Name: Bobcat Goldthwait (Office Hours Live Ep 233)
Uploaded: 2023-01-05T20:51:49.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobcat Goldthwait (Office Hours Live Ep 233)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bobcat Goldthwait (Office Hours Live Ep 233)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-01-05. Transcript available.

Bobcat Goldthwait (Office Hours Live Ep 233)

Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Happy New Year!
There we go.
Happy New Year.
It's Thursday.
Back to our regularly scheduled time.
Thursday, January 5th.
One day away from the great anniversary, American anniversary, January 6th.
We are in the year 2023, and we are back.
The show just can't be about talking about numbers.
Oh, boy.
Is this going to be how the year goes?
It's going to be.
I'm marron.
One, two, three.
All right.
Let's get things straight.
We are back.
The Trinity's here.
Last time we were here, we were all here, right?
There was that weird...
There was no Vic-
Vic-less.
No.
Was there a Vic-less?
Was I Vic-less one time?
Well, let's just...
I don't remember.
There was the Christmas special.
I was here for that.
That was the last thing we did.
Oh, okay.
Okay, yeah, so I was here for it.
I didn't miss anything.
Christmas semi-special.
Anyway, good horning.
Anyways, DJ Doug Pound is here.
Try that again.
Good horning.
Vic Berger IV.
What's up, everybody?
That sucked.
That sucked.
I practiced that this morning a little bit.
That sucked.
You practiced it, huh?
In my head.
In my head, but I didn't actually do it.
Captain Carlin is down under.
What time is it down under?
You know, just...
Look at you, Vic.
Oh, I'm trying to think.
I have no idea.
He's just like looking out.
10 p.m. it is.
Captain Carlin at 10 p.m.
Maybe he's watching?
You know where your children are.
He's been off the grid.
He's down there looking at the Sydney Opera House and everything.
He's in the bush.
He's in the bush in the outback.
It's 5.02 a.m.
So he's not watching.
Yeah, he's not up.
He's having a walkabout.
His wife announced last year they were going to Australia for like three weeks.
It's like, man, there's shit going on here, bro.
It's about work.
It's not about having fun.
It's about working and doing the best job we can do.
But we're going to carry on with Brett.
Brett's forever dog is here.
Hey, glad to be here, guys.
Glad to be here.
What a breath of fresh air you are.
Thank you.
To be here.
A Brett of fresh air.
A Brett of fresh air.
And in the studio, we shall not delay any longer.
We shall not procrastinate this or prolong his introduction.
One of the greats.
Wow.
One of the greats.
An absolute legend and icon.
Certainly.
And I hope you don't...
This doesn't make you feel old or anything.
It should.
It's one of my foundational comedy heroes.
Wow.
Please welcome back from the grave, Gilbert Godfrey.
Gilbert.
Oh, my goodness.
We've got Bob...
Yeah, my peers are dropping like flies this year.
We've got to go through that.
Yeah.
We've got Gilbert and...
Saget.
Saget.
So there's blood and cum and...
Oh, gee.
His legacy.
Norm.
Norm.
Louie Anderson.
Judy Tenuta.
All the...
Judy Tenuta.
Yeah, yeah.
When...
Bobcat Goldwaist.
Yes, here I am.
Bob Scratch...
Bob Scratch Goldfarg.
Still alive.
Still alive.
Unbelievably.
Yeah.
Who's dead from the police academy crew?
Oh, the whole gang.
No.
No, Goody's still alive.
Goody.
But we dropped like flies.
Bubba Smith?
Yeah, Bubba's gone.
Tackleberry?
Tackleberry's gone.
Really?
Yeah, that's like...
Hightower?
Yeah, that's Bubba.
That's Hightower.
Yeah.
So, but...
Because I...
I mean, I don't want to be hacky, but I do tell this story, but it's true.
I got ambushed by TMZ, right?
And they go...
On your way here.
On the way here.
No, I'm sorry I was late.
I was doing Taint and Teabag.
I had a...
I got double booked this morning, so I'm doing the Media Blitz.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
You've got a lot of engagements.
