Name: Office Hours Live Totally Secular Spectacular Special + FREE AFTER HOURS! Ep 139 12/17/20
Uploaded: 2020-12-17T21:15:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live Totally Secular Spectacular Special + FREE AFTER HOURS! Ep 139 12/17/20' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live Totally Secular Spectacular Special + FREE AFTER HOURS! Ep 139 12/17/20' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-17. Transcript available.

Office Hours Live Totally Secular Spectacular Special + FREE AFTER HOURS! Ep 139 12/17/20

Thank you so much for joining us today.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
And you get pounded, pounded, pounded, pounded, pounded.
Guys, hey, we're live.
Can you hear me?
Check.
We're live.
Yeah.
Can you hear me?
Yeah.
What's going on?
Matt.
Yeah.
Where's Tim?
What's going on?
You talk to Tim?
I mean, we texted.
Should we just keep jamming out?
I'm fine for like a drop concert until it gets here.
All right.
Just, yeah, maybe for a little bit.
Yeah.
Bring the music down a little bit.
Just do a little drops.
He's got to be on his way.
Matt, did you text him or what?
I mean, earlier, yeah, but I don't.
Did he answer?
Earlier.
I mean, I haven't.
I'm just worried he's like upset that I pushed back a little bit too much on
the C-word proclamation
that he had.
No, you barely even pushed back.
I know, but I just, I just, I like overthink things.
We agreed to his thing.
I know.
I just, I just, I just, I mean, I personally, it's not what I would do on my C-word
day or
C-word Eve.
I wouldn't want to come in to do a show.
I'd like to spend time with my family, but that's, I just want to be careful.
He might be listening, you know?
Did you check upstairs?
I mean, could you, maybe Wes can run and see if he's up there or what?
I mean, I don't, I don't want to invade his privacy too.
He might be sleeping, you know?
I don't know.
No.
No.
We're not taking the C-word break.
We're not going to be celebrating C-word Christmas, I'll say it, but only in
quotes.
It's going to be a regular old Friday morning for us.
If you vote for Biden, it means no Christmas, no Christmas.
We're definitely doing a show on Christmas Eve morning, and we're adding a
Christmas morning
show on the 25th.
Don't tell me about Christmas.
The Christmas season will be canceled.
I mean, I do have priorities of the kids and, you know, the S-word.
I do expect you in your seat Thursday and Friday.
What was I thinking?
I can't cancel Christmas, it's my favorite holiday of the year.
Oh, I don't give two pence about Joe Biden's National Endowment for the Arts
Fund.
I must tell the boys, I must tell the boys.
Child, child, what day is this?
Uh, it's Thursday, shouldn't you be doing office hours?
Oh, it's not too late.
So Christmas is back on?
You got it!
Yes!
I must tell the truth.
Well, I mean, I guess, has anyone seen him?
We'll just carry on and do the show without him until we hear from him.
Yeah, I mean, Matt, if you could call the, uh...
Oi! Oi!
Yeah, I don't know.
Christmas is back on!
I'm so sorry, Vic!
Why did I cancel Christmas?
I didn't, I don't mean to cancel Christmas!
We can say Christmas now.
I'm so sorry, but what was I, what was I thinking?
What was I thinking?
Wow.
Ladies and...
I'm so sorry.
You're very nice.
Christmas is back on, ladies!
Welcome to the show!
How about some Christmas music, Vic?
Put some Christmas music on, Vic!
Damn it!
All right.
You got it?
Welcome, everybody, to the number one Christmas holiday special!
I'm Tim Heidecker, welcome to our show!
Put on some music!
It's on, it's on!
Okay, I just have to plug in my headset.
Hey, everybody!
Merry Christmas!
You know what?
I don't need the, uh, the grant money from Joe Biden.
I don't need anything.
I just need my Zoomers and my, my Patreons.
Where's this?
Where's my, where's my food?
What do you have to say for yourself, Vic?
I'm very happy that things turn around like that.
I did not expect that at all.
Looking, uh...
I think I'm going to be second all the way, but this is beautiful.
Tim, I'm glad you turned it around and you...
