Name: Morning Meditations | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP. 41
Uploaded: 2023-11-06T11:45:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Morning Meditations | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP. 41' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Morning Meditations | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP. 41' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-06. Transcript available.

Morning Meditations | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP. 41

Dude, I was thinking about this recently.
Go, go, go.
What if Spider-Man fucking, dude, what if Spider-Man shot out pee out of his
pan?
Instead of, instead of, instead of, dude, wait, instead of webs, he was just peeing,
bro, and somebody peed on him to give him that power?
Yeah, like some radioactive piss hit him on the chin, and he's going for a,
what, what, what, what, what, what?
No, but for real, have you guys ever peed on somebody?
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous, and
meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger.
Enjoy.
You're tuning in to Joy Tactics in the morning.
It's Monday morning.
Good morning.
The world is on fire.
We don't have any updates about it, but we know it's not going good, but we
hope you're doing good.
We hope you're okay, and your family's okay.
Our thoughts are with you.
Let's get this bread, and let's go fucking crazy.
Wow.
Well, amazing.
Well, unless...
Unless what?
Unless you're an evil coward.
And then, I hope that today is hell for you.
And we're coming for your ass.
And instead of getting ASMR from this and peaceful vibes, I hope you're getting
an A-S-S-K-I-C-K-I-N-G mentally and ass-kicking in the morning.
Good morning.
And if you're actually evil, I, on the opposite side, I actually wish you well,
and I don't wish you harm.
Because there's a lot of people in your life that I feel like have hurt you and
wronged you.
Yeah.
And we're not going to go in this vicious cycle again of driving you into this
mental state where you need to punish other people more.
So I'm going to show you love for the first time in your life, and that's
probably going to change you, and you're going to be, like, Grinch style.
You know what I'm saying?
We saw the Grinch.
Did we learn nothing from this?
Oh, we saw him on the street the other day.
He was all fucked up, but he seemed good.
Yeah.
And wait, you know that's the teachings of Christ, Nate, that you're spouting
right now.
Really?
People like to twist Christ's words into justifying their evil, their causes,
crusades.
What did he say about gay marriage?
What did he say about gay marriage?
Oh, I had a dream last night, Jack, that we were...
Just get by that.
No, no, I'm going to get to that.
But I had a dream last night, Jack, that we were opening, we were doing comedy
at some, like, supper club in Washington State, and I was hosting, and you were
on it, and I was trying to do crowd work, and I called someone a homophobe, and
it bombed badly.
And you bombed too, dude, so you didn't do any better than me.
Okay.
Can I say it real quick?
I'm literally right next to a, like, some sort of AC unit, so if you're hearing
some sort of hum, just let that sort of be...
Think of it as, like, kind of a background, like an intentional noise that we're
adding in to kind of blur out the reality a little bit.
Yeah.
You know on the Calm app, have you guys utilized the Calm app?
No, Nate, that's baby shit for you.
You don't need that shit.
Yeah, I don't.
Yeah.
Jack, do you use the Calm app?
No, that's baby shit for me.
Okay, well, I'm going into meditation with white belt behavior.
This is what you guys taught me.
What is it called?
White behavior?
White belt mentality.
Oh, oh.
Where I'm just always a beginner, even if I'm really advanced.
But, um...
In the background of the Calm app, they always have ambient noise.
They have birds chirping.
Monkeys swimming, swinging through the trees.
Monkeys swimming?
Have you heard some of these damn monkeys?
The howling monkeys?
Oh.
I've had every type of monkey in my archival days.
And let me just say, Nate, thank you for wearing the green screen today.
Anybody out there who wants to put a relaxing, calming background onto Nate to
make his appearance
less fucked up?
If we were on Twitch right now, we could have, like, a fucking $2,800.
You get to put whatever you want on my chest.
You know what I'm saying?
Who do you think out of the three of us would have the saddest Twitch stream?
The least, most worst Twitch stream?
Anderson Cooper, the fall from grace.
He would have the most busted, try-hard Twitch stream in the world, dude.
But out of the three of us?
Oh, out of the three of us?
Yeah.
I guess that would be an option, then.
Out of the three of us, who would have the saddest Twitch stream?
Well, Eric, that's a tough choice.
I guess, like, sad as in just, like, topic sad, it would definitely be you,
yeah.
Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and say it, Eric.
Sad as in, like, what is he doing?
It would be me, you know?
And then sad as in, like, the way Donald Trump used to say it, sad.
That would be me, because I'd be on the come up so hard that he'd have to talk
shit.
You would be, you would actually have, like, I think you would take over.
Like, you'd be, like, Kai or whatever that fucking Aiden Ross, you know?
I feel like you would be up there within, like, two months.
Well, what's crazy...
Going to jail?
Did you see that fucking...
No.
Did you see that thing?
Oh, because of the riots that started in New York?
Yeah, yeah.
Well...
No, I don't know.
But he's, like, he's the Kai...
I think his name is Kai Sennett, right?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
The biggest, like, Twitch streamer on the planet.
Yeah.
And he, like, he's doing this thing where he's, like, I'm going to jail for,
like, seven days.
And I was, like...
This is...
I was watching some clips from it, and it's, like...
I'm kind of rocking with the content in a way.
And I was, like, this would be so funny.
I could just see Jack just ascending to that level and doing something like...
Doing something like that.
Going through, like, marine training for eight days straight, and you're, like,
streaming
the entire thing.
Yeah.
I am big into the torture element.
Like, we were watching...
We were watching the LA Beast last night.
One of the best YouTubers to ever do it.
I was watching that...
We were watching that one where he goes to...
