Name: Christmas Joy Pt. 1 | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep 46
Uploaded: 2023-12-18T12:00:16.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Christmas Joy Pt. 1 | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep 46' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Christmas Joy Pt. 1 | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep 46' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2023-12-18. Transcript available.

Christmas Joy Pt. 1 | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep 46

so what if you died and when you went to heaven it was heaven is just a
highlight reel all your
top 10 plays in video games you know i'm saying yeah i would be so disappointed
if that was
what this is what heaven is are you fucking kidding me welcome to joy tactics
the podcast
dedicated to all things joyful joyous and meeting as many celebrities as humanly
possible
hosted by eric rayhill nate veroni and jack bensinger enjoy
i really can't stay baby it's cold outside i've got to go away baby it's cold
outside
this evening has been there hoping that you jump in
i'll hold your hand they're just like ice
what's that mate what is that's a different song right i forgot i mean i put my
own
this like ice that's gonna be you fucking belting it from the alzheimer's war
oh my god alzheimer's can you guys please put out a fucking the alzheimer's mixtape
and just get me
in the studio every day and i just have and i feel like dude i would make magic
i couldn't agree
because you have no intuition or whatever no inhibition
do you know when i was on the cruise ship and they did they did this big christmas
show and all of the singers and dancers from the musical
got to put on kind of their own spin on things and this is when baby it's
called outside was being condemned to high hell like people hated this song
uh because of the they were trying to cancel right they're trying to cancel
baby outside it's cold outside
and they did a gender swap and they made it to where the woman was poisoning
the man
oh no they she poisoned him now poisoned his drink and then killed him
now now now is that the answer is that the on a fucking cruise ship is that
really the answer
no don't make me bring up you're doubting you're doubting so heavily the power
of theater and what
it can do to people i have not i've never doubted if you think i've ever doubted
the power of theater you
must know you know the wrong one you might not know me you might not know the
right one
yeah they should change the world yeah it definitely can turn me into a
superstar it can also you know
what i'm saying literally make a different world not just change it but not
just rearrange it but
i guess change it is i don't know if you know what i'm trying to say it's a
whole different thing
it's not change it's a different thing so this is um it's christmas week we are
one of the best
weeks ever created and this is our first christmas episode really kind of and nate's
on about 22 hours
of fasting right now nate how do you feel 22 hours of fasting right now um and
you know what feeling
pretty normal i've i've done the i've done three full days this year earlier
this year i did three 72
hours of fasting and if you're thinking about doing it i would say go ahead and
fucking do it because
you feel it just kind of cleanses anything that's going on in your in your body
your brain and lord
knows i think i need some some sort of cleansing some some sort of uh you know
some sort of remedy to
what what's going on in my brain or my body whatever so i'm trying to i'm
trying to flush out
why why do you feel like your brain needs to be cleaned what is going on are
you thinking about
porn or pornography pornographic sinful sin sinful sinful thoughts uh oh whoa
no i've i've i've
i've been well you guys can tell from my language challenges in the past couple
episodes that there's
something something crazy going on i feel like i've been having some kind of
brain fog from
oh i have too right uh some sort of illness i had in the past month like some
post i don't know
if it's a long covid or something like that i'm just trying to do trying out
some different things
to see if i can uh fix fix that flip it and reverse it yeah well that's gonna
work for you
it worked last time it'll work again isn't that weird how sometimes the remedy
is no remedy do you
know what i'm saying right how the fuck is that that's so funny because you
always think about like
yo what if the aliens come to earth and we're all trying to figure out how to
kill them and we can't
figure it out and then it's p you know what i'm saying p is the thing that
kills them i just mean
like i mean when i say that yeah but what i mean is like oh i wonder what the
antidote's gonna be
it's gonna be some random ass thing no it's nothing the thing is like maybe
crystalline urine i think
there is at least one sort of big solution whether it's like a cure for a
disease or um whatever just
something that could go into a medicine that is really strange and the
scientists would never
even begin to think that yeah right and that's why we might be the best type of
scientists because
we think outside the box we're not even in their box and yet we get no funding
and yet we get no
funding year after year right even though i'm trying to change that can we
start the joy tactics lab
oh check it out yeah we should here's the here's the first beaker beaker number
one joy mug
you know what i read mostly lately j store you guys are reading all types of
different
pop culture books i'm reading j store up until the what is that scholastic
by candlelight scholastic magazine what is j store
j stores who's reading j store for fun get out of here i don't i don't like
people that smart get
out of my house what's j store man please j stores that it's a it's a exclusive
online uh repository of
scholarly articles repository you need a password and uh there's no why are
they gatekeeping knowledge in
this day and age this is the last thing they should be doing and you can't gate
keep knowledge by the
way because knowledge is the one thing you can't possess or whatever that's
right i mean you can't
obviously possess it but you can't singularly gate i don't know whatever so
