Name: FML on OHL, Dr. Robert “Sex” Reese (Office Hours Live Ep 201 4/15/22)
Uploaded: 2022-04-15T20:59:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'FML on OHL, Dr. Robert “Sex” Reese (Office Hours Live Ep 201 4/15/22)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'FML on OHL, Dr. Robert “Sex” Reese (Office Hours Live Ep 201 4/15/22)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-15. Transcript available.

FML on OHL, Dr. Robert “Sex” Reese (Office Hours Live Ep 201 4/15/22)

Man, live!
I like having fun
I love listening
I like to lie
I'm an L.A. triangle
You know what I mean?
I like having fun
Are we live for me, L.A.?
Jolly
I like having fun
All right, we're live
Hi
Wow
Um, okay
Apparently we're on TV right now
We're being, uh, we had a little bit of a tech diff here in Brooklyn
And then we had Tech Dips in Glendale
And now we've commandeered the NBC satellite signal
And we're now appearing on the NBC channel
The main channel and all their affiliates
MSNBC and CNBC
Uh, Discovery Channel
Are we live?
We're good
We're just doing our show
Good morning, everybody
Wow
If you could have been in the room for the last half hour
Morning
What a adventure
I didn't do anything and I'm stressed out
Like sitting here listening to it all
You guys were so, misbehaving so badly
We could hear you
I could hear you
And it was Drop City
And you guys are like fourth graders in the back of the room
While poor Luke and Matt and everybody else
Are, are, are, are trying to
It's like mission control
Trying to launch a fucking, uh, mission to Mars down here
In this depressing, uh, hell zone of Brooklyn
You can't do that
We're blocks away from the mass shooting, by the way
I mean, I land
And I'm, let me just
First of all
Dr. Sex Reese is here in Glendale
He's my guest
Doctor
Thank you
It's good to be here
It's been very relaxing
Very relaxing
Hang out
Um
I was rooting around a little
Shut up
I'll, you can talk when I ask you questions
How about we do that
That's a good arrangement
Right?
Because I can't see you
So we can't have eye contact
Just go ahead now
So look
Doug, I'm looking at you
Good morning
Can you see me, Tim?
Hello
Hey
Good morning, Doug
Hey
Can you see me?
Okay, I see
This is a test
Can you see me?
Am I making a weird pig face?
Yes or no?
Oh my god
My, my camera looks insane
It's so close and bad
Doug, can you, can you confirm that you can see me now?
What do I look like?
I can see you, Tim
You look great
What do I look like?
Huh?
You look good to me
Describe what I look like
Uh, I could, your nostrils are, are more open to my
Yes
To me
And your eyes are a little wider than normal
Yes?
Your front teeth are a little more bunny-like
For Easter
That's right, ladies and gentlemen
Ready?
We got a, hold on
We got a surprise guest
It's me, the Easter bunny
Okay, Vic, what do you see?
Can you describe my face?
Um
I was gonna do this
Well, we're, we're not seeing a whole lot here
But I'm, I'm, from my making of it
You're doing a bunny face?
Is that true?
Is that what I heard?
You must have a lag
Because I have a different look now
Okay, let me see you over here
Okay
Okay, go ahead, do it, do it
Go ahead, Doug
Yeah, I'm doing it
What do I look like?
Describe it
Well, uh
We got a little lag here
So I'm seeing myself still
Hold on
It's gonna catch up
Oh, there we go
You're like
You're really pressing your eyeballs
As wide as they go
And it looks like you might be tearing
The sides of them
Because you're pulling them so hard
Okay, great
Okay
You look exactly like the Easter bunny, Tim
Yeah
Uh, happy Easter
Happy Good Friday
Certainly not a great Friday
One of the worst Fridays I've been around
But TGIF
Are people watching?
Are we, everybody happy?
Let's take a Zoomer
Let's just introduce that chaos
Let's see what happens
Let's see what the hell happens
All right
What was that the other day
With Trump and the lights?
Did you see this?
Oh, yeah, he was just like
Holding his hands
Turn them off
Turn the lights off
And then he does this?
Yeah
It's the craziest thing
He's trying to repeat
Like his past moments
From 2015
He must have a real
Weird light sensitivity
Like dementia brain
Getting like
Triggered by all this light
His pupils are always
Fully dilated
If you didn't know
So that's why
They're bollering him
He's getting
It's like
Why do people want them
To turn the lights off?
