Name: Hayden Pedigo & Jasmine Stodel (Kid Candidate the movie) on Office Hours Live (Ep 150 3/18/21)
Uploaded: 2021-03-18T18:42:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Hayden Pedigo & Jasmine Stodel (Kid Candidate the movie) on Office Hours Live (Ep 150 3/18/21)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Hayden Pedigo & Jasmine Stodel (Kid Candidate the movie) on Office Hours Live (Ep 150 3/18/21)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-18. Transcript available.

Hayden Pedigo & Jasmine Stodel (Kid Candidate the movie) on Office Hours Live (Ep 150 3/18/21)

I like having fun, I like to laugh
I like to meet people who can make me laugh
I like having fun, yes I like to laugh
Hey what, what, what happened, what happened, what happened, what's going on,
are we live
on TV, oh yeah, oh baby, welcome to Office Hours, the TV show, or if you're
listening
on Apple Podcasts, or Stitch, Niche, whatever, what other, what other podcast
apps are there
Vic, there's Overcast, iCounts, Tim Heidecker's Office Hours Live, the podcast
is also a TV
show, if you're watching us here on YouTube.
Thank you so much for joining us again this Thursday morning, March 18th, it's
10 o'clock here
in Glendale, California, and it's an absolutely gorgeous spring morning here, I
can't tell
you how wonderful it is to live this time of year, we had a little bit of rain
ladies and
gentlemen, I'm so loud, very loud in my head, I don't want to hear that, Matt
or Wes, is there
a way for me not to be able to hear the sound of my own voice at night when I'm
trying to
go to sleep, can we turn that off, because when I'm trying to go to sleep I
hear the sound
of my voice, you're a fool, you're a failure, you're a, you've ruined it, what
are you even
doing, you threw it all away, now I keep coming in and out, do you know what's
going on with
that, did you turn me down, I feel like I'm, hello, I'm quiet as a mouse, I'm
hearing the same
thing, Tim, I hear it loud, now you're quiet, yeah, I heard the theme song, it'll
get real
something, something terrible's happened, it's been hacked, what happened, no
comment, what is
going on boys, I'm hearing a lot of room on my voice still, hello, hello, hello,
testing, I just
got, I was super loud and now I'm, I can barely hear myself, all right, you're
back up
now, thank you, and I hear, wait, I'm controlling how, what you hear, I have
the capital records
reverb on my voice, you do sound very roomy, what is going on, I don't know if
my mic is
even on, is that better, is there an open mic, these guys, I'll tell you what,
maybe we
should start paying these guys, yeah, Vic, me and Vic are still happening,
something's
happening, folks, something's happening here, all right, well, what's, is the
audience
complaining, they always complain about something, yeah, let's talk about the
show
today, we've got really a remarkable show, fresh off a big success at the South
by
Southwest Film Festival, which is happening in some kind of virtual capacity,
we, which is
interesting, because Texas is saying it's all clear, it's all good, out there
in the Corona
land, we have star of Kid Candidate documentary, Hayden Pettigo, and the
director, Jasmine Stoddard,
who will be joining us a little later, and that's it, we've got the hotline,
the hothead hotline
was a big hit last week, so we're gonna return to that with a new number,
because we've figured
out some of the beeps and bongs there, the number is 818-804-4478, of course,
we'll take
your zooms and whatnots, thank you to Julian from Chicago, Julian sent us a
beautiful postcard
here, from the Hawaiian Islands, dear Doug, Matt, and Tim, here are some gifts
from my travels, did you see this, guys?
Wait a minute, was my name left off of that?
Dear Doug, Vic, Tim, and producer Matt, did I skip through that?
Dear Tim and the rest, here are some gifts, I'm now six months alcohol free,
congratulations, Julian,
we got some Hawaiian gifts from, that's not very nice, is that referring to his
alcohol use?
No, yeah, we got some, we love coffee, it's a morning show, so we love coffee,
this is the
great lion premium gold roast, I think we got that now, we got that in the room,
and some
wonderful beads, I'll wear these beads today, why not, and a bracelet for you,
Vic.
