Name: The Holy Trinity are AD MEN (Office Hours Ad Compilation: Vol. 2)
Uploaded: 2023-04-06T17:00:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Holy Trinity are AD MEN (Office Hours Ad Compilation: Vol. 2)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Holy Trinity are AD MEN (Office Hours Ad Compilation: Vol. 2)' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-06. Transcript available.

The Holy Trinity are AD MEN (Office Hours Ad Compilation: Vol. 2)

Music playing.
Music playing.
City of the Day, ladies and gentlemen, is brought to you by Fart Garfunkel's
Second Chance Gas Suite Elite.
Get ready to take charge of your burps and farts.
Or, sorry, ready to take charge of your burps and farts?
With Fart Garfunkel's Second Chance Gas Suite Elite system, you'll get a full
range of products that let you control your gas the way you want, when you want.
Been dreaming of the sound of silence?
Try Fart's Easy Breeze Sphincter Loosening Ring.
I didn't read this one, okay?
Try Fart's Easy Breeze Sphincter Loosening Ring.
Just insert it into your...
Just insert it into your...
And us?
Turn it on and your farts will slip out silently every time you let one rip.
Bonus, it will turn your stool into fun tube shapes.
Do you have extra stinky flatulence?
Try Fart's Mints.
Try Fart's Fints.
These suppository fart mints will make your mouth...
Will make your fart...
Will make your...
Make your foul farts minty fresh.
Also available in Peach and Passion Fart.
In it for the long haul, no problem.
Just install Fart's Fart Ta Barp.
Fart Ta Burp.
Just install Fart's Fart Ta Barp Anal Valve.
I know.
I'm very happy to be here for this one.
She loves it.
And Val...
This Fart Ta Barp...
Fart Ta Burp Anal Valve.
And instantly redirect any farts right back up to your mouth.
That's right.
The Fart Ta Burp will turn your farts into burps.
Warning.
Fart Ta Burp Burps will smell extremely foul.
Since they ran through your digestive system twice.
Fire hose vomiting may occur.
So control your farts with Fart Garfunkel's
Second Chance Gas Suite Elite.
Sold exclusively at Jiffy Lube.
Now, Abby, the Palestinian...
Our sponsor today is...
Camel Big Boy All Day Sigs.
Are you sick?
Do you smoke?
No.
No.
All right.
Should I?
It's a great way to pass the time.
If you want to start, these are some good cigs to start with.
Okay.
Aren't you sick of fast-burning cigarettes that you're constantly smoking down
to the butt,
only to light up another one?
Well, your misery is destroyed thanks to Camel Big Boy All Day Cigarettes.
These triple-wide cigs will extend your smoke break up to four times longer,
so you can say,
Sorry, boss, I'm smoking big boys now.
And you won't be able to say shit about it.
Plus, the extra diameter of the big boys will open your mouth a bit wider,
giving you that alluring, sexy vibe.
Okay.
And a bigger cig means bigger smoke.
So smoke all day with Camel All Day Big Boy Cigs.
Can I see that art?
Is there art for this?
Wes just brought it up.
Oh, my God, Wes.
Look at that.
Yeah, you can get it.
You want a full screen.
Wes is more, I'll tell you today.
Pretty good, right, T?
Oh, look at those big boys.
It's a three-pack.
Let's give them a full screen here.
How big is the pack itself?
It's a three-pack.
It's a regular-sized pack.
There's three big boys in there.
Who's smoking there?
Just the average Joe?
Camel Joe himself?
Yeah, look at his.
Oh, it's gone.
I miss Camel Joe, huh?
Poor Camel Joe.
All right.
Imagine the lack of creativity going into the Camel Joe name.
What was it going to be called?
Camel, I don't know, Camel fucking Joe.
Who cares?
City of the Day is brought to you by the Total Toe One Toe System.
Folks, you don't have, folks, don't you hate having all those little bitty
individual toes?
In this day and age, toes are totally pointless.
That's why you need the Total Toe One Toe System.
With this system, it's easy to turn all those piggies into one solid hog.
Just collect a good-sized bushel of human hair, surround your toes with it, and
add our Total Toe Fusing Gel.
