you can't dump it on the river.
It doesn't matter where you are.
They had to get to Detroit, Tim, and they had no time for the...
Doug, you remember the bus driver we had on one of the...
It might have been the Crimbus tour.
It might have...
Ten years ago it might have been.
There was a...
That's the only tour I didn't go on.
Oh.
Well, maybe it was...
It was this guy that was very heavy.
I was on that one.
Yeah.
You won't forget that.
I didn't sleep a wink at night.
This guy was like...
He had those legs.
Those like diabetes legs that are like...
Like right on the chopping block.
I thought he was...
They're ready to go.
Bus drivers need a co-pilot that could take over if one of them kicks the
bucket.
Well, that was the thing that was worrying.
So he would drive at night because that's what buses...
That's the idea is you drive through the night so that you get there for the
day of the show.
And you sleep on the bus.
And he would get himself this massive...
What was it?
Dunkin' Donuts?
It was a coffee but it was like a two gallon cup.
Two gallon...
One of those big boys.
Those big gulps.
But filled with coffee but like half cream and sugar.
Tons of sugar in there.
And you start chugging that at like 1 a.m.
Yeah.
And that's right, Doug.
Doug and I would be trying to make love in one of the bunks but not being able
to succeed at that.
But no, we'd be trying to sleep.
And you just kept thinking like the guy piloting this thing is on the road to a
massive coronary stroke or some kind of heart attack.
I didn't sleep a wink, Tim.
I