Name: Bill Callahan & Will Oldham (Ep 188 1/6/2022)
Uploaded: 2022-01-06T20:21:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Callahan & Will Oldham (Ep 188 1/6/2022)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bill Callahan & Will Oldham (Ep 188 1/6/2022)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-06. Transcript available.

Bill Callahan & Will Oldham (Ep 188 1/6/2022)

Assalamu alaikum
Terima kasih telah menonton
Terima kasih telah menonton
Terima kasih telah menonton
Today is January 6th
1-6
And I didn't even know where to begin
Ladies and gentlemen
I'm not going to start out
The new year with a bunch of
Hey everybody welcome to the show
Good morning
I'm not bringing that energy
Anymore
Because I'm flat out
Disappointed in you
The audience
And I know
You're looking around going
What did I do?
You know what you did
Why are we getting slap back here
We are backsliding
Remember slip sliding
From Paul Simon
Slip sliding away
We're backsliding
What do we got?
We have tech issues?
Tech diffs?
Getting some slap back
I'm going to slap back somewhere
Is it?
It's gone
Who is the culprit?
It is gone
Tech
Tech
Tech
When
Cut the tape
I want your skin
When
Will we wise up
Like Amy Mann says
When are we going to start
Doing better
Instead of falling back
Into our old ways
You make New Year's resolutions
And you fail
Day two out of the gate
You wake up
You say
I'm not brushing my teeth today
When angels deserve to die
You let down the people you love the most
What's this called?
Some kind of anti-motivational message?
I'm trying to
I'm wondering where you're going with this
I'm talking to you, Doug
What'd I do?
Come on, man
I had such high hopes for you
Doug
I remember seeing you
Meeting you in 2006
Or earlier
Four
I said, my God
This boy
He is older than me
But he feels like my younger son
My youngest son
My first
My last born
I'm a man of many children
But he is my last born
I'm cutting my balls off after him
Doug
I looked at him
I held him in my arms
First time I met him
I held him in my arms
I said, I have such high hopes for you, little boy
I'm going to treat you right
I'm going to turn you on
To all the greatest things in life
I'm going to take you to Tam O'Shanter's
I'm going to turn things around
I'm going to turn you on to the magic of Thai food
Would you be my boss?
He goes, I never had Thai food, boss
I said, wait, wait, wait, you try this
Pad C U
Tom Yum soup
He's gobbling it up, drinking Thai iced tea
Thank you, boss
For this gift
And now I look at you
Now
You don't know what I'm talking about
I don't
You don't even know, do you?
You brought me to Thai food?
I don't know
And don't get me started on Vic
Oh boy
I got snowed in, now I'm back
I know
I'm just kidding
I never know
I tried really hard with my City of the Day sponsor
You did good
I'd like to keep people on edge
I don't know where I'm going with anything I do
I don't think about the show very often
I like to keep things fresh
Yeah, you don't think about this too often
I like to keep things mysterious
And I look at the audience at home going like
Where's she going with this?
This is kind of weird
A little odd
But I am happy to be here
Is Matt still in the hospital?
Matt is, no, Matt's back
Oh, he's there
Matt's back
Obviously, we're not going to go through the whole
Rigmarole he went through
But he does have
I'd like about 15 minutes to give you the interview
Matt, I believe, posted on the Patreon about this
Did you get into details?
I got into some
Okay, well then look there
Yeah, look at the Patreon
You want that info or you've got to pay for it?
Personal
It's personal info
Short story is
He has brain damage
And frankly, always has
Doctor says
Looked at his MRI
He goes
This guy's got brain damage
Yeah
Long term
It's always been there
It's always been a problem
He looks at it
He goes
Have you by chance
Had an anvil dropped on your head
In the past few years?
Have you by chance
Had your head in a vice
Recently?
Vic is deathly afraid
Of getting those scans
Of his brain
What are they going to find in there?
