Name: Birthday Tribute to DJ Douggpound w/ El-P, Corey Taylor, Slipnut Jon (OHL Ep 148 3/4/21)
Uploaded: 2021-03-04T19:41:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Birthday Tribute to DJ Douggpound w/ El-P, Corey Taylor, Slipnut Jon (OHL Ep 148 3/4/21)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Birthday Tribute to DJ Douggpound w/ El-P, Corey Taylor, Slipnut Jon (OHL Ep 148 3/4/21)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-04. Transcript available.

Birthday Tribute to DJ Douggpound w/ El-P, Corey Taylor, Slipnut Jon (OHL Ep 148 3/4/21)

I'll see you next time.
I'll see you next time.
I like having fun.
I like to laugh.
I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
I like having fun.
Yes, I like to laugh.
I like having fun to meet people who laugh.
Good morning, everybody.
Get up.
Get up.
Get out of your fucking chairs.
Get out of your office staples bullshit chairs.
You got 25 years ago.
You got little rips in the back where your head's been sitting.
Your gaming chairs, your elbows,
are creating awful indentations in the sides of your chairs.
Get off of your rolling chairs.
Roll them across the room.
Get up.
Get up and thank God you're alive.
Thank God.
Get on your knees and thank you.
Thank me for the show I do for you every week.
Thank me and the Holy Trinity and Matt,
Producer Matt and everybody else.
Thank us.
Scream it out loud.
Shout on the top of your lungs.
Shout at the devil.
Say, devil, get down.
You're not coming up this morning.
I'm getting...
I see some Zoomers sitting down, you motherfuckers.
Stand the fuck up, you pieces of shit.
Get up.
Get your asses up and dance.
We're cooking.
We're cooking.
We're Ellen.
This is the Ellen DeGeneres show.
We're cooking.
We're cooking.
We're all partying.
Everybody parties with me.
All we do is party.
Good morning, everybody.
I still see motherfuckers sitting down like some assholes.
James Kirster's in the Zoom sitting down.
Because he's too cool.
How about you stand up, asshole?
Get up.
He's not listening to me either.
He doesn't give a shit.
He's fucking rebels.
The audience is made up of rebels and cool people.
That's my demographic.
We've done research on this.
Joseph's got his cat.
It's people dancing.
And I'm out of breath.
And that's it for the show today.
Happy birthday, Joe.
Go for it, Vic.
What is on the schedule today, ladies and gentlemen?
What are we going to talk about today?
It's an open sore.
No, it's an open book.
Today, we celebrate the birth of not his birthday.
That's some other time.
That's in June, I think.
When is your birthday, Doug?
October.
It's next week.
It's next week.
But for whatever reason, we're celebrating.
It's next Tuesday.
So it's Monday.
Monday.
We are celebrating DJ Doug Pound in the house.
Doug, Doug.
Let's hear it for Doug.
Woo.
Come on, Vic.
Doug, Doug.
Don't worry about my birthday.
We've got tremendous surprises in store.
Great guests lined up.
Doug has a new face today.
And Doug's aged rapidly.
We're going to play guest Doug's age today.
Doug has begged us not to do a birthday show.
But I looked at it like this.
I said, well, it's good filler content.
And we did a nice one for Vic.
And we did a really beautiful tribute to myself.
And then that's it.
We're saying, we're putting a, with peace and love, no more birthday
celebrations for a while.
Who knows?
Maybe we'll do my big 50 in five years.
Or Vic's big 25 when he turns 25 next year.
We should do something for that.
But we will be honoring Doug.
Doug's a great person.
We started with terrible energy today.
First of all.
I think we all walked in nice.
And then we had to do these.
Well, the first thing that happened, Doug, you opened up your computer and had
a panic attack
because all of your drops had mysteriously disappeared from your drop box.
Is that the case?
Go stupid.
That's right.
I was watching them.
3,000 files.
Yikes.
Starting to go, just disappear rapidly like crazy.
Go stupid.
And you were, you went dark, man.
I freaked out.
