Name: The Perfect Podcast for Hospitals | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.31
Uploaded: 2023-08-21T11:00:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Perfect Podcast for Hospitals | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.31' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Perfect Podcast for Hospitals | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.31' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-08-21. Transcript available.

The Perfect Podcast for Hospitals  | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.31

You think anybody has listened to Joy Tactics before, heard our voices in their
ears in the
last six months, and then has passed away? Yes. Welcome to Joy Tactics, the
podcast dedicated
to all things joyful, joyous, and meeting as many celebrities as humanly
possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger. Enjoy.
Nate, do you want to kick it off? Welcome to Joy Tactics. I'm so like honestly
just like
excited right now for the fucking topic of the day. This podcast just makes me
so like
honestly erm, erm, erm, erm, like I don't know man, never mind, Joy Tactics.
What is happening? What the hell was that? What the hell, Jack? That was AI?
Are you serious? Did you just AI my fucking voice, dude? Are you fucking
serious, man?
I don't know. I didn't do that shit. Eric, why don't, Eric, get my back, man.
Get, get
my back. Oh, my. That was awesome. You too, man. Why does my, uh, voice-like
sound kind
of busted right now? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. What the hell? Oh
my god.
Did you write that? Or that was synthesized from how we speak over many
podcasts? Um, I wrote
that. See, they could know, they can't, it's not at that level yet. That is why.
This is so twisted because I thought I had to be afraid of these big
corporations,
stealing my voice, stealing my likeness. And who do I have is the person
closest to me that
is taking my voice, taking our voices and using it for purposes that I don't
know what you
could be doing here. That's right. We're already dealing with the Eric's image.
enemies, uh, uh, uh, spread across the internet on many different pages on many
websites. Let
me give a status update on that. Uh, the worst has, uh, come to come to pass.
And, um, even
the moderators found that to be fake on Reddit and did the right moral thing to
do and they
removed it. This is spread like a fast growing weed across all the other social
media platforms.
And it's currently on a Facebook meme page called that's controversial. And it's
got about 325,000
likes and it's fake news, man. It can never, it can't be stopped. It can't be
stopped. It's making
my ass laugh. But the people on Facebook are all nice about it on Reddit. They're
like, you liars,
you're destroying the sanctity of this on Facebook. Every single comment is
like, dude,
that is not a bad neighbor. That's an amazing neighbor. And like, I would have
brought him
some fucking whiskey and a fucking, you know what I mean? They're, they're
trying to be
kind of Americana about it. I guess that's nice that all the boomers and older
people, that's
the society that they envision. Well, Facebook is fun. Facebook is fun. Reddit
is serious.
Twitter is serious. Everyone on Instagram is fake. Facebook is where you have
fun and where
you can kick back and you relax and you don't worry about anything else. There's
nothing going
on except community. Should we start a bumping joy tactics Facebook page? Hell
yeah. We should
do it. How do we not have and just be posting like all day long on there? Like
just, is there
like Facebook, uh, podcast network? You know what I'm saying? What am I trying
to say? Like
Facebook live or something? That's something. Uh, there must be. Yeah,
definitely. Cause
that's where everybody gets their start. Isn't there that we're like a lot of
Trump people
got together. Not that we're like that, but isn't that where like so far from
that? Well,
the opposite of that. We need to start running Facebook ads. Are you guys down
for that? We
could spend like probably 80% of our Patreon money and we could target specific
people and
we could, who do we want to target? You know what I'm saying? Should we target
people that
we think could like our podcast or should we target enemies? You know what I'm
saying?
Well, that's, that's, that's a bit what we want to discuss today. Yeah.
Targeted ads towards sick people. Right. Right. Because guess what? They have
at that point
when you're that sick, if you're really badly sick, money becomes monopoly
money. You know
what I mean? Because whatever you got saved up. Oh, that's her. That's it. This
is genius.
Go fucking spend it. Especially those, uh, the hypochondriac types, by the way,
because
everybody every day is Googling like, is this headache going to kill me? Is
this infection
in my toe going to do the fucking Bob Marley shit to me or whatever? However, I
got it. I
got to say the cat Williams joke from the pimp chronicles that I just heard
where he's
talking about, you know, you guys must know this one where he's talking about
how weed is a
plant. And it can't, if you should so happen to set it on fire, you might feel
some effects,
but if you take, you know, 13 aspirin, that's going to be your last headache.
Okay. Pretty good. Cat Williams. Cat Williams, the goat, the chicken wing goat.
Cat Williams does
not get enough respect. And he does not play. He does not play. He plays
theater. Oh, okay. So
what's the topic of today's episode, guys? Hospitals. Hospitals. Get into it.
This is going
to be geared to people that are laid up in the fucking hospital, uh, with
either broken bones
or broken organs, whatever it is. We, this episode is for you guys. And the
idea, the idea here is
that you guys will listen, you guys will be there in the, in the hospital doing
your thing and you'll
be sitting in bed going like this and everyone's going to go, what the hell?
This person just got
ran over by a fucking 25 wheeler. How are they so happy right now? What's
getting them through this?
What's powering them on? Like fucking energizer bunny. Then you take your
fucking headphones off.
You go, I was just, sorry, I can't even, it's this get to it, man. Get to it.
