Name: Return of the Holy Trinity - Office Hours Live Ep 245
Uploaded: 2023-04-13T18:13:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Return of the Holy Trinity - Office Hours Live Ep 245' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Return of the Holy Trinity - Office Hours Live Ep 245' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-13. Transcript available.

Return of the Holy Trinity - Office Hours Live Ep 245

I'm not sure grinning, I'm not sure.
But no, happy to be home.
It is April 13th.
And it's a little misty out, a little drizzly.
Getting some late, early spring rain here.
A little chilly, though.
Nice little beautiful out there, actually.
Happy to be home.
Happy to be home.
Whoa, we are getting immediate technical difficulties.
And I am not surprised.
Because when I take leave...
What's the diff?
I hear a little delay.
Yeah, I don't know where it's coming.
Of course you don't.
Oh, that's me.
Oh, Doug.
Doug's new instant drops.
It's been, you know, I...
It's been a little rusty.
It's been a while.
Calm down.
Everybody take a chill peel.
Oh, stop.
Oh my goodness.
What is this?
2018?
That's a reference to the early days of Office Hours, the show I began.
So independently.
I had no studios supporting me.
I had no corporate sponsors.
I had nothing.
I had my wit, my intellect, my gumption.
And that's it, folks.
And Facebook Live.
And Skype.
Remember Skype?
We all remember Skype.
No one uses Skype anymore.
Poor Skype.
They blew it.
Zoom came in.
Zoomed in.
Discord for a minute, right?
Discord earlier.
There was a Discord period.
We had some assistance from podcast companies that turned out to be fraudulent.
Oh, yes.
One of your Earth emotions.
And then, of course, Victor and Doug came in, and then Matt came in, and Wes
and Luke and
everybody stepped up.
But they're not stepping up quite high enough to my level.
And if I could turn back time, I would find a way to get on Team Coco.
Be part of that podcast scene.
I want to be on Team Coco.
What does Team Coco have then?
I don't know.
I'm just riffing, and that's what I do best.
Is that what Conan does now?
He's a podcaster?
Yes.
On Team Coco?
He's right there.
Every day.
Do you listen to him?
I don't listen to anything except my audio book on the Hitler.
The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich.
You are reading to Hitler these days.
And my hardcore history, and the podcast that lauds the On Cinema world greatly.
On tour, you were so happy to be in the city that, at the time you were reading
about,
was taken over by Hitler.
I was not happy.
I was fascinated.
Well, I mean, you're excited about it.
I was fascinated.
Amsterdam, yeah.
But anyway, let's begin the show.
I am happy to be back live here.
And thank you to Matt and Doug, and Neil Hamburger, and Brent Weinbach.
And who else?
Laura Weinbach.
And who?
Brent's sister, Laura.
Oh, yes.
Lizzie Cooperman.
Lizzie Cooperman.
Everybody who held down the fort.
George Clanton.
George Clanton rocked out.
George Clooney.
And so, and you guys for sticking with us and understanding.
By the way, if you're watching this on YouTube, on Tim Heidecker's YouTube
channel, it's been a very confusing week for me to understand what's happening.
But we are now porting the show to youtube.com/officehourslive.
So make sure you just click over there.
And, but of course, your first stop ought to be patreon.com/officehourslive.
That's going to have all the info you need.
You can support the show and get all sorts of goodies.
I'm going to be sending a Halloween candy basket out in the mail to two lucky
patrons this weekend.
I'm going to go down to the post office and make sure that happens.
Last year's Halloween candy.
Last year's Snickers.
Uh, good morning Doug.
Oh, uh, oh shoot.
Good.
Alright, good morning Vic.
Good horny.
And, why don't we do this Matt?
Why don't we jump?
We're ready.
First of all, if you're watching the Instagram live experience this morning.
Let's get cracking.
You got the news that we have redesigned the studio.
And you might, the thing, the beauty of it is, you might not even notice.