I mean, that was all the drops I've been collecting for the last 10 years.
And they just started, they started popping off right in front of your eyes.
You just started going zip, zip, zip.
It was like out of a movie.
Some Tom Cruise movie.
And I said, Wes, help me with these files.
And he didn't say nothing.
Who saved the day, pal?
Uncle Tim.
Uncle Tim, not uncle anybody.
Sure, I'm an uncle by definition.
My sister has a son.
Do the math.
Guess what?
That makes me an uncle.
But I'm Father Tim to many of you.
You're Brother Tim.
I'm Brother Tim to you.
Google saved me.
I said, how do I get my files back that were deleted?
Well, I said, go to Dropbox.com and search for your files there.
And bingo.
That set you on the right course.
Because you were in the app or something.
But you ever, you ever talked to, and I've been in this position many, many
times.
So I have some sympathy for you.
But when something is going wrong and you're in the middle of something like,
like you're getting a, you got to, let's say you get a bad text or a bad email
or something's not working.
And you go, you go like into this dark, like not depressed, but just dark,
angry, closed spot.
And people are trying to talk to you and you, all you want to do is rip their
faces off.
The pounding.
Right?
And I was saying, Doug, we got to start working on the show here, baby.
And you're just deep in your computer looking for your, your heart of gold,
your box of gold.
But I was, so that's why I tried to give you space today.
Okay.
I was asking him some questions.
No response.
No response.
Full.
Well, I asked you a question earlier and you were like, remember that?
Right.
That was, yeah.
I thought you went into a trance or something.
I was texting with, uh, I looked at his ear, I looked at his earbuds and they
weren't even in.
I was like, what is going on?
I was like a Manchurian candidate.
I was, I was texting with a guest from today.
I was trying to get information to him or her and who named the person.
No.
And I didn't, I wasn't listening to you guys.
And then what happened?
So, so by the way, the, the situation resolves in Doug's corner, but he doesn't
tell us.
That right after you, after you, he doesn't say like all's well.
And then, um, Matt insists on us doing the sound check again.
And it's like, I'm telling you, I'm never happy with the sound of the show.
I listened to it the next, you know, later in the day or the next day, just to
get a sense
of what the audience is experiencing.
I'm never happy with it and it never gets better.
So we always say, let's try to fix it.
And I was, I was worried that Doug was like seething.
He's over here seething about things.
Right.
And then suddenly Doug goes, Oh, well I found my drops.
I'm good.
After the beating, I, after the, the beating I took meant verbally about, I got
to pay attention.
Then I kept my mouth shut.
Then after that, like, he's like, Vic's drops sound a little loud.
So I'm like the drama between these two and their drops.
And I was doing a sound check.
And I said, very loud.
I tell you, I almost went over to Doug's house and beat the shit out of him
with a bat
the other day.
Because I was listening to the show and I'm doing my Obama.
Okay.
Oh boy.
A lot of people are really happy with my Obama.
A lot of people.
And I, this happened the week before.
I can't remember which one I was doing.
Who was I doing?
Probably, uh, Rush?
No, I was doing, yeah, I was doing Rush Limbaugh.
And I said, just so you know, guys, here's a rule of thumb.
Because you used to do it with Alex Jones.
I say, hang off.
Don't play clips of the real person when I'm doing an impression.
Because all it does is remind you people that I don't really sound like those
people.
And then there it was, buried down as Obama.
I think you should ask the audience because I bet they loved it.
I don't care what the audience loves.
I know what the audience needs.
They think they know what's good.
So I said, I'm going to come over to your house, Doug, with my baseball bat.
My Louisville slugger.
And your head's going, cave in.
Boom.
Oh!
Why?
Oh!
Oh!
That's why his face is all covered with that mask.
You should see what I did to his nose.
Anyway.
That's going to be a sound bite.
I'm just kidding.
Just trying to, you know, controversy creates conversation.
Besides today's birthday, the audience got real uncomfortable.
Doug, laugh.
I didn't come over to your house with a baseball bat.
Can you confirm that?
