Name: Office Hours Live 9 to 5 (Ep 183 11/23/2021)
Uploaded: 2021-11-24T02:40:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live 9 to 5 (Ep 183 11/23/2021)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours Live 9 to 5 (Ep 183 11/23/2021)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-24. Transcript available.

Office Hours Live 9 to 5  (Ep 183 11/23/2021)

We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
We'll be right back.
Hey everybody, it's Tim Heidecker here.
We are about to begin something we've only done once before, and that is the
Office Hours 9 to 5 Marathon.
Unfortunately, I can't be there because I'm here at work, Paramount Pictures,
making all sorts of incredible stuff that you're going to love and experience
next year, I'll tell you that much.
This, I can tell you, we're going to be having tremendous success today.
Today's marathon is very special.
Doug and Vic are going to be in the compound, and they have been given a pretty
tough task.
They are going to be running the marathon, and they're going to have lots of
special guests.
You're not going to believe the amount of wonderful people we have in store,
but they are not going to be able to leave the compound until they reach our
goal of 6,000 patrons.
So help them out, share with your friends, get everybody watching.
It's going to be an incredible marathon.
We're going to get past 6,000 just in time for the holidays and go beyond that,
go well into the 6,000 range here on Patreon.
I'll be checking in.
I'm going to be on set with a bunch of fun people, and you're going to see them
later today, I hope.
And I'll tell you something, we're going to have lots of guests today, and it's
going to be a lot of fun, and a lot of people are going to have a lot of good
times watching the show, and we're going to have a lot of fun.
And Doug and Vic are going to do a great job.
I'm wishing them all the best.
Thank you, Tim.
We're going to be on set with a bunch of fun people who can make me laugh.
I like having fun.
Yes, I like to laugh.
I like having fun.
We're going to be on set with a bunch of people who can make me laugh.
Shut up.
We're going to be on set with a bunch of fun people who can make me laugh.
We're going to be on set with a bunch of fun people who can make me laugh.
We're going to be on set with a bunch of fun people who can make me laugh.
We're going to be on set with a bunch of fun people who can make me laugh.
We're going to be on set with a bunch of fun people who can make me laugh.
We're going to be on set with a bunch of fun people who can make me laugh.
We're going to be on set with a bunch of fun people who can make me laugh.
We're going to be on set with a bunch of fun people who can make me laugh.
We're going to be on set with a bunch of fun people who can make me laugh.
We're going to be on set with a bunch of fun people who can make me laugh.
We're going to be on set with a bunch of fun people who can make me laugh.
We're going to be on set with a bunch of fun people who can make me laugh.
We're going to be on set with a bunch of fun people who can make me laugh.
We're going to be on set with a bunch of fun people who can make me laugh.
We're going to be on set with a bunch of fun people who can make me laugh.
We're doing it.
We're just doing it.
The clock's running.
There's only seven hours and six minutes left.
All right.
So let's do a two-hour drop concert and let's get started.
I'm down.
Vic and I are running the show today and we've got some guests, like Tim said.
I'll tell you what.
I wanted to say, as I was watching that, I didn't hear what Tim was saying
because I was just noticing how thin he is.
He's getting tiny.
Oh, he's looking great.
He's looking good.
He looks tiny.
He's skinny.
He's like skinny in fact.
He's a skinny little tiny little man.
Yeah.
So, I mean, I don't know what's going on there, what he's eating, what he's not
eating.
That's pretty impressive, Tim.
So, thank you, Tim.
I guess, what did he say?
We have to get...
We got to kiss his ass.
We got to kiss his ass.
Yeah.
That's the main thing because I don't know if we're going to get to 6,000
patrons.
Yeah, where are we at right now, producer Matt?
Is that a thing?
Is that a thing?
Is that possible?
Let's do a check in.
We're at 5,826.
Yeah, we're not going to get there.
I think we could do it.
You think so?
Yeah, I think we could do it.
