Name: 9: Demons & Kindness
Uploaded: 2023-03-20T11:00:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '9: Demons & Kindness' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '9: Demons & Kindness' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-03-20. Transcript available.

9: Demons & Kindness

Before we get into this week's ep, I have to let y'all know that we are going
to be in Chicago on Tuesday, March 28th.
That's Tuesday, March 28th at the Color Club at 8 p.m.
I'll have a link in the show notes description.
Other than that, enjoy this week's most excellent episode.
Oh wait, no, because we told them if they could find us, they could execute us.
We told that to the listeners?
I thought we told them that we were all going to buy a gun and then everybody
gets one bullet.
We said a lot of things on this podcast.
We said a lot of things.
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous, and
meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger.
Enjoy.
I was testing my audio with this song, but doesn't my voice sound pretty good
like this?
Listen.
What?
One river wider than a mile, I'm crossing you in style someday, and so...
But that's pretty good, right?
Oh my God.
I'm legitimately blown.
No, that wasn't you.
That was Cat, man.
That was somebody else.
Listen, when I try and sing it.
When I try and sing that.
Okay, try it.
What's the words?
You're speaking like a different language.
Yeah.
That's kind of the Yiddish moon river.
And so wait, they go in between, because I was just watching Drew Binsky
talking about...
Shout out Drew Binsky.
Shout out Drew Binsky, one of the most realist travel hosts.
But he...
So they're switching between Hasidic, Hebrew, Yiddish.
Hasidic's not a language.
Right, of course not.
No.
But Yiddish and Hebrew are languages, and they're switching...
They're interchanging when they use that.
That's interesting to me.
Right.
Yeah, it's really interesting.
It's kind of like Chinese has like Cantonese, Mandarin...
Cantonese.
Fushanese.
Fushanese.
And the Fushanese, it's the smallest little...
Nate, do you know about...
It's like a tiny bit of land, but it makes up for one of the biggest variants
in the Chinese
language.
Oh my goodness.
It's very interesting.
It's very interesting.
I feel like it's very interesting.
I was about to say that it's very interesting.
And then you said it.
Do you guys feel like we're off to the fucking races?
Like this is the fastest we've ever warmed up on the podcast?
I really do.
I was about to say the same thing.
I was like, I don't think that...
I couldn't imagine a better start to the episode.
Yeah.
And I feel like this might...
I'm just going to predict this right now.
And I'm going to set this out into the universe.
Yeah.
This is going to be the greatest podcast episode that has ever been recorded in
human history.
You don't know me, son.
You don't know me, son.
That's David Goggins.
Do you guys know David Goggins?
Of course.
He's this man who, if you're not familiar, David Goggins is somebody who runs
incredibly well
for a human.
And he's very inspirational.
No matter how much it hurts, he keeps going.
I encourage you to Google him.
You know, I don't want to blow anybody up, but I heard about David Goggins in
about 2012.
Oh, that's right.
Before he was even...
Because we have a very good friend, Ben.
I'm not going to blow up his last name.
Well, they don't say it because military...
Right, right.
But Ben has a brother who was trained by David Goggins about 10, 11 years ago.
Yes, for real.
And I remember hearing this guy's intense.
I'm not going to say what they did because I don't want to breach military
protocol.
And we're not talking about war.
I swear to God, y'all.
War is not getting brought up in this, but we could talk about the military.
No, we're done talking about war.
We're absolutely done with that shit.
We talk about two months and we're done.
Ben's brother got trained by David Goggins.
So he's really about that life.
He's not capping when he's talking about his discipline and how intense he is.
I don't think he's capping about that, but I could see him having capped at one
point about
something because everybody caps.
I don't think he caps.
I think he reverse caps where he's like kind of letting people know about his
truth too
much where he's people didn't like him because he's out there in the military
and everybody's
waking up at four and he's like, I woke up at midnight and I went on a run.
You rat, I'm not capping.
So in a sense.
Wait, but listen to this because I just watched it.
By the way, I'm back on TikTok.
It got me.
I deleted that for about two weeks.
Everybody struggles with addiction.
And then it got me back.
It pulled me back into its grip.
But TikTok was suggested to me, it was Joe Rogan, podcaster, talking to David
Goggins about
his morning routine.
And he was saying, guess what, David?
Every morning, I'm starting my morning with pain.
I'm waking up, I'm doing the ice bath, three minutes.
I started out, I didn't feel too good.
I don't even do the sauna before.
I start cold, I get in cold.
It's hell, but it starts my day off right.
And all the comments were like hyping David Goggins up for not like big timing
him.
They were like, it's so cool that David Goggins was like, good job, man,
because David Goggins
has gone through hell and he could own Joe Rogan if he wanted to.
I'm like, damn, parasocial much?
Yeah, good gracious.
Good gracious for that.
Good gracious.
Well, I start my mornings with pain too.
What's interesting about this?
I wake up and I experience a different type of pain.
How hot is the hot sauce that I'm using in my burrito?
How much does my stomach hurt from how big the breakfast burrito I make is?
These are my pains.
Are they, you know, so is that make me David Goggins just for experiencing pain?
Maybe in a micro sort of way, sure.
Right.
What could be more painful than, you know, doing stuff that's not good for you?
Really?
Oh, I do want to say this re-pain because me, I was talking to somebody about
this recently.
Celebrity.
There really is no way to cheat the balance of the scales in any type of way.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Immediately, I know what you're saying.
