Name: Office Hours East with New York Jonathan (Ep 10 4/28/22)
Uploaded: 2022-04-29T02:58:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours East with New York Jonathan (Ep 10 4/28/22)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Office Hours East with New York Jonathan (Ep 10 4/28/22)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-04-29. Transcript available.

Office Hours East with New York Jonathan (Ep 10 4/28/22)

I'll see you next time.
I'll see you next time.
I'll see you next time.
I'll see you next time.
Oh, I forgot to take my mask off.
You can see we really, you know, we don't fuck around here.
We take COVID very seriously here at Office Hours East.
The whole, you know, I've been here for about an hour and everyone's masked and
I forgot to take mine off, but that's good.
You're a little behind the scenes glimpse into the safety protocols here at
Office Hours East at our studio here in deep Brooklyn.
You know, this is a very, this is a side thing.
I'll just very quickly, there was that crazy shooting.
I don't know, I think that was like national news.
Some dude in New York shot up, it was fucking terrifying.
Not far from here.
It's a great way to start the show.
Yeah, I know.
Can't you start something?
I mean, that was a really, that was a real downer way to start the show.
Well, it's, that's.
Something.
Say something nice about the city.
How about this?
How about, let's just talk really quick about what's on your, what's on your
tip.
When we cut, let's talk, we just cut to it.
Let's see it.
This is a very good transition from a sad story to an uplifting story.
Okay.
Well, somebody made me a tip sack.
Yeah.
We talked about on the last show we did, which was now, first of all, let's
back up a second.
What you're seeing here is, and we talked about this on the, on my Instagram
was, um, you know, the last time we did the show, um, we had to cancel because
of some, uh, some COVIDs.
I wasn't feeling, was it, was it, was it me?
Yeah, I think it was me.
I didn't have COVID, um, but I felt like shit and maybe it was COVID.
We were talking about this before the show where it seemed like it, I was
exhausted.
I was achy.
Uh, I slept a ton.
It was a solid week, but I kept doing rapid tests, all negative.
Who, who knows?
Um, so it's been a couple months, but the last show we did, we had sock talk
and you talked about having a tip, right?
A tip sock.
And somebody made one.
Look at this thing.
It's incredible.
Nice and big.
Crust Gotta Hurt.
Crust Gotta Hurt.
And it was from, now, if you're watching, is it Evie?
Is it Evie?
Producer Tori?
Evie?
You know, I'm not totally sure, but I think it's, I, I would assume Evie Kritsko,
I'm assuming.
And Evie or Evie, it's, this is on us, 100% on us.
We should have, like, confirmed, gotten, how do you say your name properly so
we don't screw it up.
But it's, Evie is, and it's K-R-Z-S-K-O.
Evie Kritsko is my guess from Fairy Wing Bling, which is, I believe, her Etsy
page, Producer Tori, is that right?
Yeah, I believe so.
Fairy Wing Bling.
And so she made this really.
That was a good dismount.
What's that?
That was a good water bottle dismount.
Thank you.
I did this thing, I wish I could, I wonder if I could, or you can hear, like,
the.
Yeah.
I was going to put, like, sometimes you can hear, like, if, oh, you know what
it is?
Because if I have seltzer.
You put seltzer in there?
Which I sometimes do.
I sometimes put seltzer in my water bottle.
You can hear, like, the.
It's like the bubbling, you know, the gas escaping.
And it doesn't sound like that.
It kind of sounds like that.
Maybe a little more like that.
I like that kiss at the end.
Water bottles kiss.
Try it again.
Can you try it again?
Are you saying the actual bottle or me?
No, just try to see who's kissing.
Like this?
That one?
No, no.
Give it a little squirt.
Drink it a little bit.
See what happens at the end.
Oh, there's a kiss.
That thing.
Yeah.
Look, I am.
It is cute.
It is cute.
You know what would be great would be to have, like, some kind of voice chip in
your water bottle.
So as soon as you finish drinking, when you took it off, it would go, L'Chaim.
We should make that Office Hours East water bottles that say, L'Chaim, after
every sip.