Because
I mean the audience
Wants to see him
They want to see him
Right
It's
It's so weird
And then suddenly
The audience has to like
Do this trick with their brain
To get on
Get on his side
Right
Of an issue
That doesn't benefit them
All right
Oh, can I ask
Are we taking
Are we taking
Zoom calls
For the good doctor?
Shut the fuck up
I'm just wondering
Because we got the good doctor in
I'll get to the doctor
Okay
Is this the show?
This is the show?
This is not the warm up
Yeah
I'll treat the doctor
Like doctors treat me
He can sit and wait
That's a good one
Okay
I deserve that
I'm not one of these people
That sort of like
Gets all precious
About doctors
And oh doctor
I must show you
So much respect
What an honor it is
To have you
No, no
You can wait
Dr. Fauci
Be wolf
Be wolf
You're on the air
Hey, what's up?
I'm on the air
Thanks for having me
Tim, do you need me
To describe Zoomers
No, no
He is wearing
The new Office Hours shirt
From
So I know
Thank you for supporting us
In the merch department
You're welcome
By the way
You can get all
Office Hours merchandise
Now at Macy's
We just signed
An exclusive deal
With Macy's
Amazing
What's that, Doug?
I'm just watching
The stream
And they cut to me
When I'm doing nothing
And sort of like
Scratching my head
Well, don't watch the stream
Listen
We want to
I want to say one thing here
I want to say a lot of things
That's why we do the show
But
We have
A new person
In the West seat today
So just
You know
Bear with
Her
And
It's
What a hard first day, right?
I mean
We're suddenly
Mixing up the entire format
Of the show
How we do it
But listen
Morning Joe does it
On MSNBC
Sometimes Joe's
Down there in Florida
For the whole summer
And the rest of the gang
Sitting around that table
Having their lattes
Whining about the beltway
They make it work
There on Morning Joe
So we have to figure out
Morning Joe
Because I'm going to start
Doing this show
From all over the world
Knowing my life
Give it up for Joe Lee
Okay
So Doug
Yes, sir
Wait
I wanted to get back
To Macy's
We are available
At Macy's now
Starting Father's Day
What is?
It's going to be in June
All the office
That was merged
Oh
You should be on these emails
You know this
I can't check all the
I can't check all the emails
Some of them go to spam
No, but this is exciting
Right with the ties
And the cologne
And the men's wallets
And what else
Do they have there?
Belts
Belts and wallets
How often do you need
A new wallet, Tim?
That's what I was wondering, too
Like, mine's getting a hole
You get a wallet
Every ten years
Maybe every decade
Maybe
I get a wallet now
That's like
It's at least 15 years old
I think
I don't go about
Like
I better hit Macy's
To get a new wallet
It's been a year
How much
Yeah, Doug
How often do you think
They're restocking
The wallets
At the Macy's?
Like, they go in this
Back storeroom
Like, should we order
More wallets
Or do you think
We're going to be good
For the next 20 years?
For a decade
These wallets
They're not like
They don't come in
They don't
There's not
Wallets don't
Aren't like in fashion
Right
Like, they're just
It could be
There has been
Like, design
There has been
Innovations
Well, there's been
The chain wallets
Of the 90s
That were cool
Of course
I guess
Skinny wallets
And ones that are
Just kind of
Money clips now
Of course
Lots going on
In wallets
Dr. Sex Reese
Is my guest
We have a Zoomer, too
Just to check on
Yes
Who's on Zoom?
The Kroger card
Is just going to show
My wallet
Let me say something
To the fucking Zoomers
Today
And anybody
That calls in
Let's skip the chit-chat
Get right into
What do you want to talk about?
You got a question?
You got a complaint?
Give me it
Because I can't do
The back and forth
Let me see your wallet, Mr. Zoom
Let me see your wallet, Mr. Zoom
I want to talk about Kroger Plus
It's a great program
Also available at
King Soopers and Fry's
City Market
To get some of the discounts
At Kroger Plus
He's holding up his Kroger card
He's got a prop
Oh, yeah
Sorry
I had to describe that
Well, we're an exclusive partner
With Macy's
So I can't be dealing
With Kroger right now
I don't know if they have
Groceries
Doug, did you hear that
Macy's going to start
Offering produce?