A lot to promote.
Yeah, they were not going to let me go.
I told their producer fart that I had to get right over.
That's the 7 a.m. drive time show, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Century City.
So, I just made it in time.
So, TMZ ambushes me, you know, and they try to say something that they think is
going to
make you snap, so they have footage of you looking like a...
A jerk, yeah.
Yeah.
So, this kid goes, he goes, hey, Bobcat, they're rebooting Police Academy.
Don't you think the original cast should be in it?
And I was like, no.
No.
And they go, why not?
I go, because a lot of us are dead.
And then I said, if you're going to reboot it, you should do it.
They did the 21 Jump Street and make it a comedy this time.
Oh, snap!
Holy shoot!
By the way, that made the broadcast.
Really?
But the next one, I go, I don't know if it's a really good time to be making
wacky movies
about the police.
No.
And this dumb kid's like, why?
I go, because they're killing civilians.
Watch of the news.
Yeah.
But that didn't make that...
Maybe read the papers.
You guys know about ACAB?
Wait, is that it?
That's it.
The ACAB theme?
No, the theme song from the Police Academy.
It's in my head.
It's John Williams, right?
John Williams?
No, it's Elmer Bernstein?
Yes, it is.
Get down.
The guy...
Because it's really close to the animal house.
I learned that because I was trying to watch Police Academy when I was sick.
Oh, do you have that...
I'll have to try to find it.
You have to find it.
I'll have to find it.
This is the funniest shit I've ever seen.
I was trying.
What's the...
What are you getting...
It's not Glass Onion.
No.
Is the plot losing you?
No, no, no, no.
I'm so confused.
Tell the story.
Yeah, so we were on tour, and for my 40th birthday, I got very sick.
I got a COVID, and I had to stay off the tour for a while, and I was stuck in...
I don't even know where it was.
Kansas City or something?
Kansas City, I think it was.
The Holiday Inn, their Wi-Fi was so shitty, and even just for TV.
So I put on Police Academy, like, this is going to make me feel good.
Now, is it on your computer or on the TV?
No, it's on the TV.
On the TV.
And it would play for like three minutes, and then it would get real shitty,
and then it would just pause.
So sometimes it would stop on Mahoney's face.
Yeah, so you show the picture that you sent us.
I have to find it.
I don't know where.
Three minutes, and then it would get shitty?
You had a longer run than most of us watched at Police Academy.
But I remember, that's how I learned Elmer Bernstein, you know, wrote the music.
He's like, it's amazing.
Well, let's just get into it.
Yeah, okay.
Enough about Police Academy.
Well, no, no.
I'm saying, now we're going to talk...
Now we're getting into it.
I know.
If we're going to talk about Police Academy, let's talk about Police Academy.
Yeah.
What do you need to know?
Well, my personal experience with it was, I'll tell you.
First one, I'm too young for Police Academy 1.
It's like an R-rated movie that's on HBO that I'm not allowed to watch.
And I don't even think the first one's all that great.
I...
Were you a...
I don't think...
I'm not even...
I'm kidding.
You don't think any of them are...
No, no, I don't want to get into it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I can't, but...
I didn't...
I never saw the first one when I was recruited to do PA2.
PA2.
You know what I found the other day was...
I've got my...
Well, my daughter did this to me, too.
I was at Sundance.
You can play the drop of me screaming.
One of my films was at Sundance.
Yeah, yeah.
Because you're a serious director, man.
I've made a lot of movies.
My movies make hundreds of dollars.
So...
And my daughter shows up.
Like, I had some premiere at Sundance,
and she gave me my, you know, my wrap jacket,
the satin Police Academy 2 wrap gift.
Oh, nice.
Yeah, it was so good.
Well, how did she get it?
She's a costume designer, so she's got ways.
She found it.
Yeah, and so she gave it to me just as I'm about to go up.
Oh, my God.
And I wore it.
You can't ever let that go.
No.
No, it's part of who you are.
It's got to go right to...
So you never saw the first one.
No, but maybe I will go over to Vicks
and watch it three minutes at a time.
