Name: Cola Boyy (Office Hours Live Ep 205 5/11/22)
Uploaded: 2022-05-11T23:14:46.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Cola Boyy (Office Hours Live Ep 205 5/11/22)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Cola Boyy (Office Hours Live Ep 205 5/11/22)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-05-11. Transcript available.

Cola Boyy (Office Hours Live Ep 205 5/11/22)

*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
*music*
Yeah, you do.
Yabba-dabba-doo, as Pauline would say.
Welcome to Office Hours.
It is...
Yabba-dabba-doo.
What?
There they are.
Good morning, boys.
Good morning, Doug.
Thank you, Jesus.
Yes, Tim. Hello. Good morning.
And Victor Burgirioff.
Hello, everybody.
Hey.
Happy say-hey.
I forgot my signature.
It's been a while.
Captain Carlin is on another trip or something.
He's on another psychedelic trip.
I can't.
He's on...
I can't.
He's on...
He's at the beach, this fucker.
This fucking lowlife.
He's like, well, I couldn't come in
because I had to redeem my free Airbnb.
Yeah, I know.
You should have heard him whining about that.
Sorry.
Sorry, I had to spend it.
I had to use it.
So he's not here,
but instead we have ground control to Major Tom.
He's sitting over there.
And he's hoping that he doesn't miss a cue.
Set fire into the dust of the maze.
And he's in charge of, if you're on Zoom,
of picking you.
Will Major Tom choose you now?
Will he let you speak?
Will he show you how?
Is that your reverb, Luke?
I'm getting over a little cold.
Non-COVID.
Thank you very much.
Grateful for that.
I am immune to the disease.
Due to my genes.
Great job.
So I got this great little bit of head congestion,
bit of a wonderful place.
For me, it's a, Luke, please, reverb, soak me.
It's a wonderful place for me to be as a singer
when I want to do the low notes.
So if we want to, if we want to track...
Something like starting...
Stop!
It reminds the audience that I don't actually sound like Art.
Anybody on the line?
But it's a wonderful way for me to access
not only my Art Garfunkel studio voice,
but my Bowie voice as well.
And we were talking before the show
about David Bowie
and what we love and don't like so much.
Dong has gone on record
and said he doesn't like
certain songs by me.
How could you say such a thing?
This was the song
that Doug, who loves dance music, doesn't like.
Let's dance, he doesn't like.
Let's dance, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
Let's dance, do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
How could you say such a thing?
I've lost him.
China Girl's good.
I was also speaking with Vic.
Yes.
About what if David Bowie
began covering songs like
Monster Mash.
That sound like
I was working in the lab late one night
when my eyes beheld an eerie sight
for my monster from his slab
began to rise
and he suddenly, to my surprise,
he did the mash.
See, I can't really do it.
That was pretty good.
Say that again.
I mean, the monster mash.
The monster mash.
It was a graveyard smash, you see.
You wouldn't say you see.
You see, right?
You see.
There, yeah.
The monster mash, you see.
There's a star.
There's a star.
It's a monster mash.
It was a graveyard smash.
Too much vibrato with that guy.
Into the mouth.
I caught, I caught it on a flash.
There's a star man.
He's like the three stooges.
It's a star man.
Bowie is one step away from the stage.
What if Bruce did,
what if Bruce did Monster Mash?
What if Bruce did, the boss did Monster Mash?
I was, I was working,
I was working in the lab late one night
when my eyes beheld an eerie say
for my monster from his slab began to rise
and suddenly, to my surprise,
the screen door slammed
into the monster mash
on two, three, four.
Monster mash.
Oh, daddy, daddy, monster mash.
Dude, to David Byrne, real quick.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
I can't, I can't access.
Give me a little Byrne.
It's similar to Bowie.
I was working in the lab late one night
when I, my eyes, I can't.
No, you got to go.
Bits.
Late one night.
Late one night.
Yeah.
Hi, in the monster mash.
Yeah, that's right.
Monster mash.
It's the monster mash.
Hi.
See, I can't do the high stuff.
Monster mash.
Monster mash.
