Name: 8: A Grave Warning To Corporate America
Uploaded: 2023-03-13T12:30:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '8: A Grave Warning To Corporate America' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '8: A Grave Warning To Corporate America' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-13. Transcript available.

8: A Grave Warning To Corporate America

Nate was fucked up most of the time when he was in New York, but one night,
dark brown
liquor on your breath, he kind of snuck in my bedroom and whispered to me, get
up, get
up, I got to tell you something.
And you basically were in a drunken stupor and telling me all about how much
you can't
wait for AI robots to come alive so you can beat the shit out of them.
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous, and
meeting
as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger.
Enjoy.
I'm back in the gym, y'all.
No one thought I could do it.
I'm back.
Eric's back, irregardlessly of any panic attacks.
Three days-ish in a row.
And guess who I'm at the gym with?
Who?
Michael Phelps.
Well, I won't say, but it's a good friend of ours.
We love friends.
The internet, but you'll have to wonder who that is.
And I'm not going to, because I don't get parasocial like that.
You can't know the intimate details of what I use on the phone.
And a lot of people, I won't let you know.
A lot of people, I think, wonder.
Oh, yeah.
It is Caleb.
They wonder about, you know, who we're hanging out with in real life.
And we are not hanging out with quote-unquote muggles, nobodies.
We are hanging out with some of the craziest.
Is that a Harry Potter word?
And we're not posting about it online.
Never, never are we posting about who we're hanging out with.
But just know, every night it's fucking a different type of mega famous, mega
celebrity type person.
And I wish I could hang out with regular ass people.
Like, I wish I could go back to that shit.
But it's just that you just can't relate really to their type of lives.
No.
And I don't know.
Would you agree with this?
Sincerely.
Sincerely.
Here's what I do because I hear, like, listen, we're so in this shit now.
There are many people that are climbing the industry.
Fashion designers.
The only reason they're climbing faster than us is they're social climbers.
Right.
And we don't care about that.
And we don't have to climb.
We sit at a nice table with fresh wine and good projects.
And that, we don't have to climb to get to the famous people.
Guess what?
The famous people come to our table.
And they break bread with us.
And they like us for that.
And we meet more famous people than the social climbers would because of the
way we live.
Some people socially, they're social climbers.
Right.
We're what we call social, what's like an opposite of climbers?
Social, basically.
Social, social, no, like social track athletes.
Social.
We're social.
Like it's.
Well, we're socialites.
But we're not climbing it.
We are, we are.
We're kind of crab walking.
Let me break this down.
Look.
Well, hold on a second.
Because climbers, what they're doing is they're using the rock instead of
respecting it.
So what we're doing is we are social worshipers.
We worship and hold sacred the rock of sociality.
Does that make sense?
I hate to preach this early.
We put dinners.
The amount of time that I say, hey, let's get dinners.
Yo, me, me, you and so and so from this whatever show from this network, we
should all get dinner soon.
Eric.
Yeah, that sounds good, Eric.
All right.
I'm not going to be bullshitting about it.
That night, group DM.
Hey, yo, I was thinking we all get dinner soon.
My treat that I organize it.
And we all split the bill.
Split the bill.
Wait.
Eric, you've had, you've had more dinners than some people have had warm, warm
meals.
Well, I'm aware of that, and I'm aware of my privilege in ways that would
depress most people.
Is that I'm so aware of my privilege that I'm like sometimes paralyzed by it.
Right.
Paralysis.
Whatever I'm giving.
Parasocial paralysis.
Yeah.
Oh, I wanted to say this.
All right.
Hey, yo, if you, if you recognize us in public, listen.
Pictures that you show your friends, it will impress them.
What?
For a time.
If someone recognizes you, Jack, in public, or any other celebrity, this, I'm
just teaching
everybody some etiquette.
Okay.
Listen, you might want to get the picture to show your friends, say, guess who
I fucking
saw in New York City, all dripped out with their jewelry all hanging out for
them.
I saw, so-and-so, or Eric Rale, or whatever, Jack Benzinger, Nate Barone, in LA.
Tamagotchi hanging out of their zipper.
But, and they want the picture for the status.
Guess what?
Someone asked me for a picture.
I took my hand politely, and I smacked their phone gently down, away from my
face.
And I said, I don't do pictures, but I stick out my hand.
My name's Eric.
What's yours?
Oh, my.
Shake the hand.
Squeeze the hand.
Where are you from?
Feel their heartbeat in their palm on yours.
What's something horrible that happened to you?
Or not, whatever.
I'm trying to get to know them quickly.
What's something human that is about you that I can know?
Whether it's drugs, or whether it's art, painting.
And that I find.
Initially, they're all bummed to not get their picture taken.
Pretty quickly after that, they're like, yo, I just had an amazing conversation
with Eric
Rale, where before I would've just gotten a picture and gone home all sad as
fuck.
Because I saw how good he was living, and I knew I'd never be there.
That reminds me of a conversation that I had with Tony Hawk.
Did I already talk about this on the podcast?
You haven't, but.
I saw Tony Hawk, and everybody was taking pictures with Tony Hawk.
And you know what?
And you know, I'm a skateboarder.
You guys already know.
Can I say this, Jack?
Nolly, kickflip, nolly, yo, flip.
Before you keep going.
All right.
I want to preface this by, sometimes we're joking around on the podcast.
We say things that sound fake.
They're usually real.
Sometimes they're not.
This is a real story.
I saw Jack talking to Tony Hawk.
It's verified.
And I might, yeah.
Because, yeah.
