Name: Zoomer Appreciation Day (and also JP Inc.) on Office Hours Live (Ep 147 2/25/21)
Uploaded: 2021-02-25T19:43:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Zoomer Appreciation Day (and also JP Inc.) on Office Hours Live (Ep 147 2/25/21)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Zoomer Appreciation Day (and also JP Inc.) on Office Hours Live (Ep 147 2/25/21)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-25. Transcript available.

Zoomer Appreciation Day (and also JP Inc.) on Office Hours Live (Ep 147 2/25/21)

We'll see you next time.
We'll see you next time.
We'll see you next time.
We'll see you next time.
Good morning, everybody.
Good morning.
Tim Heidecker, host of Office Hours, coming to you live here in Glendale,
California.
It is 10 a.m. on the Pacific Coast.
Here in Glendale, California.
It is Thursday, February 25th.
The year is 2021.
And we are here for you.
We are here for the listeners.
This is a call-in show at the heart of the show, which I began all by myself.
Going on almost five years, Doug.
Five years we've been doing this program.
160 shows?
Something like that?
No, not that much.
146, I believe.
The genesis of this show has been let's connect.
Let's, like, what does Garth Brooks say, Vic?
I want to connect.
I found out about Facebook Live, and I thought, hey, that sounds, we've got to
find that clip.
I'm lost on the actual particulars of it.
That sounds cool.
I like that.
I like that.
Yeah, that's what he says.
I connect with the crowd, with the masses, with the audience, the fans.
Go ahead.
Play it.
I really wasn't sure about this at the start.
But then a friend of mine said something that just made all kinds of sense.
She said, think of it more as a conversation.
I like that.
There you go.
I liked it.
I liked that I could tap out, tap out, go home.
I like that.
I like that.
I can connect with the crowd.
Now, as the show grew, I brought Doug in.
I said, Doug, come on by the studio.
Come play some music and samples and chat with me.
Then Vic came in, and Doug couldn't.
I finally reunited him.
Got him all together.
Created the Holy Trinity.
I like that.
The dream still lives.
And we talked to people.
I like that shit.
I don't care where you're calling in from.
I don't care what you believe or what your point of view is.
Call in.
We could talk.
Then.
I like watching people work hard.
We'd get celebrities to call in.
And I'd get friends who I've worked with in the industry to call in.
Then we said, let's keep booking guests, music, authors, musicians.
Oh, thanks for having me.
Documentarians.
Mostly documentarians.
Mostly.
Health experts.
Science wizards.
Synth.
Synth.
Synth.
I like camoides.
Synth.
Experts.
Synthesizers.
Doctors.
Sorceresses.
Can't we just communicate?
But at the heart of this show is you, the audience, who I rely on.
You are my life.
You are my.
What's the adrenochrome.
You are my adrenochrome, ladies and gentlemen.
So today we scrapped the schedule.
No guests.
Nobody.
Someone's going to call me and say, who backed out at the last minute?
Who turned out to be a rat?
Who turned out to be a flake?
In this business, there are plenty of them.
That's not the case.
This has been on the books as a no guest.
This is almost like Bill O'Reilly's no spin zone.
This is a no guest zone.
You're the guest.
We will be having a guest, JP Hassan, call in later.
A friend of mine.
He's got a new project out that I'm excited about.
Look at these guys.
So we do have a guest.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, we do have a guest.
Yes, and Bob Dylan's going to call in, apparently, with his new album, Rough
and Rowdy Ways.
He's going to be talking to us about the process and his amazing life story of
becoming a musician in the 60s and going on to great success there.
He's also a published author and a builder of – he's a welder.
He makes gates.
And, of course, we're going to talk about Heaven's Gate, his whiskey.
He's got a whiskey?
Yeah, he's got his own whiskey, and he's going to play a few songs for us.
So a lot to get to today.
He's going to play the Murder Most Foul.
He's going to play live on Zoom Dylan, huh?