knowledge is like water
and j store is like nestle you know i'm saying if i can make that metaphor do
you like you're so good
at metaphor how do you do it how do you do that hey eric it's so crazy yeah eric
do you like you
who you who who no what oh i thought you're setting me up for an amazing joke
yeah i do like you who me too i really like it it really feels like there's
about a d's nuts
yeah yeah i know come to you know what you play around enough with words like
that people will
become suspicious of you and that's what i am of you right now i'm not crying
wolf i'm laughing wolf
do you know what i'm trying to say so christmas time is here right and that
means different jack i
know you are jewish no i'm not so you
well i did but but i we did celebrate christmas not in the religious way but we
got the tree
we in the santa claus way correct so
nate were you going to christmas services heavily at church were you ever in
the nativity scene
at the church pageant damn dude yes i was i was in the fucking choir i was
learning sign language i
i was in the uh some plays i was in uh the the the what is that what is that
nativity scenes yeah yeah
the nativity scene so what describe uh a church service for those of us do you
know the story of
christmas jack or are you obviously i know the story of christmas it's
everybody sends out wishes puts out
a cookie and milk for big fat man with the rain so funny that's the pagan
right uh okay okay wait wait wait okay wait wait let me try the religious one
let me start here
saint nick is that related at all no it's not no it's about jesus it's about jesus
okay so jesus
was born on christmas correct that's right because i could think about the nativity
scene when
they're outside of the churches there's a bunch of people all gathered around a
dude in a hood
so that's that's what that's your story of christmas so that's how you rewrite
the bible
that's from like your that's like i probably could deuteronomy leviticus leviticus
is all about
killing a fucking lamb or something it's the best i got leviticus was the book
we would always turn
to when we wanted to be all naughty during the while the pastor was talking
because they talk about
mm they talk about all type of nasty in there and leviticus are you kidding me
and eric
you know for my haftorah right for my torah portion i had to they give you
basically a portion
of torah to read and mine was leviticus man so you're being naughty and the boy
and the boy becomes the
man and reading leviticus and one pube sprouted out of the hole man i don't
even remember when mine
started coming out uh you're a couple of them coming out of your chin right now
looks like
my my mom i was like my mom i was we were talking about something she's like i
really liked how your
beard looked in that one video and i was like oh do you like it now yeah and
she's like well i liked
how it looks in that video come on my shade come on my shade from my welcome
back welcome back home eric
yeah yeah yeah that's my welcome really welcome back welcome back mace so the
story of christmas
jack well mary you know about mary right mother of god
start taking notes all right go ahead virgin much or so she claims or so she
claims by the way now
how do you still that survive that has survived like how long you were chewing
on the end of it
there wasn't me it was i don't do that it wasn't me so were you chewing on that
second city pen and
taking notes on how to do scene work how could you not chew how could you not
get energy out when
you're watching archives studying archive material like jack just whipped out a
pen that is all
fucking gnarled at the end and it's for the listeners okay so there's a person
listening to this
you have no consideration for people listening on spotify on apple itunes right
google podcasts
sorry sorry sorry and it's probably the predominantly people with vision issues
yeah right
um okay so let me just body the story of christmas really quick body it mary
becomes all pregnant
okay right before christmas even though she never fucked no she's a virgin
right and her husband
joseph the carpenter a simple wait not husband yet was he the husband they didn't
consummate the
marriage i think they were i think they were husband and wife oh so but they
would have to be
are you kidding me right yeah back then of course so she gets all becomes all
oh no she becomes
pregnant immediately right she comes it's full term nine months it doesn't just
date it's like bam it's
right fucking there i don't know if this shows up but do you know that your
zoom name is your
girlfriend's name oh is it really i'll just zoom in a little bit okay okay if
you don't well no
problem all right but did you know that the archangel gabriel came to mary
first before did he really
come through and say you were gonna bear that just showed up and was like you're
about to get
pregnant as fuck right now what's up now is the archangel is that an evil
figure no no gabriel well
gave here's the thing about the archangel okay right exactly now he could be if
you play with him
when the final battle comes and we battle satan after the rapture 10 000 years
after the rapture yeah
you wouldn't want to fuck with gabriel okay so gabriel's a hero essentially
also you don't know this eric this
is about to blow your mind man say tell me now you know who was used to be an
archangel
i mean satan guess you want to know what happened to my ass when i was a child
tell me
this doesn't make me some type of prophet or some type of religious figure i'm
having nightmares at
every night different type of nightmares after i saw after i walked in on my
parents watching six
six okay couldn't sleep for about a year now during these nightmares one night
i'm all and i'm already
afraid of god i know he can see everything it scares me to my core as you're
very afraid and i'm so afraid
of going to hell and one night i have a nightmare where i'm in hell i just know
it but it's not the
hell that's shown in cartoons it's not fiery and hot it's pitch black and ice
cold and yet i know as an
eight-year-old that i'm in hell and i'm there's dripping water and i see a
figure come through
i see a figure walk through a doorway and how can i see it and he has a hood on
like voldemort but i
wasn't 