No, thank you, oh, Christ, oh, look at that, and ooh, these chocolates, which I
love.
Thank you, Julian.
And a beer koozie, well, Doug, you don't drink, so here's your beer koozie, and
what else?
Ah, something's in here, goddamn, scorpion.
No, some body balm, which I'll use to masturbate, I'll use to lube up my dick.
I masturbate a lot.
And here's a, oh, remember that episode of Brady Bunch, there's an idol, a
false idol
that causes, gives us bad luck.
That's why we have sound issues at the moment.
Uh-huh.
I've been cursed.
I think I'll get a piercing, I'll get my first ear piercing, and I'll be
wearing this.
Does that look nice?
I did think it would be a good idea if, to gin up some interest in the show,
get some new
subscribers, and try to blow up on YouTube, that Doug, Vic, and I all get face
tattoos.
And piercings, Manny piercings.
If we hit 5K, or if we hit what?
Well, to get to the, to just, I don't know.
So first we pierce, and then they'll subscribe?
What I say is we do, we announce that we're doing a live face tattooing on next
week's show.
And we'll get swear words, we guarantee, this is the guarantee, we get swear
words tattooed
under our foreheads, and I will choose yours, and you choose mine.
Okay?
Can it be the Henne tattoo?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
This is ink tattoos.
I say we have our lips relaxed.
Whether you have, Vic, either you're committed to the success of the show.
Either you're committed to the success of the show, or you're not.
So let me know.
Tim, I'm going to get the first tooth piercing.
It's going to go right through the nerve.
Ouch.
Right through the nerve.
Those people have like, like, like gold.
No, but yeah, they just, those are, those people are weak.
They put it on the edge.
I'm going to go straight through.
Doug, you're getting the F word right on your forehead.
I'm going to get a hoop that connects my lip to my top tooth.
Vic's going to get, Vic's going to get the word shit right on his forehead.
Shit?
It's just shit.
It just says, no, it says, I am shit.
And Doug's is going to say, fuck you.
I think, I think mine's better.
I think I'd rather have a fuck you than I am shit.
Imagine you get a fuck you, I'm sure someone has this, but like a fuck you head
tattoo.
Yeah, people have done that, yeah.
Walking into a bank or you're at the Costco.
Hi.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Fuck me.
Fuck you.
Tim, yours is going to say cunt.
And it's, the eye, the eyebrow in the eye is going to be a C.
You know what I mean?
The eyebrow.
See how it's like this, the C of the cunt will be here.
Where's the U?
It's just like, I don't know, just make it work.
That's awful.
I don't want that.
Well, we did it for our YouTube channel, you see.
Gained 100 subscribers.
Yeah.
That's terrific.
Let's say hi to a Zoomer real quick, just to welcome us, to welcome everyone to
the community today.
All right, where did Marcy was?
Marcy?
Seemed to be first in line and then jumped in the queue.
Marcy, are you there?
She slash there.
Hi.
Marcy.
How are you?
I'm new.
I'm all right.
It's Dave Mustaine.
Yeah, you do look like Dave Mustaine.
What's going on with that?
I haven't dyed my hair back in a while.
It should be blue.
You shouldn't comment on looks.
Your natural hair is blue.
Doug has just said something that we shouldn't comment on people's looks.
Oh, well, yeah.
Well, if it's my hair, it's sort of a mess.
But, you know.
Don't worry about it.
Move on.
What can I do for you today?
Today, I don't know.
Let's say Doug and Vic, you guys are great.
And Tim.
Well, I mean, you get the spiel every day.
But, Tim, like, Bedtime Stories and On Cinema are, like, I don't know, some of
the smartest.
Not smart, but, like, they're smart.
No, it is.
It is.
I'll give you that.
I'll give you that.
I agree with you.
I'm a fan myself.
I didn't expect you to be the first one called.
Well, I know.
You may be smart as fuck, but I don't want to be your kind of smart.
You never know what you're going to get on this show.
And sometimes we start off with a nice, big, fat compliment to Poppet Heidecker.