Show them the computer
screen. Joy tactics, podcast, and then get, beg them to bring in whoever is the
manager, the regional
manager of the hospital and explain to them, look, I know these guys, I can cut
you all a deal for your
programming on the television programs throughout the hospital. Um, I think
this is a business. If you
guys are willing to go in, we can give you, work out a percentage. Um, that's,
that's what we're
trying to do with this is explore different marketplaces. And I want this shit
to spread
ward to ward like wildfire. Well, this is, this is my idea is what's the noise
policy in hospitals?
Because can you bring in a Bluetooth beats pill and crank it up all the way and
hit the joy tactics
and get the whole hospital bump in, you know? Oh, where everybody's at the same
time.
Could you do it like a, one of those, you know, there's like spy band-aids
where the spies have
come around with a band-aid and they put it on a car and then it's actually a
bomb.
Could we do that with Bluetooth band-aids and go around and start smacking
sound band-aids
all over the world and play and then everybody, my God, something like that.
Well, you know, as, as we get smarter and as, as processing power becomes
extremely cheap,
we're going to have crazy gadgets like that very soon. Let's go.
And I think sound band-aids are the first ones that we, oh, I had a question.
Do you guys think
that anybody who's ever, do you think anybody has listened to joy tactics
before, heard our voices
in their ears in the last six months and then has passed away? Yes. Yes.
Oh God. And I would, I would, I would say that there's actually many.
No, no. And hold on. It wasn't, it wasn't, we don't get that.
Well, there's, there's a couple of reasons for that. One of the reasons, one of
the reasons
it's not is that they heard it and they liked it so little that they decided to
end it all.
One of the reasons it may be, I could see is that they, uh, kind of saw like
that there
could be more, there could be something behind the curtain that is the spirit
and they, I don't
want to take credit for any of this. I'm backpedaling.
So my opinion is that especially a lot of men see men get jealous of other men's
relationships.
Let's just be honest about that. Right. And even just a friendship way. And I
think if you
are a lonely male that has never got a chance to live in one of the big cities,
which all
of us have spent plenty of time in those suckers, um, they probably look at our
chemistry and our
effortless kind of banter. And they're like, well, I'll never fucking have that.
There's no chance
that. And if you're one of those men and you feel that and you feel lonely,
there's a couple
of guys out there for you. I'll just say that. Ben and Jerry. Okay. Ben and
Jerry. Digital
fist bump. Yeah. That was amazing. Yeah. There's a couple of guys out there for
you. Jack and
Daniel, Jim and Bean, Ben and Jerry, a rope and a chair. Fucking idiots. Fuck
these people,
man. I'm sick of it. All these friends are hella jealous. Remember, I feel like
when the
three of us sit at like a table at a bar or something and we like literally are
like, like
losing it, dying, laughing. You look over in the corner and there's like eight
like frat finance
bros all just like trying to find a topic that they're kind of like relate to
each other
on. That's pathetic. Yeah. Well, let's get into what we'll define what sickness
is. We'll
define what injury is. Um, I want to relate first off to everybody in the
hospital right
now. I kind of feel sorry for you. Okay. I, I, I, I just, this weekend, I wasn't
going to
make this about myself, but my hand has been forced because this weekend I
spent it in Wisconsin.
Okay. I'm in Chicago right now, but drove up to Wisconsin to a lake called Elkhart
Lake
with some friends. And this was a much anticipated trip where I was
anticipating everything to go
right, but it didn't. And, um, I've been plagued by injury. Okay. And sickness.
And I'll just
kind of run through all the things that have happened to me. I don't know what
I did to
deserve this, but the first night I got here, my sleep apnea mask fell off.
Okay. Which
usually isn't a big issue, but if I'm positioned the right way on my back, I
have what is called
a breathing attack, which I have a breathing attack. It's where you start. You've
never seen
me do this Nate or Jack has been privy to it. I've been a victim to it. I've
shared beds
with both of y'all where I, it's like, you know, I, you stop breathing for a
while because of the
sleep apnea is closing your throat shut. And then your body is getting no
oxygen. So it like wakes
you up. And it's like, um, it sounds like, Oh, like just trying to get air into
your lungs. You
know what I mean? And Max, our good friend was sleeping out in the living room.
He'd never heard
it like this before. And basically what, what happens is you're up and standing
by the time that
you're awake, you know, your body's already gotten your, yourself up. So I'm
like grasping
at the fucking, uh, door handle. Like it feels like you're dying. And you're
conscious during
this.
Eric, Eric, are you okay? And then, okay. I've had that happen before, but I
must've in my
flailing, in my sleep, um, rolled over my thumb or my thumb got caught. And I
looked down
at my thumb and my thumbnail is all flipped backwards and bleeding. So it's
like, you can't really
see it now, but it's, it doesn't look so bad, but like, no, that looks awful.
If you're not
looking at it, if you don't, if you're just listening right now, Eric's thumb
looks like
basically somebody fucking dunked a Frito-Lay into a can of salsa and then
fucking stepped
on it. It looks, it's hard to even look at that, man.
Okay. It doesn't look so bad, but it fucking did hurt and the blood was coming
out. Okay.
That's night one. Okay. Then what happens? I would get to the lake. Amazing.
Can't wait.
One downside. The lake's more shallow than we knew. And then the Airbnb host is
saying,
Hey, be careful. There's zebra muscles lining the bottom of the lake. And by
the way, these
are invasive. This is an invasive species from China. I don't know how they got
here. I maybe
don't want to go too far down that rabbit hole. Let's just say Anthony Fauci is
getting
his, um, clams. Yeah. Whatever you just talked about. Mus