If I didn't say anything, you might have said, I don't, just like a regular old
Thursday over at the office hours HQ.
But, what we've done, strangely, for reasons that escape me, we have shifted,
what do you say, 15 degrees?
What's the, uh, maybe 20?
25?
25?
We're now this way.
So normally, the shows, I would be here.
Beautifully symmetrical with the room.
Now I'm this way.
Good luck!
Fuck it!
But the big, the reason, one of the big reasons.
You're doing it for the people watching.
Yes.
I mean, they're into it.
Mounted cameras now instead of the big old tripods that everyone trips over.
Where's that Vic Vision camera?
Hmm.
Canadian mounted cameras.
Give 'em a taste.
Let's do this.
Don't expect no kiss from me, liver.
Okay, we're going to Vic Vision right now, live.
This is, this is my view, everybody.
So this is nice.
And cut.
Then I see this.
But then, all I have to do is turn left, and what am I seeing?
He's staring at me.
Hey, Matt Carlin.
Right here.
So this is my look.
I'll be doing a drop, like a...
A what?
Ellen.
Alright.
I don't know how to prove it or not, if it's funny.
Now we've done these shows before.
This is another guest-free office hours experience.
So don't expect fucking Robert Bounty Jr. to walk in here.
Or Eric Bana, who played...
Don't expect no kiss from me, liver lips.
Hulk.
Right?
Eric Bana.
Or, you know, fucking whoever.
R.E.M.
Hey guys, it's Jeremy Rader.
Imagine us getting R.E.M.
That's just a twist I did not expect.
Michael Stipe.
Michael Stipe.
Oh, that'd be a get.
I like, I just, I just started following him on Instagram.
I noticed that.
You noticed that?
You got an alert?
I follow him, but no.
You go to his?
No.
And check who he's following?
No.
He was posting something.
It was one of his close-up selfies again.
I think he liked it.
I love Michael Stipe.
I love R.E.M.
Do you have his close-up selfies?
He does close-up selfies?
There's a lot of those in there.
What a, you know, pure person, I think.
Pure.
That's what I look for in people.
Purity.
What a pure narcissist with his close-up selfies.
I know.
But we, today is about us.
It's about reunions.
It's about sharing tales from the road, catching up.
Yo, this fucking guy is insane, yo.
Let's take a Zoomer to welcome and just say, hey, because it's about you too.
It's about not you too, the band.
Jay Joint.
You look like a shout fellow.
Hey, can you hear me?
Very clear.
Very clear.
Yes, sir.
Oh, great.
I have a story, Tim.
I don't expect you to believe it, but it's true.
All righty then.
Can I get our friend up here on my monitor?
And I'm not going to sue you, so don't worry.
It was a badge of honor.
Tim and Eric Tour, I think it was 2019.
You're in Washington, D.C.
I was in the front row.
That would have been 2020, friend.
2020.
I was in the front row, and you jumped off the stage to yell at someone for
filming,
and you straddled me like a stripper.
Nice.
It was amazing.
Gave you a little lap dance?
Yeah, you also stepped on my foot.
And a couple of weeks later, after some reoccurring pain, I found out my pinky
toe had a hairline fracture in it.
Oh.
So, you know, thank you for that.
Well, there's nothing you can do about a little pinky break.
I mean, I used to get those all the time as a kid.
I'd be walking around.
I'd walk right into the door.
But also, I would say, for you and Vic, I was at the Washington D.C. concert.
Yes.
And we rushed the stage.
And I don't know if you remember that.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
It was amazing.
There was something happening.
That night.
You know, it's crazy.
That night, something weird was going on.
Because, first of all, I might have told this story, but we didn't know this
venue.
It was a new venue.
We walked in and we were like, this is kind of neat.
It's kind of weird.
It's kind of new.
It turns out it was a church.
It was like one of these, like, Pastor Charlie, Prophet Charlie Champ kind of
churches.
Like, young, new, hip church.
And also, his book was everywhere.
