Name: Frankie Quiñones, Will Sheff (Office Hours Live Ep 224)
Uploaded: 2022-10-13T19:29:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Frankie Quiñones, Will Sheff (Office Hours Live Ep 224)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Frankie Quiñones, Will Sheff (Office Hours Live Ep 224)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-13. Transcript available.

Frankie Quiñones, Will Sheff (Office Hours Live Ep 224)

Ha ha ha.
He he he he he he.
She's.
Ha.
Ha.
Ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha.
The holy trinity.
I like to rock.
I like to meet people.
Cut the music.
Cut the music.
Turn it off.
What do you mean cut the music?
No.
Cut it.
I'm done.
I am done with that song, ladies and gentlemen.
We are throwing it in the trash.
Good morning, everybody.
Thanks for joining.
What are we going to do without chips?
Good morning, everybody.
I am done with that.
That is old news.
We are looking forward into the future.
We have a huge announcement to make.
Big, big announcement to make before we begin the show.
We got a great show, by the way, planned for you.
We have music from the great Will Sheff that you will be enjoying later.
He'll be joining us later.
My knobs are.
Excuse me?
My knobs are a bit antiquated.
Ha ha.
Thank you.
You might know Will Sheff from Oakerville River.
And this is Will as himself.
This is the first time we're getting a sense of Will Sheff, the man.
And he's going to be playing a beautiful song called, well, I should say this
song?
Sure.
It's ironic.
It's the title track.
It's the title track.
It's an ironic title from Will.
You got to give him credit for that.
He loves messing, playing in the pond of irony.
It's an inaccurate title.
I agree.
Well, that's why it's ironic.
It's nothing special.
And I'm sort of like listening to the song going like, huh?
Because it's like, but it is.
It's something special.
So it's a missy.
Quiet, you.
You know, just seeing Matt's body walk out onto the stage and play the video
and he's just
like looking out.
It was just made me giggle.
I was giggling a lot.
A lot.
A lot.
A lot.
A lot.
And in studio, and Will is in studio as well, by the way.
Joining us for the first half and the second half, Frankie Quejones.
Did I do it?
I blew it.
You went too hard, man.
What are you talking about?
Quejones.
Well, I'm excited to have you here.
Tell me what it is.
Quejones.
Quejones.
Well, I said Quejones, which is something different.
That's a little different.
I'm just a white guy from Pennsylvania.
I know Miller and Smith.
Schumacher.
That's all I got.
Schumacher.
Frankie, I'm going to call you Frank.
That's it.
We all can grow and we all can learn.
Good morning.
Good morning.
This is going to be a serious interview.
And I want you to be open and honest and keep your voice down and be serious.
Why are you, why do you do what you do?
What compels you to get up every morning?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Just all the things, you know?
I get that.
All right.
But no, we're going to have fun.
You need to loosen up.
And I got to turn the air on.
Are you hot in here?
It sucks.
So turn that off from the beginning.
Now let's get back to my original point.
And you chime in whenever you want.
Okay, thank you.
Mi casa su casa.
Thank you.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
And keep it light.
Thank you, Tim.
Thank you, Tim.
I don't want to get serious with you.
We did that.
Keep it light.
It's a fun morning show, okay?
It's not a drag.
It's not Terry Gross.
Ew.
Welcome.
Ew.
Well, let me get back to my original point.
We are in the process of removing our title song.
Because Vic, the great Vic Berger IV, who joins us.
What sip, everybody?
On mic, please.
On mic.
I'm so mad at Vic.
I'll tell you why.
What sip, everybody?
Vic makes the big deal about changing his mic stand situation to this thing
that is very,
it's about to go down all the time.
It does.
It's about to dip.
A heavy mic.
And then last week we did the show, of course.
Great show.
And he's writing us after the show a couple of hours.
Because the first thing he does when he gets home is watches the show.
No, I don't.
Yes, he loves the show.
I can't watch myself back.
No, I don't.
And he goes, I'm off mic.
Why can't we hear me?
What the hell is Luke doing in there?
It's all Tim's fault.
