Name: The Kid Friendly Episode | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.28
Uploaded: 2023-07-31T11:00:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Kid Friendly Episode | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.28' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Kid Friendly Episode | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.28' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-07-31. Transcript available.

The Kid Friendly Episode | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.28

do you think timothy chalamet had friends growing up hell no but now look who
he's friends with
he's friends with leonardo dicaprio he's justin bieber larry david larry david
he's chilling with
everybody because he sacrifices youth welcome to joy tactics the podcast
dedicated to all things
joyful joyous and meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible hosted by eric
rahill
nate veroni and jack bensinger enjoy joy tactics kids it's the kids episode
come with us we'll show you the world talking about everything
joy tactics kids episode
oh yeah it's the joy tactics children's only episode that's right get your kids
out today
we're gonna have some fun we're gonna learn we're gonna get exercise in we're
gonna talk about all
sorts of crazy fun activities oh yeah my name's jack but you can call me lucy
man the craziest
well so kids do we have like kids personas or something yeah we do kids we have
personas so
don't even oh yeah eric what's my name's eric um i'm 30 years old and i live in
new york city
in one of the biggest cities on the planet wow wait is that my name's nate
i'm i'm a part of the paw patrol i i uh
paw patrol you don't know about paw patrol um and guess what
it's jack again we
you didn't think i'm out i'm back
listen listen to all the parents listening right now we got your messages we
know that we are
hitting the 28 to about 38 year old demographic and you guys are starting to
have little what we call
kids and you guys want to listen to this in the car you want to but we're
talking about
stuff that i can't mention right now we're using words that are really silly
that you shouldn't
using banned by god we won't go into those topics right now no we won't um this
is about the children
it's about the children it's about crayons an episode for the kids by the kids
the inner kids
um and we're just gonna have a good time trying to that's right keep it clean
and i feel like we can
connect so hard with what children are into because we have retained a lot of
people have
casted away their inner child as they've grown up and become an adult and us i
feel like we
we have definitely retained that inner sense of play within oh yeah that inner
sense of imagination and
creativity and and boundless um uh yeah sort of whatever i've been trailing off
i'm not finishing
that's it get it back to the kids we're talking to the adults right right so
let's get all the kids
to make a promise to us right now that you will never grow up just like us one
two three nice now
turn around three times right and do a jumping jack nice all right hey kids if
you're listening to
this what's your favorite type of food shout it out right now and we'll do the
same eric burrito jack
burrito uh i was gonna say chicken wing actually nate plain rice no seasoning
nothing else just the rice
nothing else in it just plain rice barely you were you were you were telling us
at dinner what you kind
of do with rice sometimes sometimes i put butter up in it are you kidding me
like like that as a kind
of uh immigrant sort of uh that's what i guess that's what i grew up eating a
lot of times was rice and
butter can you spell rice and butter and uh ohio and father working at a church
and can we check in
with the children real quick because a lot of these tv shows and a lot of these
programs and youtubes
they are they're making children spell things and name things is that what you
want i don't think
is that what the children really want do they want to be like oh heck no you
want to get you guys want
to hear about the worst day of my life yep somebody who happened to be my
teacher in first grade said
jack can you spell grasshopper for everybody no and i went g-r-u-p-p-e-r and
guess what happened
everybody laughed i'm not gonna say what happened but basically somebody with
blonde hair jumped up on
the desk and took his penis out and had to go to the principal's office we're
bleeping that word we're
bleeping that word penis is medical they need to know that one oh that is
medical if you're gonna
refer to that type of shit just use that full medical term don't use any of the
other words
anybody's throwing around because that's disgusting that's filth as a child you
should not be encountering
filth you should not be participating in filth you must be clean for the lord
unless the filth is
dirt in your fingernails because you were eating worms and onion grass hey kids
i got a challenge for you
this goes in hand in hand with my my vision to save the world if you got mommy
or daddy's ipad go take
that out back and see what a rock does to it smash that shit smash that thing
you sound like one of my
influences marshall matters yeah there's a fucking sorry oh i said the f word
my bad oh that's fine
well okay oh yeah it's it's a black carpenter and oh yeah invading the property
we're at right now
oh yeah scares us we need to bring up something right now because something
just happened where
we just got off track and there was a curse word that was thrown out but i
think it's important to
know that some children need to hear some of you know that that grown-ups can
make mistakes that it's
okay to make a mistake yeah right and kids can make mistakes too grown-ups make
mistakes but what do we
say on joy tactics for kids oh yeah and we say this ace can you spell a setup
as a setback for a setback
as a setup for a comeback because sometimes you'd be saying something you
shouldn't have said and it
makes everybody upset and guess what you do you don't apologize you say i'm
growing now well and
guess what everybody we got a kitty a cat on our labs this is money everybody
can you say hello to
muffy hello muffy my cat has been bothering the shit out of me all morning okay