Just nothing but worms
Another layer
That's why I have his head on
Calcified
Calcified hair
Weird, that's great
I think it was on Steve Brule
We had this x-ray of Brule's head
And you saw the hair growing inward as well
So the inside of his skull
Was just more hair
More hair
Anyways
I got masks all over the place now
We're fully back in the shit zone again
I'm like
I mean it's a minefield out there
To not get COVID
How did none of us get it?
I don't know
I think they're going to start studying me
I tested negative two days
My blood for science
I thought I was going down
I felt like a thing in my throat the other night
And my stomach was hurting
And I got the $10 kit out
And I did not have it
I think what they do is
They're now making these home kits
To be like
You know what
Just make them all negative
I think we're in a Truman Show situation
Where everyone in the world
Is pretending to be sick and stuff
And there's no virus at all
Well I have an uncle
In New York
Who's in the hospital with it
Faking it
They say he's going to be okay
So God bless
And then I've got other relatives with it
All in the East Coast
We had our sound guy
Is that public knowledge?
Can we
It is now
It is now
I don't think he's sensitive about it
He's feeling okay
But he did take a positive
Oh he did
He's out
Here comes me with the cough
Did you see that clip of Ron DeSantis by the way?
I saw that
With the
With the shorter breath?
No I did not see that part
Oh this is weird
You might want to bring this up Matt
What's this now?
Ron DeSantis
Joe Rogan's favorite governor
He was
And I don't
We don't want to sit here
And be armchair doctors
About what's going on
But
Ron DeSantis
It's actually very primed
For our show
I should have sent it to you guys
Responds to inquiries?
No
It's
Gasping
Gasping for air
Who's our Florida DEO secretary
Do we want to see it?
Can we see it?
Yeah
Yeah
Just
Ron DeSantis struggles to breathe
Gasps for air
Who's Ron DeSantis?
He's a
Ronda
Here we go
Shocking
Help me
Ron DeSantis
Yeah
Oh that would be a good
You know
Song for him
Help me
Ron DeSantis
Secretary
We also have Chancellor
Henry Mack
From the Florida
Department of Education
Brad Ferguson
Senior VP
And General Manager
Skywater Florida
And Dale Miller
Site Director
Skywater Florida
As well as
Representative
Fred Hawkins
But it gets worse
Manufacturing
Is something that we need to do
Better a job of
And we've worked really hard
In Florida
To have
More opportunities
With vocational education
We have expanded
Our manufacturing footprint
In the state of Florida
And we want to continue
To be able to do that
It's like he's got a sneeze
In him
Allergic reaction
Semiconductors
Are a huge
His eyes look real puffy
If you look at
How the supply chain works
We are overly dependent
On foreign nations
Including Taiwan
Which is a good ally
Of ours
But which is one that
Maybe it's everything
At once
Excuse me
Which is one that is
Under really serious pressure
From the Communist Party
In China
The lady in the back is like
I'm getting COVID
And so we have an opportunity
To do more here
In the United States
And I think the more
We can do manufacturing
Of semiconductors
Here the better off
We'll be
So today
Excuse me
Wow
I don't know what that is
That keeps going
Well people are saying
His wife has cancer
And maybe he's emotional about that
Maybe he's just
I don't know
He has emotions
Like I said
We're not here
Some semiconductors
Make him emotional
Let's just say
First of all
First Zoomer of the new year
Who's it gonna be Matt
Who is it gonna be?
Who is it gonna be?
Who's it gonna be?
Who is it gonna be?
Who's it gonna be?
How about a guy
With a guitar?
Boof Squatch
Bad choice
Bad choice
You have a guitar there
Boof Squatch?
