Name: Brace Belden from TrueAnon Explains Fruit | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.13
Uploaded: 2023-04-17T11:00:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Brace Belden from TrueAnon Explains Fruit | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.13' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Brace Belden from TrueAnon Explains Fruit | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.13' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-04-17. Transcript available.

Brace Belden from TrueAnon Explains Fruit | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.13

and we got nate cut flew in from la he's chilling on the couch as well what's
up what's up what's
up y'all give me a high five everybody hey man yes all right let me touch your
knee
oh just kidding oh wow ow ow oh cte bro yeah cte is real no that's serious
though
welcome to joy tactics the podcast dedicated to all things joyful joyous and
meeting as many
celebrities as humanly possible hosted by eric rayhill make veroni and jack bensinger
enjoy
they would do a tolicast oh my and you never did improv and if you're above
that they just
well it's like ghost ship or whatever pirate ghost ship in that movie the fire
no what oh no instead
of shooting people what it was a famous fire that killed a lot of people okay
well and this is for
killing tall people okay gotcha there's a movie called ghost ship and in the
beginning there's a
ballroom scene going on on the deck and then this like cord snaps and it slices
everybody in the whole
ship in half and so the only person who lives is a really short person a child
a child was a child
yeah there was no like dwarves on the ship and if there were they were busy
well so because i mean
look what happens when short people try to unite in the past have you seen lord
of the rings yeah
kimberly yes so kimberly anytime you know they're he's trying to get they're in
that mind and they're
like where's everyone at the minds of moria the minds of moria okay that's what
happened all the
short people got together they started getting a bunch of gold accruing assets
right uh making
families making a society for themselves and then one of the tallest creatures
in lord of the rings
gandalf the bow row oh the bow yeah right comes up and it's like i did this i
took it out and a tall
guy is that savior right here or right here hello hello wow imagine yeah nate
we would be good orcs
though i'd be such a good i would be a fire or and you would be a good as fuck
orc too nate yeah don't
think you'd be the crazy white orc you're not gonna believe this but all white
can you imagine that
what's all i was wielding a uh a bow and arrow the other day and i've never
shot a bow and arrow in
my life you were at the joe rogan compound and you didn't fucking tell me man i'm
gonna not take
that well what were you hunting what yeah i was no i was just outside just
somebody had a bow and
arrow and i was so frighteningly good at shooting this thing that i was dipping
into a past life kind
of really as i feel like it yeah what are you hitting was there a bullseye on
the target that you
were trying to hit yes and i was here and i hit it like shocking like i had
three tries and i got two
out of three what you gotta do is take that down to the fucking freeway and
just start blasting cars
with that motherfucker well what you do is you take you pull up pull up next to
uh one of those speed
cops and you say i'll handle this shit start taking tires out he puts his
little speed gun on the
arrow it just zero zero zero it breaks yeah you're speeding not for long arrow
arrow through the jeep
you take out a wheel with one of those things oh you could take out a wheel
with almost anything
take this out you like girls i love them absolutely more than anything in the
world if you have if you
have desires for a maiden but she lives in possibly like a tall condo or
something like that but with
like the full like she's got like a little deck and like the full sliding glass
door arrow little note
that says i love you with your fucking discord name oh shit break her fucking
window through the sliding
glass door your airpods are already connected to the discord voice channel oh
wow all of a sudden
you're hearing ba-doop she's in there oh wait a minute are you saying you put
an airpod on the
end of an arrow and you shoot it into a girl's window into her ear that's even
better you should do
this to kylie jenner you really got arrows like that yeah hey oh snap you think
she's fire yeah
nate you should make a new persona called urban cupid and what you do is you go
around the city
with a bow and arrow and you shoot like you know i guess i don't know food but
but you only hit
celebrities and guess what if you if you did this to 200 celebrities one of
them would say
all right let's say yes i don't think cupid himself gets to have sex with who
he shoots
the arrow well he's a baby so he doesn't have sex well he's a baby but he's
hundreds of years old
mutual he's a hundred year old baby yeah so he's like he can't fuck he just
acknowledges it would
be weird i get it i look it's like andy milanakis like andy milanakis is celibate
because he knows
it would be weird if he had sex because it would look like a baby had sex andy
milanakis is not
fucking andy milanakis andy milanakis is famous if you look at his wikipedia it's
sex life
there's just a numbers oh his sex life tab looks like that do you think hasbola
will ever have
sex well my thing no no because he's uh religious he's religious oh that's the
right word and no
disrespect hasbola actually no he doesn't like women and he fucked with that
cat you saw that
i think hasbola should start to make it only fans and so we can have that as
sort of like a legal
alternative like a legal safe alternative for like perverts and stuff they
could just watch
hasbola do that right okay so how about this how about this what if we made hasbola's
only fans
oh like forced him yeah i wasn't saying that really okay i guess you're right
because he'd have to be
involved we can't just say we have we're happy but we could you know what we
could do is we could do a
scam is where we do like uh like how people drop nfts but there's like really
nothing there it's like
