Name: Sleaford Mods, Jacqueline Novak (Office Hours Live Ep 203 4/28/22)
Uploaded: 2022-04-28T19:12:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sleaford Mods, Jacqueline Novak (Office Hours Live Ep 203 4/28/22)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sleaford Mods, Jacqueline Novak (Office Hours Live Ep 203 4/28/22)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-28. Transcript available.

Sleaford Mods, Jacqueline Novak (Office Hours Live Ep 203 4/28/22)

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Come on home, Rosie!
How I miss you, you mean all the world to me
Are you out there shaking and shivering, bet you're nervous, yeah, but daddy's
here
Rosie, won't you please come home, if you're listening, hear my whistling
Rosie, Rosie, where are you Rosie, oh Rosie, won't you please come home, oh
Rosie, Rosie, where are you on, hello Rosie, oh Rosie won't you come home
I like having fun, I like to laugh, I like to meet people who can make me laugh
I like having fun, yes I like to laugh, I like having fun
Alright, good morning everybody, welcome to Office Hours Live
Nice to see you all in the Zoom room
It is 10am on the Pacific Coast, California, state of California here, Glendale,
California, Thursday, April 28th
And a beautiful day out, beautiful day, a little overcast
Let's get right to it, we've got a huge show
First of all, good morning Doug
And Vic, of course, the focus will be on you today quite a bit
Hello everybody
We have so much to get to, Jacqueline Novak is here, Jacqueline, welcome to the
show
So thank you for having me, it's an honor as well
Nice to have you, you must be patient with us
Oh, I love it
Because we have a lead headline story that we definitely need to put focus on
And we're going to get through it and get it over with
Because we have so much fun stuff ahead
The Sleaford mods are in the house
Thank you
Direct from the UK
And I'm excited to see them perform and talk to them
So that's later in the show
Let's get to the main story tonight
Tonight, heads up, give me some news
Hey folks, welcome
Give me some news music
Coming right up
And the headline today, the top story
There we go
As you all know, that's more of an entertainment movie
Well, that's
Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith are on the rocks, ladies and gentlemen,
apparently
Russell Brand was spotted at the club tennis
No, we all know what happened with that cold open
Rosie disappeared from the show last Thursday, last Friday
And I thought she was a goner
Where we live, there's lots of wilderness areas around, lots of open space
Thank you for not telling me that, that you thought she was going to die
I was trying to put a positive spin on it
But there's not only lots of cars driving around, lots of empty space
There's also a lot of predators, including coyotes
There's a fair amount of coyotes
There's bobcats up there
I would think a large blackbird could take care of that
Could have that dog for lunch if it wanted to
Two, three sparrows, yeah
So Vic, walk us through
So the, about 20 minutes before Bob showed up
I don't know, some people think this is a bit
That's enough of the music
No, no, I don't have to hide behind bits
Vic, darted out looking for Rosie
What happened? We lost touch with you
We were focusing on the great interview with Bob Odenkirk from last week
Well, at the time, I was talking to the great David Neal Levin
We were setting him up to come in here
He's going to be, you know, doing a little bit with Bob
All of a sudden, I hear, Vic, Vic, Vic
And everyone's scattering, like everywhere, just like that
And, like, Rosie ran away
Like, where the hell did she go?
And so I took off the wrong way, of course
So I went up the hill that way or whatever
So, come down here
It's not Doc's
Yeah, no, I'm trying not to
I'm trying to do it
I don't want to give any ideas of where the hills are
So, I'm just, like, panicking
But I had to keep it together for Rosie
And I run down
And everyone's already, like, chasing her from, you know, people
Find out where she turns off
And goes into the back of the house
Of a certain house down
Like, pretty far down
Like, she took off and booked it
So, I was like, okay, she's got to be in here
So, I, these two houses in the backyard
I took as my place to search
And I searched the backyards
But these are not just backyards
They're, like, massive hills
And they're, like
Ivy
Ivy
Cactus
And it rained that morning
And it was just a mess
And I'm, like, going around for, like, from 9.15 until, like, 3 o'clock
Looking for Rosie
My wife and son followed you down there to help
Oh, yeah
Like, once the show ended, we were also
I was driving up and down looking
And my wife says
One of the strangest things I think I've ever seen in my life
Was Vic, full flop sweat
Climbing up the side of this hill
And then tumbling down the hill
Like, my feet over my head
Full on cartoon character
Yeah, I thought it was, like, an ivy
You know, I thought it was just a hill
But there's, like, this much of ivy
And I stepped on it
And I had, like, these shoes on
That I got at, like, Target
That I thought were, like, cool
But they're
I brought them home
A lot of cool shoes at Target
I brought them home
They're, like, $8
And they're size, like, 13
So they're too big for me
$8 shoes?
So, there, here they are
You can see that
I was wearing those
And they were waterlogged
And there's just, like, water everywhere
Okay, so then
Anyway, so basically
So that's Friday
This is a very long story
But we'll just try to sum it up
That's Friday, you give up the search
Friday night, Friday at 12
Yeah, pretty much
Yeah, pretty much
I'm, like, what am I going to do?
Yeah, break it to my kids
My kids came to help me, like, walk around
And talk to people
And pass out flyers
And then, so I go home
And my wife's, like, you promised your son
You were going to take him bowling
So, so I had to go bowling
In that mindset
Because he was, like, freaking out, you know
So I went bowling
And, uh, and I went home
And slept as much as, like
What was that night like?
I, I took a bunch of melatonin
So I, like, passed out
And then, um, I woke up at 5 the next day
And came back to Glenn
5 p.m.?
Yeah, 5 p.m.
