Name: Kevin Morby, Garfield From Memory on Office Hours Live (Ep 195 2/24/22)
Uploaded: 2022-02-24T20:20:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Kevin Morby, Garfield From Memory on Office Hours Live (Ep 195 2/24/22)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Kevin Morby, Garfield From Memory on Office Hours Live (Ep 195 2/24/22)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-24. Transcript available.

Kevin Morby, Garfield From Memory on Office Hours Live (Ep 195 2/24/22)

Hey, hey, bruh, bruh, hey, bruh, hey, hey, bruh,
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Bowie, David Bowie.
I like having fun, I like to laugh.
I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
What are you laughing at?
Yes, I like to laugh.
I like having fun.
Ladies and gentlemen, good morning.
It's time for Office Cowish Live.
I got my new denture game.
And I'm getting used to them.
Actually, I bit, you wouldn't believe this, ladies and gentlemen.
Tragedy struck yesterday.
Tragedy struck at the Heidecker homestead.
There I was having an orange.
A little afternoon snack.
When, what did I do?
While my, my jaws were searching for a nice bite of orange,
it found my tongue instead, my lord.
I saw red, Doug.
I saw red as I, ah, God.
No.
Walking around the house.
No.
And so I got a little bit, like a little bit like this line.
Like a little bit like this.
You bit your tongue yesterday?
I bit it badly.
Did you draw blood?
Bit the whole damn tongue out.
Oh, no.
Had it sewed back in, Vic.
You sound, like, fine.
I am fine.
I grow, my tongues grow back.
Beautifully.
I've never seen a tongue grow back so quickly.
Your tongue grow back in a day?
Oh, yes, sir.
Oh, yes.
But, for some reason, now I'm sprouting a tail.
It comes out both ends.
If a tongue grows back, if a tongue grows back, a tail gets grown.
Somebody in the chat just gave me the news.
This is big.
Uh-oh.
Ethan, from no longer in Hawaii, says, I also bit my tongue yesterday.
It sucks.
And I agree.
Call in if you've recently bit your tongue.
We can talk about it.
Don't be embarrassed.
I also bit the inside of my cheek a few days ago.
And I've been doing a lot of VO lately as part of one of the occupations I have
is doing VO for various projects.
It stands for voiceover.
Cartoons and whatnot.
That's pretty clever.
I'm in there just trying to navigate around my own mouth.
An orange did that, huh?
An orange.
Well, my own teeth did it.
Did you peel the damn thing?
I was going to say, you're supposed to peel it.
You're supposed to peel it, T.
I did.
I ate an orange as you should, as you're supposed to.
Oh, folks out there do enjoy the peel.
What is the way?
I want to know the way.
Wait, people eat the peel, though?
For real?
Sure.
No.
You can eat the peel.
I know they use it in desserts and stuff.
Like they take the peel off and they...
Oh, do you now?
Yeah, I do know that.
You can eat the peel.
Speaking of orange.
Zest.
I keep seeing this orange over here.
Yeah, let's begin the show.
You can hear it.
It's going to be subtle, but you're going to hear it every once in a while.
You kind of got a little Chevy Chase thing going on.
You're going Chevy on it, man.
This is how it starts.
Chevy's been an orange in the 80s and now...
Let's just catch it up with him now.
He had all his chompers pulled, I think, and then put in some fresh ones.
Some wooden boys.
He's got the George Washingtons.
You like the Washingtons?
My grandpa...
Yeah, vintage teeth at the...
Quiet now.
My grandpa had a full set.
Your grandpa had the full set?
Full set?
No, my grandma had the top.
Top and bottoms?
I didn't get the apple down to me.
I didn't get the apple down to me.
I didn't get the apple down.
I was like the apple still.
Oh, what was it?
It's like Bob Ross on the Awesome Show.
Pretty funny.
Pretty weird to live like that.
How do they all go?
You can have your teeth...
I'm taking out.
I mean, I don't think I might have a choice.
Like everyone in my family had lost their teeth.
When they get old, my grandmother's 93 still.
She's lost all her teeth.
For a long time, she had one tooth kind of.
That's not a good look.
She would just eat her peppermints or whatever.
