Name: Sylvan Esso (Office Hours Live Ep 215 8/4/22)
Uploaded: 2022-08-04T21:52:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sylvan Esso (Office Hours Live Ep 215 8/4/22)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Sylvan Esso (Office Hours Live Ep 215 8/4/22)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-08-04. Transcript available.

Sylvan Esso (Office Hours Live Ep 215 8/4/22)

I like having fun. I like to laugh. I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
I like having fun. Yes, I like to laugh.
Good morning, everybody. Good morning from Austin, Texas, and Glendale,
California, and wherever you are.
It's me, Tim Heidecker, here live at the Paramount Theater in their mezzanine
lounge.
They have so gracefully... Oh, look at that. Can we go to VixCam? Look at VixCam.
This is me over here. See? He's clear across the way and just adjust my...
We are here. Doug is... You want to make the big announcement, Doug?
Or do you want to keep that secret?
Can you hear me?
Oh yeah, you sound great.
All right. That's wonderful.
I was joking. You sound very...
Yeah, you sound okay.
Tim, do you have an announcement to make?
Did you have an announcement to make?
Yes, I have COVID and I'm...
Ah!
I'm hiding.
It's come for us all.
The only son of a who hasn't gotten in is that Vic Burger.
That's right.
I'm a healthy boy.
I don't think he's human.
I think that's the case.
I think that's the secret.
I probably just had it like seven times and didn't know it.
I think you just came from Mars.
You've got your own diseases and viruses swimming through your blood.
Vic's across the hall.
We had obvious technical, major technical difficulties this morning.
I can only tell you this, folks, as you know, I'm here prepared, ready,
professional, happy
to be here.
And that's all I ask of myself is to be doing what I can do.
As much as I can do, I do.
And with great, the patience I've been showing over the past half hour has got
to be that
of...
Who's patient?
What's patient?
What's patient, Doug?
Mahatma Gandhi.
Patience of a...
A monk.
A saint.
A saint.
A monk.
A monk.
What's the...
Let's get a Zoomer in here.
Let's just fucking roll the dice on that.
Let's see how that's looking.
All right.
Let's see what happens.
Brighton, are you there?
I am.
Vic will be joining us shortly.
Hello.
Hi.
Who goes there?
Hi.
My name's Brighton.
And I wore this sweater when I did the Kmart dance.
But the reason I wanted to come on...
Oh, yes.
She was one of the winners of the Kmart dance contest.
She was wonderful.
That was the dance contest to the opening music tee.
Yeah.
Okay, gotcha.
Oh.
We made these flyers for your Salt Lake show.
And they're a tin ball.
Oh, my God.
Yes.
It's very hot.
Do you have a...
They're hot.
They're hot.
Do you have a...
Do you have a poster with you?
Yeah.
Let me grab one.
Let's see this thing.
Where do you see this, Matt?
Oh, I think...
Yeah.
She's been posting some stuff online.
Vic, you got to fuck with your camera there.
The camera's all messed up.
What does it look like?
Look at this.
Wow.
I've never...
This is...
The creativity is through the roof.
This is for the Salt Lake City show.
When is that?
This is for Salt Lake City.
It's on the 10th.
It's a couple of weeks.
But soon.
Next week.
It's fucking six days away?
Six days.
And the problem is...
Oof.
Marron.
Marron.
We put them up in town.
That's a very poor seller, that show.
We've had wonderful crowds.
We put them up in town, G.
You're not going to believe this.
They keep getting ripped down.
Because people are taking them.
Well, they're very...
I would want that.
I would take that.
I think you got to make a shittier flyer for me.
Do a Kinko's one.
We'll run down to Kinko's.
We're excited.
We're excited.
Please do that.
Well, I'm very excited about that.
And Doug, how about that creativity?
There's a lot of creative people in Salt Lake City, I gotta say.
You've got friends in Salt Lake City.
Have you been encouraging them to buy tickets to the show?
Absolutely, Tim.
You know, I did a show there with Cobra Man.