Wrap with gauze, wait six weeks, and your new foot is ready to go.
Now you can say goodbye to lint and other crap getting stuck between your toes.
Plus, you'll only have one big nail per foot to trim.
Office Hours listeners, get a free sticker.
If you order in the next four minutes, just go, bye-bye, piggies.
Don't, just go to bye-bye, piggies.gel slash one toe.
What?
Can you read the, I'll let you cap it.
How would you say that ending?
Well, it was, that was the point, was to see if you could read it.
Oh.
Just go to bye-bye, piggies.gel slash one toe for me and order now.
Okay.
Dot gel.
All right, nobody wants that, I can tell you that for sure.
Are you ready for the sponsor?
Today's City of the Day is brought to you by Daddy's Double Boiled Chicken Mash.
Are you looking for an all-purpose, easy-to-prepare food for any occasion?
Well, quit looking because Daddy done did it again.
Daddy has been, Daddy has been, Daddy has been turning chicken dumpster scrapings
into delicious food for over 10 years.
Daddy done did it again.
And now his signature double-boiled chicken mash is available for all to enjoy.
Daddy don't did it again.
Daddy turns beaks, feathers, and bones into an all-purpose mash that's perfect
for spreading on soda crackers or just eating straight out of the bucket.
Daddy don't did it again.
I love the word beaks.
And buckets.
Daddy's Double Boiled does not need to be refrigerated or even heated.
Eat it however you like.
Daddy's Double Boiled Chicken Mash, available exclusively at Ace Hardware.
Next to the ball-peen hammers.
So grab yourself a bucket.
Don't did it again.
Because Daddy done did it.
Daddy done did it again.
Daddy done did it again.
That's all you, huh, Doug?
Daddy done did it again.
Yeah.
That's amazing.
That's all you.
Daddy done did it again.
That was excellent.
Daddy don't did it again.
That's a classic.
Very non-committal.
Wow.
I know.
Who's Daddy?
And also he's like, do whatever you want to with it.
You can heat it or not heat it.
He's basically saying, like, I scraped this into a bucket.
What else has Daddy done?
Right next to the, like, it feels like it would be sold.
Yeah, we got to explore what else did he do.
It would be.
I think he was friends with that Alamo guy.
I feel like it would be sold next to the sawdust you used for vomit at school.
Oh, my God.
It's like, I hated that smell.
Oh.
The City of the Day is sponsored by...
Tickle Tempers.
Tempters.
Tickle Tempters.
Like to get tickled but too afraid to ask?
Consider that problem solved with Tickle Tempters.
These stylish shirts have custom holes cut into the ticklish areas of your body.
Now it's easier than ever for fun fingers to tickle your sides, belly, and armpits.
If someone sees you wearing your Tickle Tempter, they'll know that you crave
the intoxicating thrill of an uplifting tickle.
So get ready for some giggles and check this out.
Tickle Tempters now come in pants with tickle holes in the interthigh, inner
thigh, and buttocks.
Now you can spend your entire day laughing.
Order now and Office Hours listeners get a free tube of tickling lubricant for
quicker, slicker tickles.
Just go to tickle dot hole slash probe and start laughing for once.
Eric, I'm inspired by your presence, I must say.
I'm telling you, you're on fire.
Tickle Tempters make me laugh all day.
Tickle Tempters because I like to giggle.
All right.
I spent 20 minutes on it.
I was going to say, I think the project that you use to make jingles has a lot
of the same settings.
We have a great sponsor for the city of the day, Pocket Horses by Horse Corp.
Your kids keep nagging you for a pet pony, but you just don't have the room or
the time it takes
to take care of a full-grown horse?
Do you have horses out there at Topanga Canyon?
No, I don't, no.
Well, horse...
I'm going to stable the new horse.
I only wish we had some stability here.
Well, Horse Corp has a solution, Pocket Horses.
These tiny horses are only four inches tall.
They can be bleached and dyed in any color to keep up with the trend.
Trends.
Plus, they live up to seven days.
Plus, they live up to seven days.
And they're easy to bury.
What the hell is this?
I did not read this, I'll admit.