But no, I feel like the other day, like two months ago, I still haven't gotten
it fixed.
My tooth chipped off.
I'm just waiting until I have more so I can just get it all done at once.
I like to take out my teeth before I begin nibbling on your filthy skin.
Ew, gross.
All right, listen, folks.
I'm trying to lighten the mood.
I'm trying to give people a respite from the news, from the hell of everyday
life that we're all experiencing.
Very depressing, very scary stuff.
Any way you look.
So let's just take...
We don't need to get into it.
If you want to talk to me about it, if you're in the Ukraine, you're in Russia,
you're in who cares where you are.
Call in, we'll talk.
I'll get it off your mind.
Or we can talk about it.
Whatever you want to do.
I guess it's not the Ukraine team.
It's just the Ukraine.
Where's the coming from?
They've taken the the away from me.
Are you going to start giving me semantics now?
We're going to go semantical on my ass?
Well, we don't want to piss these people off.
Fine.
How can this be possible?
How can this be possible?
How can this be possible?
How can this be possible?
Now, a couple of things.
I want to introduce, first of all, Doug Lusenhop is here, the Doug Powell.
Hey!
And Vic Berger, quickly.
Hello, everybody.
And Matt Carlin.
Captain Carlin is here.
Yes.
Hi, there.
And we have two special guests in the studio.
You should have seen it when, when the, about cut to an hour ago, if you can do
that.
Swish back, flashback.
Where's my Mary Lattimore drop?
I got it.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I got it.
I got it.
I just had it.
Beautiful.
Right.
I'm getting ready in here.
I'm getting into my focus zone.
Vic is here.
He's been coming in early.
Oh, yeah.
We're working on some things.
Suddenly, nine people comes, coming in with gear and easels and bags.
Who the hell's going?
Oh, yeah, there's a painter here.
Hello, hello.
Hello.
Painter here who's going to be painting portraits of us.
Isn't that right, Matt?
Portraits of you as Garfield.
What?
It's the big reveal.
It's Kate from Garfield from memory.
Are you kidding me?
Is...
Not kidding.
And do we have any progress here?
Do we have any...
We're kind of starting with an apocalyptic vibe.
Oh, Mushroom Cloud in the middle there.
I've been watching Miracle Mile.
Oh, okay.
I like the purple and orange combo there.
Gotta get the orange.
LA Sky, that's the color.
Oh, yeah.
I'm inspired.
Yes.
Um, so.
Okay.
And?
And?
And?
And another thing.
Yes, I know.
I thought you had a little psychic break there.
Clear.
I am.
I'm having a mental make...
Mental make brown.
Mental make brown.
Doug?
Anyway, the hour...
What was that, Howard?
I was trying to find your...
I was trying to find your mumble.
Where is that...
What were you saying, Howard?
Anyway, the hour-long special is called An Evening with Tim Heidecker.
With me in the studio.
He's not...
It's not the first time he's been on the show.
He called in.
We had a nice, fun chat.
Oh, about a year ago, I suppose.
From Kansas City.
But now, he's in my town.
He's on my turf.
Number one recording artist.
Star of the stage.
Rock and roll indie legend.
Kevin Warby is with us.
The great one.
The great one.
Happy to be here.
Happy to be here.
Happy to be here.
And he's a blast.
I'll tell you something about Kev.
I always knew I liked Kevin.
I don't love the name, Kevin.
It's got to go with the last name.
Yeah, I'm thinking about figuring out different ways of addressing you.
The Morbster.
Morby.
K-Mart.
K-Morp?
K-Mart.
K-Mart.
Kevin is...
You know, I think we met each other, basically, on the last episode.
But we briefly met a long time ago.
Interesting.
I said, hey, you know what?
I'm playing tennis.
I mentioned tennis.
You say, yeah, I play tennis.
So guess what?
K-Morp is in town.
And we've been playing some tennis, ladies and gentlemen.
Getting out there in the courts.
And with Captain Carlin.
And a couple other people.
And Doug, of course.
I'm your team.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I haven't been invited, so that's all right.
That's okay.
It stinks.
But I'll tell you what.
Kevin's a good player, but he's, like, on our level.
Like, I think we're, like, kind of all evenly matched.
