Name: Halloween Spooktacular: Jan Terri, Eric Slick, Jay Weingarten (Office Hours Live Ep 226)
Uploaded: 2022-10-27T19:51:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Halloween Spooktacular: Jan Terri, Eric Slick, Jay Weingarten (Office Hours Live Ep 226)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Halloween Spooktacular: Jan Terri, Eric Slick, Jay Weingarten (Office Hours Live Ep 226)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-10-27. Transcript available.

Halloween Spooktacular: Jan Terri, Eric Slick, Jay Weingarten (Office Hours Live Ep 226)

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It's Freddy Krueger! Freddy Krueger! And Matt's a generic ghoul of some kind.
Who cares? It does not matter. We are so excited to be with you this morning,
just a few days before the great Halloween, which my family will not celebrate,
of course, because it lies completely in conflict with our Christian values.
But I am a public persona who needs to provide entertainment for secularists,
so I shall, in my character of Tim Heidecker from Office Hours, participate in
this holiday.
I want to thank intern Olivia for coming in and doing a terrific, really
beautiful job decorating.
We can see around. She's really enlivened the room and given it a spooky
quality, of course, per our instructions.
And Olivia, I want to thank you very much. And you're dressed up, too. Who are
you dressed up? Can we get a shot of Olivia in the control room?
Yeah, I'm Helga from Hey Arnold.
All right. Hey. Hey, Helga.
Are we seeing her? Do we have cams in there?
Oh, yeah.
My monitor is only showing this one shot. I don't know. I guess that's not that.
Oh, yes. Can we?
That's okay. I don't know what I'm supposed to be looking at.
No, you did a great job. You got these creepy. Is there an open headphone or
something that I'm hearing?
Yes, Tim.
Oh, I know what it could be. Hold on. Stand by.
It's going to be this.
I love Batman.
I love Batman.
I love everything. Those eyes are creepy as hell.
And the bats, of course, Doug. And we've got this creepy ghost behind Vic. Some
kind of, I don't know what that is, some kind of mannequin. And this creepy...
I do not shampoo my hair.
This creepy, what is that, an alligator? So, terrific job. Thank you, Olivia.
I didn't put those there.
You didn't put what there? The bats? The eyes?
The ghost and the alligator.
What?
I didn't put those there.
What are you talking about?
Who the hell put this here, Matt?
Who? No, these are people.
It wasn't me.
These are people?
Who is there?
Who's there?
Yeah, I'm a...
Speak, ghost.
Yeah, I'm...
Yeah, I'm a...
What? You're a what?
I'm the ghost.
Oh, we have a mystery ghost. And we've got a mystery croc.
Yeah, I'm a croc.
Mystery croc. We're going to get to the bottom of who our mystery guests are
throughout the
show. We're going to... Let's see if we can guess, see if the audience can
guess who's
under the sheet. Who's our mystery ghost?
Do we have any... Anybody want to take a blind guess in the chat?
Oh, that's a good... Yeah, Harrison. Harrison, you want to take a guess?
Uh, yeah, one of those... Jay... Jay Weingarten.
Wait, what?
Jay, is that you under there?
Should I say?
Who?
Guilty as charged. Yes.
Jay... We're going to make that... We're going to tease that out a little more.
Yeah. Oh, sorry.
That was the... That was the idea, but...
Well, I...
Cowboy hat guy...
...with maybe one of the thickest beards I've ever seen.
One of the most luscious...
Thank you.
...gorgeous beards.
Do you dye that?
That's thick.
What?
Yeah, do you dye it?
Do I dye my beard?
Yeah.
No.
Just for men.
Come on, man.
I touch a gray here and there, but...
That's too... That's too brown.
That's dyed, bruh.
It looks like the baseball player named Ronnie Wilson.
You know that dude?
Yeah.
That's what it reminds me of.
Okay. Well, you talk less, please, because it's very hard to understand you.
It's going to be bad for the show.
I love hearing you talk.
Okay.
You ever want to call me at night?
I'll chat... You can chat my ear off.
I love hearing from you.
But on the show, it's got to be a lot less.
Marty is nowhere near his mic.
That's it.
Well, that's the other thing.
No.
You should have seen this morning.
I've warned Vic.
I've warned Vic about his mic stand.
