Name: 26: Eric's Bday
Uploaded: 2023-07-17T08:00:32.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '26: Eric's Bday' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-17. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '26: Eric's Bday' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-17. Transcript available.

26: Eric's Bday

All the vets that I volunteer with, if I can call me one of the most grounded
patient people that I've ever met.
You're one of the least grounded, most detached from reality people that I've
ever met in my life.
Well, but that's fun.
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous, and
meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger.
Enjoy.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday, Eric.
This is the Eric Rahill birthday.
Birthday spectacular.
All right, Nate, hit it like J-Lo right now.
Happy birthday, yeah.
Oh, I love you, man.
So Eric is turning 21 years old.
You can finally drink legally.
No, but for real, 26.
No, don't cap.
I'll be turning 31 basically today.
All right.
Hey, Eric.
Yeah.
Say this with you.
Say this.
It's my birthday.
It's my birthday.
Do you know that video, Nate?
You must know this.
I mean, I've heard you guys repeat this many times.
Jack is so good at doing this.
It's my birthday.
I don't know if I've heard this so much.
It's a little early.
A little early in the morning.
Some people got that Yoshi in them.
Some people got that Yoshi, Yoshi, Yoshi, Yoshi, Yoshi.
But good morning, everybody.
Good morning.
We are coming to you live from Martha's Vineyard, from a hidden estate where we
are working on
things that you cannot imagine.
We are building projects.
We are building side projects, side hustles, movies, films, TV shows, radio
programs, and
et cetera, products, and fucking new type of missiles to destroy people.
In the Maldives, in Taiwan.
And you've been hearing all of our ideas over and over again on the podcast.
And let's just say that a couple of people have been listening who are close,
close, close
with Edward Snowden in a way that you never thought.
So, booyakasha.
Watch out.
If you live in China, you might want to move countries.
You might want to move countries because we are coming for China.
East of the mountains.
And we are building at Joy Tactics East with counterparts of ourselves that
will be streaming
live from Beijing very soon with a message.
They will be wearing V for Vendetta masks.
And they're going to fuck shit up in crazy ways.
We should say this.
We have been interviewing a lot of people, like the kind of Chinese
counterparts.
That's right.
Flies down.
I have been.
Fix that now.
But we have been interviewing a lot of people from international countries to
find, like,
you know, in that, this might date a lot of people, but that show Recess.
Do you guys ever watch that?
Of course.
Was there a different type of recesses across the world?
No, no, no.
But in that show, I feel like this is a classic TV trope where they will meet
different versions
of them.
Like, there's another school.
Oh, yeah.
Of course.
And then there's, like, a different Bart Simpson that looks like Bart Simpson.
A different Hey Arnold.
It's like, yeah.
Football head.
He's a baseball head.
So, there's basically versions of me in, you know, India.
There's, like, a Nate in India.
It's hard to find.
Oh, of course.
It's hard to find.
There's eight billion of us that we know of because we don't know who's in the
oceans.
Oh, yeah.
Everybody's a different version of themselves, one person.
There's one person who's the original, and all of us are just the rest of them.
Right.
And you want, I'm just saying, you think there's one person out there for you,
and you just happen
to find them in your hometown or at the college that you went to?
I know my soulmates in Jaipur.
Right.
And I don't know who they are, but I know that they have an amazing life, and
they are exactly
what I need.
And I just want to say, it is raining right now.
It is raining right now.
Oh, it just came down.
The downpour.
It's coming down.
I love raining.
If you can hear this-
Should we try and let them hear it?
Yeah.
Literally, they're not hearing anything.
You probably can't hear that.
No, if you could hear this, you would be going to sleep right now, but it
actually wouldn't
because we're being so interesting to listen to.
Sometimes interesting things put you to sleep.
Yeah, that's right.
Should we take attendance?
Let's take attendance.
All right.
And then say, how are you doing?
All right.
Well, who am I taking attendance for?
Personal.
A bus?
Oh, Jack here.
Eric here.
Doing good.
Got good sleep last night.
What did I-
Oh, last night I had a martini.
Jesus Christ, man.
You just skipped over his whole thing.
You passed it over to me.
I thought you weren't going to say.
Well, I wasn't.
I didn't really-
I could quite understand.
I really was going to do this to check in on the listeners.
Oh, let's-
I'm sorry.
Let's do that.
No, no.
Well, I want to hear-
It's your birthday.
Yeah, yo.
It's your birthday, Eric.
We can do whatever you want.
So, like, you know.
Eric is one of the fucking biggest fucking-
It's my birthday week.
Like, it's my birthday month.
Every day you have to treat me nice.
You make fun of that, but I went years without presents, without anybody
acknowledging my birthday.
I was like Harry Potter, under a fucking cupboard.
In the orphanage.
In the orphanage.
And nobody acknowledged me.
So, now I'm finally standing up for myself.
Did Harry Potter get struck on the head with lightning?
That's how he got this?
Oh, in a sense, by a wand, by Voldemort.
Oh, Voldemort.
How come people don't, like, fucking roast each other as good in movies like
that?
There's no person who just comes in and lets them have it.
Voldemort.
What's that?
Little salamander nose looking guy?
Is that what it looks like?
If Voldemort was here right now, we'd be laughing his ass out the door.
Yo, dude, you look like that.
Oh, shit.
You should be in the hospital, dude.
Yeah.
Yeah, for real.
You should be in the morgue-wary.
Yeah, you need a little color on you.
You look disgusting.
You know what I mean?
I would go like this.
Fucking try to, you know, you, like, capture somebody's nose, and I'd be like,
oh, shit.
