Name: Old Timey Baddies | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP. 52
Uploaded: 2024-01-29T13:00:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Old Timey Baddies | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP. 52' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Old Timey Baddies | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP. 52' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-01-29. Transcript available.

Old Timey Baddies | Joy Tactics Podcast | EP. 52

You know what this is, the NBR, the no-reason boner?
You got one right now.
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous, and
meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Barone, and Jack Bensinger. Enjoy.
You know when someone's so hot that they must not be around anymore?
You know when someone's hot from behind the pines? You know what I'm trying to
say?
Yeah, you thought people nowadays are fine?
You're looking around, you're on the street, you're looking at these baddies
now.
You thought women just got bad? No.
They've been bad for a long time.
Women have been bad from day one.
And we don't mean to be all giddy because ordinarily, we hide our attractions,
right?
We don't like to keep that on our sleeves. It's not classy.
But these people are infinite class.
And by the way, I need to acknowledge, some people are attracted to the
different genders, whatever.
I'm just saying, today's just about being attracted to old-timey baddies, okay?
Bad women, from our perspective.
And men, not baddies.
But there were hot men as well.
Just so happens, I'm not built like that.
Hey, I got a question.
Right now.
I got a question and get ready to like this quote.
Let's say it.
How come whenever I see a baddie, I want to see the goodies?
Oh.
Curious.
Oh.
Yeah.
That felt so bad to say.
Oh.
That felt awful.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
You're being dirty.
You're being naughty.
You're being naughty.
You're being naughty.
I'm just saying, I'm honestly not meaning to be naughty.
I'm just making a, basically a, I saw the alley-oop right there for that little
play on words.
You know what I'm thinking of?
Back in the old-timey era, fellas were just like, hummina, hummina, hummina,
hummina.
Right.
You know, like there was a different type of horniness.
They had no chill.
Cartoonish.
They had no chill.
No.
Hummina, hummina, hummina, hummina, hummina, hummina, hummina.
You know, and they were built like, and looked like Frank Sinatra.
Frank Sinatra was a fucking bombshell.
You know what I'm saying?
That was a heartthrob.
Look at his ass.
Yeah.
Did he have unlimited talent and charisma?
Sure.
Did he have a golden voice?
Yeah.
Did he have a resilience against a turbulent career?
Yeah, he did.
Was he the perfect voice for the 40s, 50s, and 60s and beyond?
Yeah, he was.
But was he fine like that?
No.
Did he deserve to be dating and be married to and have an affair with Ava Gardner?
Hell nah, based on his looks.
Eric Greyhill, the Frank Sinatra scholar.
Always appreciated.
Always classy, man.
I mean, have you seen a picture of Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardner together?
Yeah, on my bedroom wall.
You know who had the swag, though?
It looks like the Beauty and the Beast.
Of the Rat Pack?
Who?
Sammy Davis, Jr.?
Well, yes, but who I was thinking of was Dean Martin.
Oh, yeah.
Dean Martin had the ladies.
He had them wet.
He had the 40s.
Oh, damn.
The 40s were wet, man.
Yeah, the girdles.
What did they wear back then?
Girdles and stuff?
Oh, they had to wear two girdles back then.
What is a girdle?
What even is a girdle?
I don't know what that is.
The girdle's an old-timey type of garment.
It's a garment for sure.
That shit was drenched in the 40s.
Oh, you needed us tissue around back then.
Not when Dean Martin...
You see somebody walking by who's attractive, you got five friends right next
to you, three
of them probably dropped dead.
Everybody knew somebody back then that just died, just saw somebody that was so
fine that
they said, if I can't be with them, I'd rather be with the creator.
Croak right there on the motherfucking hoagie line.
And by the way, if I was in the 40s and I saw Dean Martin, the floor would be
getting
wet from my pee because I'd be so nervous to be around a great like him.
You know what I mean?
Hello, sir.
Right, like a dog, like when you see your dog.
A submissive.
I would be so submissive to Mr. Dean Martin.
