Name: Charlie's Male Angels | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.17
Uploaded: 2023-05-15T11:00:25.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Charlie's Male Angels | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.17' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Charlie's Male Angels | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.17' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-15. Transcript available.

Charlie's Male Angels | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.17

You got that sharp tongue.
Yeah, yeah. I got a weird-ass tongue, man. It's crazy.
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous,
and meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger. Enjoy.
To anyone out there who wants to be like Eric, trust me. Trust me. You don't.
You fucking don't. I have medical shit that is so, hadn't even been discovered
yet,
and the doctors won't even treat me because it's so bizarre.
It's under the skin. It's in all type of organs. I have organs that no one's
ever seen.
They're all turned around. If you try, literally, you know House, the TV show
Doctor House?
Of course.
They had their research team reach out to Eric to look at his biopsy or
whatever, autopsy,
to see all the things that are wrong with him.
Hot autopsy.
Well, anyways, to look at all his medical history and records,
and they were like, this is too, this isn't capable of being described yet on
television
in one season or whatever, and they just can't guarantee that there's going to
be six seasons
to go through.
Jack just ran up all his stairs.
Yeah, I was like, why are you so, uh...
No, no, no, no.
Can you imagine if Jack hadn't run up the stairs and he just got out of breath
all of a sudden?
I would be driving to your house, taking you to the hospital right away.
I don't go to the hospital.
No, I don't go to the hospital.
This is unrelated, but...
Well, it is related, but you know what my favorite style of acting is?
Method.
No, no?
Les Mis.
It is out of breath acting.
It is when you're like, can I just...
Sorry, I'm late.
Please.
I just got stuck.
It's the best trick in the book.
If you ever want to just have a compelling performance, just be out of breath
the entire time.
And by the way, I've had to do that one time.
Acting?
It's supposed to be that I'm coming up.
They were like, oh, we'll get water to spray you down, make you look sweaty,
and you're supposed to have run up a bunch of stairs and reading a note on your
front door.
And I was like, I don't think you guys are going to have to spray me that much
because I'm going to be sweaty basically after about three jumping jacks.
So before every take, I was doing jumping jacks, and it got my ass.
But guess what, everybody?
Okay, we had a bad week last week.
It didn't go so good.
Bad things are happening, and for some reason, I think that bad things will
continue to happen.
This is our...
Remember Job from the Bible?
He's the man that God cursed.
Right.
Yeah.
He took away...
God took away his...
He tested Job's faith so intensely.
And for some reason, I feel like we're about to go through a book of Job type
rest of the year.
It's not going to be good.
It's not the end?
It's going to continue and get worse, you're saying?
I think it'll definitely continue to get worse, but we'll have so much ammo for
our biopics
and for our memoirs and everything that's coming down the road.
But while we're going through...
While we're in the mud coming up here, we have to come up with strategies that
will protect the very core of ourselves.
You know what I mean?
Eating right.
Exercise.
Right.
Drinking.
Whatever.
Smoke.
Take a class.
Right.
Online courses.
Smoke.
Smoke.
Smoke.
Smoke.
Yeah.
I don't know.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, we have to do the things that make us feel good so we don't lose
ourselves.
But today, I worked out like crazy.
You can't imagine how hard I worked out today.
Yeah.
I can't.
Literally can't.
And I think we are in a unique position because we are documenting this
struggle in real time.
So, our listeners are with us in this.
So, they get to see week to week.
Are they still fucked up?
Are their lives still hell?
Are they now in an amazing place?
And that was actually a good thing that they went through this.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, we are documenting this in real time for the history books.
You know?
Yeah.
And by the way, you don't have to worry about it.
If you're like us and you're in a bad spot, I know you are, know that human
beings are excellence magnets, essentially.
And so, the way that works is things will get teared down and you're going to
perceive that as a bad thing in the moment because you are a sensitive,
compassionate individual.
But you are clearing a way for a new city, like the line in Saudi Arabia.
There's a reason that God made that whole place a desert so that the kingdom of
Saudi Arabia could experiment with some new cities and new geometric city
shapes.
I got to be honest.
I went up two flights of stairs about six minutes ago at this point.
I'm still not back yet.
I just, well, I spoke for about 30 seconds there and by the end of it, I was
feeling it.
That's a wake-up call, man.
You need to be hitting the Stairmaster, dude, and getting this right.
I can't hit the Stairmaster in my gym because my head hits the ceiling.
Is that true?
Yeah.
That must be a low-ass ceiling or a high Stairmaster.
It's pretty low.
The gym I go to is pretty fucking like, it's designed to the inch where like,
if you're doing the this machine, you know, somebody has to like time walking
by with when you're going in because you can't walk.
It's like everything is exactly perfectly positioned.
Just kind of like how God made the continents.
I used to hit the Stairmaster in my fucking, and the way I would hit the Stairmaster,
my ass was fucking like out.
Popped out.
It was popped the fuck out.
It was like, I feel like people were like filming the way that I was doing it
on the Stairmaster.
Like you have some like crazy scoliosis and that's the only thing you can do.
Like my, I was like throwing ass out for the whole gym to like just take a look.
And I don't have ass too.
So it was like kind of like, why is he so like, it's as if I had an incredible
like thick fucking juicy ass that I was like, I was like, oh, check this shit
out.
Like, look at this thick ass dumper I got on the back.
Like you guys want to see.
