Name: Cory Snearowski, Ian Sweet (Office Hours Live Ep 213)
Uploaded: 2022-07-14T19:16:58.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Cory Snearowski, Ian Sweet (Office Hours Live Ep 213)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Cory Snearowski, Ian Sweet (Office Hours Live Ep 213)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-07-14. Transcript available.

Cory Snearowski, Ian Sweet (Office Hours Live Ep 213)

No!
Malarkey
You think?
Stinks
Stinks
I like having fun
I like to laugh
I like to meet people who can make me laugh
I like having fun
Yes, I like you to laugh
I like having fun to meet people who laugh
Nice, nice, nice
Edford, Oregon ladies and gentlemen
Right here up on the I-5
Interstate 5
It's Tim Hydeup coming to you from
An undisclosed location
A...
Let's just say
A chain hotel
That's not my dad!
Who's...
Speaking of dads
Who's dad
Grandfather founder
Let's see if we can solve this riddle today
The founder of this hotel
Shares the same first name
As the actor
Who
Played
Mr. Drummond
On
Different
Different strokes
How about that?
Dig deep folks
Let's get to the bottom of what chain
Is honoring and hosting us this morning
Four office hours
It is
10 a.m. here
I'm still on the west coast
I am
Hopefully coming in clean
Loud and clear
Captain Carlin
Can you confirm?
Oh yeah
Loud and clear
Like you're right here
Chester Doubletree
I am joined by
I'm joined by
DJ Doug Pound
You're in there in the studio
Correct?
Yay
Is it
Is Vic with you?
Where's Vic?
I don't see him
He's not here
This is his mic here
I don't know what
Vic is a no-show
What do you mean?
I thought
You talked to him
You didn't
Have you spoken with him this morning?
Have you heard anything?
Haven't heard a peep
Nope
Well
Strange
We should be somewhat concerned
Shouldn't we?
I mean
Wait a minute
Wait a minute
What the hell?
What are you doing here?
Are you staying here at the hotel?
Let's just pass it through
Through Medford
And you know
Here we are
Look at this folks
I did the tingles out in the road by himself here
I didn't want to have to do all of those while I was alone
No
Well thanks for coming up
Yeah
Do you want to take a minute and get a set up going?
Yeah
Wow
Vic here at the Hilton
Oh! I gave it away
Wait what was that?
Conrad
Conrad
Conrad
Conrad Bain
Was the actor who played
From Webster
From Webster
No
Wait you said different strokes?
No different strokes
Was that the
And Conrad Hilton
So Conrad Bain to Conrad Hilton
Is that what's going on?
Is that?
Yes
That was the show about the swimmers Tim
Different strokes?
I guess so
Well listen
The cat's out of the bag
We were sort of
I mean we were keeping it
I was keeping it a secret
A little bit
That
Which
And I'll explain why
Cat?
Is that what we're getting from?
Cat's out of the bag
Okay good
I was like where is this?
What's happening?
Okay
A few months ago
You know
I think it was one of the episodes
Where we were doing
With Colin Hay
Colin Hay
Hey
Hey
Hey
We did
Waterloo Sunset by the Kings
Yeah
And Vic was playing the piano
And I've known Vic
He's a quite accomplished musician
As we all know
And
See I just love being in this register
In the morning
Especially after a rock show
Especially after a rock show
I've got a nice deep
Quite bassy voice
You know
It's quite transformative
And so
It's quite
Therapeutic
And soothing
For me to speak this way
Please don't feel bad
We're going to go to God's house
You know
But I
And I'm going to speak
I am going to speak this way
For most of the show
You see
Because it's great
It's great
It's great toning
For the voice
And
Anyhow
Vic
Had
Displayed a great touch
Touch on the keys
Yeah
It's just
Quite made nice
Nice playing
You know
And I thought
Well
I'm putting me band together
How nice would it be
If Vic was able to come
And do the piano parts
And play keyboards
On the keyboard
And sing
Some of the
Some of the backing vocals
Yeah
And I thought
Well
I don't know if he will want to
You know
I don't know if his wife will say
It's alright
To go in a row
I made an offer
I said
Would you do it?