Oh, you are a social sub.
I used to be until I got control.
Submissive out of respect?
Out of respect for his voice.
And if you...
You know what's funny and interesting to me is we go, sorry, everybody, we're
going to
talk about the dames.
We're going to talk about the broads.
Well, so far we haven't.
We've talked about the men and I don't know that that's going to change.
I mean, hey, look right behind me.
That's a dead guy who's hot as a fox.
For those who don't know, that's Victor Hara.
Victor Hara.
He's dead.
He was murdered by the government on 9-11-1973.
Yep.
You didn't know there's a lot of 9-11s out there.
Who is that?
Yeah.
Sorry, I was looking something up.
Yeah, but what's his deal?
He is a Chilean musician who has passed, who made some beautiful, beautiful
just love songs
back in the day, a lot of acoustic guitar, and then a lot of really evocative
and beautiful
political music that was so evocative during this election back in the day that
when this
coup happened, they basically came in, the fucking dude took over Allende or
whatever,
somebody else, somebody took over and bombed the shit out of everybody.
They're rounding up all these supporters in a soccer stadium or something.
They bring Victor Hara in, and what do they do in front of everybody in the
whole stadium?
Because his music was so good.
They killed him.
First, they cut his fingers off so he could never play guitar again.
No.
Then they took him out back.
They cut his fingers off and then killed him.
Now that seems cruel to me.
And his wife is still around, and she has a nice documentary and a book and
stuff.
But their music is, his music is fucking amazing.
I'm going to look it up.
I'm afraid, Nate, be careful when you listen to that music because you're going
to want to
be in a zone in your life where you can get shit down because I know the minute
you pop
that music on in your earphones, you're going to be starting a revolution.
Well, let me shout out two songs, if I may.
I know.
Let me shout out two songs, okay?
I want to start you out with Te Recuerdo Amanda.
Do you remember Amanda?
Te Recuerdo Amanda, la calle mojada, corriendo a la fábrica donde trabajaba.
Trabaja.
Tomorrow?
Manuel.
Does that mean tomorrow?
Trabajo.
You got it, Nate.
That's right.
Nope.
You got it.
That's right.
Yep.
Six years of Spanish.
Six years of Spanish.
You say trabajo.
Does that mean tomorrow?
It sounds like it.
I was almost there.
What is tomorrow?
How do you say tomorrow?
It's not important.
We don't want you to, I want you to know as little Spanish as you could
possibly know.
And I want to drop you in Mexico with a GoPro.
Seventh grade, eighth grade, ninth grade, tenth grade, eleventh grade, twelfth
grade.
Ask me, ask me to say a sentence in, a simple sentence in Spanish.
And let's see if six years of public education in Spanish.
Ask if the bathroom is on the left or the right.
Es el baño.
Pretty good so far, right?
Si.
You're on it.
Yeah.
And I can't, I, yeah, I can't even, not even close.
I don't even know, like, it's not even on the tip of my tongue.
They got a crazy one for left.
Just go for it, though.
Is kierda.
Wait.
Nate, just go for right.
Just give it a shot.
Now, right, that right sounds really strong.
Didn't you just say it?
Kierda.
Is kierda is left.
But right, what could that mean?
Right.
It's like que, que.
Just dive.
Just Jimmy Neutron's dive.
Cui.
Is it something Cui?
Cuisando.
Cuisando.
Cuisando.
What about that?
Cuisando.
You like your scream?
El baño es cuisando.
That's it.
That's right, man.
You remembered it.
That's my guess.
Good job.
That's right.
Thanks, George Bush.
Thanks, George W. Bush.
That's your fault, man.
George Bush does not care about Nate Vorone.
He doesn't, man.
John Stewart's coming back to The Daily Show.
I know who he's at.
We're going to dedicate the last 30 minutes to that.
But I want to say, I was listening to an interview with a man speaking Spanish.
He was talking about the Chilean plane crash that I brought up last episode.
But the word for pilot in Spanish, do you know this, Jack?