Because let me give an example of this and I'll bring pain in in a second.
We just found out some horrible news about an artificial sweetener called Ethereol.
Do you know about this?
Wait, what?
No.
Do you know about this, Nate, for real?
No, I'm like obsessed with artificial sweeteners.
No, Nate, are you really?
That is like, I would say that's a good quarter of my daily calories or diet.
But diet is no, artificial sweeteners don't have calories, isn't that what they
are?
Yeah, but I eat so much it makes a caloric dent into my, don't tell me, don't
tell me this.
I'm telling you, dude, because I love you.
I care about you.
Listen, one of the sweeteners, Ethereol, because I had just gotten these, it
seemed like I was cheating the game.
Because I was eating these delicious peanut butter cups, Quest peanut butter
cups.
Yeah, I'll put their name on blast.
Fuck them for trying to fuck with my health.
And I was eating them.
It was like 200 calories, sure, but 20 grams of protein.
And I was so satiated by them.
And I was like, this is, I'm eating one of these packets a day.
Come to find out the main ingredient in that, Ethereol, has recently been
linked to major increases in stroke.
Heart, cardiac events, cardiovascular events.
This shit, Nate, throw out the artificial sweeteners.
Except for I think aspartame is good to go.
Because I use that.
No, I, okay.
So at this point in my life, I am so incredibly fucked.
And I don't think there is an amount of detoxing or me stopping right now.
I don't think, I think the damage is already done.
Don't think like that.
And I have a family history of heart attacks, strokes.
There's literally the two things that you just listed.
I have, I feel like maybe every single family member that I know has fallen
from one of these fucking things.
So if I'm on top of that, loading up my fucking body, snorting this shit every
fucking morning, putting that shit in my coffee, eating this shit.
Wait.
Can I ask, how are you using the artificial sweeteners?
What are these, what are you putting them in?
I'm putting them in coffee mainly.
And I'm sweetening up smoothies as well.
And the coffee, the caffeine's seeping into the poisonous chemicals and
probably getting them hyper.
So they're probably even more fucking crazy in your body.
But Nate, don't you feel like, um.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Just, no, come on, man.
In the name of joy, in the spirit of the podcast of Joy Tactics, don't you feel
like, okay, yes, everybody in my family dies young as hell.
I never met any of my grandparents.
My uncles are all gone by the wayside.
We all don't have any uncles at this point, pretty much.
Don't you feel like it is your challenge and duty in life to stop that
mentality, the fetus mentality and say, you know what, I'm going to tie my
sweater around my waist and I'm going to go up and down the mall or something
like that.
Yeah, you're right.
It ends now.
It ends tonight.
You mean, Jack, just to explore what you mean by that.
You mean like you go mall walking and work that shit off and start exercising
and get the health back.
Is that what you're saying?
Yeah, well, that's, if not everybody has access to a gym, go to the mall and
just walk back and forth.
I do want to say I'm falling in love with the gym I just started going to, not
to change subjects, but.
Hype it up, man.
Evolve Fitness Ridgewood.
It's basically, you can come there and find me and try to assassinate me and I
swear to God, I'll take a plate, smack it in your face.
Wait, Eric.
Oh, wait, no, because we told them if they could find us, they could execute us.
We told that to the listeners?
Yeah.
I thought we told them that we were all going to buy a gun and then everybody
gets one bullet.
We said a lot of things on this podcast.
We said a lot of things.
But I'm not worried about any of that.
So many of us, yeah.
You know what we need to do?
I think that this is a perfect opportunity right now.
You know, I know we've promised no ads ever on this podcast.
We'll never have ads ever and never bow down to an advertiser unless the money
is pretty good, unless it's decent.
But anyways, I think we should practice maybe doing sort of an ad read and how
that would sound in a Joy Tactics way.
And can I just preface this with imagining where this goes?
Because imagine I walk in the gym.
You know how sometimes the Bose headphones can get a little stinky if you're
sweating them too much and you've got to get new earpads?
Yeah.
Mine don't smell bad right now, but let's imagine that they, you know, are
going to be smelling bad.
I go up to the front desk.
I take my earphones off.
I said, listen to this.
It's some person getting paid minimum wage to scan people in.
I'm like, check out what we did.
I showed them the listeners.
It's got whatever, 2,000 downloads per episode.
Holy shit.
Yeah, that's real, honey.
And I said, listen to this.
And it's a 12-minute ad for Evolve Fitness, originally.
And progress pics.
It's kind of the most sexual progress pics anybody's ever seen.
I'm like, can you get your manager over here right now?
Oh, my God.
All of a sudden, let's talk money.
They start bumping it up in the speakers at the gym and people are hitting PRs
left and right.
Yeah!
CrossFit, all of a sudden, it becomes this like PED, banned substance type shit
because we're so inspirational.
That's the thing.
Are we too inspirational to the point where you're not allowed to listen to
this shit before you go into competition
because you might have a significant...
It's like a drug.
It's like a drug, except it is one, auditorily delivered.
Because you know how the...
Well, you know how they built the pyramids, and I'm not trying to change the
topics to the pyramids,
but you know that those were built with audio technology where they used sound
waves to lift a stone.
Well, we, of course...
Just checking, just making sure that everybody knows.
The listeners might not.
Wait, before we do that, can we do the ad for Evolve Fitness?
Oh, yeah.
Yes, please.
All right.
All right.
All right.
So, Nat