Name: Office Hours Live LIVE w/ Weyes Blood, Uncle Phil, Curly G - Late Show (Ep 171 8/24/21)
Uploaded: 2021-08-25T04:42:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live LIVE w/ Weyes Blood, Uncle Phil, Curly G - Late Show (Ep 171 8/24/21)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live LIVE w/ Weyes Blood, Uncle Phil, Curly G - Late Show (Ep 171 8/24/21)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-08-25. Transcript available.

Office Hours Live LIVE w/ Weyes Blood, Uncle Phil, Curly G - Late Show (Ep 171 8/24/21)

Good evening, Los Angeles, California.
Welcome to the Dynasty Typewriter.
This is Casey Kasem.
Are you ready to laugh?
Are you ready to have fun?
I can't hear you. Shout it louder.
Okay, good.
First of all, let's give it up format.
Let's give three big cheers format.
Clap. Are you ready?
Good. Hip, hip, hooray.
One. Hip, hip, hooray.
Two. Hip, hip, hooray.
Three.
And now on with the introduction.
Let's put your hands together and clap them as hard as possible as we welcome
to the stage
Bethlehem's favorite song, the one, the only Mr. Victor Berger.
Okay, here's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to count to three and then we're going to welcome the next member of
the Holy Trinity
to the Dynasty Typewriter stage.
Come on and count along with me, everyone.
Ready?
Okay, let's do it.
One, two, three.
And finally, last but not least, he's like Dylan.
He has so many great ideas.
He's the father of the Holy Trinity.
And he's here to laugh and have fun with you, Tim Heidecker.
Oh, yeah.
Something is about to bust.
Come on.
Get on up.
Shake the soil.
Something is about to bust.
Go on, put your hand out.
Come on, let me hear you.
Something is about to bust.
Something is about to bust.
Something is about to bust.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
How many people are here to have some fun?
How many people here want to laugh?
Come on.
As the whole spring goes to a place of accountability and righteousness and
justice.
Hell yeah.
We speak.
You want to start the show?
We speak.
We're streaming out onto the public YouTube channel.
Are you ready to let the world know that you're here right now?
Matt, let's start the show, baby.
All right.
Welcome.
It's Dynasty time.
Wow.
Welcome to the Late Show.
Please take a seat.
Welcome.
Put your phones away.
We are filming this.
It is a live stream film thing.
If you want to grab a shot from the YouTube.
Thank you very much.
Well, maybe you can explain it to me.
Give it to me.
Tim.
Tim.
Okay.
And, um...
Boom!
Doug and Vic will be doing drops for the first two minutes of the show today.
And then they're going to...
They have another show at Largo tonight.
Come on, dude!
Straight white men are not allowed to talk.
Thank you.
Thank you guys for being here to the 8 o'clock show here.
This is...
Unbelievable.
A tremendous night.
One, two, three...
One, two, three...
The truth is, I'm on empty.
I'm running on empty, folks.
Was anybody at the early show, by any chance?
Nope.
Oh, wow.
Yep.
Well, it's the exact same show.
With a little bit less energy.
And a little bit...
Kind of...
Kind of over it.
No, I have tremendous respect for the 8 o'clock attendees here.
Because you guys gobbled these tickets up first.
You said, we saw we're going to come live.
And you said, I got to be there.
How many people have been looking forward to the show?
All right.
All right.
Okie dokie, then.
How many people...
How many people...
How many people...
How many people...
Look, look.
Here's the deal.
How many people here are now kind of looking forward to going home?
You know.
That's what I'm talking about.
My hands hurt from clapping.
Oh, I'm having a panic attack.
Oh, I got an email here I have to write.
I have an email I have to reply to.
And it's kind of a long one.
We sniffed a little.
What was that?
That was John Lennon.
Welcome to the people watching live right now on YouTube.com.
By the way, if you're watching us anywhere across the globe,
anywhere, it's basically anywhere YouTube is legal.
I think there's probably Iran doesn't have YouTube.
I don't know.
No disrespect.
But folks watching us right now,
there are 1,500 people here tonight ready to have some fun.
and ready to live.
Let's hear it!
Stand up!
Good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning!
Good morning, good morning!