Yeah, I was kind of cool with not doing it, but I could do Christmas, I guess.
My kids are going to be happy that I'll be around.
Yeah, I'm glad for, for Vic's kids.
Let's celebrate the holidays.
Christmas is coming, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry, I just got plugged in.
Woo!
Happy to be here, everyone.
Thank you for joining us.
Merry Christmas.
All right.
Let's take a Zoomer, Matt, and see how that went over.
All right.
Hunter John.
I'm going to mute my things over here.
Hunter!
Yo, what's going on?
Hey!
Happy holidays!
What's going on?
Oh, I'm just looking at this handsome group of men here.
Wes, I'm not seeing anybody up here.
There you are.
There you go.
Hi, babe.
Did you love our opening today or what?
It's amazing.
It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen.
It's terrific.
Who do you got there?
You got some pipe peeking in?
Oh, kitty cat.
This is Brewster McLeod.
Wow, you're a creative guy.
Where are you calling in from?
I'm calling from beautiful Portland, Oregon.
Oh, beautiful.
I wish I'd get up there and spend time with you.
I'd be up there.
You'd take me out to get some Thai food.
That sounds like a good idea.
Go to Pok Pok.
Go to the food truck.
Pok Pok is gone.
Oh, it is?
Hunter John, do you have your stream going still?
Doesn't matter.
Let's say goodbye to Hunter.
Thank you for joining us.
We have a tremendous show today, ladies and gentlemen.
We have all...
It's all...
Can we start the show over?
Should we start the show over?
No.
No.
How are you today, Vic?
Are you feeling better about...
We will not be doing a show next week.
That's official.
We are no longer broadcasting next week because I have decided that we will be
celebrating the day.
Santa Day.
We say no.
Some people say Saturday.
I say Santa Day.
I'm sorry.
Wow.
I don't care.
Santa Claus.
What else do we have to discuss?
Through Christmas now.
Super Chats are on, and they are going to charity.
Charity is the Trevor Project.
This is for Trevor Noah, who we love from The Daily Show.
He's the original host, one of the original hosts of The Daily Show.
And as you can see, he's been struggling because he's been doing the show from
home, so they're doing renovations.
That is not the case.
It's for the young people in the LGBT community.
Oh, I see.
Sorry.
I misread that.
TheTrevorProject.org.
So any of your donations are going directly to that organization today.
Record release party is happening right now.
Slaps, Bops, and Bangers is coming out tomorrow.
For digital download and pre-order, the cassette tape.
Can we show that?
That is a beautiful thing.
The cassette tape.
I've never seen such a beautiful ode to my childhood.
It has the wonderful red font that we remember from when we were kids getting
tapes.
That's at officehourslive.bandcamp.com.
And if you're a member of the Patreon, tonight is the Office Hours party.
The Office Hours office party tonight at 6 p.m. Pacific.
6, 7, 8, 9, 9 p.m. Eastern.
And then right in the middle, you've got that 7 p.m.
6 p.m. Central for Chicago.
In studio here, because he's going to be running the switching board.
Star of Please, Please Let It Be for all the Patreon listeners, Eric, no Tornicola.
Exactly.
As Doug said this morning, there'll be no Tornicolas are out.
I said not a single Tornicola.
So, Eric, you're here just to hang.
You can say whatever you want.
You have free reign over the mic today.
Cool.
Good to have you.
Obviously, a big Beatle freak, and it's a lot of Beatle news this week.
So, maybe we'll talk about Macca 3 coming out tomorrow.
We're in competition, direct competition with Macca with the Slaps, Bops, and Bangers
coming out.
Tim, I talked to my connections, and Paul McCartney sent a Christmas wish for
you guys.
Okay.
Oh, that's nice.
He did.
I want to say to all my friends in America, thank you for watching, and I want
to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a very peaceful New Year.
There you go.
Wasn't that nice?
That was from Paul himself.
That was from Paul himself for you guys.
Sounds younger.
He doesn't have a, you know, just do little bits of me voice for you.
I bet he does that for all the podcasts out there.
Control yourself, you're spurt.
Well, we got the city of the day we could get through real quick, because we do
have tremendous guests today.