Would you like to do it?
And he said
I'm just passing the message
Isn't that right?
That's right
Yeah
I said
Well
That's the band
There's no other band
Yeah
It's just me and Vic
And he's got the drum machines
And the guitar sounds
On the keyboards
So
It's a bit of a one man band
You know
No
He's
He's just the guy in the band
That's all
And
But I thought
Well
It would be nice for the audience
To not know
And the good news is
No one listens
Or watches this show
So the audience will still be surprised
Nice
Playing English
So that's the news
In fucking plain English
Having the time of my life
And Matt and Doug
You've seen the show now
And
And
Were you proud to see Vic up there?
Nah
Wow
Of course
Yeah it was great
To see Vic up there
And then
Were you seething that you weren't up there?
No
I would not want to be up there
I don't know how to play a harmonica
Or a keyboard
Or anything
He was
It was cool that Vic had his own
He got to come out center stage
And do
Some John Popper
And don't give anything away now
Very cool
All right
This is a non-spoiler
This is a compliment
I gave Vic
Right to his face
After I saw it
I said
The vocal blend on Buddy
With you and Vic
Oh yeah
Was beautiful
And your bassist
Ellie
Right?
Is that her name?
Yeah
Beautiful combination
Because all the Grady Fackers
Dappled up on them
Everything's vibrating dude
Last night in San Francisco
Home of the Grateful Dead
And Hot Tuna
And Jefferson Airplane
Canned Heat
Canned Heat
And Jefferson Starship
Starship
It was rocking
And it was a great show
It was packed
Beautiful place
The Palace of Fine Arts
And we just took the crowd on a journey
It starts very negative
It starts very abrasive
And it just
It goes from there
Towards a
A very warm
And wonderful place
And I feel like
I could also talk like Art Garfunkel
In this way
And I can only imagine
That
We can't even put reverb
On my voice
Because of the
The Hilton
Hilton Honors
Does not allow
For reverb
In their conference rooms
The guy checking us in this morning
Wow
Yeah, you can help yourself
Just so you know
No reverb
Let us in on a little
Behind the curtain
Where he's like
We're like
Can we get faster internet?
Oh yeah
And he's like
Yeah, you can just pick
You know
You can sign up
And pay for it
Except for diamond
Diamond
Diamond membership
Diamond Hilton members
And then
And he's like
You can try that
And then as I was leaving
He's like
But to be honest with you
It's the same shit
Don't
Yeah
But don't
It's a waste
So throw
So throw
Your
Fucking
Diamond status
In your
Toilet
Wow
And shit on it
And then flush
Matt, let's do this
Speaking of toilets
Can I tell you a real quick story?
When I came in here
I came in here
There's more than I go to the bathroom
And I walk in the lobby
I walk in the lobby
But I walk in the lobby
And then I go into the bathroom
And it's one of those
Automatic lights that go on
When they see you
But
I walk in the bathroom
It's completely dark
And then it comes on
And there's a guy in the stall
I couldn't figure it
It's shit
It's in the dark
It's completely dark
I can tell the paper
Oh no
Did he say something?
