Name: Tim's Surprise Party w/ Bob Dylan, Pearl Charles (Office Hours Live Ep 237) (FIXED AUDIO VERSION)
Uploaded: 2023-02-03T17:50:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim's Surprise Party w/ Bob Dylan, Pearl Charles (Office Hours Live Ep 237) (FIXED AUDIO VERSION)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Tim's Surprise Party w/ Bob Dylan, Pearl Charles (Office Hours Live Ep 237) (FIXED AUDIO VERSION)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-03. Transcript available.

Tim's Surprise Party w/ Bob Dylan, Pearl Charles (Office Hours Live Ep 237) (FIXED AUDIO VERSION)

I like having fun. I like to laugh. I like to meet people who can make me laugh.
I like having fun. Yes, I like to laugh. I like having fun to meet people who
laugh.
Goal!
Good morning, good morning, nothing to say of what a day has.
Here's your boy, then. Boom!
We are back on the air live. Good morning, it's February 2nd, Groundhog Day.
And Matt, producer, Captain Carlin, has an update on the Groundhog Day
situation.
Matt, real quick.
Goal as shadow, a lot more winter coming your way.
How come?
Oh my God.
How come in my iCal, I use Apple products, iCal is my calendar.
It's how I keep my life organized.
Why is Groundhog Day not listed as a holiday?
Why don't we have today off because of groundhogs?
Oh.
A quick note for our tech whiz, Wes.
Wes, I'm not seeing anything on my monitor here, just so you know if something
needs to be read.
Oh, there she is.
It needs to be a national holiday.
What also needs to be a national holiday is...
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
We are at the Tim Heidecker's 47th birthday eve, folks.
We should have moved the show to tomorrow and make this more...
Because now it's annoying.
People are sending me happy birthday wishes and they really should be doing
that tomorrow.
I don't like this whole...
Just make it a day.
But we're going to make today special.
I have no idea what's going to happen.
What's going to be a big surprise for you.
It's always a big surprise for you.
You don't get the script ahead of time.
For Tim's a jolly good fellow.
He's a jolly good fellow.
So let me introduce...
Hi, Timmy.
Happy birthday.
The boys behind me causing me trouble now for over...
Well, Doug's been causing me trouble.
Boy, it's got to be over 20 years now.
Since you're in your 20s.
Actually, 20 years.
Is that true?
Well, almost 20...
Speak up.
You're mumbling.
Good horning.
What are you, uh...
Are you Gen X back there?
Slacker?
Losing my voice.
Are you sick?
Are you sick?
Huh?
You got a little cold?
No, not at all.
Healthy as a horse.
And a newer person in my life.
But now it's been years as well.
2015, 13, 14...
13, 13, believe it or not.
Mr. Victor Berger IV.
What's crackin'?
Fresh.
I worked on that last night.
Fresh from the set of, uh...
Rifkin's Festival.
What's crackin'?
Can I give you a note on what's crackin'?
Or quick...
You should add an egg frying to the oven.
Shit, that would be great.
That would be...
But I was thinking...
Let's do our notes off air.
I was thinking, like, nuts, though.
Like, let's get nuts!
What's crackin'?
You know what I mean?
That kind of thing.
Yeah, I like that.
And, of course, Captain Carlin,
who I've known the longest
since, I'm gonna say, 2000.
The year 2000.
Maybe 1999.
Happy birthday, old friend.
Thank you, old friend.
One of the greats.
Matt, I'll tell you,
we haven't changed.
I don't know if that's a good thing
or a bad thing, folks.
I was giggling a lot.
Captain Carlin?
And you're...
I've known many of you out there
for many years now,
and I value your support.
Not so much your friendship.
Let's be just frank.
Support on!
Happy birthday.
But I know you've got my back
in hell.
What the hell?
I got your back.
Happy birthday to you.
A little bit of business here.
We've got the Patreon.
Patreon.com slash Office Hours Live
is humming.
Lots of opportunities there
for you to become a member.
There you go.
Happy birthday, champion.
That's the second half of the show.
We'll be patrons only
unless you're watching live,
and we welcome you.
We hope you're doing good out there.
I know it's cold
in a lot of parts of the country.
Loads of weather issues.
And it's a bit chilly here, too.
Thank you, Frank.
