Name: Taking Risks Can Destroy You | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.33
Uploaded: 2023-09-11T10:45:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Taking Risks Can Destroy You | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.33' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Taking Risks Can Destroy You | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.33' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-09-11. Transcript available.

Taking Risks Can Destroy You | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP.33

i'm pretty sure he's in the military what's his name james blunt james oh shit
now that's
instant respect you know for me welcome to joy tactics the podcast dedicated to
all things
joyful joyous and meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible hosted by eric
rayhill
mate veroni and jack bensinger enjoy risk you risk you can't spell risk without
riz okay remember
this episode is all about risk risk taking risk e-behavior risk analysis
analysis which i'm
talented in very naturally um we're yeah i mean yeah we're three people who
have
basically centered our lives around risks around taking risks personally
professionally and
spiritually educational risks educational risks of course i was just thinking
today about how instead
of going to college i stayed home and made rap videos in virginia that was a
huge risk and did
it pay off not directly but yes it has yes it most definitely has are you
kidding well the
connections i made the the person i was working for back there discovered
somebody who you may
have heard of called da baby now we don't support da baby because wait wait
wait wait what that's
right so you you've had that you're kind of you kind of discovered da baby in a
weird uh tangentially
i was wondering why i felt that way like whenever i hear da baby i feel like
taking like when i hear
somebody else listening to it i feel like taking credit for it and like they're
fucking with me like
yeah uh-huh but didn't da baby do panini with lil nas x and yet he was homophobic
well this is the cataclysmic correspondence between business and personal i
hate two-faced i hate it when
you're two-faced like that come on now if you're not rocking with the lgbtq uh
community get out of
my life now leave now and that's genuine it's crazy to be a celebrity and homophobic
these days
what is wrong with you oh yeah it was sick back in the day man i hear you there
all right wait we got
to answer one we got to answer one follow-up question from the last ama one
that we thought
was interesting and special and comments on masculinity the question was do men
ever get flowers
you know because women traditionally get flowers out the wazoo every single day
of their lives um getting flowers non-stop for people for women um but do we
ever get flowers as men
no i'll tell you what i'll tell you i never been
now that you mention it psych men don't need flowers we need respect admiration
and things that
are substantial within care curating a life cheese girls no you know what dude
i'm saying we need some
food as well i'm saying flowers are awesome in the house you think what's the
point flowers couldn't be
that nice you put that them shit in a vase you put it on your table you
immediately feel like lifted
you feel as though there are angels floating around in your house natural
angels natural man
fuck that shit give me some head dude all right i don't fucking need flowers i
want head hey man
no i want to that's why you're not getting any flowers man that's why i want
head so badly yeah yeah
man if you just acted a little better you might get and be getting and by the
way behave myself
can i tell you guys this i've had to make uh bouquets okay once in a while for
birthday gifts you know
what i mean and instead of buying the pre-made ones i look at that i say tacky
get that shit out of
here it's not even as healthy because it's been sitting all okay i i put them
together and i always
body the fucking bouquets okay because i'm not getting just the big roses and
the purple whatever
i'm getting greenery things that aren't just you know things that might look a
little you're putting
like grass in there essentially oh i like green natural earthy bouquets okay
let me tell you i like
let me tell you what's been done what and eric your respect and incorporation
of nature into the
things that are ordinarily so mundane and contrived is beautiful thank you man
um now i kind of take it
the opposite way for real my girlfriend she has a creature living amongst her
known as a cat c-a-t
feline now those things are allergic to many types of many types of different
plants so my intention is
never to murder that cat despite what people say and despite it attacking me in
the middle of the night
and ruining my sleep and fucking fucking me up uh what did i do i made raleigh
a bouquet
bouquet out of legos
dude awesome
you guys are no longer together right
that was kind of the thing
and then you took her to the train museum and then you talked about
oh really funny man really funny
no listen she looked at me after i did that and said hey i don't think i can
ever look at you romantically
ever again that was really childish like
no i think i didn't actually do that but i did but i didn't buy them somebody
else bought them for her
it was a family member
it was not another man but well it was but it was a familial man so
we're good how do you all react if someone's
jocking on your girl macking on your girl
jocking what do you do yeah what does jocking mean
yeah you got it jocking i don't know i guess that sounds
you know i'm just being kind of all up on
jocking on me jock bensinger
jock bensinger well there's a couple ways to approach it
there's
confrontation
that's risky because what if
somebody's back to risk they see how seamlessly we make this shit happen
so you see it right yeah it's this is our improv brains this is what second
city fucking taught us
and by the way yeah
okay so yeah
confrontation so there's ways to go about it there's confrontation there's cowering
there's using mental uh assassinatory tactics upon them
mental assassinatory
okay so let's say all right nate you are outside of the 930 club you just saw
fucking the white stripes and