That's how I was doing it on the Stairmaster.
Like I wanted people to like see what I was working with, but I don't have a
fucking ass at all.
It's just skin and a butthole.
That's it.
What?
Skin and a butthole.
That's there's no round.
Wait, wait, wait.
Why, why do they call asses all juicy?
Is it because it looks like a fruit?
Good question.
Why do they call asses juicy?
Is it because it reminds people of some type of rich fruit that has water in it?
Like a watermelon?
Juicy.
Oh, peach.
Oh, yeah.
That's one of the most sexual fruits.
Yeah, probably because of the shape because it's like round because if it's
like round, it's a la a fruit shape.
Yeah, I bet there was someone in ancient times that had a catastrophically big
ass.
We spoke about it.
But it probably grossed them out.
What's that?
Didn't we just speak about this, about the ancient booty that kind of must be
large?
Did we?
Ancient ass?
I don't know.
I feel like that's uncharted territory on Joy Tag.
That feels correct to me, dude.
I don't think we've talked about the ancient booty.
Well, then we might as well discuss it.
Maybe you had a premonitory dream.
What do you think the biggest ass ever was?
Is it a megalodon?
Does a fish have an ass?
Does that count?
Oh, the megalodon ass.
The megalodonk.
I always wondered this.
Do you think the different species of dinosaurs were getting it in each other
sexually?
Oh my, I think you know how fucking lions and whatever.
What's a Linux?
Linux.
Linux.
Whatever.
That's a computer program.
A Linux?
What is it?
Yeah.
What is that?
A combo of?
I don't know.
A lynx is its own thing, I think.
But it's a combo of like a tiger and a lion, right?
Like they can fuck.
I didn't know that.
I'm not up to date on that.
Well, I am.
I actually am.
But I think all dinosaurs were like that.
It doesn't matter if they were tiny, big.
I think they could all intertwine and interbreed.
Well, have I spoken on ring species on this podcast yet?
No, I don't think so.
But everyone's been begging you to go in on it.
Well, I'm still working on my abstracts, so I don't want to reveal all of it at
this
point, but essentially a ring species is you have a species of animal, let's
say, at
the beginning of a geological barrier, let's say a mountain.
And then over the centuries and centuries and millennia and millennia, this
species at
the bottom is traveling up one side of the mountain while the same species are
traveling
up the other side of the mountain.
And over the centuries and millennia, eventually these species reconnect at the
top of the
mountain and they can no longer breed.
Oh.
And what this is, is an observable example of evolution called the ring species.
And back in the days of the dinosaur, the Earth's topography was such that this
was happening
to so many species that they were all interlinked.
So, you know, there were T-Rexes that could fly.
There was like a bird with like dog-like behavior.
There was like a chicken with some shit on its head.
And I'm going to tell you what, I made up 50% of what I just said.
And that's up to you to decipher.
Yeah.
Well, you know what?
That made me think of, I think that Greek people are just kind of like, they
were at
the cusp of being a different type of species, you know?
And I feel like they just, what are you saying?
Yeah.
Greek people were this close to evolving.
You're saying if we built a wall around Greece, they're like one or two
generations
away from not being able to mate with like somebody from New Orleans.
Because they're so different.
They're so different than us regular humans.
You know what I'm saying?
You mean because they look like crazy?
They're just like, they feel like they're just, they barely made the cusp.
You know what I'm saying?
Like they barely made it into the human species.
And are you saying?
You know, good for them.
Good for them.
They have the same DNA as us, barely.
But like, you know, I'm just like, I don't know.
I know I get a lot of hate for this on the podcast for going in on Greek people.
And I don't want it to be like that.
I have a lot of love for the Greek people, actually.
And I think they've done a lot for the human civilization.
But just overall, I just don't really care for them.
Right.
And when you say that they can barely mate with us, do you mean because they're
going
farther ahead or because they're?
No, oh God, no, no, but way behind.
Oh, okay.
Way behind the evolutionary.
Yeah.
Does that have advantages?
Like Neanderthal?
Like you're stronger?
Maybe, you know, maybe a little bit.
But I don't think anyone's kind of deciphered what Greek people can offer to.
Let me just, in case there's any Greek people that listen to the podcast and
you're about
to turn this shit off and go write up some horrible Medium article about us, I
want to
encounter Nate's hate with love.
And I love Greek people.
I have never been to Greece, but in all my dreams and fantasies, I end up on
the isle of
whatever, one of the isles of Greece.
And I have a wide, beautiful wife.
And I've talked about this before, but I'm eating fish all day and oil.
And I just think it's an amazing country with no faults, with a rich, rich
history.
And I appreciate every Greek person.
So, and I love them.
And I'm so attracted to all of you all intellectually and physically.
So, God bless you.
That's just interesting.
And I'll put myself right in the middle and say that I am somebody you want on
your side
and I'm yet to be won over to hate or love Greek people.
So, it's up to you.
I think this is a touchstone that we can kind of come back to.
You know what I'm saying?
We'll kind of check in.
Like, Jack, where are you at?
Have I convinced you that, you know, Greek people are less than, you know, subhuman,
basically?
Right now, I'm leaning towards Nate's side.
I think a lot of people are.
There's just kind of a movement growing.
This is just, I don't stand for any type of hate unless it's against whatever.
Name one Greek person.
Evil?
Yeah, name one as a Greek person.
What you've described is I love Greek people so m