There's nothing there, man.
Oh, man.
I wonder what you look like.
He'd take out his little wooden wand.
I would say, get the fuck out of here.
Smack it out of their hand.
I'd put my fingers in his nose and drag him around like a fish.
Yeah, no fucking.
And you don't fuck with Harry Potter one more time, because he's trying his
best, and he's
lost enough in life.
Nobody's beating ass in fucking Harry Potter.
Like, they all have their wands.
It's children.
It's children.
I would smack them with a fucking-
You are just one fucking kicker, 300 kicker.
Sit on somebody's chest, and don't let them get up.
Get a fucking shovel and smack them on the head, and that's fucking game over.
You're letting them put spells on you?
Drive into someone's house.
Good God.
Do they have cars in Harry Potter?
Oh, they got flying cars, dude.
Really?
Yeah, Ron Weasley's dad's all obsessed with muggles.
Are they all British cars?
Oh, dude, don't get me into Harry Potter lore, because you know I don't fuck
with Harry
Potter anymore.
Well.
But, you know what I'm saying.
Yeah, I know what you're saying.
Yeah.
Respect.
So, today, we're going to spend this episode honoring Eric, essentially.
Celebration.
I appreciate that.
I've been asking for this shit for a long-ass time.
Yeah.
We had another topic, but that was probably way more interesting than this, but
Eric was
like-
I was like, can we just make it about my fucking birthday for once?
You know, a birthday is a celebration of someone's life, and today, we're
celebrating Eric Ray
Hill, one of my best friends on the planet, one of the funniest people ever to
do it.
Literally, there's nobody on the world that makes me laugh more than Eric Ray
Hill.
He's one of the goats.
His name will be up in lights forever.
He will be known-
For something.
For something.
Yeah, we don't know if it's entertainment or something violent, but something's
going
to snap at some point.
He will be known soon for something.
Well, I appreciate that, brother.
Probably something dark, but yeah.
How does that feel?
How does that feel?
Well, you know, when Nate gives me a compliment, I'm feeling like, I feel
butterflies.
Yeah.
One time, Layla had all my friends write me letters.
You guys did this, and you guys' letters made me basically cry.
Oh, my goodness.
I'm sitting there reading these letters from all of my friends, and I was like,
come on,
now.
You know what I'm saying?
There's nothing like friends.
There's nothing like a good friend.
If you're listening right now, and you have a friend, go write them a letter.
Go write them a letter.
Because you don't know how long they got on this earth.
One of us probably has a ticking time bomb in our bodies right now.
Mission Impossible style.
I know I got some of that shit.
I know I got one of those things beeping in my fucking nose right now.
Yeah, yeah.
And it could be 10 years.
It could be 10 days.
And by the way-
10 hours.
It could be 10 seconds.
So do it.
Right, right, right.
Pause this shit, and go write your friend a letter, and come back.
My brother just saw someone die on an airplane.
Well, that's true.
So you don't know when God's going to take you.
And I just watched Jaws, and some hell of people die in that.
Death is all around us.
It's constantly invading our brain space.
And it's a good reminder.
Yeah.
It's a good reminder to view yourself when you're going to die.
All right?
This is a tool that you can use.
You can view yourself at your deathbed and look at yourself dying.
Everyone do that.
Eric, Jack.
View yourself.
I don't need a reminder.
I don't need a reminder to do that.
I'm doing that every time I do anything.
But you've got to look at yourself when you're 96 years old.
Eric will probably be in his early 50s when he's gone.
According to my family history, it'll be my 40s, probably, the way I'm living.
Jack will be like 100 and probably, you'll live until 362.
They're going to lose track.
Yeah, they're going to lose track.
They're going to get over it.
You know that man that they say is 146 years old or whatever, and he looks like
a ghost?
Yeah.
That's going to be you.
He's a little worm.
He's that grandma from SpongeBob sitting in bed all like that.
But you'll be sitting in bed with RuneScape with one of the oldest laptops
anybody's ever seen.
Join the clan chat.
But, Jack, you'll be looking so emaciated, so ancient, like your body just
wants to wither and deteriorate.
But you can literally move around like a 25-year-old.
You can, like, jump around.
You're putting your legs behind your head.
I'm going to be like a secret character in a video game.
Like, oh, why is that?
That doesn't look right for this world, but it moves the same as everybody else.
You're hitting the Mangina.
I'm hitting the Mangina.
The 200-year-old Mangina.
I'm going to get bored.
I'm going to have to just start over, I guess, in a sense, and just go back to
college.
Like, what am I going to do?
Well, I'm going to do another lap.
I just turned 100.
Can I start over?
I'm 121.
I'm going to Rutgers.
I want to do that so bad.
Put makeup on an old person and say they got Benjamin Button some.
You know, I do legit want to, like, if there is some sort of technology that
exists when
we're 115 that de-ages us or something like that.
You'll do it?
100%.
I'll do it.
But I would...
Be careful messing with nature.
I don't give a fuck about nature, dude.
You know that.
Oh, dude, be careful.
You're going to get struck by lightning.
This is what I want to do.
What?
I want to have my second life, you know?
I want to go full on into trying to become a pop star.
Oh.
Interesting.
Because I'm just a 115-year-old, reverse-age, plastic surgery-ed-out pop star.
Yes.
But your voice still sounds old as fucking all mucous-y.
I'll be on my suit and tie, so...
It would be a whole thing.
But you can still bust crazy moves.
You know how you have, like, somebody...
You know how Bob Dylan came into the game, and he was like, oh, I can't even...
I don't know.
I can't even really sing.
He can't really sing.
He can't even really speak normal