L'Chaim.
Yeah.
Here, let's try it.
Ready, Tori?
L'Chaim.
I guess it should be technically L'Chaim before you drink.
Yeah, and maybe then it's, yeah, I think that maybe that.
All right, you want to try it again?
Mm-hmm.
L'Chaim.
Kiss.
L'Chaim.
And then you get the kiss.
And then you get the kiss.
And then you get a little kiss goodbye.
Take care, Daddy.
That's what it's saying.
But anyway, so we were, God, I just lost my train of thought.
I feel like I was about to say something else.
Yeah.
But then we were just, well, it doesn't matter.
So Evie Crisco made this really incredible.
Oh, you were talking, yeah.
Tip sock.
Mm-hmm.
Well, let's go to it.
Let's see it.
I mean, look at this thing.
First of all, I remember we saw a photo of this on Instagram.
I thought it was teeny tiny.
Like, I thought it was maybe an inch by an inch by an inch.
And then I showed up to the studio today, and it is fucking huge.
Well.
I mean, that is just.
Some people think I'm well endowed.
But it's not, and that's like just, it's incredible.
I mean, it's really so hilariously great.
It's really well done.
It's really funny.
Evie or Evie.
And it's warm.
And it's warm.
And it's warm, and it's cool out tonight.
It's a crisp spring.
And it doesn't itch.
Very important.
Very important.
Well, maybe it's not wool.
Yeah, I don't think it's wool.
But also, so that's what we were starting to say.
Okay, so we had the recycled show from, we were going to do last month, a combo
St. Patrick's Day, April Fool's Day.
And then we decided for Earth Day to recycle last show.
Because listen, it was a great show.
We have a great show tonight.
They're all great.
That's a pretty much redundant thing to say.
But we are, so we have our St. Patrick's Day motif.
We all decided to dress in green.
I totally forgot.
But thankfully, I was wearing a green sweatshirt.
This is my, actually, I love this sweatshirt.
This is my Four Seasons Total Landscaping sweatshirt.
And I got it from the actual place.
My friend Jason Nardusi, who is a really great musician and a super funny guy.
He plays with Super Chunk and Bob Mould, and he's got his own band, Split
Single.
He was doing all these lawn shows during the pandemic as a way to, you know, do
outdoor shows and make money.
And he was going to do one at Four Seasons Total Landscaping.
They were going to do it on the site where Giuliani made a fucking fool of
himself.
And it was going to be so fun.
And then the city got wind of it, and they shut it down because they're fucking
dicks.
But then we did it at the guy who runs Four Seasons Total Landscaping at his
backyard.
And I bet that was a pretty nice landscaped backyard.
Oh, it was.
It was, yeah.
It was really, really nice.
It was great.
And super fun.
And then I got to go to the place and see the actual, the scene of the
embarrassment.
God, I fucking hate that piece of shit.
Giuliani.
I fucking hate him.
What a scumbag.
Anyway, we just got to do one of the Office Hours East shows.
We just got to just like, let's just go off.
Office Hours East, go.
We can do it right now.
Go Office Hours East.
Actually, you know what?
I'll save that for Nice Slice.
Thank you.
Nice.
That hit me late.
I'll just say this right now.
We have a segment coming up at the end of the show today called Spring Cleaning.
And we are looking for you to call in or Zoom in.
What we're going to do, what Spring Cleaning is, if you got something like,
this is going
to be mental Spring Cleaning, right?
If you got something that's just been taking up space in your head and you got
to just get
rid of it, tonight's the night.
Call the studio.
There's the number at the bottom of the screen.
Just if something's been like bugging the shit out of you and you can't let it
go and
you want to just get it off your chest and get it, just tonight's the night.
Call us.
Let's just go off.
Like that was maybe one for me and then I'll think of another one.
But fucking fuck you, Julianna, you fucking scumbag.
You're a piece of fucking shit.
You're a disgrace.
Anyway, I'll save that for Spring Cleaning.
Hey, can I just say something on my mind?
Is that, you know, a lot of-
Don't you want to save it for Spring Cleaning, Slice?
Well, can I just say this?