Anyways, good morning, everybody.
Little, little sidetrack,
the way to start the show,
like we always like to do.
In, in honor of the six-year anniversary
of Office Hours, six years,
this, yesterday,
I guess it was,
we had an inauspicious beginning.
Right.
When?
Six years ago,
it was an inauspicious beginning.
There at the Absolutely offices,
I was promoting,
beginning to promote my record
in Glendale.
I said,
I need to access my audience.
Nobody's giving me any money
to promote this.
I need to get direct with them.
I need to have a one-on-one chat
with this crowd.
And there was this program on Facebook
called Facebook Live.
I went live.
I set up a Skype number.
And for two or three years,
we had a nightmare of an inconsistent,
poorly recorded, poorly produced,
not even produced in any kind of way,
no producer.
The base in the bombs.
It's like an outsider art project.
We did have, what's his name?
You were the Wesley Willis of podcasting.
What was the, uh,
my producer, uh...
Aristotle.
Aristotle, of course.
He was there, helpful, kind,
no bad blood there.
I saw him recently, and...
Oh, good.
Uh, we just got to a point
where I just wasn't going to be doing the show
the same way anymore.
Brought in old friend, Matt Carlin,
Captain Carlin,
who's sitting on the beach right now,
jacking it.
And I say that meaning
he's putting on a jacket.
Because it's chilly out there.
He's probably watching this
from the comfort of his beach.
I think he's fully off.
Fully offline.
But then, uh,
so here we are,
six years later,
and Doug joined early on.
Vic joined shortly after.
And I had assembled my Avengers.
My super friends.
It's probably Doug's fault.
And we don't look back.
Except we do.
Doug gets pickle drops.
And with honor and respect.
So let's just talk about the show today, though.
We're not going to look back every week,
but sometimes it's nice on an anniversary
to reflect on where we've been
and where we're going
and how we've grown.
With that stereo effect.
And how we've...
Is that good?
Sometimes taken step backwards,
but most of the time
we're taking step forwards, I think.
And I've gotten a lot of credit for that.
I have people up on the street...
I do so love to walk.
I have, uh, you know,
I have people coming up to me
on the street saying thank you.
Thank you for what you do.
Big fan.
I was at a show the other day.
Office Hours fan comes up.
Big fan of Office Hours, dude.
Big thank you to Mr. Tim Heidecker.
Thank you, Tim.
Who said that, by the way?
What's that clip?
Thank you for your concern.
That was, uh, Jason Dill.
Jason Dill.
And I love, like, Tim Heidecker.
Thank you, Dillon.
All right, thank you.
We're all in...
Thank you, fellas.
Thank you, Tim.
I, uh, put out
the Uncle Challenge today.
I say on Twitter,
if you are not on Twitter,
you might have missed it.
I said, listen,
this is the challenge.
Text your uncle.
Hey, uncle.
This is what you have to say.
Hey, uncle, it's me.
I'd love for you to check out
my favorite podcast,
which is actually a TV show.
Think the Today Show on Acid.
I think that's a good tag,
don't you?
It's the Today Show on Acid.
That'll, that'll stir up the views.
It's called Office Hours Live.
You're my favorite uncle.
Love you.
And we were, uh...
And Uncle Phil.
I mean, obviously,
people have different kinds
of relationships
with their uncles.
Mine...
If your niece or nephew said,
hey, hi, uncle,
just that,
with no...
I would say maybe...
If they didn't say Uncle Doug,
if they just said, hi, uncle,
I would be disturbed.
I think you could fill in
your uncle's name.
if you want.
But it seems like
a very uncomfortable thing
to try to have to do.
That's the challenge.
It's like,
I don't want to text
my uncle any of that.
I don't want to text my uncle
that I love him.
What's the last thing
you texted your uncle?
Well, I have one uncle
that I do text with occasionally,
and he was out here visiting,
and I had texted him
some sort of just like...
How many uncles do you have?
Me?
I could easily tell you.
Eins, zwei, drei, vier.
Let's say five.
One is like almost gone?
I'm down to one.
I have one.
I started with one.
I started with like four.