I don't know where it is.
South America, I reckon.
This is the...
This is my video recommendation for every...
If I had one video to recommend, it's this.
So, he goes...
I mean, if you're not familiar with his channel, you're welcome.
Because this is the best show in the world.
But the LA Beast goes down to Columbia.
He participates...
I don't know if it's Columbia, but he goes to this place.
He participates in a local native ritual where you get fucked up, all fucked up
on some
ayahuasca-type drink in a tent.
It's like a coming-of-age ritual.
It's like a coming-of-age ritual.
Now I'm listening.
It has to be nighttime.
Yeah.
And it's basically a next-level bar mitzvah.
And you put your...
Basically, you put your hands into these two woven gloves.
And inside of these gloves, woven into the gloves, are bullet ants.
Bullet ants.
And as you are high, these things are biting the fuck out of your hands.
And then you kind of sing and dance and go in circles and stuff.
But the production of it is non-existent.
It's like a 2007 YouTuber.
That's basically what made me think is, I miss that, what jackass brought to
the world.
That real pain.
I'm not talking about street pranks like YouTubers where they're being all
awkward.
And this is not what it's all about.
No, it's not.
It's really a little bit of real pain for you.
That's okay.
It's not gonna...
You're not gonna...
You'll be fine.
But I would love to infuse some of that onto this podcast.
What's the most amount of pain you guys would endure?
I know, Eric, you've already broke your...
I don't want to talk about that.
Tore your hands, sorry.
I don't want to talk about that.
I'm sorry.
I know you...
Well, let's talk about some other pain that I don't know if I should fix.
When this summer, when I had my sleep apnea attack, because the mask fell off,
I rolled
over my thumb and I tore the fingernail all the way back.
So my nail bed was exposed.
But worse than this, I think I like sprained my thumb, but I didn't realize.
And now, if I try to crack my...
If I try to, like, you know, this, you can crack it, you can really pull down
on it.
This, if I go like that, intense pain.
Oh.
Seems like something healed poorly.
Just what I fucking needed, psych.
Well, you didn't heal it properly.
You think I need to do a break at home?
You need surgery, yeah.
You have to break it and put it back into place.
Yeah.
All right, well, you guys can come over.
We can live stream that, jackass style.
I need one of those, too, man.
I, like, busted up one of my knuckles many, many years ago and never went to
the doctor.
And now, it is forever...
It's busted?
Very busted and painful.
And I have this, this is, I have a bigger muscle group.
What?
That's, I'm gonna...
Bigger than a finger?
Sorry to make this competition, but...
Let me guess, you have a big muscle group?
Yeah.
Is it a group?
I wonder which one.
Is it a penis?
Hilarious.
What is it?
What is it?
No, I'm talking about my calf muscle.
Oh.
Not talking about a cow.
All right, right.
So, no, I'm not.
This is, I, in college, I think I, I don't know what, but I really fucked up my
leg playing
intramural soccer.
Oh, shit.
And I couldn't, like, walk for, like, three weeks.
And I was just, like, had some, just some young people type spry, like, oh,
this will
just, if I just do nothing, this will heal up.
Which I'm, which I'm finding out that I just do that with everything, which is
bad, so...
Very bad, especially mentally.
But I, I can't really flex my left calf muscle.
Like, I don't have control of that muscle.
So, you could never enter a bodybuilding competition.
People like to say, we haven't been through shit.
And then they hear, then we take them through the...
And then, and then they hear something like this?
Well, you guys know I had a health scare in college.
Right, right.
I was on my way to an improv festival in, uh, U of I, University of Illinois.
And all of a sudden, heart pain, intense heart pain, hitting.
Go to the school doctor.
It's not good.
I mean, they can't tell that anything's wrong.
They do the EKG.
No, no problem.
So, I go anyways.
Then, I get too high at University of Illinois by smoking, you guessed it, a
bubbler.
And then I spilled the bubbler water all over the bed.
Because I was smoking it on a bed.
And then, and then I'm too high.
And then everybody leaves the part.
And it's just me and my friend who stayed to calm me down.
And by the way, I think I'm having a heart attack.
Well, turns out it wasn't any heart pain.
But I, what I had forgotten was the night before, I had been at a place called
Flocko's Tacos in downtown Chicago.
And they had these slippery old stone steps.
Oh, I love, I love Flocko's Tacos.
I know.
It was hidden.
It was right next to that soup place where you get all that, they had all that
soup and cauldrons.
But as I was leaving Flocko's Tacos, it didn't even occur to me that this could
cause the heart pain.
I slipped on the stone step with my burrito in hand and smacked my ribs.
Burrito alert.
Yeah, the burritos are causing me more pain than they get.
For years now.
You can't go fucking.
It's haunting me.
There was a bet going, there was a side bet going on between me and Jack.
You won, Jack.
You said you couldn't get.
Thank you very much.
You couldn't get 10 minutes in without.
Well, I'm going to bring up Burrito.
Oh my god, that is a great payoff.
I should have remembered that pain.
Well, you probably.
It's emblematic of what burritos are doing to me on the inside.
Rib injuries are tough.
The ribs are kind of the burrito of the lungs and heart.
Yeah, I've been through it, bro.
You've been through it.
It's not even funny.
Hey, I feel like it's only right that I tell an injury story after you both
just told one.
Okay.
So, what happened to me?
There was a ramp at the bottom of a huge hill.
A ramp?
Huge.
A ramp.
A skateboarding ramp.
And there was a crowd that had a mast to watch people go off of it.
And everybody was going from about a quarter of the way up the hill, going off
this ramp, and clearing over a gap.