All right.
At least we have Matt here who's positive.
And then we can go home once we hit that.
Yeah, then we're...
Then it's quitting time.
Then it's quitting time.
So, if you want this over with, join today.
And I guess I can turn off the Salt Peanuts song.
Or do you like that bed music?
Can I get a water?
Johnny, we'll introduce you in a second.
I just didn't get offered a water.
You showed up 10 minutes late.
Yeah, you showed up real late.
I mean, I didn't actually show up 10 minutes late.
I showed up actually like five minutes early.
It was like eight minutes late.
You said 8:50.
I mean...
Yeah, but you know.
I waved to you when it was 9:01.
And that's when I noticed you were here.
You can help yourself to some water out there.
Okay.
Luke, can you bring him some water?
Can you turn on Tim's hose out there?
I don't know.
Oh, there we go.
There's street sweeping going on.
I know.
Do you hear all the weed whackers too?
It's a noisy neighborhood.
I don't know where this water came from.
This is just in a mug.
You want coffee instead?
You want a filter or something?
I'll have coffee and a water actually.
Coffee and a water.
It's great to be here though.
Do you like milk in your coffee?
No.
I like black.
Okay, good.
Johnny, you're looking good.
It looks really tight right now.
It does.
Strong part.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah.
Remember when we went...
Remember when you...
It must have been like eight, ten years ago.
You were like, we got to get our haircuts.
Let's go to Long Beach.
We did, didn't we?
And you took me to this barbershop in Long Beach.
That was a long time ago.
I am a guy.
And it was like, it was like this total like...
Rockabilly.
Rockabilly spot.
And there was Playboys.
Oh, that's...
And they give you like PBRs to drink.
Vintage Playboys?
Like vintage Playboys?
Like from the 50s or something?
Yeah, they were like vintage Playboys.
And it was like guys...
Back in the rest were different.
Right, right.
Only guys were allowed to go there.
I think it's...
Oh, is that...
Uh-oh.
Oh, is that me?
Sorry, that was coming through.
That was me, sorry.
Okay.
Is this an MKUltra thing?
You're feeding back?
Anyway, that was...
Yeah.
That's a great memory, Johnny, in your haircut.
It was a great memory.
Did you do like a hot shave in the neck?
That kind of thing?
Like get a...
They give you...
They give you the works.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Get the leather strap.
Yeah, they get that.
I love that.
They slap you and they make you touch a motorcycle.
It's real sweet.
That's kind of cool.
They should actually have like...
You should sit on motorcycles.
Like when I take my kid to get haircuts, they put them in little cars.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
So is the barber on the car or is the barber like snip every time the car comes
around?
Why?
Because kids are scared?
Their cars aren't moving.
They're stable.
They're like...
They're bolted down, but...
Is it because kids are scared to get their haircuts?
I think so.
It's anything to distract them too.
And also they have...
They put like TVs in front of them and with Netflix on and everything.
It's like scare cuts.
It's kind of like...
It's a scare cut.
I don't like flying and I wish...
You know, they do put TVs in front of you on a plane.
I could use that for the dentist.
But I wish they put me in little cars.
I would love to be in that.
You know, can they have a section on the plane where you get to ride in a
little...
Yeah, it's called first class, Doug.
You get to ride in a little car.
It's called first class, okay?
I don't know.
I've never seen that before.
Uh-huh.
Am I hot?
Am I hot?
Like coming in hot?
Yeah, am I coming in hot?
That's good.
We want some energy at the top.
No, I'm talking about levels.
Like technical.
No, you sound great.
You sound great.
Dow.
Dow.
Rush.
Johnny, I thought of you the other day because my wife is a teacher and she
pulled her kids
like, "What's the funniest movie you've ever seen?"
Without it, without question, the funniest movie they've ever seen is "21 Jump
Street."
What age are they?
They're high school.
That sounds great.
They all said that.
