Name: Dionne Warwick, Spirit of the Beehive on Office Hours Live (Ep 153 4/15/21)
Uploaded: 2021-04-15T18:39:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dionne Warwick, Spirit of the Beehive on Office Hours Live (Ep 153 4/15/21)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Dionne Warwick, Spirit of the Beehive on Office Hours Live (Ep 153 4/15/21)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-04-15. Transcript available.

Dionne Warwick, Spirit of the Beehive on Office Hours Live (Ep 153 4/15/21)

We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
Good morning!
Good morning!
Good afternoon, of course, if you're anywhere east of the West Coast time, the
Pacific
Coast time zone.
Christ.
And in Australia, I suppose you're somewhere, what time is it in Australia,
folks?
It's morning in Australia, pretty sure.
It's Tim Heidecker here.
It's April 15th, the Ides of April.
It's called the Ides of April, folks.
Beauty!
One of a, I mean, a beautiful, beautiful spring day here in the city of Glendale,
California.
Happy to be alive.
Happy to be sharing this morning with you.
Wonderful Office Hours community.
I wish nothing but the best for each and every one of you.
A lot of you know that I spent the weekend calling each and every one of you.
Hi, Dad.
I called.
Raise your hand if you got a personal call from me.
Come here!
Raise your hand in the Zoom room if you got a personal call.
I spent about 20 minutes with you, Daniel Friedman.
You don't remember that?
You drunk.
You pothead.
I called him up Saturday morning.
I said, I want to check in on you.
Make sure you're okay, Zach Alexander.
I talked to you Saturday night.
That was a great chat.
And that's what I do.
I try to, I spend my weekends, my kids saying, Daddy, Daddy, let's play in the
park.
Teach me how to play soccer.
Who's that, my kids?
Yep.
Daddy, Daddy, teach me t-ball and whatnot.
I say, no!
I got responsibilities to the office hours community.
I'm making one-on-one connections with each and every one of you.
And people like Zach and Daniel and these people out there who are denying it
are liars.
Damn you.
Matt, get dressed.
Producer Matt Carlin here, ladies and gentlemen.
We got DJ Doug Pound behind me on my right.
And the great one.
Vicky D.
Good morning.
Vicky D.
I just realized I have this like Echo, you know, chaos pad over here.
And I just, I've been using it.
And I just realized that it's not actually hooked up to the whole system.
Very good.
So, not going to be using that today.
So, sorry if you, my Echo head's out there.
I'll double my Echo.
Okay, that works.
We're going to, or somehow we're going to make it despite this technical setback.
Stressful.
It is a big day.
And I believe, I would say, there's a pretty good chance we've got a higher
listenership
today.
I know for a fact that my own mother wrote me.
I heard Dionne Warwick is going to be on the show, she says.
I'll tell you what, she doesn't say that when we've got the guy from Pavement
coming on.
You know what I mean?
It's true.
My mom texted me and said, OMG, I love Dionne.
There you go.
The truth.
I mean, listen, she's slated to appear today at 1030 in about 25 minutes.
Less than about, almost a half hour.
Is that 100% guaranteed?
I mean, Matt, you've been in touch with her representatives.
It's, as far as we're concerned, it's booked.
It's not a troll.
Triple confirmed.
Multiple messages.
And we're going to get to the bottom of this.
She's been, I don't want to say harassing me, but she has been reaching out to
me to a
degree, which is unusual for some of her status.
And so to anybody new watching, including my mom and family members who don't
particularly
partake in the office hours experience on a regular basis, I welcome you.
I welcome my family members.
Even I welcome Vic's mother.
Welcome her into my arms.
And I'll be spending the summer with Vic's mom, actually.
We got a place in Cape May, New Jersey.
We got a beach house in Cape May, New Jersey.
Am I invited now and then?
No, no, no.
It's going to be just you and just me and your mother.
Oh, that's cool.
And we're going to be surfing and body surfing and barbecuing and everything
else.
Mommy, mommy.
