Name: 49: English Practice Conversation about Travel
Uploaded: 2024-01-08T12:00:39.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video '49: English Practice Conversation about Travel' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-08. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video '49: English Practice Conversation about Travel' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-08. Transcript available.

49: English Practice Conversation about Travel

What's up, you stank-ass fucking bitches? Welcome back to Joy Tactics.
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous, and
meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger. Enjoy.
What's up, you stank-ass fucking bitches? Welcome back to Joy Tactics.
Okay.
All right. That's the new intro.
It's the Monday episode. The best of the best.
You know I'm coming correct today.
The smelling salts are out.
The smelling salts.
What are those called? Ward?
Yep. They actually are. Very good.
Ward smelling salts? They need a better name than that. Something that catches
your attention a little more.
Like liquid death salts.
Liquid death salts, yeah.
So what are we talking... Let's just get... I don't even want to waste any
fucking time.
Yeah, sorry guys.
What the hell are we talking about today?
Travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel, travel.
Someone on the Patreon... We get the most amazing ideas and community on our
Patreon.
It's a thriving community.
Oh shit. Just wait. Hold on one second.
What happened?
So this goes out just real quick.
This is Patreon related.
Okay.
So I just saved $30 a month on Spectrum on my bill through some TikTok.
You're kidding me.
I'll put this link in the... It's some government program that you apply for
and they'll just give you like some credit.
So I'm going to put... So if you use this link, okay, and you save 30 months on
your Spectrum, this is a small amount of people.
You have to, by law, subscribe to the Patreon, okay?
Because I just saved you 30 months.
What's the crazy hack? You can save $30 a month on your Spectrum Wi-Fi through
the government?
It's some like COVID program that's like still going on.
Did you have to spit into some type of tube and send it to the government
before you got that discount?
No, no. It's like if you fall under like a certain amount of like...
If you make less than this amount, which most people...
Yeah, I certainly do.
That's not... It shouldn't be making me laugh. I know we're all...
No, pretty sure you're not going to qualify for that, man, because...
I know.
You basically just have made a partnership with the government. You know what I'm
saying?
Yeah.
I'll get you clients. You give me clients.
Yeah.
That's our first ad is the...
The government.
The government.
What is it? It's an internet subsidy?
Sorry, that just reminded me of...
Yeah, it's some subsidy, and I was like, you know what? If I could save some
people money, you know what I'm saying?
That's what I'm all about. At the end of the day, I just want to save some
people money.
You're like that guy. Remember that guy that was wearing all question marks on
his suit back in the day on TV?
He's like, the government owes you money. I can help him.
Right.
He passed away badly, man. He died in a mysterious accident, and there needs to
be a new one of them, like Santa Claus.
Like Tim Allen, Santa Claus.
Somebody who's not afraid to be taken out, by the way.
Someone who's not afraid to go out there and say, go ahead and kill me, but it's
only going to reveal the truth.
Because behind every one of these question marks is what? An answer mark.
Do they have an answer mark?
An answer mark is a sentence. An answer mark would be a word.
No, because you can have a word before a question mark.
Well, you know what the real answer mark is? The cross.
The holy cross.
Yeah, question. You know what the answer is? Jesus being all mutilated on the
cross.
When Jesus got up on that stage and was shot in the neck.
Hit us with the joy tactics right now.
Oh, by the way, the joy tactics bilateral parallel salute.
Hand signal.
This is a Patreon episode of Revelation.
Yeah.
JT.
JT, Justin Timberlake.
Oh, snap.
So, by the way, when you save money, this is all related.
When you save money through Nate's government spectrum, whatever.
Nate has gone on so many tangents trying to get credit card referral bonuses.
Trying to get you on the government financials.
I'm not doing this podcast to entertain people.
I'm trying to get credit card points.
You don't have to tell us.
You guys know what the fuck is going on.
You know what's up with you.
It's always been like that from fucking day one of comedy.
I'm trying to promote government subsidies and get credit card points.
That's why I'm here.
Why are you here, Jack?
Why are you here, Aaron?
I'm here for a little company.
I'm sitting here lonely all day writing.
Man, fuck that.
I'm here waiting for the big one to happen.
Globally.
The quake.
What?
The equator moves?
Remember Chapstick?
I'm on it again.
There's nothing like having your lips look all wet, though.
Especially when it's someone that you respect.
And then you look at them and all...
Like, say you're doing a movie with George Clooney, which will happen for each
and every one of us that are on this podcast.
Then you look over at him.
He's driving his boat on, like, coma or whatever.
But his lips are all wet from Chapstick.
Would you disrespect...
Would you respect him less for that?
Why would I judge someone for the medical circumstances?
Yeah, I guess it is medical.
There's just something...
There's nothing wrong with lip gloss.
I'm not saying that's a bad thing.
But there's something about just the lips looking all sticky and wet.
Well, you know what I like is when some people got the hyper-wet lip.
Where it's...
Their lips are all wet, but then they like to let you know that they have more
in the chamber.
And so the spit's coming out the sides of the corners of their mouth when they
talk.
Yeah.
That's hyper-respectful.
That's for someone with rabies.
No, I know people...
Oh, and y'all saw that poor man being afraid of the water recently, didn't you?
He tries to take a drink.
Can't do it because he's stage 10 rabies.
You know about that, right?
No, I heard about it from you, but I didn't go and Google it.
So wait, wait.
Catch us up on this condition.