They're easy to bury.
Horse Corp.
Yeah.
Let's face it, kids are only interested in pets for a week anyway.
Then it's off to the next toy or video game that they'll be obsessed with.
And if your kid does want more, she can sign up for the Horse Force weekly
horse subscription
and get a fresh horse delivered every seven days.
That's what my daughter did.
And her favorite part...
This is like a phonetic situation here.
That's what my daughter did.
And her favorite part is actually the burials.
Wow.
So, hey.
What are you waiting for?
It behooves you to call Horse Corp today.
Our stable managers are standing by.
No information on how to get that horse.
We assume we go to pockethorses.horse.
Okay, gotta Google it.
Google it.
They don't have their sites offline right now.
This, I believe, is one of Doug's great works of art here.
This new one.
I think this is just an elegant piece of beautiful writing here.
Office Hours City of the Day is brought to you by the Pumpkin Patch.
Pumpkin Spice Latte Season is here.
And if you're like millions of Americans,
you'll be sucking down that delicious beverage every day for the next month.
But what are you going to do when November rolls around and you need your fix?
Not a problem with the Pumpkin Patch.
The Pumpkin Patch is similar to a nicotine patch,
but this one delivers 21 milligrams of spicy pumpkin flavor right through your
skin.
Now you don't have to go cold turkey when it's time for hot turkey.
In fact, you can use this patch.
You can use the patch all year long and no one will know nothing
because the Pumpkin Patch is discreet.
And if 21 milligrams isn't strong enough,
we also offer the Pumpkin Kit,
which includes pumpkin spice powder, a spoon, a lighter,
and a reusable tie-off strap.
Jesus.
So go to phillipmorris.com.
Okay.
Slash pumpkin junkie and try the patch today.
Now I think that's pretty smooth.
That's pretty clever.
I thought it was funny.
It was interesting because I was doing ha-has,
but I didn't really,
I felt it was very funny,
but you know sometimes we just absorb it.
You don't have to,
that's not a laugh out loud funny.
It's just an appreciation of the-
Maybe you're on the laugh patch.
Yeah.
I loved, I mean,
I love Doug.
I consider him one of the top geniuses.
Comedy minds.
Comedy minds out there.
Diarrhea is a big problem for guys who live the rock and roll lifestyle,
right, Josh?
Especially if you're at the music venue and you need to use a public toilet.
That's why legendary guitarist Mark Knopfler invented Diarrhea Straights,
the diarrhea solution for cool guys.
This portable tube attaches to your ace,
your arse,
your ass,
and it goes deep into the water.
So you have no loud sounds,
no splashes.
Don't worry,
your leather pants will be looking great all night.
Yeah,
we do the plop of life.
You want to take two on that?
Hey,
we do the plop of life.
And the plastic tube is long,
so your emissions will be...
So far away from me.
Plus,
Diarrhea Straights comes in a portable guitar case,
so when you exit the stall,
everyone thinks you're just doing coke in there or something.
It's easy.
That ain't working.
That's the way you poo it.
So order your Diarrhea Straights today
and be a...
Sultan.
A sultan of spray.
Only available at Guitar Center and Sam Ag.
Diarrhea Straights.
How about Fanny's music?
In New York.
I practiced my Knopfler all week for that.
Sultan of spray.
Why would you be a Sultan of spray, though?
Because it's supposed to eliminate that problem.
Well, it's because you're the master of your spray.
So you're spraying...
You're diarrheing down into a tube
that goes directly underwater.
Yeah.
So there's no spraying out.
So you are spraying,
but it's condensed
and sort of sends it down into the water.
I like it.
All right.
And today's City of the Day
is sponsored by
DD's Clean Pinch Silk Milk.
Are you sick of doing a tube
and wiping a 20?
Does your pocketbook hate you
for buying roll after roll of toilet paper?
Well, now, you never have to wipe again
with DD's Clean Pinch Silk Milk.
Just drink a glass of this revolutionary liquid
after every meal
and your fecal movements
will be wrapped in beautiful
silk cocoons
that will slip gently
like buttery dumplings
from your backside.
The best part?
No wiping ne