He was so excited about this stupid Star Trek device that he found in my, you
know, pile of crap that I'm trying to get rid of.
This is the perfect mic stand for me.
It is.
It's going to solve all my problems.
It's like a limp dick back there.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Yoda.
Ew.
I am sorry, Yoda.
We still don't know who the Mystery Croc is, though.
Mystery Croc, I'll ask you one question and one question only.
Yeah.
What were you doing last night?
I was playing a concert.
Oh!
Well, what kind of concert?
Wait, what venue?
Roll Kid, man.
Roll Kid, man.
I was playing, it was kind of a private event for the Donda High School.
No, get out of here.
No, listen.
I want to talk about this because if I'm on a short fuse today, a shorter fuse
than usual, it is to be explained as following.
What?
See, I didn't get any sleep last night because late last night.
Matt, do you have the email that I received?
Email?
Yeah.
I received an email.
It's in our chat over here.
This guy, this one right here.
Oh, oh, yeah.
Yeah, I received an email that shook us as a family.
I'll read it to you.
Urgent, please read.
Please read.
Dear Donda Academy families, we hope this email finds you well.
Oh, that's nice.
I was like, okay, cool.
What's this about?
What's the lunch?
Is it about the lunch tomorrow?
But I got, first, we'd like to express our gratitude for the community of
families and scholars that the Donda Academy brought together.
I appreciate that.
However, and then this is what stopped me and my wife in our tracks.
At the discretion of our founder, yay, Donda Academy will close for the
remainder of 2022-2023.
Effective immediately.
Yay.
Now, I ask you, yay, and our founding members of Donda Academy, where are my
children supposed to go this morning?
Okay?
Yay.
We were up all night calling schools and play places.
And family members and other families in the Donda family.
It's nuts.
What do I do?
I got two kids in Donda Academy, okay?
I paid 30 grand.
I love Batman.
So that they can get a top-tier education and wear top-tier clothes.
Son of a bitch.
You hear me?
And I get this email last night, 10 o'clock, whenever it came in, and we got a
show to do, and my poor wife is crying.
And she says, why did we sign them up for this flim-flam academy, okay?
And my children, I don't know what to do.
We have them up on watching TV, cartoons.
Tim, what do your kids take there?
Engineering!
What do they eat?
What's the lunch there?
Qdoba.
You get Qdoba bussed in every morning.
It's a great school.
I just want to say, you know, sometimes you try something and it don't work out.
But that don't mean you stop trying.
So, yay, yay, yo-yo, whoever you are.
Yay!
Get back!
Just get back to basics.
Let's get the school back open.
Yay!
Okay?
Yay!
And he's not teaching.
It's great.
It's a great academy because there's no history.
There's no math.
You know what I mean?
No math.
There's no social studies.
It's just pure engineering.
And we're learning how to build a cellular, not cellular like the phone, but
like a cell in your body.
We're learning, my kids are at least, and now they're teaching me.
They're learning how to build an entire community based on a little mini,
little, like the way that cells work.
That's interesting.
Yeah, and this whole thing's going to be completely fueled by seawater.
Cool.
Okay?
Damn.
Damn, that's right, dude.
Yay!
And you're not going to need to, you know, first of all, you're not going to
need to eat.
Yay.
And you know, you're just going to absorb.
That sucks for Qdoba.
What?
That sucks for Qdoba.
Yeah, it does.
Well, we're not there yet.
That's why Qdoba is a stopgap.
Maybe Qdoba orchestrated this whole thing.
Qdoba orchestrated the thing so they could stay in business.
There he is.
There he is.
Yay.
So I'm verklempt, and I know that's offensive to you, Yi, to use Yiddish slang.
I apologize.
Now I'm probably going to be in trouble with him.
I shouldn't be using Yiddish slang.
So I'm out of my mind today.
But I'm happy to be Batman.
I have to tell you, I was so happy.
The boys, it's a tradition here.
The boys go off and find us all Halloween costumes.
I prefer a surprise every once in a while, you see.
And this morning, I got the tremendous news that I would be Batman today.
And I was like a kid.
Do or do not.
There is no try.
All right, we're off Yoda now.
I'm not off until the show's done.
Do or do not.
There is no try.
I'll have to pass that message myself, won't I?