Unmute please
Boof Squatch
Boof Squatch
Come on Piggy
Hello
Boof Squatch
You're letting me down
See
Well he's not working
Sorry
Oh you know
Joshua Levy
We haven't talked to you
In a long time
Wow
I was not expecting
To be on the show right now
I'm just
Sorry to interrupt
Your streaming
I thought you were someone else
I thought that was
Josh from England
That's okay
Well let's talk to this guy
He's all ready to
Have his own Twitch channel
I like everything
Yeah I do have all the Twitch set up
I've got the gaming chair
And everything
It pops back like this
It's great
Nice
Yeah I'm just setting
I'm changing all my addresses
On all of my accounts right now
Because I just moved
To a new house in Echo Park
Okay
Whoa
So what's going on with you
Besides that
I've just been moving
I've just been moving
Yeah you can see me at Sage
And Potcher Burger
And Tacos Ariza
And the Echo
And the Echo Plex
All the time
Alright
Yeah
Thank you so much
I feel really boring right now
I'm in the market
For a chair
Would you recommend
That kind of chair
Oh I've had this chair
For like three years
And it only costs
Like 150-200 bucks
On sale
It's great
It's uncomfortable
It's got lumbar support
I would prefer
Do they absorb into it
Or they blast off
It's leather
It's leather
So it bounces off
You want them to stick around
I would prefer
You have a Bose logo
Behind your head there
Is there a way
To get a Bose logo
I should get a bunch
Of sponsors
Just behind me
For every time
I come on the stream
Anyways
Anyways
Lots to talk about
Okay
How was your
I just wanted to ask
The boys
How their New Year's
Celebrations were
I thought that would
Be an appropriate
Thing to do
Yeah
Kind thing to do
I uh
Should I start
Should I start
Please
I'll start
Go ahead
Let me start
Go ahead
You can start
You're like my
You're like Charlie
I've been drowned
In family business
I've been hanging out
With the family
My sister lives in Asia
And she
I haven't seen her
In a couple years
Her and her kids
Been hanging out with them
They're a lot of fun
But it's been a lot
And it's been a lot
And I don't know
How you guys can handle
Having
Now I understand
Now you understand
Now I understand
Yeah
You need a break
Right
I don't know
How you guys can do it
It's a lot
And I've been like
I don't know how you can do it
I've been pretending
I've been busy
You know
With work
Yeah
I gotta get
I gotta get through this stuff
I don't know
I gotta keep
I see
I see
I see these techniques
They go
These dads
They go
They go on these little missions
They're like
I'll go get that one thing
At the store
Just to get away
For a minute
That's what I did yesterday
Is that what you guys do
Yesterday
You need a little excuses
To go to do stuff
Well I am in the market
For a chair
Cause I'm like
Redoing
Or like this area
Where I work
And I
I needed a rug down
Cause like
It's just all concrete
Yeah
And it's a mess
So like
We just found a thing
You know
On
OfferUp
A $70 rug
So
I was like
He's like
Come and get it now
I was like
All right
It's 20 minutes away
I typed in
Whatever it was
Like Sanders Road
But I hit the wrong
The wrong zip code
So I went all the way
About an hour and a half
Like
Out of LA
And you did that on purpose
To get away from your family
For an hour
But you were grateful for it
I was
Yeah
But then I had to come back
And I met him
So I was gone
Like over three hours yesterday
Like in the car
Just like going back and forth
For this $70 rug
But it is
Yeah
But I appreciated the time
And I listened to some podcasts
And some nice music
And I thought
I thought about the next episode
Of The Compound
Like while we're driving
It's nice
You mean the last episode
The last episode
Some creative
Creative opportunities
Yes
For you
Uh huh
I was with my
My group of
Real friends
These are pretend friends
Yeah we're just
Play pretend on TV
Just friends on TV
We went out to Joshua Tree
For the weekend
Which is a beautiful
Area outside of Los Angeles
Couple hours outside of Los Angeles
The desert
The deep desert
You know it was funky
Funny
Funky
You from the back of our
Where we were staying
You could see
I don't know
Maybe a quarter mile
Half mile
Maybe a mile
Was this giant
Marine base
Where they train soldiers
For like air to land combat
Or something like that
But you could see
That they have got
They built this whole
Like middle eastern
Uh town
There
Like a
Like there's
You can see all these
Complex
Like a complex
Not like a compound
A complex
It was creepy
It just looked like
Uh
That's where they go
And like train
And like train
How to go
Like you know
Storm a building
And stuff
Right there
Right
And that'