And then I had never seen it.
I didn't know anything about it, really.
And we put it on.
Oh, let my wife do it.
Turns out like a good friend of ours, Lindsay Broad is in that.
Okay.
Yeah.
Oh, that's fun.
And then I look over and like, "That is Johnny Pemberton over there."
Yeah.
And you're amazing in it.
So like the whole thing was funny.
I was...
I just was not expecting to love that movie so much, but congratulations.
I try to bring a lot to the table.
Yeah, I know.
I try to bring like a lot of options and stuff.
And you were young in that because you were playing a high schooler, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So you're...
But that was sort of an age.
The movie's idea is like, you know, it's like a...
You're right, though.
Yeah.
Well done.
That's what I just want to say.
I remember in my day and age, there was 90210, and those actors were like 40.
And they were playing...
That's true.
Yeah.
They were playing high schoolers.
You ever look at pictures from like the 50s of high schoolers and you're like,
"That looks
like my mom in her 40s."
Right, right.
Yeah.
Why do old photos make people seem even older?
I think it's because of the hard Scrabble life back then.
The hard Scrabble life.
People had to grow up fast.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They had...
The word selection on Scrabble was more different.
It was hard on Scrabble life.
Is that what that means?
Very few vowels.
Yeah.
You had to go to war and you had to spell it with two letters.
That's a killer joke.
You guys want to take a Zoomer?
We can do that.
Gotta start somewhere, Johnny.
Is this on a monitor?
But wait, before...
Yeah, you'll see...
Oh, so...
Can we talk about your shirt real quick?
Yeah, sure.
Yes, what is this here?
He's been making merch where he takes a logo and then changes it to be a
different, like,
kind of evil company usually.
Yeah.
I mean, Raytheon's not evil though.
Evil subjective.
Evil subjective.
They do good things, don't they?
They do.
They participate in Pride.
Right.
They changed their logo.
They're patriotic, yeah.
They did?
Oh, they did?
They definitely did.
Like gay pride?
Raytheon has a gay pride?
Absolutely.
Yeah.
And what do they produce?
They produce...
They're a defense contractor.
They produce a lot of stuff.
So, missiles for the industrial...
Missiles, engines...
Military industrial complex.
Probably some plastics.
A lot of big bombs.
Maybe some...
Tanks maybe.
Airplanes.
I think they bought Pratt & Whitney at one point, so that means they're in the
airplane
engine business.
Whitney Cummings and Chris Pratt?
Yeah, they used to design engines for airplanes not that long ago.
That's how they got started, actually.
Okay.
Okay, we're just getting warmed up here.
I'm gonna go to the chat.
I'm looking at the chat.
If you guys have any questions down here, we'll address those for you today.
Can I check the chat?
And we're also gonna be taking Zoomers and Hot Hat Hotline.
I was just gonna say, yeah, get on the phone line.
Yeah, youtube.com/timhideck.
Because, like, I don't...
Okay, I'm gonna check the chat.
Personally, I don't love Zoom, because it stresses me out.
I always find myself, like, looking at myself in the thing, and I'm like, I
look weird.
Can I give you a pro tip?
Yeah, turn self-view off.
Turn self-view off.
Turn self-view off.
Oh.
I didn't know there was an option.
Yeah, because then it's just you're looking at them.
It's normal.
Okay.
Yeah.
Because I hate going to, like, restaurants where there's, like, mirrors up, and
I'm, like,
watching myself eat.
Just stressed out.
But so if you...
Yeah.
All right.
So now there's a program.
Well, let's take a Zoomer.
Let's show Johnny how it works.
Let's do a Zoomer, but I would also like some phone calls.
This is his first time on the show.
So let's talk to Scary Sherry.
All right.
Or is it Sherry?
How do you pronounce that?
It's Sherry.
Scary Sherry.
There you go.
Oh, look at this.
What's his name?
No.
His name is Avery.
Wow.
That's a g