We got some other stuff
that I know about today.
I tell you what.
So Victor Berger,
late to the party on this,
but I'm glad he showed up,
went down what I would consider
a deep, dark sci-tai rabbit hole
the past few days.
And our text thread
has been absolutely bombarded
with Scientology gold.
I know.
I feel bad every time I send it,
but I'm just like so into it.
I go on these long walks,
and I listen to his lectures.
He says nothing.
Yeah, LRH says nothing at all.
Give me a sample of LRH.
All right, let me see here.
Nick Berger.
Ready?
Well done, Vic.
Oh, my God.
Touch it again, and touch it again,
and touch it again,
and touch it again.
Christ almighty.
What a whack job that guy was.
Started a whole religion.
Yeah.
He kind of has Neil Hamburger vibes.
He does, totally, totally.
Wine.
Well, there goes it.
Oh, Christ almighty.
He was a drunkard, wasn't he?
I don't know if he was.
I don't know.
He's demented on his own
without the drinking.
He's a true demented man.
But he's fascinating.
I also want to thank
Lyle the therapy gecko,
who was on our show
a few months ago.
I went over and did his show
last night on the Twitch network,
and I believe that's available everywhere.
But boy, that's a good show he's got,
I have to say.
It's a bit of a pain.
Right.
What do you think of that Twitch, though?
Do you like it?
No, I don't.
No?
I don't.
I don't engage with it.
I don't play around on that site.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sometimes I watch Best Show on it.
Yeah, you can do that.
That's worth it.
You can do that.
But yeah, it was pretty cool.
It was the only pain in the ass
of the whole thing
was it was out there,
if you're not familiar
with the L.A. Basin,
this area that we live in.
She's over,
he's over there,
and it's over there.
Or an animal.
I guess an animal
can have a gender.
Out there,
Marina del Rey.
Do you believe that?
Mm-hmm.
And my call time
to get going
and getting the makeup
over there
has got to be,
it was at 5.30, man.
What's he doing?
Is he at p.m.?
Oh, p.m.
Which is worse.
That's worse.
Does he go sailing out there?
What's he living out there for?
I don't know.
There's a lot of tech out there.
You know what I mean?
Like, oh, is that what it is?
Okay.
There's tech everywhere.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, well.
There's tech here.
He's got a nice little
simple setup over there,
but man,
I'm talking traffic
and weather today, folks,
but it is a broken system here.
Should be,
on the way back,
it was like 8 o'clock,
it was a smooth ride.
About a half hour or so.
Beam.
Not bad at all.
But getting there,
over an hour,
slogging through downtown.
And I've got this new problem
in my life.
It's been a few months now,
I may have mentioned it,
but I've got some
upper back,
upper back issues,
you know?
Upper back,
neck issue
that is not too bad,
but almost immediately
kicks in when I'm driving.
Certain position I'm in,
I don't know what it is,
but as soon as I get in my car,
about two minutes later,
I'm going,
and then I'm like,
holy shit.
Tim, they got to sit in the car
for an hour
with this pain,
searing pain.
You got to get these new,
they make these standing cars
where you can stand.
I would,
see?
I prefer standing.
It's kind of like a standing desk
standing in your car.
Do they have,
does anybody,
does that exist?
I know it doesn't,
I know you're joking.
It doesn't,
but it should,
right?
Why not?
It could just be strapped in
against a wall.
You know?
Well,
let's say good morning
to somebody,
man,
I don't care who,
you just throw them in my face
and we will engage
because this is what
this community is about.
Yeah,
let's say hi
to our old friend,
Annie Sway.
You got something today?
Sway?
Oh my God,
hello.
I can't feel it
in my home.
Well,
Tim,
did you at least
have a good day on set
despite the super early
call time?
Well,
you weren't listening.
It was late.
It was 5.30 p.m.
Okay,
sorry,
I thought you said a.m.
No,
I've done that before,
believe me,
you get that five o'clock
call time for a TV show
and you gotta
wake up at four,
go leave your house
and dead at night,
dark,
still seeing the stars,
sitting in a makeup chair,
get all done up.
Well,
who am I to complain?
What a gift,
what a life.
Tim,
I heard Puxatoni
saw his five o'clock shadow.
Thank you,
Doug.
So Annie,
how can I help you today?