Nobody's, like, whacking us.
Whacking our ass.
And we play.
We have a little horse play, too.
We sort of tap each other on the ass with the rackets.
And put the balls in our shorts and run around.
Stick the balls up our ass.
And it's a lot of fun.
We play at night.
In the dark.
No lights.
No lights.
How are you these days?
I'm great.
You're here.
You're going to play a song later.
And you've got an interesting backing band.
I've got an incredible backing band.
Really nice backing band.
Can they see me right now when you talk to me?
Of course.
Okay.
Yeah, I'm really excited to be here and to play.
Maybe the holding the guitar the whole time is a little odd.
I think it's, like, I just want to remind everyone.
I think you should play it.
You should noodle a little bit.
Don't be afraid to noodle.
Noodle?
Okay.
Let's go riff.
Let's do some riff work.
Just like the beginning to Time of Your Life by Green Day, over and over.
Oh.
Go for it.
Do you know it?
That Sunday night of Saturday
I'm going to be so mad if I'm not sitting on the head
The little kindest basil old above a rain
I hope you had the time of your life
That was accurate.
Give me a little day tripper.
Ready?
Two, three, four!
Two, three, four!
Guitar!
On the guitar I can play it.
Kevin?
Do you want me to put the guitar away?
No.
You can do whatever you want.
Whatever it makes you, if that's your little security blanket.
It's a security blanket.
Yeah, exactly.
Look at all my security blankets here.
Look at, I got a little keyboard.
I got an actual computer.
I got a dog.
Yeah, you got a coffee.
Can you see that dog on his camera?
Look at all this, like, look at, oh yeah, can we see this?
What, do we need a dog cam now?
We should check this out, too.
Oh yeah.
Calm down, Vic.
I'm excited.
I'm really pumped up.
No caffeine today, either.
Why no caffeine?
You're a caffeine man.
I usually am, but I'm just fired up.
I'm a caffeine man.
No drugs today?
Nothing.
No drugs?
No shrooms?
No, nothing at all.
Just dog love.
Tee-totaler.
The room.
Yeah, I'm teetotaling today.
Let me do a little business, then we'll do the city of the day, then we'll talk
to you,
then we'll soy noinu to you, and we will have a wonderful afternoon, morning,
whatever
you prefer.
Los Angeles, mark your calendars for March 8th.
Matt, those tickets must be nearly gone.
They're moving fast, so scan your screen.
Wes, can you pull that up?
Scan your screen if you're watching on TV.
Oh, there it is.
Tickets, look at that.
Isn't that neat?
Enjoy the virus.
Pump Doug.
And if you're on the other side of the country, by the way, these tickets are
also going fast.
April 16th in Brooklyn, New York, is going to be me and the very good band.
We've sold out the Bowery Ballroom.
It's nice.
Oh, congrats.
So that's been sold out for a while.
Now we have a second show at the Music Hall of Williamsburg.
The pounding.
And that's on timheidecker.com.
The March 8th show is my birthday.
And the March 8th show is this.
Oh, that's right.
I should explain what this is.
The March 8th show is the Dropped Concert 2 official world premiere screening,
even though
we've shown it on our Patreon.
But you can see it in the big screen with the great Atmos sound coming in from
the Dobley.
Remember when poor David St. Hubbin's wife got mispronounced Dobley and said Dobley?
And the whole band just dunked on her?
David who?
I'm talking Spinal Tap.
Is that in the movie or is that the sequel?
No, she's like, it was recorded in Dobley.
It shouldn't have been recorded in Dobley.
And they're like, Dobley?
What do you mean?
You mean Dobley?
Like treating her like she was an idiot?
I just tell you what's coming through my head these days.
Let's do Doug bringing the heat.
This is very special, ladies and gentlemen.
It's a very special moment in Office Hours history.
We have a very special sponsor for the City of the Day.
Well, we got to do the City of the Day first.
I'm telling you.
Just want to cut right to it?
City of the Day.
Ladies and gentlemen, drumroll.
Our City of the Day is brought to you by our friends at Chef Boyardee.
And here with a special message is our friend of the show from the Jackass,
Dave England.
Take it away, Dave.
Hi, I'm Dave England.
And when I'