Name: Explaining What Is Outer Space | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.19
Uploaded: 2023-05-29T11:00:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Explaining What Is Outer Space | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.19' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Explaining What Is Outer Space | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.19' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-05-29. Transcript available.

Explaining What Is Outer Space | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.19

all right let me look up the star trek theme song so i can remember how it
sounds welcome to joy
tactics the podcast dedicated to all things joyful joyous and meeting as many
celebrities
as humanly possible hosted by eric rahill nate veroni and jack bensinger enjoy
i don't think i would recognize the star trek theme song yes you would it's it's
i don't think
i would either because i don't fucking watch this yeah star wars over star trek
how about yeah this is not registering at all that's the star trek theme song
yeah yeah and what's crazy is for for every tv show that's ever came out or is
it just a specific
star trek that one i think is similar to the original series but that's the
next generation
theme song and it's space the final frontier let me read the monologue that picard
says at the
beginning because it's really motivational picard all right and we need that
because as you may have
guessed from the title today we're going to be educating everybody on space
outer space inner space
yeah i don't think a lot of people know that we are like i we we have we haven't
shown a lot of our
talents yet on the podcast and this is something that we all are all three of
us where there's a lot of
things that uh venn diagram where all three of us are completely fucking
experts on a subject and it
doesn't happen often but i would say that all three of us are crazily
knowledgeable about space
and the universe and i'm excited to get into this episode to be honest me too
but nate people have
been begging for this nate i just have a interesting question for you what's
that are you recording
audio through your microphone right now because it sounds like you're coming
through your computer
that it you know what i watch there it is watch this but in my local record i'm
okay okay should we
start over god damn hell no man no no no no warts and all people love us for
our warts and all man
now listen to this will fucking kick off the episode listen to this imagine
that you haven't seen the
theme song or the opening tng but it's like beautiful shots of space a blown
spaceship with hundreds of
explorers and engineers upon it and then it goes space this is captain picard
aka patrick stewart
sir patrick stewart saying rest in peace he's still with us space well who am i
oh whatever the final
frontier these are the voyages of the starship enterprise its continuing
mission to explore strange
new worlds to seek out new life and new civilizations to boldly go where no one
has gone before
and then it fucking rockets out
record scratch
man fuck that shit this is the fucking new star trek bitch it's fucking joy
tactics star trek we're
fucking the we're we live on the ship it's our oh man we got our bellies out we
got beer spilling all
over our bellies cigarette fucking burns all over nate's face because he fell
asleep while we were
partying shirt melted into my skin from cigarettes party star trek that would
be down my chin god damn
oh man nate's sucking on one of the aliens oh i just got an idea here's an idea
for for if anybody out there works for college humor or funny or die i'd love
to watch y'all produce something called car trek or something like that oh
where you're in it's like star trek but it's just people in a car
are boldly going on down to a street where they've gone oh okay never before
road trip i don't know this parodies are not my wheelhouse yeah all these
studios are wanting lower but lower and lower budget stuff and they want more
and more profits like we talked about in the last episode so that might
actually fly you know i mean car trek that's basically like steve-o's podcast
because he's like in an rv and he's like recording like you just described like
steve-o's there's he's done
exploring conversations that have never been explored before topics that no one
can imagine even yeah and he's boldly exploring a voice that no one's ever had
before as well hey oh dude i can't even believe it man like i want a voice like
that so bad i want my voice to radically change how do i get that to happen my
voice did change because i got choked so hard i'm a choking away from having a
crazy ass
or you're like one hazardous material clean up away so next time fucking some
some spill happens fly your ass right there get the credit for volunteering and
then have your voice changed by the white box or whatever
yeah now you just got to get mad at someone i feel like if you yelled hard
enough you'd rip something in there that was too peaceful i can't do that and i
never would get mad at anyone
and so if you're listening to the podcast what you won't realize is nate um has
shaved his face in a different type of way oh yeah i have a mustache right now
which uh i rocked a mustache i was the first person to rock a mustache and a mullet
i think i've said that before but
yeah i was just like kind of bored and i was like you know why not let's just
shave this fucking shit in right now
remember when tim allen got arrested for doing cocaine in the 70s smuggling
cocaine that's fucking
much out of him you looked like one of his buddies oh really yeah confidant
something like that yeah
confident so let's get into this thing man so outer space when did they first
discover it because the
cavemen they had a feeling that it was up there but right they weren't quite
positive is that something
that you could well hold on high enough yeah hold on which cavemen are we
talking about because i think
there was a caveman we're because i think that civilization has restarted many
many many times so
we have gone back to cavemen i think a couple of times oh my god and so before
the cavemen that we think of
yeah i know the dinosaurs i know we've talked about this before but i know the