I want to know
if anyone has tips
on a chap lips.
I feel like
some chapsticks
I use
and they just
make my lips worse.
Like I've got
this horrible scab.
Oh,
right here,
Burt's Bees.
Burt's Bees.
No,
Burt's Bees
don't do it for you?
You gotta try
Burt's Worms.
He's got these new
these new stuff.
Burt's Worms.
Burt's Worms.
How about Burt's C's?
How about Burt's Ernie's?
I wish I had tips for that.
I've heard good things
about that coconut oil.
A little coconut oil
on them lips?
Or even olive oil
or castor oil.
Loder oil.
Pluck the Vaseline
all over that, right?
Do you drool on the bed
face down
or you do face up?
I would say
I'm at like
a 45 degree angle.
Okay.
I feel like
sometimes that has
something to do with it
when your mouth is like...
Are you chewing
on your lip or something?
How does it get
like that painful?
Like what happened?
No,
I was like using
a really good brand
like lip balm
and then I woke up
and I was like
what the freak is it?
Oh, God.
Maybe it's a cold sore.
Or maybe it's a spider
or maybe it's a herpes.
I mean,
I don't think that's likely
based on, you know,
my recent track record
but I'm going to say
and I'll pour back
and I'll pour back
on that.
Okay.
Yeah,
I'll tell you
that it is,
it is,
you're in,
you're in Southern California,
is that right?
You're in L.A.?
Yep.
It is,
it's dry here.
It's dry.
It's dry.
A little humidifier
going on,
right?
Nothing wrong with that.
That's right.
All right,
Annie,
that's all we can do.
I don't have anything else
to report.
Let's get ahead
of the schedule today
and do our...
Actually,
don't lick your lips.
That's another thing
they say to not do.
But what if you're hungry
and you see some ribs?
I mean,
we already got sauce
in your lips left over.
I'd love to interrupt
but we have a VIP caller
who just came in
on the hotline.
All right.
Are you there,
sir?
Are you there
on the hotline?
Hello?
Am I talking to...
Who do I have
on the phone here?
Who's this?
Hello?
This is Bob Dylan,
greatest singer-songwriter
in the world.
Oh, my...
Mr. Dylan.
That's awesome.
Mr. Dylan,
I'm calling
from Malibu, California
where all the tired
horses in the sun
are currently...
They're currently
laying down.
Oh, Mr.
Just enjoying
the wonderful
Southern California sun.
That's incredible, Bob.
Well, let me just start
by saying I am a huge...
I say you're my number one
or maybe number...
I don't want to hear all that.
I don't need to hear all that.
Well...
I don't need to know
about all that.
I don't need to hear it.
I love Batman.
I apologize.
Well, it's incredible
that...
That's not that I can...
That's...
You know,
if you did such a form
and that's not that
I can self-describe.
I don't like
what other people do
and I can self-apply that
but I don't like
what other people do.
He can what?
He can self-apply that,
he says.
Well, Bob,
I saw you last year
here in L.A.
That was a terrific show.
I'm a big fan
of your latest record.
Pantages Theater.
You know,
in the corner
of the Pantages Theater,
Howard Hughes
used to maintain
an office there.
Oh, really?
Howard Hughes
had an office there
and he'd sell
all his junks
with piss
and shit
and he'd
think about
big boobies women
and draw big planes
with big wings
and women
with big boobies
and he never
never cut his nails
and...
Yes,
Howard Hughes.
Hey, Bob,
are you...
You got any...
Any new recordings
in the works?
You back at it?
You got any albums
planned for the future?
You know,
people love
when I write
a 25-minute song
that sums up
the entire generation
that I come from.
And I've done that.
I've done that already
with Murder, Mold, Foul.
Yes.
Which you might remember.
Got in the studio
with Fiona Apple,
Blake Mills,
some of the fellas.
And I recorded
some covers
of some of the great
American standards.
And I've decided
that I'm going
to be recording
a fusion
of those two styles
very soon.
And that'll be
38-minute-long versions
of Nat King Cole songs.
And I'm very excited
about that.
Wow.
Well, we'll look forward
to hearing it.
Hey, Bob,
who are some
of your contemporaries
that you just have to say,
I love them?
And I...
You know,
because you have no peers,
but who are 