I don't.
Piloto.
I did know that.
El piloto.
Piloto.
That makes the pilot sound so...
You know, in the movie Alien, they call the, like, the, uh, those, when they,
some aliens, the
pilots.
Remember this?
What the fuck are you talking about?
I need to drop it because I don't know where I'm going.
But there's something about the word piloto that is so sexy to me.
Piloto es muy malo.
The pilot is very bad.
Yeah.
See?
I can only speak in Spanish, like, busted.
Zapatos es, uh...
Shoes is...
And then ready, and then, and then to cap, to finish it off, to cap off the
Spanish section,
when you're ready for it, El Derecho de Vivir en Paz.
Okay?
Look it up.
The Right to Live in Peace.
That's a beautiful song by this man right here.
Shout out.
So that's the two.
Go for those two.
Oh, I got some that's going to blow your mind.
This is something I remember from Spanish.
What are you about to say, man?
How to remember how to say the, uh, vowels.
And, and it, and it, this is how you, to memorize that.
Okay?
So this is one thing I remember.
A, E, E, O, U, El Burro Sabe Mas Que Tu.
The donkey knows more than you.
Exactly.
Good job.
Uh, E, E, O, U.
Sounds like you were being made fun of.
That always stuck with me.
The power of music and song.
Yeah.
Wow.
I feel like that's more of a way to remember how to say donkey.
Remember that donkey that got hit by the train?
Damn.
Damn.
Yeah.
That donkey got smacked by that train.
Did it explode?
Yeah.
Yeah, it did.
Yeah.
And I don't like, didn't like seeing that.
A lot of people laugh.
Can you believe that?
No, that donkey just got fucking exploded.
You were showing people all around the bar.
I think you were kind of laughing.
If I remember correctly, yeah.
Yeah.
That's how I saw it, actually, is we were at a bar.
That's why I'm done drinking, dude.
That's why I'm off Guinness, for real.
Because once I sip that black beer.
Just Guinness, you're sober.
Irish sober, no Guinness.
You know what I hated when people would drink like, oh, don't give me tequila.
Don't give me rum.
Yeah, I act a little different.
I act a little bit different.
That's when I get violent.
It's all the same.
If you're that way on Guinness, don't give me a Guinness.
Well, yeah, Guinness does affect me as such.
The Guinness Hulk.
The Guinness Hulk.
Okay, but back to the old-timey baddies.
Right.
Speaking of Dean Martin, if we lived in that time and we were kind of the new
Rat Pack,
you, me, you guys and me.
The busted Rat Pack.
The most busted Rat Pack.
That's our busted.
Yeah, the fucking Capybara Pack.
I got the balding hair pompadour.
Like frayed hair.
It's like just trying to mold it into something.
We all suck at music.
But Dean Martin, did you remember watching the Dean Martin present the roasts
back then?
They would like roast.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, yeah.
With Don Rickles.
Oh, Rickles gets on stage, busts a jocular nut all over everybody.
Don Rickles, man.
But they got faded.
They got faded.
Cross faded or just faded?
That's what we can't know because they passed on.
But I would have to assume they cross faded.
I have to assume they were playing with the levels.
Oh, they were quantum faded.
Where they're...
Quantum fading.
Getting ripped in and out of different styles of consciousness.
Well, there's got to be a different, like, sort of...
Well, when every...
If you're in a room with 600 people and every person in that room is chain
smoking, like,
that's got to be a different type of nicotine.
How many milligrams is that just secondhand?
Just secondhand?
That's like...
That's like...
I feel like that becomes firsthand zen.
That's at least one spearmint zen.
I don't use zen.
If these dudes had zen back in the day...
Dude, if you took one step into the fucking hotbox roast where 600 people...
Who knows?
Maybe 1,200 people are all in a room, all chain smoking, all coughing.
If you walked in there for one second, you'd need a gas mask.
Mm-hmm.
I know.
You might walk out a different person.
I want to experience that.
In y'all's home states, do they still