Name: it's been a long journey, rest here while listening to a fire podcast
Uploaded: 2023-02-06T12:30:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'it's been a long journey, rest here while listening to a fire podcast' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'it's been a long journey, rest here while listening to a fire podcast' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-02-06. Transcript available.

it's been a long journey, rest here while listening to a fire podcast

Do you guys think that the drunk version of yourself could beat the shit out of
the sober version of yourself?
Or vice versa, could you smack your drunk self's ASS onto the ground?
I kind of feel like me drunk, I could legitimately get into an MMA ring and be
on par with a McGregor or whatever.
A professional fighter.
Because when I'm drunk, I am incredibly unpredictable.
You get a little slappy.
And a lot of these fighters, they're used to fighting in a certain style, you
know what I'm saying?
Everybody's trained under these different disciplines.
But the way I fight is like, I might just act like I'm passing out for a second
and then just bite off somebody's nutsack or something like that.
Nobody's doing that in MMA.
Nobody's even trained to defend something like that, you know?
So they would be done.
It would be over.
Yeah, what's the defense to somebody getting up in your grill and acting like
they're about to pass out?
There's no, there would be like concern.
Like I would be like, like just about to like have a seizure or something like
that.
And then they'd be like, yo, yo, yo, yo.
And the ref would like kind of be like, all right, is he good?
And I kind of just stop for a second.
And then it would be like, bite off a fucking bear chest, nutsack, whatever.
Bite off something.
Mike Tyson style.
Yeah, if someone's trying to.
I could see you getting in there, Nate, and just slap, slap, slap.
Only slaps.
But you're slapping them so hard, they're spinning around.
You can die from a slap.
You know what I'm saying?
Like people don't know that.
Slap death.
Like have you seen those, those MMA, is it UFC slap contests?
Oh my God.
We need to do that with the three of us.
Oh, we need to do the slap league in Atlantic City.
In the middle of the Hard Rock Casino.
Or we could do it like a kissing booth out on the boardwalk and be like, knock
me out with
a slap and, you know, I'll buy you lunch.
I have so little stamina or whatever.
I know one slap would fucking kill me.
I think that I'll die by falling down at a not that old of age.
Yeah.
You're definitely, you're definitely like kind of a pathetic death like that, I
think.
For sure.
Like, you know, like you're not going to, I feel like you want to go out in the,
you know,
Lambeau car crash, it explodes on the 405, you know, but you are going to have
the most
pathetic death of all time where it's like, man, like he died.
Like, how'd he die?
He just like kind of fell down on and hit his head on a table or something.
Oh man.
Really?
All right.
Like if it was on video, it would look like the weakest.
And he's 42 and he's 42 years old as well.
Like he should have easily recovered from that.
Yeah.
Did you hear what happened to Eric?
No, what?
He kind of, he cracked his knuckles and he thought he felt it in his leg and
then he
just started hyperventilating and he kind of thought himself into being dead.
Kind of just kind of couldn't grab, couldn't grapple with the idea of being
alive.
It will affect like how people mourn your death too, because they'll be like, I
think
they would have been like extra sad if you would have, you know, passed away
from some
crazy terminal illness or something like that.
But because you kind of had this like kind of preventable, like pathetic fall
death, like
they'll be like, oh, like, I mean, that's on him.
Like, I don't even feel bad for him.
Right.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
People are going to be like embarrassed at the funeral.
Everybody's going to show up in like glasses and like they're going to like
plastic surgery
consultation.
They're trying not to be seen.
I'm like, oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
I can't go to this guy's funeral.
People are going to.
Eric, what differently?
What type of funeral do you want?
What is the vibe that you want at your funeral when you pass away?
Do you want that New Orleans funeral?
Oh, you want the whole.
I want the parade with the big brass band and liquor and dancing.
So you're saying like most people when they die, they get sad.
They get mournful.
But you're saying this is a celebration of life.
Why are we all sad?
We should be celebrating what is.
We all die.
Why are we so sad right now?
We should be happy and having a good time and drinking and celebrating what was.
That's interesting.
I want to be all formaldehyded out and kind of propped up on some type of
vehicle like
an ATV or, you know, some type of.
I want to be taxidermied and crucified like ancient style.
Yeah.
You want to be walked, you want to, you know how those guys, those like super
crazy Christian
guys volunteer themselves to be Jesus during the Palm Sunday march towards the.
Are you kidding me?
I don't know if that's Palm Sunday, but you know, they volunteer to be
crucified.
They got a, what's this?
They got a day called Palm Sunday because they got the nails through the palm.
Yeah.
No, I think it's the palm leaves.
Oh my God.
There was a, oops, we're talking about religion again.
Sorry.
Oops.
Turn off the pod right now.
If you're a little bit sensitive.
It's the Palm cast.
It's the Palm cast.
Check it.
My favorite Palm cast.
There was a Jesus in my church that I went to where he would, he was the actor
who would
play Jesus during the Palm Sunday and he would, he would reenact the crucifixion
and he
would go so fucking crazy.
Was he like whipping himself?
There would be like people whipping him and he would be like, ah, ah, oh fuck.
Like he would, he would go in.
Nothing funnier than that.
It was quite violent and quite graphic.
It was fake blood everywhere.
And this was like just a regular Sunday, you know?
Well, not regular, it was Palm Sunday, but you know, we didn't need to see that,
you know?
Hell no.
I want to go to church so bad.
I feel like I went to synagogue for like 16 years and I never even met anybody.
I didn't even see anybody.