You're not invited.
Your dad's not invited.
Stay the hell away from us.
Okay?
All right.
Take a bar when my dad's me on us.
And in the fall, you're going to start calling me daddy.
You deserve a gun.
That's right, Vic.
Come September, you've got a new daddy.
I love you, daddy.
What I'm trying to say is I've never really had a daddy.
Well, we have so much to get to.
Should we say good morning to someone, Matt?
Say good morning.
Of course we should.
My energy levels were at a 10.
Now they're at an 8 and they're diminishing quickly.
So let us keep the show going.
Who's there?
Yes.
Spencer.
Spencer, the inventor from Spencer's Gifts.
That's right.
Spencer, what's the big gift that everyone's talking about this season?
Now that we're coming out of quarantine and people are going out now and they're
going out to the stores.
What gift at Spencer's Gifts is everyone talking about back there at the home
office?
Oh, they're really into these new mugs.
Oh.
Yeah, we do dirty stuff on them like cuss words and private parts.
Oh, that's great.
You know what they should do is have a mug with dog dew inside.
So you look down there and say, my dog's shitting my mug.
It's already been done.
That's great to hear.
What about lava lamps and those lights, those globes that you touch and the
electricity comes off?
Any new developments there?
I feel like we've kind of, you know, exhausted that lane, I feel a little bit.
You pushed it to the limit, yeah.
Well, let me ask you, what's up?
Do you have a question for me?
You know, I do, actually.
I really was fascinated with your hair journey throughout all this.
My what?
Your hair journey.
My hair journey, yes.
It's looking good today.
By the way, we're all dressed for the Warwick occasion.
Yeah, you look great.
That's why we're all dressed up.
I was curious, when you got your hair cut, what were some keywords that you
gave the stylist to get it to a point that you're happy with?
Well, did you hear my whole hair saga on the show?
We went through this a few weeks ago, a month ago, a month ago, when I did get
my hair cut.
Well, yeah.
I was just looking for, like, words for myself to, when I go.
Well, I don't recall any, I said, I like, I mean, the key thing was, I said, I
like the way it looked about a month or so ago, when it was grown in, and it
was kind of cool.
But now I look, you know, like I'm deranged, and I'm living under a bridge.
It's a snip, snip.
Let me tell you something.
What I'm disappointed in most about this community, who I call every weekend,
is no one's gone ahead and made a time lapse of my year.
Because you've got this beautiful shot right here, which is really quite a
beautiful shot.
It doesn't really change.
Doug, you can imagine what people could do with this.
Every week, I'm putting myself in front of you, and we're seeing growth.
We're seeing the hair slowly, week by week, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,
beards coming in.
And then it goes, vamoose.
Now, how wonderful would it be to experience, Vic, a minute, 30-second minute?
Zero, zero, zero, zero, zero.
We've had zero.
We've had zero.
Matt, are there cuts of this that I haven't been shown?
I mean, this seems like low-hanging fruit, my friends.
It's about to be a white boy summer.
Like those morph things from the Michael Jackson video?
Sure.
The black or white video?
Oh, there's plenty of precedent for this.
We have wonderfully talented video editors amongst us right now in the room,
but also out there in the world watching the show.
So if they cut these together, I mean, what's the bit?
It just looks cool?
It's just seeing my hair growth.
What are they putting Van Halen's right now below it?
Right now!
We've got to do some videos.
Let's make a video.
Let's make a video.
I mean, why not?
People would be creaming over this.
I mean, we're looking for that million-view video, and I think we have it if
somebody dares to do it.
And it really would be quite simple.
I could do it.
But I'm too busy calling the Zoom community.
My father, our hearts.
That'd take a lot of work, though, because there's like...
Oh, would it?
Yeah.
I mean, you've got to download all the videos and go episode...
But that's a lot of work.
I understand.
I don't know.
Let us just quickly get through the City of the Day.
Get that out of the way.
The City of the Day.
And by the way, we have this beautiful orchestral version of the City of the
Day.