It sure is not.
What?
Do we have any open mics
in the room
that shouldn't be?
Yay!
Slap back what you need
when you're making a record
you need.
Slap back is what you...
Speaking of music,
let me announce something here.
We have a contest happening now
at the...
We have a contest happening now
over at the Patreon.
Patreon.com slash Office Hours Live.
We have put up the stems
to the Benson song.
Okay?
I hear that slap back,
by the way.
Hit?
Yeah.
It's just the room.
The snare is on.
Ooh, that's it.
We got a drum set in here.
So we have the stems
up on Office Hours' Patreon
right now,
which that means
for people that don't know,
we're not talking about stems.
What's it?
Roses.
Roses.
Yeah, we're not talking
roses here.
Thank you.
We're talking
the individual tracks.
What you can take.
Remix.
Rerecord.
Redub.
Overdub.
Do your own version of.
Use the stems
however you wish.
Send us your bounce.
Send us your mix.
Your remix.
And we will judge them
harshly, cruelly.
And pick a winner.
So that's happening right now.
Is that up now?
Can anyone verify that?
I believe it is.
Nice.
I think it is up.
Thank you.
Who is speaking to me?
That was Lieutenant.
The Lieutenant's chiming in.
Okay.
Here's Johnny Carson.
Lieutenant Carson.
Carson, thank you for joining us.
Thank you for all your service.
No problem.
Thank you.
What have you,
you recently edited something
that I was a fan of.
What was it?
One of the promos we put out.
One of the recuts.
Oh, I know what it was.
The Batman.
Oh, Doug's mom.
Was it the Batman?
Oh, no, that was Chris.
Oh, okay.
That's why it was good.
I did the, yeah.
I did Doug's mom.
What?
That was wonderful too.
Thank you.
God damn it, Doug's mom.
Man, that really.
I watched back on that.
I feel like such a schmuck.
I feel like such a.
I was duped.
Fully duped by Doug's mom.
Of all people.
How am I going to get duped by Doug's mom?
I didn't know she was going to bring a bid either.
You did not.
I swear to God.
Are you sure?
You're swearing to me on the,
on the fucking Bible?
I swear to God.
Get on your knees.
I swear to God.
I just said we're going to call you
and say happy birthday.
She had a whole, really?
She came with a bid.
Unbelievable.
We can't read my Bible.
All right, Carson.
Thanks for the update.
Unbelievable.
Let's talk to a Zoomer here.
Ah, you know what?
I'm flagging the plate.
Let's take a caller.
Sometime I've got to explain my game
that we're going to play.
Yes, listen.
So as we prepare for the show,
we have no,
we have a musical guest.
Cola Boy is going to be joining us
later in the show.
We love Cola Boy.
Oh, yeah.
And we didn't have a,
you know,
what's become a tradition now
is our comedy guest
or our sort of special guest.
And I think that's fine.
I think it's nice to,
you know,
make it about us
a little bit,
you know,
every once in a while.
Make it about the callers,
the Zoomers,
the fans of the show.
That's the heart of the show.
So we're going to spend
a little time
with you all today.
I hope you don't mind,
but.
Well, let's have a caller.
Yeah,
but.
Next caller.
As we were discussing yesterday
in our morning meeting,
Vic has been pitching
this idea he wants to do.
He's obsessed with it.
He thinks it's going to be a hit.
We have to let him do it.
He's striked one
on,
on,
on Art Garfunkel
as Darth Vader
going viral.
He's striked two
on the Rosie Dog
story going viral.
That's true.
She's doing all right, though.
Next caller.
Talk to me about the game
you want to introduce.
Okay, so I have this new game.
What if it's a strike three tee?
This could be the end.
Yeah, this.
This could be it, folks.
This is it.
Six and out.
Go to the beach with Matt.
All right.
Well, all right.
So I listened to,
sometimes I accidentally
listen to 101.5.
I think it is.
Or 101.1.
Like when I'm in between
like changing my music
so it comes on.
Changing my diapers.
Changing my diapers
and my music.
But there's this like
game that they play
that people call up
and they're super psyched
about it
and the