Is that I think that-
All right, go ahead.
Because I just did one.
I think it's inappropriate that we don't have some kind of jingle to remember
the phone
number.
It's a great call, Slice.
What if you're looking at it and you miss it?
Then you miss it.
It goes by in a flash.
Do you want to give us something right now off the top of your head?
No, I was kind of thinking you might do it.
All right.
Call the studio.
1-8-1-8-8-0-4-4-4-7-8.
Office hours east.
Wait.
Office hours east.
Or it really should be.
Office hours east.
L'chaim.
Nice, Tori.
Excellent timing.
Perfect.
Fucking perfect.
Let's get him.
All right.
Well, that's our jingle.
We got it.
Good.
So anyway, you can see.
So we have our St. Patrick's Day themed set.
And Tori's sister is visiting in town.
And she did the decorating.
Right, Tori?
She sure did.
And did a great job.
And I'm not surprised because, you know, the Harris family clearly just, they've
got talent.
You want to say hi, Lanny?
Nice.
Good shtick.
Talk about, that's some Milton Berle shtick right there.
Anyway, so I wore my tech diffs hat, but it's black.
And I actually just got this great new cycling cap.
And it's green.
I should have worn it.
But I took some of the crepe paper and I wrapped it.
And then there's a shamrock.
Can you see it?
I can't look at the screen right now.
No, it looks good.
It definitely looks good.
And what are we looking for here?
The good was, there was an up inflection on the good slice.
It's maybe under my, I should have put it on the headphones.
Oh, geez.
No, no, wait, hold on.
Oh, geez.
Oh, geez.
Oh.
Oh, geez.
Oh, God.
This is.
No, this is.
No, it's going great.
Oh, no.
We need to get more dick.
How's that?
Okay.
Well, I guess, yeah, we cut off the nose, but we saved the face, you know?
Can you see it?
Yeah.
All right.
Oh, shit.
I know.
I know it.
Oh, fuck.
Don't you?
I know it.
I'm going to tuck it.
I'm going to tuck it.
No, you're going to tuck it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
There we go.
Perfect.
All right.
So, so yeah, so spring cleaning.
Think about something that's really, you got to, you got to get jettisoned this.
You need this off your mind.
Have this, say it tonight and never think of it again.
That's spring cleaning.
That's coming up later.
So think about stuff.
And so, yeah, so here we are.
We got this, our St. Patrick's Day show that we're doing now.
And, you know, sadly, we got hit again with COVID.
It's fucking not going away.
Like Stephanie March was going to be our guest and she got it.
Football was going to be here and football got it.
Like fucking nuts, Slice.
Football got it?
Football got COVID.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It's unfortunate.
It gets everybody.
Yeah.
Humans and footballs.
You never had it?
I don't, that's the thing.
I don't think I had it.
Or I think I had it.
But I also, I did three rapid tests.
I felt like shit for a solid week.
Had, you know, body aches and I was tired as hell.
I slept a ton.
No fever.
I had sore throat for a day.
And, I mean, I was so exhausted.
It seemed like it.
And I did three rapid tests over a week and they were all negative.
So who knows?
Who knows?
This whole fucking thing's a mystery.
Oh, you believe it?
Believe it.
I do.
Did you have it, Slice?
Did we, have we dealt with that?
Yeah, I got it.
You did have it.
Yeah.
Did you have to, but we didn't, you didn't have to miss the show.
No, but I did miss Christmas.
Oh, Slice.
Well, let's also, here's something else I want to say at the very top of the
show.
You know, if you're an Office Hours fan, you are well aware that they had a
crisis.
Was it last week?
A week ago?
Which, oh, yeah, yeah.
No, it was Friday.
It was Friday.
It was Friday.
Yeah.
Last Friday, right?
Vic, Vic Berger's dog ran away the morning of the show.
Like, they had a thing where, I guess, Tori was telling me that Vic's dog and
Tim's dog,
and they're friends, and they had a little, like, a rah, rah, rah, like a
little barky argument.
And Vic's dog took off.
Gone.
Vic left.
He had to try to find it, and