Wow.
Look at you.
Hello?
Hello?
Bunch of sheep with your masks.
Sheffa, hi.
I'm telling you, ladies and gentlemen at home.
Thank you.
Sit down.
Ladies and gentlemen at home,
if I could see their faces,
their jaws would be on the floor.
They can't believe it's happening.
We've done it again.
I should get this out of the way.
I had a little bit of bad news.
Who?
Me.
I had bad news.
Oh!
Let's be serious about this for a second.
This is serious stuff.
I, a couple days ago,
woke up.
Woke up?
Is that the one?
Woke up?
There you go.
I was like,
is that pitch down or something?
I checked my email.
On my phone, folks!
Right?
How many people have email on their phone now?
It's nuts.
How great is that?
Email and...
And I get an email from a name I don't recognize.
It is Cheryl Johnson.
Is that Cheryl Johnson?
Cheryl Johnson, yeah.
And I don't know Cheryl,
so I say,
maybe this is a job opportunity.
Maybe this is...
Who knows?
You've got to open it up, right, folks?
It didn't go to spam.
Google's doing its thing.
They're making sure I get the emails I need to send.
Let's see.
I open this thing up.
Six in the morning,
just rolling over.
Just, you know,
just getting my eyes open.
My email goes,
I am shocked by you, mate.
Timothy, what's the matter with you?
You're a grown-up
and your sexual stimulation...
You're a grown-up
and your sexual stimulation,
that's really spectacular.
I assume...
I assume that your hobby
is on the brink of craziness.
This is how you love your sex hobby.
Well...
These sound effects
were not in the email, folks.
Sex, sex, sex, sex.
Well, it isn't for me
to tell what others
get to practice
in their spare time,
but you really have impressed me.
You do not...
I like this.
This is kind of a compliment.
He says,
you do not seem like a guy
who can get a...
You do not seem like a guy
who can't get a girl.
Right, ladies?
And the rationale for everything
is simply your love
for your hand.
I don't like
where this is going.
I would like to give you
a piece of advice
to stick up the camera
of your device
while practicing
this type of things.
Thanks for coming.
It's hard to tell
that somebody has access...
It's hard to tell
that somebody has accessed...
Hmm.
It's hard to tell
that somebody has accessed
to your device,
not to mention
the access
to contact information
from your electronic mail.
Oh, no!
And then,
this is how he confirms...
The electronic mail.
This is how Cheryl confirms
that...
This is not a joke.
BTC1Q178F3CTW12.
That's the serial number
of something, right?
That's Bitcoin.
I am sure
that the price is fair.
$10.99 U.S. dollars.
I give you 40 hours
to fulfill my claims.
Otherwise,
within 80 hours...
How much is 80...
That's like two...
Four...
Is that a week?
What is it?
80 hours.
Two days...
Three days...
In a day.
It's like a work day.
It's a work day.
Yeah.
And then two full days.
A little grace period
after that.
A little overtime.
I give you 40 hours
to fulfill my claims.
Otherwise,
within 80 hours,
I'll distribute the clip
I have recorded
you are in on the internet
and I will send it
to the contacts
from your email.
I masturbate a lot.
This is true.
It's true.
And...
Okay.
Listen,
I took a minute with that.
I thought,
that's a pretty reasonable price.
It's only $10.99?
No,
I think he's saying
$1,000, right?
Oh.
Just pay the thousand.
And I'm thinking,
like, you know,
who would get this?
Who would get this?
You know,
my grandparents are dead.
Thank goodness.
Would you,
Vic,
would you open up,
if you got an email
from Cheryl
that said...
I know a lot of Cheryl.
Yeah,
open to see...
What would it say?
Open to see Tim Heidecker
masturbating.
Tim's ding-dong.
Suckie, suckie.
Love you, love you.
I'd give it a peek
and give it a couple peaks
just to make sure
it's not AI or something.
Would anyone contact me
after that?
Would it just be a thing
that everyone knows?
Also,
what would the shot be?
It would be
this,
this shot here.
No way to know
what I was doing,
I guess.
I don't know.
It should be some sounds,
I suppose, but...
I had a beat-off.
No, I did not.
Stop.