Thanks, B-Wolf
We're going to let you know
Macy's has produce?
Thank you
Yeah, Macy's produce section
Is wild
I have no idea
It's wild
What do they got?
Squash?
Gourds?
They got everything
It's like a farmer's market
They're turning their
Men's department
Their suits
The part where all the suits
Are and stuff
It's not a produce market
Well, they're not selling
The suits?
No
People go down
To men's warehouse now
This is the show
This is the show
This is the show
Yeah
Joe's
I'm sorry
Dr. Sex Reese
He's so stressed
Because he's like
Well, this isn't like
The Tonight Show
Where it's all
Structured
No, it's very
Yeah
Jeez
I like that
Usually I'm pre-produced
There's a game set
That we're going to play
I'm in and out
They know what anecdote
I'm going to give
We play Tellerball
And then I'm out
Doctor
You have some
You have a podcast
Yeah, the Dr. Sex Reese show
And what's one misconception
People have about oral sex
Oh, you're going to jump right in?
Yeah, get ready
That's the kind of interviewer I am
Well, my thing
If I can take
First of all
I want to thank you for having me
May I?
You have a podcast, right?
Is that a question?
Yes
Thank you for having me
You're welcome
Thank you
I'm the only sex therapist
Who's never had sex
So I think I bring
An approach to it
That's
Repressed in nature
A little more pure
Than a lot of people
A lot of people are obsessed
With
The fluids
The skin
The intimacy
And that to me
Is not what sex is all about
So one of the main misconceptions
You were asking about
Oral sex
Is that
Oral sex
Is actually relatively recent
People think that
Oral sex
Has been going on
For a long time
But it was actually
Invented in 1959
Invented?
Well, the first time
That it was recorded
Was in 1959
Yeah
You don't think
It's ever
You don't think
That's ever happened
Before
That somebody's
S to D
Or
Elda P
Can I ask you a question, Doc?
Yeah
Elda P
Now, you never had sex
Is this by choice
Or is this because
You just couldn't find
Alright, it's Doug's show
It's the Poundcast
Go ahead
Have fun
Because
I'm going to walk over
The fucking Brooklyn Bridge
You know?
I just wanted to ask
One question for the doctor
Your tea
Granted
It's very much
It's very much by choice
Yeah
I've never had sex
Never ejaculated
That includes
Nocturnal emission
And pre-cum as well
Do you get boners?
You never had a nocturnal E?
No
You don't get little boners
Or something?
No
I have had
Boner, you mean erection
Yeah, like an erection
I have before
But it's been associated
With completely non-sexual
Oh
Like you get excited
About something
That's like a
Like a roller coaster
Or something
Dirty diaper
National parks
Park
All right
Got it
Let's do the city of the day
Hit it, Alec
Ladies and gentlemen
The city of the day
Is brought to you by
The city of the day
Is brought to you by
Bacon wipes
Bacon wipes
Man, are you sick of wiping
With fresh scented wipes?
Time to man up
With bacon wipes
These wipes are made
From real pork
So they're tough enough
For any job
Toilets, tires, trucks
And butts
Nothing can't be wiped
With a bacon wipe
The natural pig fat
Is soothing to the skin
Plus the smell of bacon
Will attract patriotic mates
The bacon wipe story
Begins in China
Where a million infected pigs
Had to be gassed?
But the brilliant minds
At hamjoy international
Were able to repurpose
The swine
Into these useful
Household wipes
Do not eat
Or flush these wipes
Order now
And get a free bar
Of bacon scrub
Made from real hooves
And teeth
Macy's is not gonna be
Happy about this
Simply go to
Hamjoy.pig
Slash gassed
And enter
The promo office
Code office hours
And join the bacon wipe
Lifestyle
All right
The city of the day
Is who?
Mike?
You there?
Beautiful
Like Huckabee
Little Rock
Arkansas
I got Pittsburgh
Pennsylvania
For you
Pittsburgh?
Yeah
I got to say
Did you get a
Did you get a
Tim Heidecker live ticket yet?
For the Roxian
I want to
I'm going to
I'm broke as fuck
Right now
I have a broken hand too
Kind of the same