so that is a lower
tier offense but no it's not even about honestly in my house cursing is fine so
it's not about cursing
it's about action because would you rather have somebody say a curse word to
you or wake up on
christmas morning and every one of your parents throats have been slit right
and oh yeah doctor
calling you guys know what doctors are right they're good for you they're good
for you and you should
trust them i want to say this about making mistakes because when i was the kid
i was so convinced that
anytime i made a mistake i would be uh cursed this is the end i can't make one
mistake and it's over
the truth of the matter is you get a certain amount of numbers of mistakes in
life serious mistakes you
can make if you there is a limit of forgiveness within society if you cross one
of these boundaries
even as a child if you do something horrible enough you will be tossed out by
society but you get a
certain amount of freebies so yeah you could steal a couple dollars you could
go accidentally knock some
paint over on someone's house you could do a couple things and people will
still rock with you
but if you cross the line society we haven't progressed that much their
forgiveness is kind
of a foreign concept to a lot of people in the society if you cross the line
you will be thrown
out like garbage into a fire and we'll forget about you you're right okay
nobody's gonna we'll never
forget about you eric did something recently this week that's going to come out
uh in the press
we've been messaged by we've been notified by eric's reps yeah and by they were
notified by variety
magazine and by the new york mag and by washington post let's just say it was
an attempt to unify to
basically what they call fighting neighbors palestine and israel it was a
visual stunt an artistic stunt
that went sour and sometimes you can't control people's reactions to things you
can't right and
unfortunately this is going to end with me losing a lot of business losing a
lot of maybe friends but
let's make a pact right now and kids this is an important lesson for you if one
of your friends does
something really bad to the point where it is ruining your relationships to
even know them
pick a side pick a side pick a side and i i encourage you to pick the side that
with the
most money yep oh yeah should we sing a song about something now yeah yeah yeah
because kids there's
something called cancel culture and it's fucking ruining the whole world you
look at people who are
being canceled stevie wonder is he alive oh yeah oh yeah god and you know what
kids i want to tell
you because if you hear me grunting in pain something not that chill happened
to me yesterday
i was here's and here's the other thing another lesson your bodies can fail you
and what happened
to me yesterday is i i think probably did a grade two tear on my hamstring by
trying to sprint
and to be uh i participated in ego and trying to show everybody how fast i was
on camera you tried to
keep up with the young buck a muscle in my leg popped if you want to see the
full video which is crazy
you're gonna have to hit the patreon it's one of the fucking craziest uh maybe
it may be one of the
craziest podcasts ever created i would say yeah so definitely hit up patreon.com
slash joy tactics this is an ad
for our get your mama's credit card get your daddy's credit card right now use
apple pay you don't have
to have the credit card anymore and sign it's five dollars a month with however
with inflation that
is like one fifty cents basically and inflation is you know when you eat a
bunch of lollipops and
your stomach gets big that's like inflating so get on joy tactics patreon.com
steal your mama's credit
card and become a hundred dollar tier member because they won't regret it you
won't get in trouble
um what are we just talking about singing a song for the kids oh yeah the thing
about eric's leg
injury is it's not going to look that violent when you see it it's going to
look like like nothing
happened nothing really happened but but those are sometimes the most violent
things it's similar to
when a tsunami hits sometimes you hear people talk about the tsunami and they
they say it's shocking how
silent it was i remember when in 2004 when that tsunami hit and people were
talking about how
you know tourists were running out to the beach because they saw big waves and
the tide had been
sucked out yeah people were screaming at them don't go out there don't go do it
and those people that
went to play in the in the uh tide and tried to mess with mother nature were
quickly swept away and never
seen again entire families and do you know how many people were lost no 250 000
are you serious i'm not
kidding 250 000 to chill to you kids that might sound like a number you can't
imagine no but that is a lot
of people you know when you imagine this you know look outside right now you
see all the leaves on the
trees you see all the grass on the ground imagine if every single one of those
were people and now
imagine if they were gone forever i think this is something that a lot of kids
out there need to
understand is that this the world that you were born into is one of the most
chaotic most violent most
destructive worlds that maybe you could have ever been born into of any era of
any time so i just
want to say first off good luck and second off that you need to watch your
fucking back because
everything could be good watch your back one day but the next day yeah there
could be a tornado there
could be some sort of crazy nuclear explosion that goes off i don't want to put
still that fear in you
i just want to prepare you for what the truth is because a lot of people have
been lying to you in your
life you have been lied to by the media by the television by all these things
that are in your
life and you need a fucking sorry or a freaking wake-up call right now that was
a pretty weak apology
right there and let me slip an apology into the rant it's just gonna happen it's
just gonna happen
let me continue this this train of thought real quick okay there is such a
thing as spiritual and
karmic debt and people think that this is a individual debt this is a societal
debt this is a species-wide
wide debt what we are doing right now is paying for the crimes of 