Name: Atheists React to Christmas for First Time | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP. 44
Uploaded: 2023-11-27T12:00:19.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Atheists React to Christmas for First Time | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP. 44' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Atheists React to Christmas for First Time | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP. 44' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-11-27. Transcript available.

Atheists React to Christmas for First Time | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP. 44

this one guy he was like the valid victorian like like uh that that is where
you're like
what'd you say the smartest person yeah what'd you call it what'd you call it
victorian
valid victorian valid victorian how do you say this
welcome to joy tactics the podcast dedicated to all things joyful
joyous and meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible
hosted by eric rahill nate veroni and jack bensinger enjoy
one two three merry christmas early merry early christmas got you know what
guys my hands are
all sticky right now do you know this i didn't say this on on the pre-chat but
my hands are all sticky
could you imagine why i'm not gonna go blue not i wonder why they're all sticky
well it's because
we picked up a christmas tree today and literally that's why i was a little bit
late is because i
was bringing a christmas tree in the door wow yeah you so you got a physical
like a a real a real tree
christmas from a guy from my home depot eric ray hill has a christmas fucking
tree in his house right
right now right now so that probably smells good that smells amazing and
frankly the sap got on my
hand and i don't mind it so much it's the natural deodorant why do you think
they make something called
pine saw to have it smell it smells good those trees wow yeah and where i'm
curious i don't see any
decorations in your guys's houses what's going on well you know my background
is blurred out eric so
that's like is it like a crazy christmas tree village with a train and like a
little village that you
control there's a lot going on it's it's yeah it's like christmas mania up in
here if you could just
see in the background of my kitchen did you guys know people who set up christmas
villages in their house
with the with the fake snow and the trains running through and the little
little um junctions and the
main streets you know you know what i'm saying like uh yeah like a giant
miniature like fifty
thousand dollar miniature sculpture going through their entire house type of
thing yeah yeah did you know
anybody like that um i knew someone with a pool i knew someone with an indoor
pool no how you want to
well you like you like that you don't you don't really you did you really i
knew someone with an
indoor pool how and they had an outdoor pool too and they had a steam room and
a sauna and they had a
what the fuck they had a it was like a jungle room and it was a big room that
had all these skylights
and they built this rock face and they built this rock face into the room and
there was waterfalls
trickling down and hot and cold pools in whoa whoa whoa whoa in the rocks are
you sure you're just
going to the fucking a zoo isn't that crazy i have some questions eric one what
did this person's
parents do for a living to amass that much wealth to afford basically the
because we would have all of
our we are always on the same little league teams as this kid chris chris chris
uh whatever yeah and um
the story because he would he had they had an indoor movie theater or i guess
it would only be indoor
what's chris's last name jobs but basically his the story that i heard is that
his dad invented something
for boeing that paid his ass out oh military industrial complex careful he had
like worked for boeing for
years and then invented something and sold it to their ass for millions oh my
god and they were like
cool rich like he was like the coolest rich kid i knew because he would use his
money for fun
shit like we would ride around on he had like a gator you know those like
maintenance trucks those green
little maintenance trucks that they take around golf courses or like college
campuses yeah he had one of
those and he rigged like a potato gun to be on the back you guys know what a
potato gun is
gun that shoots potatoes it's like that big pvc pipe and then you like put hairspray
in it and
then you it like triggers and it shoots potatoes like hella fast out of it like
a tank
you guys never seen yeah yeah i plead the fifth yeah but yeah well he rigged
that to the back of it
and we'd ride around on that and like people in front would have airsoft guns
like shooting eric
and then uh the potato gun was in there isn't that sick that's rich that sounds
like what does this
kid do now chris you know what he's dead he is um he's a contractor like a real
estate developer he like
he builds houses and i'm saying that's a good outcome for a rich kid building
houses with a big
ass red truck good for him i wonder i wonder if he thinks of me were you only
friends with him because of
his wealth and money no he was like uh i went to like a
a rich kids like evangelical school i've talked about before and we were not
one of the rich
families but all these families had fucking crazy seattle wealth and a lot of
them were bastards rat
bastards but he was the richest of them all he was the king of the rich kids
wow and yet he was the nicest
damn so curious how that works how very curious i'm trying to think of the
richest i was just you
know what i was just thinking was like the richest friend i had like as their
houses got a if you had
three floors in your house i was a it was usually pretty scary in there like
the did you get dizzy when
you went there did you get butterflies in your stomach if you went to a three-story
house if no one was
home i would be excited but if everybody was home i'd be worried that they were
going to call the cops
on each other or something was bad was going to happen because the energy was
always a bit off a bit
scary yeah um i'm trying to think of like uh why is that it's almost as if
money can't buy me love
can't buy me can't can't buy love you're uncorruptible yeah me you are this is
