Name: Cars | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 56
Uploaded: 2024-02-26T13:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Cars | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 56' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-26. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Cars | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 56' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-02-26. Transcript available.

Cars | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 56

I like cars.
This is either the least or most listenable thing.
Welcome to Joy Tactics.
The podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous,
and meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger.
Enjoy.
Do you guys think it means something that I was recently...
I was going to do that same thing.
What were you about to do? What were you about to do?
Make a revving sound?
Restart, restart, restart, restart.
I almost shit my pants a little bit when I did that.
Oh, okay.
All right, restart, restart, restart.
All right, let's all do it.
Which one are we going with? Reving sound?
Reving, and then I'll tell my story.
Joy Tactics.
The joyful and the furious.
The car episode.
Back at you, bitch.
Okay, this is awesome.
Why is this so lame that we're talking about cars?
I don't know why.
Just because, well, in the middle of it, we just recorded another episode,
and I went to go get a snack, and I saw a car commercial.
And I thought, why don't we?
We never really talked about cars like we like to outside of the podcast,
on a podcast.
So let's make this whole thing about cars.
And it's so interesting how manipulated you are,
and we are susceptible to advertisements like this.
You just saw an ad, and you didn't go out and buy a car, did you?
But in a way, you're talking about it, and you're re-advertising basically the
car right now.
You're putting words in my mouth, dude.
I already was thinking about cars, and then I don't want to get into it, but I
am never influenced.
Watch your tone, dude.
Sometimes I'm like, I don't know if I'm hungry, but I was listening to that
conversation go on between you two,
and I was trying to understand what was happening.
As if I was in English class, if I had to explain, like, so what just happened,
I think I couldn't do it.
Can I say something about English class real quick?
Yeah.
Were you guys like this where, I remember every time we would get a book to
read,
and we would have to go home and write some report on this in this chapter,
and you would have to, you know, kind of talk about what was the meaning of
this text.
And without a doubt, every single time, I would have an out-of-left-field
meaning of what I thought that this was about,
and it never, and I was like, God damn, this is what the author meant with this?
How am I supposed to know this shit?
Did it concern your teachers?
No, you know what?
None of them were concerned, and that's frightening in and of itself.
Well, because you had left-brain skills, or what?
They should have been encouraging me, I think, to go deeper into my own disease.
It's curious how much a teacher's encouragement can drive a child to succeed.
It only takes one.
That's when I'm on the street and I see a kid, I just throw out a random
subject like,
oh, I heard you're good as fuck at division, at dividing, and then that becomes
their identity.
They're like, oh, they must have heard that through the grapevine.
That's right.
Then they become an amazing mathematician.
Right.
Well, let me say this.
Last night at a comedy show, a frequent topic of discussion for me is my time
spent in special ed classes.
Which you shouldn't be embarrassed of.
I'm not embarrassed of, and I don't know why you didn't mean to say that.
And you definitely should never be embarrassed of that, no matter what people
are speaking about you.
Behind your back.
Okay, man.
And I'm not, and I'm not.
That's what's funny, man.
Good.
Then good.
So drop it, bitch.
Let's move on.
Okay.
He's sorry.
So that was awkward, but I was doing stand-up last night, and I'm doing my
jokes, blah, blah, blah.
And somebody comes up to me after the show who was certified on drugs.
Who?
But I can't, I don't know their name, but they seem to be a mutual friend.
Awesome.
But they were saying, like, really earnestly, like, that's amazing that, like,
you're still able to do this.
And, like, you represent your community like that.
I was like, it did make me think, like, I was in special needs classes, but was
I special needs, or did I just have needs that were special?
I think that's the latter, dude.
No matter what anybody says, I think it's the latter.
I don't think it's either.
I've asked you all about the quotes, right?
How I used to quote, like, when you write an essay, you have to put a quote
from the book in the essay to support your thing.
Okay.
I know all about that, but.
Nobody clocked that I was doing this throughout high school, but I thought that
meant that it had to be within quotation marks.
So my quote from the book would always be, like, yes.