worthless and we could be like sign up pre-order hasbola's only fans oh that's
a good order get it
now on tvd you know what list i think hasbola i want to say this before we
continue talking about
this i think hasbola has ears to the ground he knows boots on the ground he
could he had he could
mobilize people in every major city to green dot fucking ar-15 take us out from
two miles away
not a chance uh you don't think so no i'd hurl him like a discus well no he
wouldn't even be there
no but i'd go another continent has a gun and when you throw it in the air i
know but it's really
because here's the thing about you throwing mini me you know you saw mini me
try and fight austin
powers right watch your nuts because they'll bite you oh yeah true yeah i
remember that true that was a
violent scene so brace let me ask you this brother well wait go ahead go ahead
of course because for
those who don't know i feel like we're a little late in the pod to be
explaining we got brace bellen
a very successful podcaster um got his start kind of in the ivy leagues uh-huh
hockey brace you think
it was a good time for us to start making a podcast absolutely the market is
hot right now
we're the last one how did you get into i mean this is what people hey this is
what people want to do
listen this one how'd you get into podcasting man wow that's crazy that was a
good question
thanks nate um and is there yeah what are you gonna say well it's just
something i've always
wanted to do since i was a child right because you were kind of like listening
to sounds and thinking
yeah well no i'm 12 and so okay the for one of the first things i heard was
baby genius
baby mozart that's american life wow oh that's a pocket yeah yeah and i came
out just being like i
should do this no i uh uh uh it's it seemed uh really easy to do and let me ask
you this are you
are you because i talked to you today i said what are you doing today brace and
you said i was busy
working on my podcast researching you are this is not easy you are you are
putting in work i will
say our podcast we chose uh it was dumb because i think a lot of podcasts you
can just get together
and be like uh trying to figure out what like a labia is or whatever yeah uh
and for me which i mean
i just you know god forbid but uh i we did it dumb i we did it stupid because
like now i actually
have to like read a bunch of shit and like make up all these notes before we
record you tricked
yourself into going to school yeah exactly and so we kind of do we tricked
ourselves too we don't do
anything like that but i do feel right just the basic act of having a podcast
is genuinely well
recess as much work yeah as what you're doing in terms of how much time it
takes us to figure this
stuff out it's like recess yeah right yeah what like recent like what you play
school's out yeah
what do you mean you know like mine's kind of like going to school and like
study like higher
level like grad school we're still at school but we're you guys are like oh so
we're there it's
like you're in first grade you've had like a lot we're getting smoked out at
six yeah we're peeing
on the desks yeah exactly now it's recess and that's when you record okay yeah
that's right oh i see
what you're saying and it's making waves right our podcast is what you've heard
from the yeah oh yeah
you know just the other night i was i was doing peep i was peeping peeping no
like peeping like i look
through people's windows oh you're peeping just to make sure they're not yeah i'm
like i pee i don't
peep in tom like i don't look at naked people because i don't think that's i
think that's a huge
violation that's twisted but if you're asleep there's literally no harm no foul
right right why
because you don't know i'm looking at you so you don't have that paranoia for
the rest of your life
that there's a guy looking through your window right you know i'm saying i see
what you're saying
and it's kind of like you know robbing somebody in a really small way yeah
where it's like did i lose
it exactly like if you take someone's phone or whatever it's like well you can
get a new phone
right sure so like what i do is i peep i look at people's apartments and shit
and in their like
bedrooms and i see sometimes people have on the bluetooth joy tactics oh and so
i mean this is just
like this isn't numbers based this is all anecdotal but there are every
anecdote is a number this is
grassroots yeah yeah this is democratic i think there's a grassroots because
the numbers that we've
seen i don't seem a little underwhelming they seem they they're fucking with us
to try to get us
to stop doing this shit yeah but forget about but if you talk to people if you
talk to students
and workers a lot of blue collar workers that's one of the most important
things talk to people
do this we have the blue collar we got the mta kind of train operators blasting
it blasting as they
yeah that's who we care about though you know that's who we want listening to
this shit because
you can't you take care of all the your podcast takes care of all the white
collar ivy league yeah
like yeah people who want to get a haircut they listen to your shit and you
guys are more like night
school kind of people right well night school till we graduate yeah people who
are in conservatorship
take an improv class to learn english and stuff yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and
brace how many
celebrities have you met dude i've met three celebrities who am i like i met clint
eastwood
did you really when i was when i was about seven years old i met clint eastwood
what was he like
he was so i didn't know who he was but i had there was this lady who babysit me
and my brother after
school sometimes and her dad was a session musician and uh he was recording a
session at luke lucas uh ranch
like george lucas oh the luke skywalker ranch home yeah yeah well it's not i
don't think he lives
there i think it's like they're like they do like sound stuff right uh and i
went there and i had to
find the bathroom i couldn't find it and there was a guy smoking his cigarette
inside and i never seen
that and i asked uh where's the bathroom and he's like it's over there and that
was like do you do you
like jazz and i was like yeah and then i went and peed and everyone was like
that was clint eastwood
and you asked if he liked m