the strokes and it was sick yeah but you were too busy in the corner with your
headphones on listening to naz
naz and classic hip-hop
dancing her ass off getting all sweaty
i'm at the bar just getting drunk
the venue
really sweaty
okay so
so
some fucking young tom cruise comes up
and just takes the back of his hand and just goes like this upon your chick's
arm
i'm already pissed and i'm already pissed off just by this scenario
okay well that's what it's designed to do so so pissed off so so how are you
reacting now are you
uh are you assuming that this well first off i don't have ownership of my my
girlfriend you know what i'm saying i do not own her at all
she's not mine she is not she is the property of herself okay
yeah thank you nate
so that's just kind of the i believe the feminine the feminist type of shit
that i'm on man
um so basically
now i answer how you really feel
now i answer how you really feel man
knocking them out
with a snake with a dead snake
in an unsuccessful yeah
whipping out the dead snake
you know
whipping out the dead snake palming their head
and getting shot in the kidneys and dying
yeah
i don't know i feel like but i feel like
women do want you to fight for them
i think they they like the idea of
like i feel like my girlfriend would
like love the idea of me like pushing some guy over
like get out you don't touch her
you know
what about if you just went up to your girlfriend and started grinding on her
in a way that this guy has never seen outside of step up
the step up
oh my god
you're like crumping on her
yeah you're doing like acrobatics
basically like battling on her
like
that
that would be true
i feel like yeah
oh shit
that would work
dude if you start
if you like
start crumping on somebody
when they're approaching your girl like that
and you're like
you know
like okay if you could dance better than me
it's not
it's yours
i'd be
that's how it would have went down in the 80s
like people had those dance fights
the west side story types
people used to do a disco
but they would still shoot each other
and stab each other
right
they do the dance
and then they do the violence
yes
well violence is a dance of its own
of course it is
capoeira
at least it used to be
well capoeira is a violent dance
and what is dancing
but a physical expression of
no
well
someone commented on our youtube
that listening to us
is like listening to their
their fugly uncles
in a hot tub
did they say
no no
but i just put fugly in there
okay
because they're
in a hot tub
it's like listening to your
drunk uncles in a hot tub
yeah yeah
hey man at least we got a hot tub
at least we got a fucking tub
yeah
did you guys hear that guy
died from legionnaire's disease
what the fuck is that
from sitting in a hot tub
what is that
uh
some special disease
i wasn't aware of
but it sounds like it
dates back to roman times
it sounds like an award
yo i got legionnaires
congrats bro
yeah it doesn't sound that bad
that sounds like the fucking
elite four type shit
yeah
sounds like
it sounds good
it sounds like some
articuno
you guys saw this right
there was a world war one
disease that is spreading
burning man
burning man
ebola
i think it is ebola
it was
i have some news about that
there was
you
you are
you are friends with the person
who started this rumor
oh
who
who started it
well they're actually
friend of the show
their name
is brace belden
is it
did he really
was this completely fabricated
yes brace made that whole
thing up
yes and they went on to
write articles about it
oh
like it was real
full on brace lying
i saw
this is like second hand
so i was like
so it's spreading
yeah
it's spreading
and that was risky
i mean i believe it
it got me kind of excited
i don't like people that
go to burning man
i was like
i'm kind of happy for like
the
the destruction of that event
you know
i mean
it's just like tech people
with like white people
with dreads
like that
you know what man
i i think you don't like
that they're taking a risk
and they're taking
i'll tell you what
a chance
that's the biggest risk
is the white dreads
very good eric by the way
risk
i'll tell you what
and i'll
i mean this
and have i said this before
what
i swear
on my
whatever
jesus was a white guy
with dreads
prove me wrong
how could he not have been
can we just meet in the middle
what is that shroud
they claim to have the shroud
that he was wrapped in
that shows his face
what the fuck
hi
what is that shroud
like he got crystallized on it
like uh
fossilized
they found his face
fossilized in some toilet paper
is that in the holy grail
or something
oh that's a comedy
uh
i think it
our
our church would say
the shroud of turin
that's what i thought it was
oh
that's the shit in red bull
if if you look at the shroud
of turin
which i believe shows
jesus as he was
uh
yo
i mean
it looks like a white guy
with dread
i like
shroud of turin
yeah
no i've seen the rendering
everyone look up the
jesus christ
rendering
of what he looks like
and
he
oh
he doesn't look pretty
i mean
he looks like
he looks like my dad
honestly
in the shroud of turin
he looks like the uh
the smaller guy
from flight of the concords
if he was like a
tekken character
or something
yo
they're saying
jesus looks like
kind of like me
a little bit
what do you
realistically
what did everybody google now
i googled
realistic jesus
okay
realistic
jesus
one of them
that looks just like
fucking nate
oh shit
if he had some hair
oh man
one of them looks like jack
one of them
is uh
that guy from
the guy
wolverine guy
yeah
jesus
oh you know what
jesus when he's got
the little pencil mustache
kind of looks like
what's that guy's name
it's young gravy's friend
maybe his name's like
little virgin or something
little no sex
or something
i don't know
i don't know
i mean jesus was a virgin
so he couldn't have been like that
he pretty
i bet you god made him like
you know
kind of a little fugly
i i bet
there's no no question that jesus was fugly
you know what i mean
because that
that just
that's another challenge for him to get over
and people
wouldn't treat him good just because of how he looked
you know what i'm saying
right right right
he doesn't look good
and you know what
in any google image result of realistic jesus
there's no good option
you know
they all don't look
i know
i'm seeing some sexy
