Name: Food | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.30
Uploaded: 2023-08-14T10:45:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Food | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.30' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Food | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.30' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-14. Transcript available.

Food | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.30

I have a really fucking...
What, do you just have fun, Eric?
Yeah, I mean, I've been fucking dying to talk about this shit since day one.
You guys are like, no, let's not talk about fucking ketchup and mustard, dude.
Well, I want to, man. I don't know that much, and this is what I know some shit
about, okay?
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous,
and meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger. Enjoy.
Good morning, everybody. It's Joy Tactics, or good evening, depending on where
you are in the world.
My name's Eric Rahill, and I'm starting off a podcast about a liter in to a
Poland Spring,
liter and a half bottle of water that I got at a gas station today.
And I got to say, these are a treat.
The smart waters cost... No, Jack, you have one, too.
You have a baby size.
I have a baby size. This is all the water I've drank in today, stranded on an
island style.
And I got this one at the airport, Eric.
So there's automobiles and planes.
And planes.
Did you go on a train today?
I actually care about the environment.
I'm using a hydro flask right now, and I've saved a lot of...
I've saved a lot of plastic waste or whatever.
So you must not know about the hydro flask fucking mines.
Hmm?
Yep.
They fucking have to mine those out of the fucking dirt.
Excuse me?
All that metal that you think is so easy to get.
Well, guess what?
There's families fucking mining for the hydro flask.
That's probably 100% true.
Yeah, it is.
And they're fucking clanging them like old blacksmiths.
Making the hydro flask.
Oh, I got to do a fucking purple one right now.
Putting the NPR stickers on them.
You don't know what pain you're causing across the world by trying to be all
liberal.
Fuck pain.
Fuck pain.
Oh, fuck pain.
We wanted to talk about something that is essentially the opposite of pain,
unless it's the bad version of it.
But the topic is food.
Food.
Delicious foods.
Can you say food?
Can you say?
Can you spell food?
Get my belly?
Hey, hey, hey.
Honestly, I can't believe we haven't talked about this previously.
Because this is probably the one thing in the world that gives people the most
joy of anything else is the meals that you have and the meals that you share
them with.
So I think we should organize this.
I'm finally bringing my organizational skills and kind of workflow strengths to
this podcast.
And I think we should break it up.
I think we should talk about food that we like to cook, snacks that we like to
eat from the store, and then go into restaurants at the end, which is the treat.
This is what people really want to know.
They want to know our restaurant knowledge for the big cities.
That's great.
Thank you for bringing your organizational skills, finally.
That's why we brought you on to the podcast initially.
And now that you're laid off, it's perfect.
I have been looking at my fucking resume, and it's saying shit like, I can't
even go into it.
The Bear Season 2.
Yeah, Bear Season 2.
It just says FX.
FX, like FX March through March 2023 through March 2023.
But no, seriously, food.
We'll go into the history for a second.
Long ago, we were foraging for this stuff.
Country gatherers.
Before we knew how to farm, right?
So it was berries and rabbits and venison.
That's how we're supposed to eat, but it's not as delicious as the farmed shit,
right?
You guys know this.
Of course.
Well, the thing is, foraging, it's funny to remove ourselves from nature
because foraging is simply organic shopping, right?
So if you go to the grocery store, you are foraging.
You're just foraging in metal.
Instead of picking something out of the dirt, it's a piece of metal.
So I encourage you to not remove yourself from nature so much like that.
We're animals.
You shouldn't be ashamed if you fucking get into fights at the airport or on a
bike path.
It's just a natural animalistic instinct to tear somebody to shreds.
It is.
But when it comes to cooking, huh?
Oh, I was just going to say this.
Eating that way, by the way, just the motion of that type of eating that food
gives us amazing facial structures that are sorely missing from our society,
the Western societies today.
We used to chew on gristle and on bones.
And I don't know where I heard this.
It might have been Huberman.
But we're eating too much soft processed stuff these days.
And our faces look like shit because there's no muscles working in our jaws.
Sorry, I'm getting pissed.
No, no.
Sorry to cut you off.
But it's called, and they're calling us the Go-Gurt generation.
No.
Google it.
Oh, no.
Because, and Nate, you're an expert on this because you're the one of the
biggest victims of it.
Kids ate so much Go-Gurt.
Go-Gurt.
That their face got all shaped all crazy like that horse filter on TikTok that
makes me laugh like crazy.
I used to freeze them Go-Gurts.
Oh, yeah.
Go-Gurt in the freezer.
Suck on it like a lollipop.
Yeah.
That's cooking.
Nate.
I feel like I've been freezing things more that don't need to be frozen, you
know, as I'm aging.
Like I put a scone in the freezer.
Why?
And just ate it all frozen.
What the hell?
You know, I read that.
It makes me think about this story I just read about the first, the youngest
person to ever get Alzheimer's was just found in China at 17.
Do you think this is a sign?
And I think you might be in a similar bracket.
I'm eating frozen bread.
I'm fucking eating frozen scones.
Well, man.
You know, the most psychotic thing I've ever seen frozen was when we were in
Martha's Vineyard and I bought some Twizzlers for us watching a movie.
And Jack put them in the freezer.
Why is that?
Why is that psychotic?
Yeah, that was messed up.
Frozen Twizzlers?
Eric, hold on a second.
First of all, that's not even the most psychotic thing that I put in the
freezer on that trip.
Oh, definitely.
What else did you put in there?
Here's what I did.
I got a bunch of fruit roll-ups and I put one scoop of vanilla ice cream on top
of each of them, like a plate of hors d'oeuvres, and I put the plate back in
the freezer.