dinosaurs were
typing on laptops oh 100 yeah what do you for their hooves what do you think a
pyramid is a pyramid
that's a essentially it's no coincidence to me that looks like a keyboard right
it's an ancient
computer right so many of these things were ancient computers porn and we are
so on the pyramid that
we're the smartest but no they were bad they were smart as fuck well that was
that's what makes
somebody dumb when you think you know that's when you have no idea isn't that
from oh the real world
it sounds like it wow the real world it's you know i know we're at war with
reality television
right now with the strike and everything but the fact that they have the real
world what didn't they
have a thing what what we do wait what how don't they have a motto yeah you
think you know but you
have no idea isn't that no that's that's that's uh uh uh true life or diary
that's what i say to my
parents fucking all the time that when i ask them for money and they complain
and they fight back
i say you think you know but you have no idea what i'm going through you have
such a bad relationship
with your parents eric and you need to smooth that over you take advantage of
them trying to do
i do and i don't feel bad about it i just i'd leech money from them and i smear
their names all across
the internet and you will figure out one day eric that family is the most
important thing on the
planet and i think that i don't know how many times how many lessons you need
to learn to figure that
out but you will and and it will be bad once you do and you will be there will
be no one left
except mommy and daddy you know when some people have babies and they look into
their baby's eyes
and they go oh my it was that moment that i realized that my role in this life
was to be
protecting this kid and to be whatever yeah that is how i feel every time i
look at something i'm about
to eat oh my god the reason i was put on earth well i just am interested in it
and i'm feeling like
purpose oh i see when i have if i have a baby and i see that thing i know i'm
gonna go like yeah god
damn it are you serious i gotta be chilling with this thing for 18 years then
it's goodbye forever
you know what i mean i'm so i take care of myself so hard i think we need to
have a like uh uh we need
to adopt a child i feel like our generation is not built to raise a child full
time and i think we
should you and your closest homies and group of friends i think we should raise
a kid tribe style
so one person can either get pregnant and then you just trade off the baby so
you have a you have a
kid for like you know three days a month that's so doable and you would give
that kid everything for
that fucking three days oh every fucking thing and then you give them to the
next homie and then it
would just be built upon how awesome is your crew and that would kind of raise
the child and i think
that's how children that's what they do and all those young monks they raise
those uh babies do
they really tribe style yeah yeah trouble style childable well that you guys
want to take the
adoption pact with me i've already taken it what is that it's i made a vow when
i was 13 and someone
visited our high school and gave a speech on adoption i vowed that i would be a
father to the
fatherless one day did you really go home and say like i'm gonna fucking have
an adopted kid for
right when you hey what's the age limit for a dog can you adopt a kid when you're
18 you can adopt a
baby oh when you're 18 can you adopt a baby well probably probably for the
right amount of money
i'm sure that if you had two billion dollars oh if you had two billion dollars
you could you could
adopt a country for two billion imagine that
i could see your ass as a dictator in one of these countries you you you make a
curb your enthusiasm
type show it blows up your beloved uh like michael richards before the fucking
he said the thing
and you take all that money and you go wherever to slovenia and become
a violent dictator but the most beloved dictator oh dude i could see you having
a 40 lane driveway
the craziest flags all up and down it uh uh fucking uh what are those little
lights called lcd
lights of you fucking like belly dancing i open down the fucking all up and
down the whole country
and everybody's gotta wake up when you wake up and you know it's fucking
pathetic you know it's so
pathetic what is that sounds so fucking sick to me i'd live there man awesome
if there was a
turkmenistan but nate's got it if they give you the keys to turkmenistan i
would be the most
benevolent dictator ever what i would here's the thing you can never get me out
of power ever you
can do not on dethrone me all right but what if there was just a good dictator
you know what i'm
saying there's gotta be one god i mean that's dictator that's biden is pretty
much like don't
get me started on good dictators man i feel like if biden could go if they
could let biden cook
a couple more years after that that's the problem with this thing we only get
four eight years are
you serious what could he do with 25 amazing things just give biden a chance
you can be president for
as long as you want didn't resovel roosevelt do that didn't he do like four
terms or something
there were two roosevelts jay delinor roosevelt shaved his head and then
changed his name to dwight
d eisenhower and then all right let's get came let's get back to space let's
get back to space
no i want to say this really quick i want to say this really quick about nate
as a director because
i just have it in my mind you know how they have to put kim jung or whatever's
picture in uh
everybody's house i want nate to put this like you know what i mean like
pulling his pant panties down
right above the dick indentation like i have the tightest latex
fucking pants on and it's like uh it's like the photos like taken from like uh
like way below me and
it's just i want to be everywhere i want to be the first ever uh the defect
defector or whatever from
nate's country and go i would kill you and talk about all the crazy shit that nate
does you guys don't
you think it's all good and all belly dancing and pictures and whatnot he's a
monster dude he figured
out a way to swim on solid ground or something and you woul