Bob Dylan's going to play Murder Most Foul.
That's his latest 15-minute saga.
And then he's going to play Desolation Row.
And said, I'd Lady of the Lowlands.
That's his set today.
That all starts right now on Office Hours.
City of the Day.
And we might not get a chance to get to your calls today, but we'll do our best.
City of the Day is brought to you by...
City of the Day.
City of the Day brought to you by...
This is cool.
This is City of the Day.
City of the Day.
City of the Day is brought to you by the Burt Certificate.
The American Society of Names is proud to present the Burt Certificate, ladies
and gentlemen.
The Burt Certificate.
Finally, anybody named Burt can finally get certified on very nice paper with
an official Burt stamp.
Now, you might be asking, is that for Burt spelled B-U-R-T or Burt spelled B-E-R-T?
Oh, good news.
We accept both.
And now, for a limited time, if Burt appears in the second half of your name,
you can also qualify for a Burt Certificate.
Bob-Burt, Norbert, Albert, Dilbert, Gilbert, Egbert, Dork-Burt, they don't even
care.
So, if you're any kind of Burt, you're going to need this thing.
Imagine you're at a party and someone asks, oh, you're Burt?
What kind of name is that?
Well, just show them your Burt Certificate and they'll shut up.
And you can talk about something else, such as sports or hot air balloons.
Calling all Burt's.
It's time to get certified.
I say, Doug, by the way, in, I think it's two years, 2023 or 2024, you'll be
required to carry your Burt Certificate.
So, might as well get on it now.
Just go to endlesstruth.wizard slash names to get started.
What's that?
The Burt Certificate from American Society of Names.
That's the A-S-N.
Thank you, Burt.
We'll see you on the site.
All right.
The city of the day is...
Oh, Miami, Florida.
Just go ahead, Matt.
Is it still hot out there?
You bet it is.
It's real hot.
Now, Matt, producer Matt tells me that there has been a code.
Now, I wonder, are there people at home, listeners at home, who have been
keeping track?
I don't...
I'm not particularly interested myself in cracking the code.
I am merely the host of this show.
I'm not a contestant.
So, there is a...
There must be people out there who are working hard at cracking this.
You're saying it's an almost impossible code.
It's very hard.
There is a Twitter feed that tweets it every week and tracks it in a Google Doc.
What's the out of count?
City of the Day.
By the way, we're also broadcasting on the Office Hours Twitter page and the
Facebook page and Twitch.
And we're blasting wide today just to see why not.
And the question of the day.
This is going to be fun.
We've designed the question of the day to be what I believe is going to be a
huge game going forward.
As you all know, I mentioned...
By the way, good morning, Doug.
Good morning, Tim.
I apologize.
I did not say hello to you.
I, of course, said hello to you as you came in this morning.
Now I do the fake good morning.
I want to clarify something and make sure that I'm not wrong about this.
I believe I literally patted you on the back today.
I think you did.
I came in.
I went, pop, pop.
Hey, putt.
It was like, man, sometimes it's just good to see Doug.
Sometimes it's on the ass.
Sometimes it's on the back.
You never know where Tim's going to pat it.
It's never inappropriate here.
You never know where Tim's going to touch.
No, no.
Now, now, now.
And you're wearing a little flashback or something with those glasses.
Oh, you're not wearing your glasses.
Oh, he took them off.
He put his contacts in.
Sorry.
Oh, I didn't realize.
You were wearing some throwback glasses when he came in.
These guys?
Yeah.
I did have frames like this in high school.
Yeah, they are kind of...
Are they new?
They're Ralphie kind of.
They're kind of new, yeah.
You got those fresh.
These are fresh, yeah.
Lenscrafters?
You know it.
And, Vic, hello to you.
I've kind of unofficially acknowledged you.
Yes, we've kind of got that across.
That's fine.
You chimed in.
I did.
I did.
I demanded attention.
And I'm happy when you guys chime in.
Come here, come here, come here.