Is it Commandeur Lissard?
Lissard?
Lissard, yeah.
Now, here's why...
Lissard's gone, right?
Oh, man.
Here's why you watch the Police Academy movies.
Can you watch two without seeing one?
Yeah, you can.
No, I just...
I mean, it's a little confusing.
It gets...
Yeah, you're...
You play the leader of this gang.
I mean, this is a tough...
Zed.
He's nuts.
Yeah, he's nuts.
Your character's nuts.
Yeah.
Psychotic.
Yes.
I don't know why you have a following.
I mean, who are these people?
Yeah.
You know what also...
It reminds me of...
I had everybody get tattoos of my name.
It really...
You weren't in the Dragnet movie, right?
No.
Because there's a similar...
Yeah, it's the same gang.
Same...
Same...
Apocalyptic, Mad Max, punk...
Fauxhawk, punk, you know...
And you know how much I would cringe when they got the streaks and tips out to
make punk rockers?
Yeah, because you knew that.
I mean, you knew that world.
Yeah, that was my world.
And I was like, oh, I hope they're going to kick me out.
It's like in Star Trek IV when Spock...
I hope Jello doesn't see this.
Yeah, I know.
You lose all cred right away.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was picturing in Star Trek IV, if you remember, when Spock gets on this bus
and there's like the guy with the spikes in his hair.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he's playing this song.
That song is awesome.
And I think he goes, I hate you!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But Savage Steve Holland went with the spike in One Crazy Summer.
Oh, yeah.
And the character falls into the water and comes up with a fish on his spike.
So wait, I forgot about...
Sorry, I'm all over the place.
No, I love that movie.
So Police Academy, and I'm in it.
And if I make fun of it, the people that have childhood memories, they get
upset.
Of course.
Well, it's not like it's gone with the wind or anything.
We know what it is.
We know what it's supposed to be.
For guys like us, we grew up watching that.
It's like our favorite thing.
What I wanted to say was the things you want to watch it for are the pranks on
Lessard.
Right.
The Gutenberg pranks on Lessard.
All right.
Are like kind of what you can't wait for.
So you get the glue and the soap.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's great.
Sure.
And then Winslow.
Yeah.
I was wondering, now you're not in the writer's room when they're doing these
movies.
No.
There's a limited amount of things that Winslow, what's his character's name?
Oh, come on, man.
Come on.
There's a limited...
What's Winslow's name?
Amount of things that...
For the amount of times it's yelled at me during stand-up shows.
I can't believe I don't know Winslow's character's name.
Poor Vic is in the weeds right now.
Larvelle Jones?
Yeah, you guys.
Oh, Larvelle Jones.
Yeah, Hooks was the...
Okay, so...
So the amount of pickles they could get out of using his sound effects...
No, but his catalog is limitless.
Right.
If you asked him to come up with something, he would do it.
They may even have just wrote stuff in and then he says,
I think a helicopter would fart like this.
But he...
And suddenly people are fooled by that.
Michael's a very sweet guy.
Yeah, we've been trying to get him on the show.
I think he would be up to do the show.
Yeah, he has a...
How do I say this?
He has a ventriloquist personality.
You know what I mean?
Like we're riffing and stuff.
And he's a guy who's got a skill set that he practiced in the mirror a lot.
Right, almost like a magician or somebody that's just very exact and precise.
I'm going to say he's the sweetest guy.
But one day we were making one of them and it's freezing cold and it's rainy.
And by the way, you guys are the real heroes for showing up today.
I just walked down the steps.
You are the hero because it rains.
And by the way, let's do a weather report.
Yeah, it's...
This show's off the rails in 2023.
We have no format, no structure.
So, it's freezing cold and we're in Toronto.
It's a mental institution that's still operating some of it.
And then we're filming in the other part.
And then we're all miserable and it's freezing cold.
And we're in the basement.
And they had a morgue even there.
We're in the basement eating.
And Michael found a dowel, you know, like inside of a paper towel.
So, he's got a hold of that.
And he's just walking around.
Now, the meal is silent.
And he's just...
And he's just...
