Name: The Midwest | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 61
Uploaded: 2024-03-25T12:00:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Midwest | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 61' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Midwest | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 61' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-03-25. Transcript available.

The Midwest | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 61

Alright, watch this. One, two, three, pirates about to walk off the plank monologue,
go.
Oh, boy. Another final day upon the sea.
Well, I'd be lying if I said it was a pleasure working with you fools and
bastards.
But you gotta spend your life one way or another.
I guess it's time for me to jump into the sea.
One final breath upon this earth that gets me from a boy.
Pretty cool, right? Pretty cool.
Jesus Christ.
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous, and
meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Fensinger. Enjoy.
This, what I'm holding right now, is a candy that was purchased in the,
basically, convenience store in the Marina Towers, the Wilco Towers here in
Chicago.
And this, to me, is a type of candy. They're called Backcountry Road Old
Fashioned Strawberry Twists.
You ever had these, Nate?
I mean, I've had Twizzlers, but I haven't had this.
This is what, Twizzlers.
No one's had that.
No, but they've had them in the Midwest, which is where they're from.
Yeah, well, these are made now.
That looks like a gas station candy.
Well, it kind of, it could be. But this gives me Midwest vibes.
There's something preserved about those, like, there's something in the Midwest
where it's like local businesses like this can thrive in a way where, on the
East Coast, you're either Twizzlers or you're out of there, man.
You ain't getting a slot at the gas station or at the bodega unless you're a
big, big name.
And by the way, yeah, we're talking about the Midwest right now.
If you can guess, right, that's the topic of the episode, if you can guess by
now.
Well, about a year ago, me, Jack, and Nate, almost exactly a year ago, we were
all here.
And I'm in the same sweater.
I'm in the same outfit as I was one year ago doing a podcast back in this
apartment.
Yeah, and I look very different, don't I?
Oh, you guys are in the, I didn't even put that together.
You're in the apartment.
Yeah.
Wow.
Incredible.
Legendary.
So, let's break it down.
Let's wait no longer because the class is in session.
So, the Midwest.
Why do they call it that?
That is so interesting to me.
The Midwest.
So, back when it was the first originally named, they were going out west, I
would imagine.
And then they said, well, the west is all the other.
This is about midway to the west.
That's what I would concur.
Right.
I mean, at one point, it was the west.
You know, it wasn't even mid.
You know what I'm saying?
And let's just be clear.
There's nothing mid about it.
Very good.
Thank you.
Very good.
This is just as important, almost as important as every other part of the
country, especially
the parts that hit the oceans.
Everybody says the oceans is where you need to be.
Well.
Tell that to the tsunamis and hurricanes.
Yeah, right.
Tell that to the people getting flooded by tsunamis and hurricanes and have to
deal with sperm whales
and violent creatures from the deep.
There's nothing like that going to get you in Gary, Indiana.
The only thing that's going to get you in Gary, Indiana is.
Drug addiction.
Well.
Poverty.
But it's all internal things that you can manage that you're already managing
just by
listening to this.
Let's give it up for Lori Lightfoot.
Is she out?
I'm kind of right.
Huh?
Isn't she out?
She's out, but we remember her fondly for...
What is she doing now, like on a day-to-day basis?
Like, does she have a job?
I think she's designing a 2D video game.
Yeah, she's doing CrossFit now.
She has time for the stuff that she really likes to do.
And we're having me and Eric are having to share the mic.
I know.
And it's...
It's kind of changing our style a little bit because we have to go...
We have to share the space a little bit.
Imagining Lori Lightfoot coming off of the F45 CrossFit boot camp just running
straight at you from 100 meters away.
Arms at the sides.
Full Cat Williams sprint speed.
Begging for some potassium.
Cat Williams versus Lori Lightfoot.
Bring back the Coliseum, by the way.
Bring it back.
Cat Williams and Lori Lightfoot both standing in front of their giant mechs
coming out of elevators from the ground.
Why is there not...
I feel like...
Futuristic referee.
Remember how big of an awesome smash hit celebrity death match was growing up?
Where is something like that right now?
Oh, damn.
Well, there is...
It's a real life now.
Celebrities are boxing.
Yeah.
Mike Tyson.
Oh, wow.
Jake Paul.
We don't need the clay.
Well, that's true.
Yeah.
Mike Tyson.
Isn't he boxing Jake Paul?
Is that right?
Yeah.
They'll be boxing.
That's...
He's going to kill...
What do you think of that?
Am I wrong to think that Mike Tyson is going to kill Jake Paul?
Because he's like...
He's a heavyweight, right?
He's like huge.
No.
No.
Even though he's 60 years old or whatever.
Like, he just seems like he's going to kill Jake Paul.
No.
This is not the Mike Tyson of old.
Everybody weigh in on the comments.
What are the odds?
What's the plus minus here?
Because Jake Paul, look, he's 28, 27, 26, 25.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Mike Tyson is, well, 57, I believe, years old.
So, he may be quick, but there's a reality with brain damage that Eric knows
very, very
well personally where it eats at you and it stops your ability to socialize
normally.
We start having to take care of you.
We start having to pick your food for you.
We start having to buy your outfits for you.
No, no, no, man.
You can't wear that.
It's going to be...
That's going to look weird on the airplane.
We've had Mexican food for the last three nights.
Out of nowhere.
No one asked.
Joy tactics.
No, yeah, but...
We just had Mexican food for lunch.
Yeah, we did.
Had it for dinner last night, and frankly, I had it for breakfast yesterday and
for dinner
the night before.
And what are you going to have for dinner the night?
