Name: Joy Ween | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP. 40
Uploaded: 2023-10-30T11:00:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joy Ween | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP. 40' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joy Ween | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP. 40' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-10-30. Transcript available.

Joy Ween | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP. 40

Do an Ed Helms, but in the Herman beatboxing style.
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous, and
meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger.
Enjoy.
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow.
You've entered the wrong part of town.
You've entered the Halloween portion of Joy Tactics.
You fools.
Welcome to Joy Tactics, scary Halloween episode.
Wow.
We are so back.
It's awesome.
I got a light-headed.
On Halloween of all days.
Super light-headed.
Me too, man.
It's the Halloween one.
Everybody wants us to do a themed one every once in a while.
I know.
And finally, we're doing one.
Should we explain what our costumes are?
Yes, we should.
Yeah, let's get this out of the way first off.
So, I am...
Michael Jackson?
I'm sort of a weird...
So, I'm wearing a wig right now and some sunglasses from Walgreens.
And my costume is a little bit different than most people's costumes.
They dress up like as a character or a figure from history.
And what I am is I am my ideal version of myself.
So, this is how I'd want to kind of look and be to the world 24-7.
And I'm just becoming that for one day on Halloween.
That's why Halloween is kind of special to me.
It's because you can be whoever you want to be.
Thank God I'm not me.
You know?
I think you guys can relate to that a little bit.
Being...
Taking a break from ourselves once in a while.
Yeah.
I can definitely relate to that.
Even if that means by being yourself on fucking steroids.
Yeah.
I feel like some of y'all out there should...
Your Halloween costume should be the true you.
Right.
Who are you behind this facade?
Who are you behind the mask?
Let's see what you really are like at that Halloween party.
And what your costume is, whether you like it or not,
But that is what you are.
You have come to this conclusion to be that.
And it implies...
It is really who you are.
Right?
If you really think about it, who are you?
You are Dr. House.
Why?
Why are you being Dr. House for Halloween?
Because you are holding on to a time in your life when your parents were still
together
and that was on TV.
And it sticks in your brain.
You know what I mean?
I don't even go to Halloween costumes because all I'm doing is fucking breaking
people down
and analyzing them psychologically based on their outfits.
That's why people don't like you coming to parties like that, by the way.
I've heard from several people that it's not cool.
I'm like the fucking David Blaine of psychological analysis.
Outfit-based psychological analysis.
Eric, go ahead, man.
Who the fuck are you?
Well, who are you, Jack?
Oh, my bad.
Yeah, Jack, who are you?
I'm Dr. Pull-Ups.
Dr. Pull-Ups.
Oh, okay.
I see it now.
I got the pull-up bar on me.
Oh, shit.
Maybe I should be Sergeant Pull-Up.
Lieutenant Pull-Ups.
You know, a pull-up is one of the best exercises you could do.
I would like to see somebody really short take a pull-up on you.
Like, you know, somebody who could really, like, get off the ground.
Or a child.
You know who you look like, Jack?
Is that Australian teenager who has that party with the sunglasses on?
He's on the interview on the news.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's like...
I've had a crazy weekend.
Yeah.
Do you feel bad about making a party that bothered your neighbors and people
went to the hospital?
I feel horrible.
I can't believe I've done this.
That's a lie.
Well...
Now he goes like, no.
Oh.
Yeah.
No.
I actually have...
I had fun, man.
It's Halloween.
Okay, Eric.
Who the fuck are you?
Ashley Simpson?
After the LASIK?
No, man.
I'm not Ashley Simpson after the LASIK.
You sounded offended by that.
I know.
I took a minute to process that because I was shocked that you would say
something against
Ashley like that.
Well, I'm a rocker.
I'm a rocker morning after a one-night stand.
And so you...
You know who you look like is...
Well, you look like Skrillex.
Who?
Skrillex.
I don't look like Skrillex, man.
Do I?
Yeah.
Because, you know, his trademark, or used to be he grew out his hair now, but
the trademark
was the shaved side of the head.
The undercut.
Yeah.
Cool, man.
Well, that's a really fun costume.
We got Nate, a rocker.
Nate is himself if he had money for the hair transplant.
Eric is a rocker, not identified.
Straight rocker.
Who am I?
Oh, yeah.
Eric is a post-sexual rocker.
And I'm...
What did I say?
Dr. Pull-ups?
Yes.
Dr. P.
Dr. P.
And you know what is funny to the listeners?
A little inside information on what has just occurred.
Dr. P.
Sorry.
We all, about 30 seconds before recording, said, oh, it's Halloween.
Let's go get our costumes on.
None of us had any planned costumes.
And we all, independently without talking about it, showed up with a wig and
sunglasses.
That's special.
There's something synchronicious about that.
It's synchroniciously amazing.
Can we get a running list of words that we've made up on this fucking podcast?
Synchronicious.
I'm not kidding you.
We are...
You know who else used to make up words?
Who?
Shakespeare?
Shakespeare did.
Really?
And nobody has really been making up words since.
And I'm just...
I just want to draw that comparison.
Did he really?
Just for a second.
Of course he did.
He came up with hundreds, maybe thousands of words in the news.
Are you serious?
Because he was so prolific.
He was so prolific.
No, no.
Is this real?
Can we Google this?
Can we Google this?
Yes.
Can we Google this?
There's no need, dude.
Can we stop Googling everything?
Just believe something for a second.
Just believe.
I'm trapped.
I believe you.
I just am wanting to know further.
You're in the pull-up prison.
It's latching on to the back of my chair.
Jack has a pull-up bar over his head, by the way.
And let me just, just for the listeners real quick, describe.
Eric has a long hair wig.
Does look like Skrillex, sort of, right now.