But you guys,
is this a real thing?
Do you guys know about this?
Is it a...
Somebody said it was a...
It's an actual scam.
Can we confirm that?
Has anyone gotten
an email like this?
It's a real thing?
So I should not
send the money?
Tim, you can't be too...
Well, if anybody wants...
You've got to get ahead
of the game
and send the videos out.
We'll have to shoot them,
though.
We'd have to get...
Ooh, shoot them.
I got some clips.
Cheryl,
Cheryl,
Cheryl,
K-I-L-I-6-7
at AOL.com.
If you want to reach out
to her
and request them
preemptively,
we could get this out
ahead of time, right?
Cool, man.
You've got mail.
Well, that's the news.
So,
I'm dealing with that now.
Anything else?
What's your name, though?
You want to take
an audience question?
Yes.
Welcome to the show,
by the way.
You want to say
hi to Doug and Vic?
Good morning, Vic.
Oh, good morning.
Good morning.
Hey.
I know we've made...
Does everybody feel
a little stunned
and uncomfortable,
not from that story,
but just to be here
amongst other people.
How many people
have been in a theater,
like, been out before?
Ever?
I have to have one
on your side.
Okay.
Let's do it this way.
How many people...
Is this your first time
out since the plague?
Yeah.
Congratulations.
We're welcome.
We're all positive.
We've got a contract
with the Dynasty typewriter
to do the show
no matter what,
so take it up with them.
I have the coronavirus.
That's why I don't have one.
Okay.
Enough, enough, enough.
Very good.
Do we have a question
from the audience?
We'll do this.
We're going to do...
We have a huge show.
We've got tremendous guests.
I said tremendous
nine times already done.
We have a great show.
Guests galore.
I was going to say
something very not nice.
I just stopped myself to...
You're filtering yourself now.
You're self-censoring.
Does anybody have a question
in the audience?
We're going to take some Zooms.
We're going to do
all kinds of fun things tonight.
We've got somebody with a mic,
so raise your hand
if you have a question.
And we do have some fun plants
in the audience tonight, too,
so it's going to be funny
to see these.
I should have said that.
Nobody.
Somebody just went like this.
Nothing.
Mr. Overalls is here.
And the...
Hello?
Hello.
Hi.
Welcome to the front row.
Thank you.
Look at you.
Got what?
Out of the members of the Beatles,
which one do you think
grew the most tasteful beard?
Don't laugh like that.
I'm actually quite good on bass.
Well, I do want to take a second
and say...
I get high with a little help
from my friends.
This is what you paid for.
Bit, bah, bit, but...
Real.
I do want to...
Since we're talking rock.
You want to talk rock?
You want to really talk rock?
Let's give it up
a little R.I.P.
for Charlie Watts tonight.
This is...
One of the greats.
Stickman.
A lot of people say...
You know what?
I heard a good quote.
Good quote from...
Somebody good.
Oh, Ginger Baker,
who was a bad guy.
He said,
Charlie Watts was the best musician
in the Rolling Stones
by a country mile.
He said.
He didn't have to add that.
Mean.
But we were talking backstage.
Well, we did have this thought.
I thought this was kind of interesting.
And all due respect
to the Rolling Stones
and they must be suffering right now.
But they, of course,
20 years ago,
lost their bass player.
Not from death,
but from...
He quit.
And now they've lost their drummer.
And we thought,
you know who's around,
who's a drummer
and a bass player?
Ringo and Paul.
Would Ringo and Paul
join the Stones?
Vic?
I mean, why not?
When else are you going to do it?
Now's the time.
Peace and love.
What do you think, Doug?
This was your bright idea.
Well, I think,
what if the Stones
joined the Beatles
and then Mick Jagger
was the singer of the Beatles?
I think what would happen
is that Paul would
sort of secretly
take control of the Stones.
Once he got in there,
he would worm his way through
and start putting Beatles songs
into the set list.
Can you sing a Stones song
in the style of McCartney?
What would that sound like?
I think I can.
I think I can.
Satisfaction?
I'm not going to...
You think that's a good idea,
but...
I don't know.
Put you on the spot.
I'll see a red door
and I want it.
No, see, it sucks.
It's embarra