Yeah, yeah
I totally forgot about Rosie
No, I got up at 5
And I came over here
And looking around again
Nothing
So I went back home
And then I didn't know what to do again
So we went bowling again
Um, and, uh
Double dosing bowling
Bowling
And I'm, like, do you remember your score?
Doug, have you ever bowled two days in a row?
In your life?
Did you really bowl twice?
I bowled, uh, Friday and Saturday
And then we went Sunday again
What was your school?
In all seriousness
Did you break a hundred?
It's like me going to Kansas three days in a row in New York
No, no, it's just, like, it's just, like, bumper bowling, you know
So it's just, like, you roll it down
And, okay, so
I don't need the bumpers, though
I just, like, wait, you had bumper bowling?
And you still didn't get a hundred?
No, I didn't
So Saturday
So Saturday, yeah
Uh, Saturday, okay
So I go back
Doug's searching for a Saturday drop
Yes
Saturday
That's his
I have that
So, so anyway
So Saturday I go back
And I'm freaking out
Like, I gotta find this dog
But, like, I didn't give up hope
Even though I knew there's a good chance
That a coyote or a bobcat got it or whatever
By the way, let me say on Friday
Yeah
I had the very logical, but, you know, essential to the story
And essential to what's about to come
Idea to let's make a quick flyer for the neighborhood
Right
Make a quick lost dog flyer, right?
That's true
So I put that together using Pages
That app
The program Pages
We know Pages
It's almost like Word, but for Mac
Which we love
I love you, Daddy
And then, um
So, uh
I get one
I print about a few of those out
A few of those
How many did you put?
Like, ten or something?
Well, I only put three out
But I put them in strategic places
I knew that was working
Because, like, I was, like
You know, I would see the posters up
I'm like, oh, yeah
It's a good reminder
So, when I was at home
I made a little poster up
And it says, you know
Another poster
A different poster
I put some color on it
And some red
And it says
Lost dog
You know
Call Vic
No, it said
Call or text Vic
Like, why would I put, like, text?
I don't know
Please, please, Jacqueline
You're here
Just to contribute to the conversation
I've had so much to say
So then
I'm not even joking
I'm deeply into the story
Like, I'm, like
On the edge of my head
So then I'm, like
I'm getting, like, goofy
I'm getting, like
I'm just, like, where
I'm going everywhere
Getting goofier
I'm going everywhere
I'm all by myself, too, by the way
Here
I'm just, like, you know
Wife's left you
Wife's, like
She's, like, yeah
She's bawling
And then
I'm by myself
And I'm walking around
And I just decided
To get a little stoned
So I just got
I just had a little
Of the Vic's vape pen
Just, like, it calmed me down
A little bit
Not a whole lot
Just a little bit
And then
I see an SUV coming
And I'm, like
I'm going to give a flyer
To this guy
Because it's, like, right
Where Rosie probably turned off
And
And the window comes down
I walk up to it
I'm, like
And the, you know
And I'm, like
It's Fred Armisen
I'm, like, hey, Fred
No, it's not
What?
Where?
I believe it was
Fred Armisen
And I go, hey, Fred
You believed it was
But it was not
Fred Armisen
Just that
It looked exactly
Like him to me
It was, like, an older
Indian man
And he's, like, no
I just got here
I didn't see it
But I shook his hand
And he gave me
Older Indian man
Yeah, but he gave me, like, this part
So I shook it, like, this
And I gave him a flyer
And I got the hell out of there
And then I went home again
And got my daughter
He's gone home twice now?
Yeah, I think I went home again
It's such a blur
But I went home and got my daughter
Because she wanted to help out
And she helped me flyer everything
Then, all of a sudden
All the, you know, this community is nice
Everybody's beautiful
I'm talking Glendale here
Everybody's, like, trying to help
They love dogs
So I give a flyer to one man
Who's going by with his wife
Happens to be
Should I
Oh, he's here right now
Oh, he's in the room
Steve is here
Steve is here in the room
Steve
Thank you
Lives up the road
Yes
And he had a whole party going
Can you give the names here?
Like, who was all searching for Rosie here?
Well, my wife and I were searching for her
So we looked for her on Friday
Okay
Once we saw the post
Okay
Nothing
Nothing, yeah
I was like, I kept checking my phone
Thinking I'm going to get something, you know
And then I'm like
So then I give you a flyer
Which I didn't know I was going to ever see you again
I didn't know if you were just going to crumble it up
Or whatever, you know
Because everyone assumed it was dead
Oh, wow
Because I assumed Rosie was dead
Because like, as I'm searching behind the house
They're like, just so you know
You're searching where Bobcats live
Uh-huh
Like, I was like, in there, you know
In a den
So then, um
My daughter and I are like
Like, I don't know what to do
We miss Rosie
And my daughter Ruby
She's like
Man, it would be so cool if like
Rosie came out after us
You know, out of nowhere
And I'm like, yeah
That's not going to happen
But, you know
It would be really cool
So then I turn around to go home
I'm about to get on the highway
And who calls
But Steve over here
And I see this number
Like, whoa, wait a minute
This is going to be something
And you're like
We found the corpse
I felt bad
I felt bad
Because I didn't know your daughter was in the car
And it was on speakerphone
And it was on speakerphone
I realized it immediately
I said
Your dog's just been attacked by a car
And I heard
All I hear is
Oh, no
Oh, man
So, and I'm just like
I had to like jump into like
Stay calm
Which is like
You know, normally I'm like
But like I stay calm
And I'm like
I'm thinking like
This is a possibility
That it's just
You know
The
Who knows
The entrails are sticking out
We can put them back in
Or something
So
So
So
So I turned around
And told me where to go
Like
And I booked it
And
And you knew
That she was here
Because of the
Because you have a fancy
Security system
That tracked the entire thing