And what shocked me, and then I was going to go give one to everybody, and what
shocked me is that somehow in the freezer, all the fucking ice cream melted on
that fucking plate.
So then when I brought everything back out, I was basically just getting
fucking laughed at because I came out with this plate of hors d'oeuvres all
sweating down my fucking face.
I feel like everyone, my memory of that is like everyone just ignored you.
Like they were just like, what?
Like you just came out with this like the craziest plate of snacks anyone's
ever seen in their life.
I came out with a plate of basically eight scoops of ice cream melted onto a
plate.
I basically came out with a plate of melted ice cream and everybody didn't take
me seriously.
It's a good instinct.
Listen, it's a good instinct.
My ice cream order on that trip was mint chocolate chip with gummy bears and
hot fudge, okay?
And I think there is something about those gummies being all a little bit
frozen by the ice cream, and that sounds like a similar thing to the fruit roll-ups
being.
Thanks, man.
For some reason, hearing my voice right now, it's making me feel disassociated
talking about this for the first time in a while.
I'm feeling like I'm watching myself doing this from about 10 feet above my
head.
So that could be a coming stroke.
It could be something bad, but I'm going to fucking hold tight and rock this
podcast fucking out.
Yeah.
Nope.
And guess what?
If you want to have a panic attack, crazy.
I don't get those.
No, no.
I don't get those, man.
That's not me.
You got me mistaken.
Of course.
Well, all right.
If somebody else wants to have a panic attack on this podcast named Schmerich
Schmayhill.
That's a different one.
All I'm saying is, man, that's going to be a good clip.
Oh, shit.
You guys aren't thinking about the clips, man.
You guys are always thinking about clips.
I just don't have the technical know-how to create these.
In my head, I'm in a clip right now.
Look at me.
I'm probably on Instagram right now on a clip on TikTok.
Who knows what's going to happen?
The clips are so good.
We should be pre-planning the clips like, all right, at fucking 12 minutes, I'm
going to
fucking go.
Oh, that's a good idea.
Let's tell a story about-
That is a great idea.
Oh, wow.
If we had an hour-long podcast that was just-
All clips.
One minute, 61 minute clips that we all had written beforehand.
That's all people care about.
Yeah, they just want the fucking clips.
Except for the real ones.
You just want the clips, don't you?
Except for the real ones.
Oh, really?
You all just like us for our clips.
You don't even like us for who we are, man.
You don't even give a fuck about any of us or this podcast.
All you want is a fucking clip, don't you?
God, fucking damn it.
Look yourself in the mirror.
No, we probably have, honestly, we probably have the opposite of that in
reality.
Because our clips get no fucking love and they're trash.
I put out the worst clip on the planet last week.
We've been shadow fucking banned.
Well, my brain has shadow banned good ideas, apparently, fucking with that last
clip I posted.
Good God.
How many people have come up to you and told you that they're shadow banned and
you have
to go like, yeah, what the- dude, I've- I noticed.
Oh, dude.
Yes.
When I'm telling my Republican influential friends.
Yeah.
Totally, man.
Well, it's funny.
Because I've been banished to the shadows my entire life.
Sorry, go ahead.
I know, but you're just coming out.
You're fucking coming out Albright like an angel.
Like a diamond.
Madeline Albright.
Who's that?
Madeline Albright.
I don't know.
But I bet she was amazing.
So, we moved from a foraging society to a agricultural kind of beastly society.
A groceryizing society.
Here's what I want to say.
An interesting thing that I've always felt that's connected me to history.
I got an opportunity to go to Europe.
Okay?
I'll fucking say it.
I went to Europe.
I've talked about it before.
I'll say it again.
And on this trip, we were in Germany in a town called Baden-Baden.
And, yes, I stripped down naked with my dad and my brother.
Didn't know we'd have to get all nude.
I saw my dad getting rocked by a masseuse on a marble table.
And I've never seen him look so vulnerable.
What do you mean, rocked?
Wait, he was naked on a beach?
We were all naked.
No, no.
In this spa, we all got naked.
Man, you just pulled the crazy Jack Bensinger right there by leaving out a
bunch of context.
Oh, I did?
I did?
But I know the story, yeah.
Oh, fuck.
Yeah.
Sorry, I thought you were at a nude beach.
No, no.
I'm not with it right now.
But, no, it was a spa.
And it was amazing.
You know, I love saunas.
I love steam rooms.
And this shit's got it all.
And you're walking around naked with all sorts of Europeans.
And whatever.
That's fine.
And, by the way, you get used to the nudity.
To all my friends that are afraid to be nude, listen, just wait about five
minutes.
You get used to it, okay?
You get used to how God fucking made us.
Did we discuss that we went skinny dipping together?
Is it 3-0?
Oh, yeah, Martha.
And that was on a beach.
I don't know if we did.
Well.
I can tell it from my perspective, or maybe, Nate, you want to.
Basically, we went to the nude beach portion of this larger beach.
We're looking at some of the older people just walking around, being casual.
We're going to play Frisbee.
I turn around.
Jack's got his little shorts off and his ding-a-ling's flopping around.
And he's throwing that shit at me.
And then it was kind of like from Zoolander when they're all riding around in
that truck,
spraying each other with gasoline.
That was the vibes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where we were just so joyful.
Whee!
Throwing the front.
And then Nate took it off.
And then I'm like, all right, here it comes.
Here it comes.
Here it comes.
The fucking.
The coke can coming out of my pants.
And you guys accepted it.
And then a shark came and ate the fuck out of all of us.
We 