I have a kind of beetle-style wig.
All of us have sunglasses.
Jack has kind of Oakley-style, trucker-style.
Sunglasses.
Do you want to hear some of the words that Shakespeare made up?
Yeah.
Thank God I just Googled this.
So Eric just said, don't Google this.
Trust me.
And look what's happening.
Well, guess what?
Eric was 30 minutes late today, so I'm not one to sit here and take his advice.
Oh, here we go.
This is a podcast, man.
Here we go.
Didn't we just talk about this, Eric?
I know.
You can't imagine the shame that I felt when I woke up.
Well, here's what's interesting.
I woke up earlier than all of you guys.
And much earlier.
I know I didn't text you, but I was up at 8 a.m.
walking the dog, taking her out to go potty, giving her her morning routine.
And then I just so happened to fall asleep again and woke up very late for this.
So, in a sense, I was the earliest one up.
Sounds like the dog walked you, man.
No.
Oh, no, she didn't, man.
You have to – I feel like you are at a level of you need to repent.
Like, before, I was like, you need to apologize and make right with the world.
And I feel like repentance is, like, the word that I'm looking for right now.
Like, you need to – you need to make this right with God.
This is no longer about us right now.
You need to make this right with the universe because you have disrespected us.
And, in turn, you have disrespected God and the universe.
Do you know how to repent?
Is that something that's familiar to you?
Repentance is how I was raised, man.
Don't get me started on repentance.
I was so guilt-ridden that I was repenting daily, hourly.
You know what the problem is with repentance?
I'll tell you right now.
By the minute.
It's similar to a setback being a setback to a comeback.
A repentance is a – a repentance is a recipe for repetition.
Because if you know that you can repent, you are going to repeat.
So, what needs to happen is there's no more repenting.
You can't repent to the God of – there's only pent.
There is no repent.
Once you pent, you're in the pentitentiary at that point.
Oh, damn.
And the joy to God is the God of the Old Testament.
Oh.
Okay, Sachin.
Sachin.
What did you call me?
You called me Sachin?
Sachin.
Oh.
You need to work on your music.
You need to get it back in the studio.
Shout out to that person.
Shout out to Sachin.
And again, Eric has donated many – much money to several different causes
just in case there is.
Just in case there is.
Okay, so what words has Shakespeare –
Swagger.
What words has he invented?
No.
Swagger.
Swagger.
Shakespeare invented swag.
My liege, the swagger has fallen upon us.
Too strong.
They weren't saying swagger back then.
There's some incredible things to say.
He invented good riddance.
Have you heard of Green Day?
Good riddance.
He invented all that glitters is not gold.
Rest in peace.
Have you heard of Smash Mouth?
He invented Brave New World.
What does glitter that's not gold?
These are film titles and song titles.
He invented bedazzled.
Critic.
Lonely.
He invented the word lonely.
Oh.
You know how bad you got to be down if you invented the word lonely?
Oh, hell no.
Yo, he invented the word eye.
They ain't had words yet for eyeball.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Um.
Yeah.
Oh, wait.
Something tells me that they, like, the language pre-Shakespeare was just so,
sort of, like,
almost like caveman style, you know?
Right.
They were just saying words like in.
They were saying a lot of connective words.
Yeah, yeah.
I think they would just point at things and be like, jeez, you know?
I used to have fantasies when I was a kid that I could get in a time machine
and go back and
hook up with Shakespeare?
Middle-aged women.
Middle-aged women?
Not middle-aged.
But middle-aged.
I know exactly what happened for you to want to, um, for that desire.
You, as a child, let me guess, you went to a renaissance fair, Eric.
Nope.
As a child.
And you were like, damn, you saw all the, all the ladies dressing up like that.
And you said, hmm, yeah, I like this.
You know what it was?
I want to go back to when this is all day long, every day.
And not just a festival.
I mean, I want this to be my life.
They dressed inherently more sexy back then, just with all them corsets and
layers and crazy
long dresses.
Well, they put it all, like, this is what it was.
It was all, like, it was all cleavage.
That was like the, it was all focused on cleavage.
Do not even start talking about this right now.
I'm serious.
Cleavage, cleavage, cleavage.
Talk to me about it after the pod.
Just, like, don't get it started right now.
It's not cool.
It's the cleavage episode.
Stop, stop.
He's a cleavinator.
Yeah, you like it.
Well, no.
Cleavage is a hilarious word.
I'm kind of thinking about it right now.
Cleavage.
Because what the fuck were they thinking with that one?
Cleave?
What's to cleave?
That's a verb, right?
Cleave, that's like to smash something with a knife.
To cleave your head from your shoulders.
Cleft cleave.
I got my head cleaved from my shoulders and that.
So I died.
I got my cleave stuck in the middle ages.
Stuck in the wind.
Yeah.
Well, let's make it up.
Oh, I want to say something about these sunglasses.
Okay.
I got these and I thought that I would look like the older guy from Oceans 11.
Remember him?
Nope.
Brad Pitt.
He got burned by Terry, what's his name in the first one?
Cruz?
Nope.
Terry, something like that.
Don't remember anything about it.
Anyways, I thought I would look like that, but these glasses look bad up on me.
Okay.
Are you fishing right now?
No, I'm not.
I'm not.
And frankly, with the long hair, yeah, it's kind of fitting.
You're always fishing for compliments.
I've never done that in my life consciously.
Maybe my ego is crying out for a little help because I'm so not paying
attention to it.
But no, I never fish for anything.
But it always falls flat because you're always doing it and it's like so
obvious.
But nobody's, everyone's like, just stop, man.
Like, we know.
Yeah.
If you want a compliment, just let us know, man.
We'll give you a compliment.
Like, you can just ask for that.
Can I just ask you guys for them on