I can't remember the night.
Go to that fucking sweet green.
That like North African spot or whatever.
I would fucking love to go there.
I was just thinking about that.
That was fucking good.
I forget what type of food it was, but it was around there.
Yeah.
You know what I think about last year when we were here was the suicide
apartment, Nate.
The what apartment?
The suicide apartment.
Oh, right.
I don't know if I've described that on the podcast.
I think you...
Who's going to find out?
I mean, I don't think the...
I guess we should stray away from this topic.
Okay.
All right.
So, what's funny is...
Nate gets so worried.
Just to be safe.
That's okay.
So, Mike Tyson...
Mike Tyson.
He bit someone on the ear.
Him and Ozzy Osbourne should do something together because they bite stuff.
A little bite off.
That's the other thing.
Oh, Nate, you should be in a...
You know Joey Chestnut, the hot dog competitive eater?
Sounds familiar.
Well, do you know about hot dog eating competitions?
Right.
Of course.
Yes.
You should do something like that, but you don't have to swallow it or anything.
It's just like...
Like, how badly can you, like, fuck up a plate of food?
Yeah.
How messy can you get?
Do you guys know that singer Vic Chestnut?
He's gone now.
But God cursed him with a body that didn't work as it should.
And he was...
I don't...
I think he couldn't walk or...
He looked different.
He was born with some disabilities.
He had a song called, Oh, Death.
Have you heard this song?
Or wait.
No.
No, that's not the song name.
The song...
Let me find the song name.
But the song is so beautiful.
Is he Civil War era or when?
No, he was, like, 90s.
Oh.
Vic Chestnut is his name.
Oh.
The song is called, Flirted With You All My Life.
Have you heard this song?
No.
And it's about Dr. Doom?
Basically.
Oh, he looks...
Well, he looks like me.
Can you hear this, Nate?
Nope.
But I can imagine.
So, some drums coming in?
Oh, it's coming out of my headphone.
I was like, where's that?
What's happening?
Okay, we'll go to another.
So good.
So he's singing this song, and you think he's talking about a girl that he's
loved his whole
life, and he's been flirting with her all his life.
As it turns out, the song is about death, the specter of death, following him
around, touching
all of his friends, taking people from him, getting him close to death, taking
his mother
from him.
Very beautiful song.
Dark.
Sounds kind of serious.
But Joey Chestnut made me think of that.
That's a very good word association.
Good job.
Really good.
So, you know what I think of when I think of Midwestern?
I think of nice people.
People that are nice.
Yes.
Because people on the East Coast, I'll just say it, I know I'm going to piss
off a lot
of people.
They're fucking rude.
A lot of people in Boston, you walk by a dude in Boston, he's going to call you
a less
than savory name just for no reason, to a stranger.
You don't have that type of shit in the Midwest.
People want to make you feel good, make you feel accepted in a lot of the parts
of the Midwest
that I've been to.
Why are you cringing, Jack?
You don't think so?
I am in vehement disagreement.
Well, Nate, because you fucking, every time you come to a new city, you dress
like a pirate,
big ruffly shirt, eye patch, big gold hoop earring.
And people should love me because I do that.
You try to make a little extra money getting, taking pictures of people in new
cities.
And yeah, in the East Coast, they call your ass out.
Now, the thing is, people are surface level more kind out here, kind of, in the
Midwest.
And then Northeast, yeah, they do give the East Coast a bad name.
But if you go to the Southeast, if you go to the South, these are people who
will, listen,
if you're stuck on the side of the road and your car is broken down, in the
middle of nowhere
in Virginia, they will pull over and they will help you just to see what's
going on.
Right, I'm not, by the way, when I say East Coast, I mean the Northeast.
The South is a different whole fucking thing.
They're not a part of the East Coast.
All right?
I think we need to, we need to restructure.
You know where they're really evil?
You know where people really don't know how to talk or act around one another?
France.
Northwest.
Where I'm born and raised.
They don't know how to, I go there and feel like I've done something very wrong.
Or a family member of mine has wronged them.
Or even myself.
As it turns out, they just don't know how to make eye contact.
Well, you know what?
I'm so good at talking to strangers.
And I'm so good at talking to strangers, it's disturbing.
I know how to talk to strangers better than I know how to talk to others.
Especially if they're political activists as well.
Oh, if you're a political activist?
If you see Eric Rahel walking down the street and you're a Greenpeace email
collector,
you better get ready for the longest conversation of your life.
Also, Eric puts that wet kiss on the neck.
All of his different emails on there and he'll get you to your goal for the
hour.
Yeah.
Volunteer.
Big white and legal envelope full of ones.
Eric Rahel comedy.
100 ones.
At gmail.com.
Eric Rahel actor at Yahoo.
This is kind of getting me in the game.
My leg was falling asleep, so I have to stand up like this.
Is your booty out?
I can't see it through the zoom, but is your ass?
Are you like leaning over like that?
I can't really see.
Yeah.
The booty's out for sure.
We're arching right now.
For sure.
Oh, I showed this to Nate off.
We all know what this is by now because I showed it before the pod.
But we got a little something called morning recovery.
Those things work, dude.
I know Jack was doubting it, but every time you have even two beers, you want
one of these.
They work.
Drink it.
You have to drink it within, what, a half an hour of your last drink, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I'm putting this in my most-faced nupsy.
You know what the extra trick is?
If you really are going hard tonight, Eric, which I know you are going to.
I won't.
I won't.
I know you are.
Despite you.
Every time you say that, your actions show differently.
So before the show, I want you to get one of them electrolyte packets.
And then you got to drink elec