I...
I had my doors locked.
I mean, you could have...
Next time you've got to bring a locking...
A lock...
Pick lock kit.
I'm going to bring an ice pick and shove that in your eye.
Give you a lobotomy.
Would you rather have an ice pick to the eye or a baseball bat to the skull?
There's something...
If there's ever a scene in a movie where somebody gets hit in the head with a
club or a baseball...
That really makes me sick.
I mean, that's...
I prefer that than the eyeball stuff.
But then...
Huh?
It's more damage if you get the baseball bat to the head.
I mean, just on a movie, it's grosser to watch the eyeball.
I hear you.
Baseball bat.
No, I feel like the head hit...
The eyeball you can come back from.
The head hit, like when Jack Torrance gets hit in the head by his wife.
Wendy.
Here's my...
Oh, yeah.
Don't play no Jack Nicholson now.
Listen to me.
Wendy, light of my life.
I'm not going to hurt you.
I'm not going to hurt you.
I would have done a better job in that role.
I'm not going to hurt you.
I'm just going to bash your brains in.
But then she hits him with a fucking bat.
Bang!
He goes down.
Oh, right in the head.
Down the steps.
A little movie called The Shining, ladies and gentlemen.
Hmm.
Well, we're off to a great start.
The Shining?
Remember that great YouTube?
It was one of those early viral videos where they made The Shining into a feel-good
rom-com movie?
Shining.
That was great.
Not only is it Doug's birthday, which is not, it's a great friend of the show,
one of our great loyal listeners, Lobster Elbows' birthday is today as well,
correct?
Or soon.
Happy birthday, Lobster Elbows.
Happy birthday, Lobster Elbows.
In honor of Lobster Elbows, all the Super Chats today are going to the Maslow
Project in honor of our pal Lobster Elbows.
I should have read this at first.
They're a great nonprofit helping homeless and at-risk youth in Medford, Oregon,
where Lobster Elbows lives.
Isn't that sweet?
This is his lovely wife setting all this up.
If you can kick in some more, go to masloproject.com and happy birthday, Lobster
Elbows.
In addition to this birthday shout-out, which I will not do for all our
listeners.
This is not going to be a thing that we do all the time.
Get used to this.
Don't expect it.
But I'm a fan.
Why don't they spend 20 minutes on my birthday?
Can you imagine that that's what this show becomes?
It's just the birthday.
You know how I feel about birthdays.
Yeah, why are we even doing birthday celebrations?
In our middle age.
It's disgraceful.
The show's gone downhill.
We know.
It's a disgrace.
This is it.
This is the last one.
This is it.
This has got to be the last one, man.
This is the last one.
Lobster Elbows, we are celebrating your birthday, but you mark the moment the
show jumped the
shark when it comes to birthday celebrations.
Okay?
So, it's on you.
If anybody wants to go over to Lobster's with a baseball bat, Bleacher Jeff has
his baseball
bat ready in the Zoom.
Oh, dear.
What if the entire Office Hours family community turned uber violent on each
other?
There's a civil war in the Office Hours.
The patrons versus the non-patrons.
I'm sick of paying $5 a month for this show and all these people are having a
free ride.
You know what we should do?
We should find them and round them up.
I don't think that's a good idea.
That'd be cool if they did it like an old school rumble where no one dies.
They just have like chains and switchblades.
Gathered around.
I guess somebody could die with that.
All right.
I don't encourage violence.
This is real manly.
Yeah.
I would be on the patron side though.
Rumble.
I'm honest with you.
I was saying in addition to this, Lobster, I would love to have you read our ad
for the
City of the Day.
That's the big news.
So the City of the Day ad.
Sorry, the City of the Day.
So Lobster, I think you're going to look in the chat.
If you can look in the chat of the Zoom.
And we're going to unmute you now.
Oh, thank you.
Wow.
How do I?
You're good.
Okay.
So here comes the copy.
Do you have the copy?
It's in your chat.
Oh, there we go.
Okay.
Can you still see me?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Your audio.
Good thing the audi