Some people say President-elect, some people say President-elect Joe Biden will
be calling in.
Salty Sam Cedar from the Majority Report will be checking in with us to offer,
I guess, a bit of a mea culpa.
Come on, man.
And Madison McFerrin.
The great Madison McFerrin will be calling in to perform a beautiful song.
And also, we are going a half hour long.
We're going to go right into the After Hours, so you can stay with us and see
the benefits you get from being part of the Patreon community and being a
member of the Office Hours community and watching After Hours.
I guess Brendan Wallace is calling in too, who knows, and maybe, and Chris
James from Not Even a Show.
This is a big show, big, big blowout season finale, because we're not going to
be on next week and we're not going to be on for New Year's.
Okay, guys.
So, lots going on.
Oh, also, Mrs. Smith is going to play a song on guitar.
Mrs. Smith, popular Instagram influencer.
Wait, did you mention Bran, or was that a surprise?
Did you mention it?
I didn't, because there's so much to get to.
I didn't know much, too much.
Bran from Lord of the...
Game of Thrones character, Bran.
No, Bran Daylor from Mastodon.
Are you a Mastodon fan?
I don't really know much about Mastodon.
Okay.
Pounded.
I do.
It's their heavy metal, guys.
Okay?
Math rock.
Proggy.
Very intense.
Very loud.
And very complicated.
I've been trying to teach myself Mastodon songs.
I've got the book of the chords and everything,
and I'm trying to learn them.
And they're hard.
A lot of chords.
A lot of speed.
But very talented.
Listen to that horn!
What is this behind me?
This music, this bed?
This is the Chipmunk song,
but it's slowed down to its original pitch.
So you can hear their actual voices.
So you can hear the guys singing.
You better pipe that down before Biden gets here.
Yeah, it's true.
Can I get a little bit more of the boys in my ears?
Just a little bit more?
Like, of the drops?
Oh, yeah.
Wow.
Because they were quite quiet,
but I feel like there might be a whole other show going on
that I'm not aware of when they're too low.
Oh, that horn gives me the chills.
Obviously, there's so much to get to.
Let's take another Zoomer real quick.
All right.
Oh, let's talk to our old friend Megan Markle.
Megan Markle, president of Germany,
or chancellor of Germany.
Hey, guys.
Hey, Megan.
How are you?
Doing pretty good.
How are you?
All right.
I'm doing all right.
Yeah.
Rock and roll, Gary.
Well, you know,
I've been working with Paul,
you know,
just doing some of the press for him.
Why?
I've been doing his press.
Calling in.
By the way,
Paul McCartney calls into Stern's show,
the Howard Stern show now,
every week.
Have you noticed?
I don't listen to that show all the time,
but it's becoming less and less exciting for,
because the first time Paul called into the Howard Stern show,
Howard Stern was like,
this is like my career,
like this is everything for me.
Like, I can't believe this.
He's part of the whack pack now.
Howard, we have Paul McCartney on line three.
Okay.
All right.
Give him two minutes.
Yeah.
Put him through.
I just wanted to add, you know,
and we're working on getting better.
You know,
it was John actually who had the idea of he can't get no worse.
Yeah.
Thanks, Paul.
Anyways,
we got to get to this,
this,
the vomiting porn star.
Tim Heidecker.
Anyways.
Funny guy.
Funny guy.
There we go.
How are you doing?
What's going on within your neck of the woods?
As I say,
as I,
as only I say,
just working on a big gingerbread project.
Big gingerbread project.
Like for like affordable housing.
Are you talking gingerbread projects?
The gingerbread projects.
I grew up in the gingerbread projects.
Gingerbread housing projects.
Yeah.
That's what I'm going for.
It's good.
I wanted to ask you a question.
May I?
Of course.
That's what this show is all about.
That's the foundation of this show.
Come on.
I used to say questions,
comments,
or complaints.
And I lead with questions
because that's what people want to hear.
Oh,
they're clever.
Good.
Thank you.
What do you got?
What do you want for Christmas lunch?
What do I want for Christmas lunch?
That's a new one from Paul.
What do you want for