Yeah.
I didn't see any Bibles, but yeah, that minister.
Yeah, this guy had all these religious books everywhere.
Yeah.
So it was this weird, but it was a nice room.
Because sitting there in a concert in your seat is the worst.
So I was glad everybody ran up there.
Yeah.
We ran up.
And that night, for some reason, the power of my music.
The power of God was in the room, which is also synonymous with my music.
That's all I have to say.
Excuse me.
When people talk about the power of God, they're also talking about the power
of my music.
You understand?
These are synonymous.
But yeah, everyone came rushing.
And I want more people to do that when we tour the United--
When we tour the United States again this summer.
Which is the big news.
Tim Heidecker's "The Two Timms" returns to America, hitting all the cities we--
I'll be there.
Where are you going to go?
Did you look at the dates?
I think I saw Philly.
So we'll probably take the chance.
Well, you saw the wrong--
Because we're not going to Philly.
Oh, no.
But New Jersey.
Oh, you're not coming to D.C.
So I remember there was a couple spots around that I was thinking about going.
Let me get this straight.
This is important.
You saw the show last year, and you want to come again.
Yes.
You were satisfied.
It was awesome.
I mean, the stand-up comedy was great, but the music was much better.
There we go.
I mean, the comedy's terrible.
That's a great fucking record.
Nobody fucks with the Jesus.
This is what I want to make a point about.
Vic, let me know if I'm wrong.
I can correct you if I have to.
I have received zero complaints about the show.
That's right.
Does anyone come to you and say, hey, man, I was kind of disappointed.
I was expecting something else.
I've only heard the opposite, I have to say.
It's a complaint-free show.
Either they're being very nice or they legitimately love us.
I would hear immediately if there was dissatisfaction with the show.
I would get it in a second.
Where?
On Twitter, on messages.
Or the room would empty out.
Sure.
People would just leave.
There are no empty rooms.
But I've taken my wife to a couple of Tim and Eric tour shows and she doesn't
get it.
So she's like, I mean, yeah, I guess it was funny.
But she went to that with me and she went a lot.
See that?
She walks away.
You're an entertaining guy.
Let's clip that out and start using local television advertising dollars to get
the message out.
I had a woman flying from Copenhagen to Amsterdam sitting next to this lovely
woman.
I can't tell you what her age is, but let me just say this.
She had a 19-year-old daughter sitting behind her.
So, unless, you know, she was in her mid-50s or 60 or something.
And we got to talking.
Of course I'm very cordial.
I'm very, I'm not one of these guys that just shuts down on a plane.
I engage.
I love Batman.
That's what I start with.
I'm sitting next to people.
So you'll come back from first class back to coach?
No, I was coaching it all the way, Doug.
You coached it.
And I sat next to this woman.
And that's the first thing I say, say, I love Batman.
And sometimes they shut me down.
And let the silence go.
Sometimes they go, they smile and nod and then go back to their book.
But in this case, she engaged.
And, you know, these, these fucking, uh, I'm going to give you a kiss after swallowing
you.
Just let it slide down your throat.
All right.
These, uh, Scandinavians couldn't be nicer people.
They're, they have this, uh, kind of, um, very healthy confidence about
themselves.
You know what I mean, Vic?
I do.
I do.
we are very rich people as a nation we we are very happy and there's no
problems so and i think they
can afford to be overly like honest about yes too but anyways this woman was
curious about what we
were all doing and i was telling her about the show and i you know this is not
your your typical
tim head sitting next to me this is a serious woman sucky sucky lovey lovey and
we got i said
oh we're playing at this place in amsterdam and uh boy you know and she said oh
i'd love to see it
i'd love to take my daughter to this show she didn't sound like that in my head
she did
uh and i go of course here's you know what's your name i'll put you on the list
bing bang boom again knowing that is she gonna be turned off by the whole thing
i did prep her i said
listen the first half the stand-up character is intentionally bad that's nuts
that's the joke
because okay i understa