Name: (I'm Proud Of My) National Guard
Uploaded: 2025-10-16T05:31:56.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '(I'm Proud Of My) National Guard' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '(I'm Proud Of My) National Guard' from Tim Heidecker on Comedy Buff. Published 2025-10-16. Transcript available.

Look at them marching, all in formation Look at them standing and amblin'
around
They got the beanbag gun, tear gassed by the ton They're gonna roll right into
your town
They may be a bit big in the middle I hope they can't squeeze in those tanks
They're gonna liberate all of the people. I want to stand up and give them
thanks. I'm proud of my National Guard. I'm proud of my National Guard. I'm
proud of my National Guard.
They come from Houston. They come from Dallas. From San Antonio. They're
heading west. They're heading north. Taking back Portland and Chicago.
They're storming up the beaches of Lake Michigan. Where the enemy's got a real
strong hood. Make some time for the deep dish you begin. But gotta win before
the wind turns cold.
I'm proud of my National Guard. I'm proud of my National Guard. I'm proud of my
National Guard. I gotta say it.
And over there in that hellhole Portland. Where the streets are all on fire.
With the blue haired weirdos. And the men in dresses. And the food trucks.
And it's always raining. And there's too many books at the Powell's bookstore.
Gonna have to bring the beacons. Beacons. Beacons. Fire off the hail fire. Missiles.
The black hop copters. Level it like dress names. That's what the bombs are for.
Oh, I'm proud of my National Guard. Oh, I'm proud of my National Guard. Oh, I'm
proud of my National Guard. Oh, I'm proud of my National Guard. Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah.
I'm gonna lift them motherfucking boots. I'm gonna get out of my knees. And I'm
sticking my shoes down on my ass. Woo!
Thank you.