Tim was so loud for himself that he had to turn me down.
And I look at the evidence, the video, and he's nine feet away from his mic
because of this
new thing.
So what do you want?
Well, I couldn't hear myself in the thing.
So I turned my personal volume of myself all the way up.
So that's why I was back here and I could hear myself perfectly.
Now I have a down, don't be here, Luke.
So what Vic did was he found a gem, a song from 1989?
89, yeah.
And it's a David Hasselhoff composition.
I don't know if he wrote it, but he's the lead singer on it.
I do wonder who wrote that.
I guess we could find that out.
I guess we could find that out.
But let's give him a little taste.
Okay, ready?
This is the start of it.
All right, now this gets me going.
All right, stop it now.
Now here's the deal.
Here's the deal.
Does that make you feel good, that song?
Yeah, yeah.
It hasn't even kicked in yet.
And you're already smiling.
Yeah, yeah.
I was picturing David Hasselhoff just on the beach.
Yeah, tank top.
By the way, why do they call that Baywatch, right?
Yeah, yeah.
The show?
Yeah.
They got lifeguards watching the Bay.
It doesn't seem that serious of a situation.
There's no waves of the Bay.
Yeah, right.
The Bay's kind of, it's a Bay.
It's just like a lake.
You could walk all the way out.
I think they're talking about Bay, B-A-E.
Oh.
I don't think they are.
That's what he's watching.
That's what he's looking at.
That's more of a 21st century term.
This show is at the end of the 20th century.
That's funny to think of Baywatch as a show from the,
towards the end of the 20th century.
Anyways, here's our challenge that we face.
Because of YouTubes.
YouTube.
YouTubes.
Where's my YouTube drop?
Oh, yeah, you get it on the YouTubes.
You witch.
Uh.
Wow.
You can buy it on iTunes or Amazon.
Is that it?
No, Woody's YouTube.
Go on iTunes.
Oh, God, sorry.
There's too many YouTubes.
I gotta find it.
YouTube.
Anyway, because of their draconian.
I press the music on the YouTube.
I press the music.
I press the music on the YouTube.
YouTube.
Oh, boy.
I didn't know they had a calculator on the iPhone.
Because of YouTube's draconian music policies
and the confusion behind it,
we would love to officially make that,
our theme song,
but we don't know how to go about doing that.
I don't know.
We could probably license it for a tremendous amount of money.
But what we want to do to you is offer the opportunity for you to cover David
Hasselhoff's
Is Everybody Happy?
Is that what it's called?
Is Everybody Happy?
Let's try to buy the whole catalog Michael Jackson style.
The whole Hasselhoff catalog.
So we are the sole owners of his entire publishing empire.
And so you can look it up.
We're not going to play it.
We don't want to get banged and the show be banned from YouTube.
Frankie's already looking for the A's.
He's like looking at the door.
I'm happy you're here just laughing.
If you just want to laugh, let's find out.
He looks stressed out.
Chime in.
Keep it light.
He's been waiting on our coffee.
Let me tell you, back it up even more.
No way to find out what the hell's going on with this show if you're just
tuning in.
You're like, huh?
How much music?
How many albums does Hasselhoff have?
We can easily find that out.
Let's get into it.
He's got a catalog.
We have researchers on that right now.
Go ahead and don't spend too much time on this, but we will create a contest.
We'll put it on the Patreon and you can win a merch pack or something.
Is everybody happy?
They keep it like a minute and a half or something?
Two minutes?
I don't know.
Two minute cover of Is Everybody Happy?
Look it up on iTunes or wherever.
There's a great music video from it on YouTube.
There's a guy who--
It's really good.
Guess who produced Is Everybody Happy?
Phil Spector?
Jack White.
No.
No.
Jack White is a German composer, producer, and former footballer.
Oh, whoa.
And written by Charles Blackwell.
Jack Blackwell.
Okay.
Oh.
Hmm.
He did it.
Also Hasselhoff didn't write it.
No.
He was just giving it.
He came to me to come to life.
You know what his first album was called?
1985?