Come here, come here, come here, come here.
The game.
The question is also a game.
Now, last week, I talked to Robert Popper.
People are saying last week's show was one of the top shows.
I happen to agree.
Robert Popper, of course, is one of the most entertaining and funny people I
know on this planet.
And I was telling him about this great YouTube channel that I'm obsessed with
now called Feature Man.
And it's this old guy who makes these little, you know, simple recipes on his
kitchen stove.
Hello, food fans.
There you go.
And if you remember the Patreon community, this weekend I launched my own spoof
of the Feature Man things with my how to make a smoothie tutorial, which you
can find now at Patreon.com slash Office Hours Live.
I like food.
Robert wrote me.
I told Robert about this channel.
I sent him the link.
He said he wrote me saying, I now all I'm doing is watching these guys videos.
Me and my wife have watched like nine of them.
And I was reading that Martin Scorsese essay about the value of film.
And and I believe him.
I believe in the whole, you know, how we we've taken the idea of film as art.
And now it's turned into content and a commodity.
And it's just like it's all on the same level, you know, as as TV shows or just,
you know, something to fill the time with.
And Martin Scorsese says, no, film is art and we need to support it.
And and it was all in the context of talking about the re-release of all these
Fellini films.
And and over the past week, I've been wrestling with this dilemma.
Do I watch Eight and a Half or do I watch Feature Man?
Do I watch La Strada or do I watch Feature Man videos?
I don't know.
And guess who wins every time?
Hello, food fans.
I get trapped.
Of course, I've also just finished the Adam Curtis, latest Adam Curtis six part
series, which is also very, very good and depressing and makes a lot of sense.
But the game today is going to be what is Feature Man's secret ingredient?
Hello, and you are going to show you a clip here and you have to know there's a
bit of a trust.
What's going on?
Just queuing it up.
Yeah, there's a bit of a, you know, we have to enter into a compact here.
There's somebody out there, some rat might go online and look this up.
I'm not encouraging that.
That's cheating.
And you're a rat and you will be found and exterminated like all rats should be.
So here's the Feature Man and we'll stop right as the secret ingredient is
about to be revealed.
And throughout the show, we'll take your best guesses.
Hello, food fans.
I'm going to make a sandwich today.
And this is a fast sandwich as far as...
Trust me, it's not a fast sandwich.
It's not a fast.
It takes forever.
It's just meeked up.
I'm getting some of the ingredients here.
We've done some light trimming on this, possibly long.
Fleeney would not put his camera at this angle.
It's just an awful angle.
Well, it's kind of menacing.
It's menacing.
It's kind of canted.
Hello, food fans.
What's on the menu today is you.
I'm going to be eating you later.
So we've got tomato sauce, turkey bacon, and some pickles.
That's not the secret ingredient.
So the sandwich is tomato sauce on toast with melted cheese and pickles.
And turkey bacon.
And turkey bacon.
Microwave turkey bacon.
Get some style grated cheese.
And we're ready to...
Here, one slice of one minute.
That's very appetizing.
So this is the core components of this particular meal.
Great American food.
He puts the tomato sauce on there.
I'm going to add some pizza sauce.
Yeah, I'm very agitated by this right now.
If you use any sort of pasta sauce you happen to like,
some people like it with mushrooms.
Mushrooms?
Okay.
And some like it with meat and some like it with...
Anything.
Tomatoes and basil.
All right.
There you go.
Now what I'm going to do is sprinkle some cheese onto this pasta sauce.
Okay, so we have the pasta sauce, the cheese, the pickle, and the bacon.
And your job today, folks, is guess what the secret ingredient is.
Spaghetti and meat sauce.
So this, Tim, would this be something to accent the flavors that are there
already?
I suppose.
I don't know.
We have some cheese.
I guess you can make that argument.
I'm just trying to help the viewer.
If you guess correctly and can prove that you didn't cheat, you will win a $500,000...
Oh, wait.
Pack it up just a second.
So are the pickles