He should have drowned in the swamps of Dagobah, Yoda.
Can I get a word in?
And that empire strikes back.
Yoda should have, Yiddish, Yiddish, Yiddish, Ye, whoever.
He's going by Yo now.
Yo should have drowned in the swamps of Dagobah.
That's what Luke Skywalker should have done.
Put his head, you keep talking to me like that.
Treat me like I'm an idiot.
You're going to have problems, yo.
I am wondering, why are you here?
Yeah, you know, I'm here is to drown you in the swamps of Dagobah.
Sorry, it's just not everything.
Imagine Batman fighting Yoda.
Yoda.
Yo.
Yo, yo.
Break.
Any interesting hauntings lately?
Oh, the ghost?
Oh, are you talking to?
Yeah, I'm talking to the fucking ghost.
He just turns around.
Yeah.
I don't think he can see too well.
Yeah.
Who can?
I can't tell.
Okay, well.
Any interesting hauntings?
Yeah, a lot of people are asking me that.
Well, first of all, I just.
Whoa.
Well, so far.
Yeah, okay.
So, I got a text from you saying you want to be a ghost on Office Hours, right?
And I say, yeah, that sounds batshit crazy, but I'm down.
And I, one time you have me dressed up like a leprechaun on YouTube.
And now, yeah, I look as pale as a, I look as pale as a ghost.
And I look, I look, to be honest, I look like a guy who's trapped in a, you
ever try to put
on those fitted sheets?
You ever, I look like I'm trapped in a fitted sheet.
I, just a.
I don't know.
A glorified bozo.
I cannot believe you.
So you don't want to be the ghost?
Not exactly.
Do I look like I'm happy right now, Tim?
I can't see your face.
Right.
Should ghosts be happy?
What are you, Casper, the friendly ghost?
Come on, man.
This sucks.
By the way, I was listening to that, uh, The Daily, you know?
And they have, sometimes they don't have the main guy, Marky, Mikey Barbaro.
Mikey Barbaro.
And I swear to God, they just have, like you guys have, I think they've got
drops of Barbaro.
Yeah.
Because there's some guy talking.
Well, do you notice that the.
And then, like, every once in a while, the, like, the, hmm, comes in, like,
doesn't sound
like the guy that's, like, hosting.
The replacements for him, always, they mimic his style.
But now I'm wondering if they're just, I just wonder if they're just doing what
you guys
do, which is add drop.
That's all I know.
Okay.
Still wondering who's behind our crocodile?
Let's take a caller and see if they can guess.
Richard Paul Hogan.
Let's see, um, Gig Tapes.
Our friend's Gig Tapes.
Oh, Gig Tapes.
You got a guess for the, uh, crocodile?
Uh, I'm gonna guess Brian Wilson, maybe, in there.
Good guess.
Wouldn't it be, wouldn't it be nice?
No.
Good guess.
Or, uh, Elton John, Crocodile Rock.
That's a hint.
Is it Elton?
I didn't get, I don't know if I'm clear on this.
It's not Elton, is it?
Are you Elton John?
I'm not Elton.
Okay.
Oh, man.
I was pretty sure, but that's not, let me properly introduce the show.
Because I feel like, is it Mike Campbell from the, uh, the Mike Campbell and
the Dirty
Knobs?
Chaka, chaka, chaka, chaka, chaka.
It's not, it's not Mike Campbell.
What did you play in the, in the show?
Uh, that would, that would give it away.
No, it wouldn't.
What?
Believe me, it wouldn't.
I played drums.
Okay.
You want to take another guess?
Alex Van Halen.
It's Alex Van Halen.
Gigtapes, you got another guess?
Uh, Gene Krupa.
Hi, Gene.
Hal Blaine.
Ringo.
Peace and love.
Danny Taylor.
Ringo.
Ah, should have known with the peace sign.
Yeah, the peace sign.
Josh Freese.
Ringo?
Not Ringo.
Oh, no.
He's doing it.
Somebody, I think somebody's got it.
Hold on.
Gigtapes, hold the wire.
Wake up.
Uh, wake up.
Mark.
Let's see if Mark.
Come on, Mark.
Are you there?
Wake up.
Wake up.
Mark, what do you got?
Wake up.
Eric Slick.
Wake up.
Huh?
Is it Eric Slick