And I appreciate it.
Sometimes it's just being smart, bro.
I want to apologize to you.
Where did you – are you a Patreon member?
Yes.
Okay.
Well, I was.
I joined for the game night.
And then your finances are tough.
I hadn't joined, but I got the stimmy now.
So I'll probably be back.
I'll be back.
Please come back.
But I want to apologize if you were –
I was on and off.
If you were at the game – it sounds complicated to be on and off.
I'd just do it and, you know, start cutting out –
I was at the game night.
Cut some other shit out of your life.
I mean, what are you spending your money on?
Seems like you got a nice computer.
Oh, I just got this computer for my birthday.
Oh, for your birthday.
Okay.
Well, six months back.
Well, I want to apologize.
I very rarely apologize in this show because I don't believe in looking back
with regret.
Our schedules got mixed up a little bit.
And on Saturday, we did game night for our patrons.
And it was meant to be a good time.
And it was a good time.
I won the game that we were playing, which was –
I mean, what I saw, there wasn't much game.
It was just talking.
Well, there's some talking, but there's also trivia that the audience provides
for me.
And I answered them six times.
Yeah, not much gaming.
Just talking.
I blew it away.
I blew everyone away with my knowledge.
But something we did that I regret, and if I could go back in time,
if I had one opportunity to go back in time, this is what I would do.
I would have eaten before game night.
Because what happened was we ordered food.
We had beautiful burritos and chips and guac.
And we thought – because it's kind of a casual hang.
It's a Saturday night.
We're having a couple of drinks.
We're eating.
We're eating.
And we shouldn't be eating.
It's not a place to eat, especially when you've got a microphone right in front
of your face like this.
So, a thousand apologies to everybody, especially the people –
It's not that big of a deal.
People are very upset.
And there are people who are sensitive to the sound of people eating.
Imagine you're listening to the show, and the sound of people eating makes you
sick.
What do they call it?
Myosophobia or something?
Yeah.
Well, sorry about that.
I'm allowed in here, too.
I apologize.
I ate off mic.
I turned.
I tried to keep that in mind, but it was too yummy.
It was too yummy.
That's my big apology for the day.
The other thing I just want to say is –
It makes me feel shameful, and it makes me feel bad.
I am in the market.
A lot of people are wondering, what are you in the market for?
I'm in the market for a new mouse pad, folks.
This looks new from probably your angle, but, oh, man.
She's coming apart.
What is that?
He's saying.
So, and I feel stupid going on Amazon or one of these sites and buying just a
mouse pad.
So, anybody wants to send me –
Go, I, soon, and buy it.
Go, stupid.
Why is your –
These guys are blasting me with their drops.
Blasting me.
Mine are lower, I believe.
Go, stupid.
I can bring mine down.
We did a sound check.
Everyone said it sounded okay.
Well, something obviously radically destructive happened the second we went on
the air.
Big sounding.
Matt, what's the P.O. box?
What is –
You want me to read it off?
What's the P.O. box?
You want me to read it off?
Yes, because someone could send me their own branded mouse pad.
It's P.O. box 555.
Mockingbird.
Wait, no.
I have to look at –
I don't remember it.
One, two, three.
You don't know your own fucking P.O. box?
No.
What kind of manager are you?
What kind of producer are you?
All right.
You want me to read it off?
Yes, I want a new mouse pad for next week.
886 West Avenue 40, number K204, Los Angeles, 90065.
Okay.
We look forward to receiving your mouse pads.
Thank you so much to whoever I'm talking to.
Tim, what are you going to do with the extra mouse pads that you don't use that
are going
to be in the landfill?
Marcy.
Thank you, Marcy.
Thank you, Marcy.
We're going to deliver them to the homeless.
Why don't we do a big raffle?
Bye-bye.
A big raffle.
Yeah, you get a mouse pad if you donate 20 bucks.
Okay, we'll do something for charity for sure.
One, two, three.
The other thing we're going to do later in the show is I have a video that
somebody sent
me that I'm feeling very confident that w