He just moved around
Like he breathed
When I came in
So he was so still
He was in there so
He was so long
Oh that's funny
God
Maybe he was waiting to wipe
Until somebody came in
So he could see what he was doing
Alright
Let's take a zoomer, Matt
And just welcome everyone
To the show
Let's
Let's start the day off
With a pun from Kyle
Kyle Gass
Hi
My name's Kyle Heckler
No relation to
Jim Heckler
My pun
Silence
My pun was
So
I used to
I used to
I used to
Run a
Door store
Down in the old west
And
We used to have all sorts of people
Come and work for us
And Miss Dolly Parton
If you're familiar
She used to work
For us
When she was quite young
And
Before she was the star
She was today
She had
Difficulty
Selling some of these doors
So
I would stand there
And
Dolly Parton
Would
Would be
Amid selling a door
And
The man would say
I would love a door
I would love a door
To
I would have melt the door
Anything
I just want a door
And I would say
Dolly
Dolly
I wouldn't
I would say
Salvador Dolly
Salvador Dolly
I like it
I really do
I'll be honest with you
I think that's a hit
Doug
Salve
Sal
Salvador Dolly
Salvador
It was really surreal
It was really surreal
Having Dolly Parton work there
See I would
I would even simplify that
And just make it about
Like
Dolly
Worked at
Home Depot
And she was in charge
Of like windows
And things like that
Entrances
And
Her manager at the time
Was a real
Hard ass
And
She would
You know
He would come up to her
And be like
Sail the door Dolly
Sail the door Dolly
It would work too
Salve
Salve
Well I actually
Talk your thoughts
Well you can't say
The word Dolly
Is part of the punchline
And then you said
Dolly Parton
So
Ms. Parton
That's
Ms. Parton
I will pardon you for that
But
Next time
Try to keep the punchline
Out of the setup
Nine to five
Are the
The buxom
Ms. Parton
People might say
The pounding
Right
People were obsessed
With her boobies
In the 80's
That's all that people
Would talk about
As a child
On the
As a child
On the playground
Now like 40 years later
People are like
Oh her music's good too
Oh yeah
Oh by the way
She also is a great songwriter
One of the great American songwriters
And a great
Just a great
Kind of philanthropic person too
Right T?
The pounding
Oh absolutely
She funded the vaccine research
That is working so well
True
My parents got coronavirus
It's working
I'm bitter because I got the corona
And
I thought I was
You know
I was
I'll just speak candidly
I was like
Alright this wasn't too bad
I had like a couple of days of
Feeling
Like I got a cold
This virus ain't that serious
And then it went away
And then it's like
I just haven't had time to like
Fully recover
So I just still have like this
Just
I feel my energy is good
But I just have like this congestion
Right?
I just hate it
I just want it out
It's me every morning
But
God bless
God bless
God
God watch over us
And
Make sure that
It doesn't get worse
And I don't
End up on a ventilator
Like so many have
But my voice is
Is
This is just because it's
Here it's 10 a.m.
And
You know
The whole
The voice is just gonna
Throughout the day
It continues to
Blossom
Blossom
And open up
And
Provide more range
And
It's okay if I fart
And then I do my throat coat
And I do my warm-ups
And everything
And by the time the show is
It sounds beautiful
Ask your guide to come out of the shadows
And pretty soon
I swear to you
You
You start getting a vision
I heard this voice
And she said
You don't have anything to be afraid of
I came from
I come from God
And I thought
Yeah, right
And I went screaming down the steps
To my grandmother
Alright, let's do the city of the day
It's Sylvia Brown, Mother's Day
City of the day, ain't much more to say, let us all play, city of the day.
I got distracted because I tweeted, I retweeted Judd Apatow, he had tweeted a
Simon and Garfunkel documentary.
That looks good.
It's called The Story of Bridge Over Troubled Waters.
It's like a 30 minute little making of that song, story behind that song.
I'd love to watch that today.
And I didn't even retweet it.
I just liked it.
I loved it.
And in my mentions is one Maureen McCormick.
Now, do you know who Maureen McCormick is?
Oh, I do.
I mean, Vic.
I do.
Doug, do you know who Maureen McCormick is?
Yes, she's the heiress to the spice empire.
No, sir.
That is one of the Bradys, right?
Oh.
Marsha, Marsha, Marsha, Marsha Brady.
She's back.
She's on Twitter now.
Marsha, the middle daughter.
Yeah.
Wow.
But I don't know why I'm seeing that as a notification to me.
Interesting stuff, Twitter.
Elon's got to get in there.
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