by the
way the 0.5 speed episode we are reeling from a friend's giving right now reeling
from a friend's
giving and may i say this this just triggered a memory in my brain i remember
going to my other
rich friend's house and his dad would put on his deodorant for him and i was
thinking
what the a little too old for this what put up he was like put up your arm he
would lift his arm and
the dad would go like put it on like this and well i don't remember what age
but too old wow and
then my friend would go like it's so cold and i just felt disgusted by it at my
at my young age i
thought this is a fucking not right behavior damn i don't think i've heard of
that at any age yeah i didn't
why is that a thing so in a sense it doesn't sound that that inappropriate that
an adult's doing it
because it would also sound weird if a kid was doing it well it's not even i
don't even see it as
inappropriate just something about that exchange was disgusting because babies
don't wear deodorant
you know what i'm saying not the babies you know but the babies i know are
fucking all
cloned out it's becoming and smelling fresh yeah well you know you know babies
from all over the
calvin klein fucking yeah the amount of babies that you follow from riad on
instagram is not
concerning but admirable shout out shout out to riad and the print king prince
ben solomon whatever his
name is ria um all right mahana ben solomon nate who is the richest kid you
know and how did they pass
away because a lot of them go quick don't they don't you don't you know a rich
kid that died a
couple i'm trying to think i feel like you told me the story about a rich kid
that died badly
me choking on caviar or some shit ah they would man let's slow down let their
heads roll now
no no nate no there was what no i was gonna there was there was one like really
there was one like
mega wealthy kid at my school and everyone was just clearly friends with him
because he was rich
like it was just so yeah the the the power i've never been more aware of the
power dynamic in a
friendship due to money than with this kid like it just felt like you were a
servant and you were just
like lucky to be there and if you and if you were anything less than what he
wanted you were you were
gone out of his his premises and i only got to go onto his property like one
time was he fugly behave
well how did i behave when you were did you fix your your like did you dress
differently and try and
like impress them i was just kind of trying to like i one i didn't really care
because you know i don't
give a fuck about that shit and i was like this kid was just like i was like
whatever you know but
there was a bunch of like shrooms and it was like one of those like kickbacks
like it was like there was
a white castle crave case and they were putting shrooms on all of them and we
were in his like
kind of like drug den like back uh like cabin of his property and there was
like all this
fucking bags of weed and everyone was smoking and doing shrooms weed shrooms
beer too
can we have one party one joy tactics party with a kit i haven't been to a
party with a keg in so
fucking long just side note i want to go to do a keg stand have aneurysm upside
down wouldn't happen
to me so what happened to the rich kid that you knew nate how what's what's he
doing now you know
what i don't i i want to say he's actually in real estate as well like i swear
to god that's where they
sensing a theme here but i think he i don't know what happened to him like he
wasn't in my grade one
so i wasn't like too close with them i have some demons that i need to face
about all these kids i
went to elementary school with because they will be in my dreams non-stop what
do you mean i'll just say
that now well i never felt like i matched up i never felt good enough to be
around them that's right
well maybe you should have been held back like me i probably should have been
then i want to add a
little more power but i remember i because i went k through eighth to this
evangelical christian school
called king's schools i think i've talked about it before then i went to public
school edmunds woodway
high school and i still had a couple friends at king so once in a while i would
go back to the king's
parties but i would i would kind of pretend to act like hardened by public
school like what's like i'm
so different now like yeah i'm at like one of the girls dads owned the mercedes
dealership in town okay
and she had a crazy ass motherfucking house and i remember going back there and
they were playing
music and everybody was in the hot tubs and i was like they're not gonna
believe me you know how much
i've changed and then nobody really talked to me still wow what what would you
be like lashing out
like getting naked in the hot tub and shit like no i was afraid to take my
shirt off oh so that's even
cool you'd put a leather jacket on in the hot tub and be like i don't give a
fuck yeah i literally don't
give a fuck i'm so high right now wow i i had a i had a summer once where i was
like i'm about to
change up my whole fucking swag and i'm gonna go into this i'm gonna go into
this fucking into seventh
grade as a new person i'm not gonna fucking like there's gonna i was like
leveling up so hard and i was
like this is the time to like fucking you know i feel like this this i feel
like i'm in the seventh
grade of my adult life right now in a way wow and i was like man went to blew
all my uh uh you blew
all his money for the year on like one hollister shirt oh oh that is so sad
that is so sweet and
sad did it smell like shit because he wore it every day i did wear it all the
fucking time yeah and it
was like the first piece of clothing that i ever had that was like had any
sense of swag to it at all
like it was like all walmart or uh like a jc penny outlet penny yep uh fucking
but okay so i went into
that year and i was like this like i i'm i'm not hanging out with fucking
losers anymore like
this is it like i'm gonna try and weasel my way into the cool group and the day
day one of seventh
grade i not only did i not get into the you know the good table at lunch like
the popular kids table i
remember looking at it literally this is like a visceral i was looking at the
table wearing my hollister
shirt with my fucking i was already balding at this