Oh, you look for a literal, like.
Oh, you had to look for the actual quote within the book.
That's what I thought that meant.
And everybody just thought that I, everyone thought that I just was not.
Yeah, I don't know.
I could see how that could fly under the radar, you know?
You could be like, you know?
Yeah.
Oh, there's Jack being a fucking asshole.
It's tough to catch.
It's a tough one to catch.
Okay.
So let's kick off the car discussion.
Lexus.
We're going to go around name car brands until we can't know more.
Oh, I have.
Oh, that's fun.
The first one to stop has to do a spicy challenge.
We're going to do name cars?
All right.
Let's go, dude.
All right.
Are we doing models or just brands?
Just the brands.
Okay.
I'll start.
Lexus.
Toyota.
Honda.
Chevy.
GM.
Hummer.
Hummers.
What?
That works.
Hyundai.
Oh, you guys are sweating a little bit, aren't you?
Volkswagen.
Volkswagen.
Volkswagen.
Volkswagen.
Saab.
Ooh.
Geo.
Saturn.
Mazda.
Ferrari.
Corvette.
Does that count?
No.
Okay, then let me say a different one.
Let me say a different one.
Let me say a different one.
McLaren.
Rolls-Royce.
Mercedes.
35-year-old man.
Let's play this out.
Let's play this out.
Let's play this out.
Let's keep going.
Let's just keep doing it.
Did we do Scion?
That one?
No.
No.
We did not.
BMW.
Lamborghini.
See, I can name a hundred Lamborghinis.
Jaguar.
Rivian.
Range Rover.
Range Rover.
Chrysler.
Oh.
Lotus.
Damn.
Dodge.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Damn, that's a good one.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Elise.
Kia.
Wait, what's a lease?
Wait.
I was going to see it.
I thought I could get away with it.
Damn.
Damn.
So, you got any others, Jack?
Of course, I got a hundred of them waiting, sitting on deck, dummy.
A RAV4.
No, that's a turn of fuck.
No.
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
You're about to get out, dude.
No, I'm not.
And then it's going to be up to the two titans.
The two automobile titans.
Fiat.
Okay, you're back in.
Fiat?
Nice.
But then what did I just say?
I just said another one, didn't I?
I don't know if you did.
I did.
I really did.
Did you, man?
I'll say Range Rover.
You already said Range Rover.
Land Rover.
Those are the same thing.
No, they're not.
Yeah, a Land.
They're different models.
It's the same.
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Range Rover and what is the other one I'm thinking of?
Land Cruiser?
I'm thinking of a Land Rover.
Land Rover is the brand.
It is the company.
Range Rover is a type of Rover.
Fucking bloody hell.
Come on, man.
So, next.
And we skipped Eric, didn't we?
We skipped Eric, didn't we?
No, I said Kia.
Oh, I got one.
Oh, you said Kia.
All right, bad.
Oh, I got one on deck.
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Pontiac.
Yep.
Oh, crap.
Suck it.
Suck it.
Nissan.
Wow.
That's a classic.
You could never.
Acura.
Oh, fucking way.
You're toast, Nate.
Oh, God.
What is this?
There's one I'm thinking of.
I have multiple left.
Don't tell me I'm about to get knocked out of this shit.
Don't you fucking just.
I have multiple left.
This is so insane.
On the next time.
Ow.
Jeep.
Oh, fuck.
That was really good.
And we even rented one of those recently.
Oh, good God.
Thank good Lord.
Jack.
Wait, fuck.
I forgot what I just had.
I think I have one.
Mini Cooper.
Mini Cooper.
Oh, God.
Okay.
Nice.
Nice.
Wait, I just had so many.
I can't imagine somebody listening to this.
You said you were just shit talking that you had a bunch, man.
Wait, I have a hell of a.
This is what you do, man.
You talk all this shit, man.
You talk all this shit, man.
Where is it, man?
Volvo.
Volvo.
We already said.
We had to have already said that.
No, no one said Volvo.
I swear.
I swear somebody already said that.