I did a show with Cobra Man a few weeks ago.
More like COVID Man.
Cobra Man was saying, uh-oh, ticket sales are low.
And then people...
Maybe that's one of those cities where they walk up.
Oh, it's a walk-up town, yeah.
Maybe it's a walk-up town for sure.
Well...
How are you doing over there, Vivi?
Glad to have you.
Can't wait.
That's all.
I can't hear you.
No, you've fucked everything up.
Anyway, thank you for that poster.
It means the world to me.
And I just want to remind the audience, the international audience, the folks
in towns where we're not playing is...
I've said this many times, but it's true that Salt Lake City is a hub.
I believe it's a Delta hub.
Thank you.
And ain't nothing stopping you.
Let's say you live in Florida or North Dakota or Detroit or, uh, jeez,
Nashville.
You got a one-way...
You got one stop into Salt Lake.
Easy, right?
Direct flight into Salt Lake.
You go see the tabernacle.
You come to the show.
I sign your autographs.
Yeah.
I sign your autographs.
You bring autographs.
I sign them.
It's a great place to fly into.
Caller, uh, are you...
Were you...
Are you part of the Mormon Church or were you ever part of the Mormon Church?
Me?
Me?
Yes, Caller.
Yeah, yeah.
So I did not grow up in the Mormon Church.
I later converted.
And then I've sort of fallen back off.
But I grew up surrounded by it.
You converted?
I was the one person in my neighborhood.
I'm not a member of the church, so...
Well, speaking of this, let me...
Okay, go ahead.
Okay, no, a follow-up question, Doug.
You have the floor.
What...
How...
What do you mean later?
You didn't grow up and then later you converted?
Like, what age did you think, "Oh, this is for me?"
I know, it's kind of crazy.
I know, it's kind of crazy.
Well, so my husband, my partner, my partner's right here, right here.
Um, uh, he grew up in it.
Uh-oh.
And his family grew up in it.
And...
And so my family was, like, super...
Like, super anti-LDS.
And...
It's kind of a long story.
It's super boring.
It's super boring.
It's super boring.
Um, but...
But...
Basically, I got curious about it.
I don't really ever heard, like, mean stuff from my family.
Mm-hmm.
And...
And...
I was like, "Oh, you know, if I'm gonna, like, be a part of this family and,
like, know
about it, I should, like, take a more objective look."
So, I ended up joining the church in Austria.
And I was baptized when I was 20, right?
Yeah, about 20.
They don't know.
Yeah, to answer the question, like, what made you...
It was just kind of like...
Okay, so...
Okay, your partner was Mormon.
You wanted to...
I get it.
Yeah.
No, I mean, he was...
He was very respectful.
And he...
He himself is, like...
Um, you know, he's had his own, like, ups and downs.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, okay, your partner was Mormon.
I get it.
Yeah.
No, I mean, he was...
He was very respectful.
And he...
He himself is, like...
You know, he's had his own, like, ups and downs with it.
So, he was very respectful.
It was definitely more just me being like, "I'm interested in this."
He wasn't even part of it at that time.
Can you be kind of half in, half out?
Can you be sort of a casual Mormon?
Or do you have to be all in or all out?
I think it would depend.
I mean, if you ask someone, of course, they're gonna say you have to be all in
or all out.
But personally, I think it's like, what do you...
You know, what do you...
What's your personal relationship to it?
And I think that's probably how all religion should be, is what's your personal
relationship to it.
So...
Sure.
I don't know, I mean...
Well, this is a funny...
This is interesting you bring this up.
I'll tell you a little story from yesterday on the road.
We were doing...
I do these Q&As every night before the show for premium price.
People always say, "Thank you for your generosity doing this."
I say, "Well, you're paying for it."
You know, this is no generosity on my part.
But yesterday in Houston, a couple questions in, had a young woman, kind of a
hippie...
I don't know, not a hippie, but she was kind of artsy, crafty type, younger,
probably in her 20s.
And she goes, "Hey, I guess my question is, have you...