I go to church one time with my friend Mark and I'm like getting kicked out and
there's
like a half pipe and people are skating on this thing and then I go in and
people are singing
in English and the lights are on and everybody's wearing normal shit.
I just, I would love to be taken to church.
Hey, we should go to church on Sunday morning when you're here and not to make
fun of some
local nice church.
Yeah, of course, Jack.
All right.
I'm saying, I'm saying all of us.
Oh, okay.
I'm saying we go to a mega church where we won't feel so bad coming in
recording, doing
TikTok type of pranks on everybody, laughing in their face about their religion,
whatever.
Oh yeah, 200, one prayer or double it and pass it on.
Do you want to hear one prayer or double it and pass it on?
I want to double it and pass it on to this guy.
Oh my God.
Yeah, I mean, we should, I mean, you got to see it, Jack.
You've never been to church?
I've been to, literally, I've been to church one time because there was, it was
a mega
church because there was a half pipe there.
And I wanted to go skate.
And then I went in and it was like, I just remember the light.
It was like, it was like going to a real theater production where there was
like blue lights,
everybody's singing.
And then, yeah, then I left.
Yeah, there's a lot of, there's a lot of theatricality that goes into, because
it's
just entertainment at the end of the day.
People just, people just want to go to see a show.
You know what I'm saying?
In these small towns.
They just want to be entertained.
And, and some of the most entertaining things you'll ever see is somebody, you
know, speaking
in tongues and speaking in a language that they kind of like made up on their
own.
And they think they're connecting with a higher force, you know, and there's a
lot of, there's
a lot of, you know, ups and downs with it.
There's singing, there's, there's people like kind of dancing and running
across stage, you
know, kind of the more non-denominational Baptist style.
Like people can kind of get weird at church and people like to view that and
they like
to see that type of shit go down.
We should, uh, yeah.
No, go ahead.
I was just going to say, I went to a friend's church, one of Pentecostal, Pentecostal
churches
usually.
I went to church with a friend and, and I went to regular church.
We didn't talk, speak in tongues.
And I went with him and all of a sudden everybody's getting filled with the
Holy Spirit, speaking
in tongues.
And I felt myself kind of just faking it.
That's what, that's what everyone's doing though.
Everyone's faking it.
Yeah.
In and out of church.
I'm faking it right now.
I'm faking being a podcaster.
No, we're not.
Dude, we're doing this more real than anybody out there.
This is the realest podcast on the planet.
Like it's just, it doesn't get realer than this, than us.
Three.
We are some of the, we are the three of the realest motherfuckers on earth.
The real amigos.
If you ask us something, we're going to tell you straight up.
Even if it hurts your feelings, even if it's not nice, we're going to tell you
how we motherfucking
feel.
We're real about it.
Because we're real.
And guess what?
I've been to every neighborhood in New York multiple times.
And in the last week since this shit dropped, oh shit, what's that here?
I hear blasting from the SUV.
Beginning of joy tactics.
It's Nate going off on some crazy ass tangent.
We're in Bronx.
It's Jack singing a song on the podcast.
Tribeca.
They like me and Tribeca the most.
This has started as a podcast.
And I was like, oh, you know, we'll just have like, upload this to Spotify,
whatever.
Like, just me and my friends hanging out.
But I am so shocked because this is now a movement that we've created.
It's not, it's not, it's no longer this, this thing that we started as, which
we had zero
expectations.
You always hear people, oh, what, George Lucas, what'd you think of Star Wars?
I was just having fun making a movie.
I didn't know it would end up like this.
And that's how we feel.
We were just like, oh, maybe one, two people will listen to this.
But we have created such a solid movement that is dipping and zipping into the
fucking zeitgeist
where people are kind of...
Dipping and zipping.
People are feeling different.
I feel like everyone has kind of changed and has been affected by this.
Whether they're listening or not, they have been...
Because we know somebody that's listened to, you know, you're probably four
degrees away
from somebody who's listened to Joy Tactics at this point, statistically,
analytically.
Or zero.
Literally, I'm walking down the street in New York, I'm thinking about going to
get potbellies
to try and do sandwich.
I haven't tried yet.
I've tried almost everything.
But then this guy comes up to me, he starts tucking my head into his shirt from
the bottom.
You know, when you lift your shirt up and bag him.
And I'm thinking, what the hell is this?
What is this?
I look up.
It's hair in it.
Spitting hair out.
All of a sudden, I look around.
What the hell?
It's Mayor Eric Adams.
Of New York.
And he's trying to tuck me into his shirt from the bottom, kidnap style.
And I'm like, what the fuck are you doing, man?
Do I know you?
Oh, snap.
It's the president or the mayor.
And he goes, yeah, dude, I want you.
I'm tired.
This is...
I need you to do this because you're the most suited for it.
So I'm trying to put you in my clothes so I can slide out.
That's how crazy the podcast is getting.
This shit should be subsidized by the government.
I didn't tell you guys this, but I recently was at a party which was 99% models.
And two of the most famous models came over to me and I was like, chill, chill.
I got a girlfriend.
Chill.
And they say to me, hey, would you...
They're like, do you know what we dream of every day?
It's a male and female model, by the way.
This isn't just women.
It's all genders love the fuck out of us.
And they're like, do you know what we would love so much?
And I'm like, what, chill.
First off, chill.
They said, we would love if you guys could be...
If we could get you recording in our bedroom.
Whoa.
Oh, shit.
Wait a minute.
The podcast.
What?
They want to have s