No one said that.
I feel like.
You all did not say Volvo.
Somebody would have.
Subaru.
Fuck.
Okay.
PT Cruiser.
No.
PT Cruiser is a.
Is a.
Is a Pontiac.
A model.
No, it's not.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
Wrong.
All right.
We're wrong.
And if you continue to fight this, you'll be kicked out.
Chill, chill, chill.
Tesla.
Fuck.
You skipped me, man.
You skipped me.
Right in front of your eyes.
All right.
God.
Well, fucking damn it.
I got away with it.
That's what I was going to fucking say.
Wait.
So, Jack, did you say one?
Yeah, it's a PT Cruiser.
No, you're up now.
Okay.
Bentley.
I need to stall.
Correct.
Okay.
Yeah.
Damn.
Oh.
Oh.
Wait, wait.
We already said Maserati, right?
Yeah.
Did Maserati get?
Yeah.
We did?
In the, in the, uh, good God.
Come on now.
Come on, man.
You worked at cars.com.
I worked at cars.com.
I know you're at.
Really?
So, you could probably name 100 websites.
And you guys aren't, Eric, I see you're looking at a screen right now.
You're not, you wouldn't be looking at car names right now.
Don't pick that on me.
It crossed my mind.
I like cars.
I wouldn't be doing that, would you?
I like cars.
This is either the least or most listenable thing we've ever done on this
podcast.
But I just selfishly want to see this out.
I selfishly want to see it out.
Oh, shit.
Oh, my God.
What are you looking at, man?
You're looking at something.
I'm not looking at it.
I would never look.
Hands like, hands up.
Hands up.
Hands up.
You start nutting immediately once you take the hands up.
I can't.
I don't want to tap out, but I'm going to have to tap out right now.
Okay.
Let's all white flag it.
This is a complete tie.
How interesting.
Three evenly matched minds.
Did you guys have another one?
Trying to name all the cars.
What?
Did you have another one locked and loaded?
Bus.
No.
I couldn't think of anything.
Bus does not count.
Did we say Dodge?
Does Suzuki count?
Suzuki.
Mitsubishi.
Mitsubishi.
Honda.
Remember those Mitsubishis that we rented in Costa Rica, Nate?
Yes.
What was that called?
Oh, my God.
It was called the Mitsubishi Outlander, but it was a different kind that they
don't sell.
It was a Jiminy one or something?
No, we didn't get the Jiminy.
That's what I want so bad.
If anybody's listening to this and has even a mild interest in cool cars and
Jeep-like cars,
look up the Suzuki Jiminy.
It is, in my opinion, the most ideal fucking car.
It's a compact.
It looks like a little tiny Jeep.
That shit was beautiful.
Jiminy Cricket.
Now, what were the first cars that you guys had in your lives?
Such a great question, Eric.
May I go first?
This is like Amanda Bynes asking questions on a new show.
Did you guys?
I did not watch it.
No, I didn't.
Here's what I was driving around, my whip, for $600.
Damn.
$600 car.
Yeah, you heard me right.
A 1991 Toyota Celica.
That's nice.
Did it look kind of futuristic?
The headlights went like this.
Whoa.
You were driving a Celica?
I was whipping around in the Celica.
Don't those kind of look like a Porsche?
They kind of look a little tiny.
They look a little bit sick.
A little bit sick.
There was a big difference between the early 90s Celica and then the Celicas
that came out
maybe like early 2000s.
Those are kind of sick.
This car was two-door.
Mine was, I think it.
You had a coupe?
I want to say mine was four-door.
Damn, Nate.
You had this MF-R.
Are you sure it was a Celica?
Yep, that exact car.
Oh, shit.
That's kind of tight.
$600.
It had 220,000 miles on it.
And were you, what was the inside of that car looking like?
What was the crumb count?
How many crumbs, if you had to count them up, even if there were over 100?
There was, dude, it was, that car was frightening to be in.
Because you would be on the highway and like, you know how you see a car like
on fire on the news?
Yeah.
All the time.
I feel like this ca