What is your relationship with Christ?
And have you accepted him as your savior?"
And I just wanted to hear your thoughts on that.
Amen.
Really?
Amen?
Yeah.
Yeah.
She's like, "Yeah, just curious."
And I was like, "No, I'm not..."
You know, I was raised Catholic, which has led me towards becoming a firm non-believer,
you know?
Which is what happens when you're raised Catholic.
And she goes, "Oh, okay.
Oh, and also, where's Eric?"
I was like, "I don't know, man.
You know, I don't know.
He's probably doing something."
And he goes, "Oh, okay.
I thought he would be here."
I'm like, "What?
Why are you here?
What do you know about what is happening here?"
You know?
And then she tried to get...
She, like, kept raising her hand.
And I was curious, you know, to hear from her a little bit.
But then she just...
When it came back to her, she was like, "Yeah, I just want to say, like, I
understand
that if you're raised Catholic, like, that's not a true...
That's not true Christianity."
And you have to...
And she started going off.
And we're just like, "Listen, I don't know.
I don't...
I'm not here to talk about this shit."
You know?
I think it's...
I don't believe any of that crap.
And I'm actually, at this moment in my life right now,
I don't have...
I don't have a tremendous amount of tolerance for these people.
These believers.
Because they're...
You know?
It's one thing, like you said, to believe what...
You know?
Your own belief is your own belief.
But these people are wreaking havoc on lots of people.
They're making everyone's lives miserable at the moment.
I'm not ashamed of that.
So...
I don't have, like, patience for your fucking Bible thumping in my show.
So go...
You know what I mean?
Like, I'm becoming more vigilantly anti-Christian than just sort of agnostic on
the situation.
Mm-hmm.
I just want to get that out, Doug.
Yeah, because...
Yeah, because...
It's like, why would you identify as a Christian with all the crap that's going
with that?
You know?
I just don't have any respect for you at that point.
I just don't like when they try to push it on you and, like, put you on the
spot like
that and ask you, like, what's your relationship with it?
It's like...
Ugh.
But then later, we talked to Claire, our merch person, and she was like...
I saw her, and she was like, "Hey, have you accepted Christ into your life yet?"
You know?
And she's like, "No, no, it's not really for me."
But anyways, he goes, "Oh, well, I'm pretty new at this.
I was on meth, and, yeah, it's really helped me a lot."
So...
Well, there you go.
Whatever.
There you go.
You know, like, throughout the centuries, they try to spread it across the
earth.
And, you know, with all due respect, the Mormons are out there, like, trying to
make everyone
convert to their thing, and it's like, I don't know, leave us alone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right, well, let's move the show along.
Anyway.
Vic is continuing to try to plug things in.
I can see him with my own eyes, sweating badly.
We have to talk about Vic Cherry's incident.
Hey, see you in Salt Lake City.
Would you please come and say hi?
We'll put you on the list so that we can thank you in person for your
tremendous talent.
Okay?
God bless you.
God bless you.
All right, Matt.
Should we do the City of the Day?
Of course we should.
Here you go.
And how are you, Matt?
Oh, well, I'm fine.
I'm excited about the City of the Day.
We got a good one today.
It's great.
All right.
The City of the Day.
It's great.
All right.
The City of the Day.
All right.
The City of the Day is...
Ahem.
Ahem.
Attention.
You should see what I see.
It's horrible.
I wonder if I get...
What?
Oh, the City of the Day.
No, you should see what I see with Vic over there.
He's still...
Well...
I don't know what he's doing.
Yeah, we heard it when he did connect.
It caused audio mayhem again.
So...
Maybe he can say hi on your microphone at some point.
Sorry.
How are you doing over there?
I'm great.
I'm great.
We got a good one today.
We got a good one today.
All right.
The City of the Day is...
The City of the Day is...
The Tension.
You should see what I see.
It's horrible.
What?
Oh, the City of the Day.
No, you should see what I see with Vic over there.
He's still...
I'm great.
It's a little lonely.
Wha