I'll catch you up now on the latest of rabies technology.
The medical world is discussing rabies a lot lately.
Here's how you know you've got to put your friend down.
If they have been bitten by a bat or a raccoon or any type of opossum as well,
and you say you give them a glass of water.
They're acting a little weird.
You want to calm down and give them a glass of water.
If they're afraid of that cup of water, get out the 9mm, 2 to the kneecap, 2 to
the elbows.
Let them know that it's their time to go and then take them out silently.
I feel like you are too prepared to take out a friend, Eric.
I would really be appreciative if that circumstance were to happen,
if you were to really need to do that to me.
But I feel like you're just a little too prepared to take out someone you love.
If there's a zombie outbreak and you start getting gummed on by an elderly
zombie,
they don't even have teeth, I'm still taking you out because I don't know what
saliva does.
You know what I mean?
Maybe you have a cut.
I'm still taking you out with a shovel.
And then I'm killing myself even more painfully.
Because I can't live without you.
Well, now, how do you want to be treated, Eric?
Because if you get gummed on and you're coming to me like,
dude, wait, don't give up on me.
Don't give up on me, please, please.
Do you want the fucking nail gun for me to hang you up on the wall like a moose
like that?
Or do you want me to tie you down with a bunch of ratchet straps,
like a mattress on top of the car and just keep you with us?
And take me to where?
The special zombie hospital?
Well, just keep you alive because zombies don't need anything to stay alive,
you know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
So we'll take you eventually to the hospital whenever they get a new one going.
Well, remember in Shaun of the Dead when Nick Frost has been,
spoiler alert, Nick Frost has bitten some and peg.
He's been having to kill all his other family members.
His mom has to die.
But his best friend, Nick Frost,
he keeps him in a shed in the back.
And Nick Frost, zombie version, just plays video games all day.
That's how I want to be treated.
All right.
So we'll leave you around.
But, Nate, you're getting it.
You're getting two to the kneecap.
Yeah, that's fine.
And you're getting a fucking knuckle sandwich from me just because you won't
feel it.
And I don't want to get one off.
That's fine.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm totally cool with that.
So what's this episode about, guys?
Well, this is what I was saying, is travel.
Right.
We got off track.
I'm sorry.
I tried to get, I was really adamant about getting us on track.
And then I got us way off track with the government subsidy program.
Right.
But Nate, no.
And I apologize.
That's an apology.
I think I need a formal apology there on behalf.
Because that was too early an episode to get into that type of behavior and
that type of subject matter.
Nate, you need to be hacking into different countries' welfare systems, getting
Croatian welfare.
Getting Peruvian food stamps.
This is, yeah.
That's a great fucking idea.
Good God.
You need to be in the call center.
You should be taking calls on the podcast, helping people sort out their
whatever health care they can apply for.
See if they're qualified.
Yeah.
But you need money.
You need to be able to save money to travel.
That's right.
Do you understand?
So don't be so foolish to think that everything we say, nothing this year is
random.
Nothing.
No.
It's all being planned.
Just watched Obama's movie last night.
He's a genius.
He's a, yeah, we know that.
He is a filmmaking genius.
I almost feel like, God damn it, why did he fucking have to get into politics?
He's a sexual genius too, I'll bet.
Oh, well, he's a, he can make you, he can make you shiver with his voice.
That's it.
Oh, yeah.
I bet you.
Can, yeah, he has made me shiver at the gym.
I bet you he, he fucking would nut in three seconds.
He's one of the, like, he's a dude that you think would really put it down.
Are you happy about it?
But he's like, I don't know if he's happy about it, but I could just see him
just really.
Crap.
You could, is he proud of that?
Whoops.
He's not, he's like.
He's like really a shit, like, sorry, sorry about that.
That shit.
What is he into?
Librarians?
Power.
Oh.
Food.
Chicken fingers.
Cigarettes.
We all know he's addicted to them.
Basketball.
Basketball, right.
Celebrity culture.
Traveling.
Signing deals.
Cashing checks.
Mm-hmm.
Supporting artists.
How about that Obama list?
That, to me, give it up.
Well, no, you're not listening to fucking Big Thief.
You know what I mean?
He doesn't have to be doing that.
And can't you join the ranks?
Because everybody in the world puts out their Spotify wrapped.
But he puts out the presidential Obama seal.
Like, he makes his own font.
He just takes his spot.
Like, Spotify is presumably doing that work for you.
Right.
What are you doing?
Cataloging it by yourself?
Right.
Well, he's always had to be different.
He's always had to be special.
And that's where I get sick of his ass and people like him.
That's where you realize you're not special.
Because what's the most competition, hardest thing to be in the world?
It's average.
Because there's so much competition.
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
Damn, you just laid that sentence down in a way I've never.
Sometimes I'll listen to the podcast back, you know this.
And a sentence that you said will hit me two, three days later.
Well, because you get knocked out by it.
So you lost your memory.
You know what I'm saying?
You inoculate people with nonsense and then you hit them with the fucking antidote.
That's right.
I inoculate them and then...
Some, I don't get that quite right, but you know what I'm saying.
Wait, so how was Obama's boobie?
What is it about?
It's about a power outage?
Well, we don't want to spoil it.
Hey, yeah.
Well, we don't want to spoil it, but we do want to say get your ass on NordVPN
right now.
They haven't sponsored us yet.
We're hoping they're going to give us $10, $15 a month based on our listenership,
but...
I have a dire warning about VPNs.
Wh