That is crucial, because I say a lot of, I sound like.
This is a real story.
So I'm talking to Tony Hawk.
Everybody's taking pictures.
Hey, man.
What's up?
And you know me.
I'm like, I just said about 18 seconds ago.
I'm a skateboarder.
Nolly, kickflip, nolly, back heel, fakie tray.
I got it all.
If you know what I'm saying, you know what I'm saying.
I mean, Mark Appleyard, Mark Johnson.
Need I say more?
Carl's bad.
All right.
So instead of taking a picture, what I do is I go up to him.
I know he's had surgery recently.
I said, how's the surgery going?
And he said, oh, it's going good.
And I said, hopefully they didn't leave anything, put anything weird in your
body.
And that's where you lost him.
Well, what's funny is I was panicking so crazy hard about what to say that I
said that.
And he kind of laughed a little bit, but then he did stop talking to me
probably two or three
sentences later.
But you know what?
Credit to him because he handled it so well.
He handled my dumb ass incredibly well where he laughed about it.
He said instantly, he said, you know what?
As long as they fixed me, they could do, they could mess with me however they
want.
Jack, do you know what celebrities like more than anything on the planet when
you first
meet them?
Lobster.
No, they want, they want this more than, and I don't know, you guys might
disagree with
this, but I think what they really want is if you're meeting them for the very
first
time, you go up to Tony Hawk and you say, hey, I'm a podcaster.
I love you have to, I love to have your ass on the podcast because that's so
bold.
Paid, by the way, paid, paid, paid a lot of money more than we're going into
debt.
So hard by promising audience, I love debt.
Gives me something to work towards.
Yo.
Yeah.
Hold up a hundred dollar bill in front of Tony Hawk.
You like this, right?
Don't you like, I know you got a lot of this.
You want a little more.
Yeah.
You want to do it.
Crazy vault.
Yeah.
You want to, you want to come to my house, a piece of paper into my house, sit
on the
couch and talk to me and Eric and smell our food that we cook.
Yeah.
Tony Hawk liked me a lot.
I want to say that Nate, um, Nate's on zoom right now.
It's on zoom right now.
And, um, if you're listening to the podcast, yeah, yes.
Oh yeah.
Crazy set up.
Can I describe the, or sorry, go ahead.
Go ahead.
Sure.
Well, you put it together, man.
So I feel like it's on you.
Is that what you're going to say?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
So it's on me.
So what it is, is we thought we'd want to deliver some video content.
So I thought, why don't we set up the camera?
Well, um, so we have the camera that is filming us with Eric and I on either
side of the Nate
on a giant zoom in the middle.
And then my work computer has a little graphic up.
That's kind of cute.
And so we're recording audio to two different computers.
We got a light.
You know what I cannot wait for is 10 years down the road.
No, this ties into this.
Listen, listen, this ties into this.
I swear.
I just thought it would be so much more complicated sounding, but it actually
sounds fresh.
I mean, Jack, and guess what?
I was like, oh, how's this going to work?
Jack is, I literally, Jack is thinking like this, this, this, this, put the
mics like this,
so the mic on this computer, put the camera here, whatever.
You've got a brain that works differently than people in a lot of, in some good
ways, man.
Because it doesn't work in the ways that everybody else does.
In the places where my comprehension skills fail me, my creativity fills in the
gaps in a way
that I get to the answer that everybody else gets to, but it takes me twice as
long as five times a start.
Jack, I think you are going to die of being too creative.
Like, that's going to be on your, like, cause of death creativity somehow.
I do feel like, I'm not kidding, I think I had that thought this week.
You kind of do get creative with food.
You're becoming too creative, I think, to the point where it's a problem.
I do.
I got a little too creative with some ground turkey one time, and I'm never
going to try
and cook that again.
That was the most twisted looking.
That was really scary.
I should have known right away with the pinkness that it wasn't done.
That's going on the slideshow on Instagram.
I have a lot of, um, I have pretty much every meal I cooked over the pandemic,
I have pictures of.
Really?
And they're not great.
I got my cooking right, and I don't want to take, go off of you and start
making, but I
got my cooking kind of right in the pandemic.
Really?
It is crazy.
What's that red light blanket for?
I was just going to ask you, remember when I made that stew?
That stew was really good.
The stew.
Well, and if you don't know what that is, y'all, Nate, do you know what the
stew is?
I know what a stew is, but I don't know what the stew is.
This was a viral sort of recipe.
Chickpeas all mushed up with, you know, spinach, coconut milk, curry, spices.
And it was, I ate it basically almost every week.
I was obsessed with Alison Roman's, the stew.
Oh, okay.
And then one time I used some, basically I think it was rotten kale.
One week and I didn't know it.
And the stew made me, gave me food poisoning and I never needed it since.
When does food, you know how we've had like kind of a, we've opened up the
topic of when
food goes bad, like, you know how, what's that imperfect foods that drops off?
Yes, the grocery store.
So there's like, or there's a service now that will send out food that has like
brown
spots on it.
And I feel like the dialogue has been reopened up for when a food goes bad or
not.
So I don't know when something actually really is going to take you out type of
bad because
this is, this like, as you can see, I'm gritting my teeth, like skidding so
fucking mad because
guess what?
You mad, bro?
We can eat the food way past the expiration dates.
Of course.
Listen, another thing.
They're putting bugs in our phones to make them die earlier.
So we buy the new model.
We are being crushed by the corporations.
They think they can throw us around and take advantage of us.
But guess what?
Us as a planet is becoming more technologically literate, literate.
We are becoming able to resis