Oh, yeah.
That I believe we should all listen to in the After Hours today.
Matt.
Don't you agree?
Holy.
Holy.
Holy agree.
I also am going to reveal something in the After Hours today regarding
something the boys were working on earlier this week that everyone's been
talking about online.
And I think...
Wondering.
And also, Doug has a...
And Doug has a video.
A special video.
That's right.
What's it called, Doug?
It's a world premiere video of March of the Dingdings.
So that's at patreon.com slash officehours live.
The show ends here at 11.
You guys all know the drill.
Come on over and we will do all that fun stuff.
That secret stuff that you can...
You got to pay for.
Did you see the paywall for the Reuters?
This was hilarious.
The Reuters company, they do the news.
They put up a pay...
They're saying we're going behind the paywall, which I understand.
And this is the new model.
I'm doing it, of course.
With On Cinema.
Oscar special coming.
Highnetwork.tv.
I feel like Brody Stevens today for some reason.
Okay.
I feel like he's in me right now.
His spirit of Brody is in me today, which is a wonderful thing.
Very interesting.
Reuters is going beyond the paywall, Doug.
What do you think their monthly subscription is to get access to the Reuters
news?
The monthly subscription, probably $5.
I'd say $9.99.
$9.99.
Matt, you might know the answer to this.
$14.99.
$14.99.
$34 a month!
Well, they're reselling it.
It makes sense.
For news!
You buy Reuters, and then you resell that news.
Are you getting Brody drops in there?
Okay.
At least there's...
Wait, I mean, that's not for the laymen.
That's for...
These are for newsmen who are looking for the news.
Right?
Newsmen.
Newsmen.
Yeah, I'm saying that's a service that, you know, Podunk News pays, and then
they...
They distribute it out?
They just, like, copy and paste it into their own...
That must be a whole separate deal.
That's a whole separate deal.
This is just for your base user.
Oh, just for some loser off the street.
Yeah.
That's ridiculous.
I gotta find out what's going on in the world.
I'll take the times for $9.99, thanks.
I'll go to freenewsdaily.com.
I get the news...
I get the news I need on the weather report.
I can gather all the news I need on the weather report.
Vic?
I was trying to harmonize.
Only living boy in New York.
Simon Garfunkel.
City of the Day is...
Columbus, Georgia.
And the City of the Day is brought to you by...
The 7-Eleven.
Oh, we're working with 7-Eleven now.
That's cool.
7-Eleven Cop Slop Slurpee.
Attention all pigs.
Need a quick meal on the go?
It says that in the coffee.
It does not.
I adjusted considering the times in which we live.
Attention piggies.
Need a quick meal on the go?
Well, now there's a fast, easy, and fun way to eat.
Forget 9-Eleven.
Just pop into a 7-Eleven and fill the Cop Slop Slurpee machine with donuts,
coffee, hot
dogs, Kit Kats, whatever else you need.
And he'll have a meal ready to suck down in seconds.
7-Eleven is proud to provide our men in blue with hot, satisfying Slurpees that
have everything
a cop needs to get through his day.
Thank you for calling Colin Studios host and call screener line.
Oh, dear.
Hello?
Who's there?
Who's there?
Piggy.
Come on, Piggy.
Hey, hey, control room.
Tighten up in there.
We got a legend coming earlier.
Coming later.
Tighten it up.
I don't want to hear none of that.
No more mistakes.
Meanwhile, we're probably no longer live.
They're in there plugging things in.
Anyway, we love and respect you guys in there, please.
Everyone knows that.
Best of all, Cop Slop is free for all cops.
Just do us a favor and keep an eye on our stores if you don't mind, especially
during
this most sensitive time of year.
God bless you, 7-Eleven.
Thanks for joining us in this partnership.
7-Eleven, full disclosure, 7-Eleven is providing office hours with 24-7 concierge
service.
Have you heard about this, Matt?
Did you talk to the...
We were on the call.
I was very s