Night Rocker.
Night Rocker?
Oh, like Night Rider.
Night Rocker.
Wow.
You know, we were talking about Frank Stallone.
I had a good idea for him if you wanted to put out an album.
He should call the album Frank Stallone Still Alone.
Stallone Still Alone.
It was just like him, very sullen.
Maybe just a side shot.
Anyway, so that's happening right now.
Get thinking.
Get working.
Make a note to yourself in your notes app.
Focus on Is Everybody Happy?
And we'll integrate that into the show soon.
Frank Stallone is still alone.
Oh, that was quick.
Let me hear that.
The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.
Oh, you got a loop going?
That was an accident.
That was an accident.
Speaking of accidents, Doug, can we just get a briefing on your toilet
situation at home?
Frank Stallone.
Frank Stallone.
Yeah.
I have no toilet, so I put a...
Frank, do you have a toilet at home?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Got a couple of them.
Oh, nice.
Two bath?
You're in a two bath situation?
Yeah.
Two and a half bath?
Straight two?
It's just straight two.
Do you have a bathroom that you designate for number two?
Yeah.
Really?
It's a bathroom you never use for number two?
The downstairs guest one.
Okay.
Yeah.
Are there any situations where you would use that?
If I was like...
If it's an emergency?
If it's a hurry, you get upstairs.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Can I tell you a life-changing thing?
My wife got me...
My wife got me a bidet, a bidet seat.
So I have a clean butthole now.
It's awesome.
It's really cool.
It's new for me.
It just attaches to your...
It attaches to the thing.
It's the best.
Oh, yeah.
It's one of those.
I have one of those.
It's cool.
It's attached to the seat and put it in.
Yeah, yeah.
All right, but back to Doug.
Anyway.
Your toilet situation is what?
I had...
I'm getting work done on my sewer and they said I should rent a porta potty for
the week.
But I had...
I bought at a yard sale, I bought like a handicap toilet.
Like, it's just a seat with a bucket on it.
And I put that in my shower.
Oh, man.
Oh!
Wait.
And you what?
Huh?
And you shit in your shower?
Yeah.
Shit.
There's a Home Depot bucket with a very thick bag in it.
And then I have a bucket of dirt.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
Wait, wait.
But you shit in the shower, though?
Well, I mean...
Into the bucket...
The bucket's in the shower.
It's not going down the drain.
It's just like...
Shit in the bucket.
That's where it fits.
And the shower's just there so you feel there's the appearance that you're in
the bathroom.
It's not your typical shower.
You're not going to do that in your living room.
It's not your typical...
I know what you're talking about.
You have like just a part of the bathroom that's the shower.
It's just an area that I could fit the thing.
Right.
So you shit in the bucket.
Everything's fine.
I shit in the bucket.
Like pour a cup of dirt?
A cup of dirt.
It feels like I'm camping.
I'm five percent camping.
And then you put that bag in the trash?
For the trash men to deal with?
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
After I fill it up.
How often do you change the bag?
I at least started this yesterday, but I'm going to go for a week.
Oh.
But Wes said I should get kitty litter.
Oh.
They should make...
Why don't you write a damn ad?
Why don't you do kitty litter and scoop the turds out?
How about you do an ad about a man litter?
Like a human litter that...
Yeah, yeah.
You could do a man litter.
Food chips and...
Yeah.
That's amazing.
Well then Will said I should...
I mean, that's what we're going to be doing in California when we run out of
water.
Wes.
I call him Will.
Wes.
Did you change a man litter?
I should get...
Thanks in here, honey.
Wes said I should get rabbit litter, and I guess that's a different grain.
He said it's like an organic kind of thing.
And I'm wondering if, like, kind of how you grind coffee in different grains if
there's
different, like, grinds of...
Oh.
Have you had a wet one in there yet?
Oh, right.
Have you had, like, a sloppy diarrhea?
You know what I mean?
And litter.
Have you made mud in there?
It's all mud.
Dirt gets in, turns into mud quick with your toilet system.
All right.
I'll bring the bag in next week and we