Name: Driving Tour of Manhattan | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep.66
Uploaded: 2024-04-29T11:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Driving Tour of Manhattan | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep.66' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Driving Tour of Manhattan | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep.66' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-04-29. Transcript available.

Driving Tour of Manhattan | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep.66

Take one look, and you'll see...
Whatever.
Hey, chick, let me talk to you for a second.
Hey, girl, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous, and
meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger.
Enjoy.
Yes, if you're listening to this right now, you probably think we're at our
fucked up desks, in our busted apartments.
Wrong.
We are getting off the Brooklyn Bridge right now, driving more safe than anyone
has, more safely, shall I say, than anyone has ever driven in their lives.
So we're about to take you through a time capsule through not just time and
space, but through geography as well.
We are entering New York City.
Well, here's the thing.
Yo, Jack, we've lived in New York for how long now?
Five, coming on six years?
Six years, but if you count the pandemic as two each, then, because those were
hyper years.
The pandemic does not count.
The pandemic, no, bro.
Oh, no, no, no, extra count, bro, because that makes you, a lot of New Yorkers
jump shit because they couldn't fucking cut it.
That's right.
They couldn't handle it.
They went up to Mommy and Daddy's Ranch up in Maine, whatever.
Rancho Cucamonga.
Massachusetts.
I didn't have that luxury.
I get afforded so few luxuries, I had to rough it out with my remote job.
So I'm just saying, being in New York for that many years, you start to absorb
the history of the city, whether you like it or not.
Even if you fucking hate history, you can't help but absorb it.
And we have memories all over this town.
So here we are right now.
We're actually outside the courthouse.
We just got over the Brooklyn Bridge.
And you want to know what happened right here?
Oh, my God.
A historic moment happened here.
No, Gangs of New York was right out here, essentially.
Well, you know what the biggest gang in New York is, right?
The FBI.
The Riders Gang of America.
That's right.
Oh, dude.
Right there.
It'd be cool about it.
That's it.
Right there.
That's where we shut down Devil.
Remember that show?
Yeah.
I don't either.
Is that right?
Is that the name of it?
You shut down Devil, bro?
Yes, we did.
Right there.
They gave up.
They threw in this white flag.
And guess what?
The people who were running the event, the walking, the picketing, they left
all the signs there.
And I took them home in a giant garbage bag.
I said, don't worry about it.
I've never seen you more rageful or more prone to violence than you were during
the WGA strike.
Yeah, that was a different jack that I had seen.
I've never seen something like that.
I didn't know that you had that in you.
You were Dr. Jekyll.
Jekyll and Hyde.
Very clever.
And Mr. Hyde.
Yeah.
Now you're Mr. Hyde.
All sweet.
Just a podcaster.
Then wait until the fucking streamers break their contracts and try to stiff
you on residuals.
That's when Mr. Jekyll, Dr. Jekyll comes out.
That's when I come out at four in the morning.
I did one time, I think the stupidest thing I did during the picketing, it was
like Ghostbusters.
We were shutting them down.
I came out at four in the morning, and I had brought a bunch of whatever, like
signs and stuff in a bag.
And I didn't want anyone to notice it, like the crew members to catch wind.
Yeah.
And so I put on the top of the bag, so you couldn't see all the picket
materials, I put a bunch of food.
So I had a giant bag of food.
I was just dragging it around.
What type of food?
Canned goods.
Canned goods.
Canned goods and limes.
Skin goods.
Canned goods, corn, beans, all the rest.
Okay, so right away, that's a deep emotional story that's just been alive and
within me.
Just unlocked via a New York location, bro.
And Nate.
This city is so rich with stories.
You've never lived here?
You've never lived here just by the time.
Wait, what?
You never lived in New York, bro.
That's hilarious.
It's quite pathetic.
That is hilarious, bro.
Isn't it?
You're basically soft.
But I've basically lived in more types of terrains and varied terrain
environments than you all have ever had in your life.
Oh, like what?
Elden rings and terrain?
Oh, no.
Funny again.
Yeah, right.
RuneScape, terrain.
Super Mario Bros. type of land.
What I'm talking about is rural Ohio, where the real Americans are.
The real racist ones.
Yeah.
And I'm done.
And I'm done.
Let me out of the car right now.
Yeah, you wish.
You'd fucking, you don't even know how to get around the city.
You'd get run over by a taxi immediately.
Yo, we're coming up.
Okay, so just to give you guys an idea.
There's the bean.
Yeah, there's the Manhattan bean.
They have one in Chicago, but that one doesn't hold a candle.
I want to give the listeners a vibe of where we are.
We are just, we're coming from Brooklyn Bridge Financial District.
We are coming up into Soho.
We're passing a theater called The Roxy, where I've hosted more short film
screenings than probably any other creator on the map right now.
And you know what's funny?
Just start to name some of the things you've seen there.
Oh, my fucking God.
I saw the Shrill premiere.
I saw the, I think, I'm Still Here, where I saw Spike Lee walk in.
Oh.
I saw all sorts of short films.
Can I describe my celebrity sighting the other day?
Because I posted this on the Joy Tactics Instagram.
The busted paparazzi strikes again.
So, I went down to the subway system on 7th and 9th, the F.
Does that make sense?
That makes sense to me.
That makes perfect sense.
I went down there, and a cop immediately was kind of...
Boo.
Yeah.
Boo.
Boo.
Get a real job.
Was hassling me, and he said, hey, hey, stay on the other side of the tracks.
The train's going on this side.
And I was like, what's going on here?
That's called a power trip.
That's called a power trip.
I don't live here, so I just went along with it.
Maybe this is what happens at this time of the day in the subway or something.
I don't know.
And I walk past into the subway, and I see a stationary subway car.
And I'm like, what's going on here?
This is just wide open.
All the doors are open on each of the carts.
And I look in, and who's fucking there?
Mr. Denzel fucking Washington just sitting there.
Oh.
And I'll tell you, I don't get starstruck often because I'm seeing celebrities
on a daily basis,
and I've been around them many times.
But when I saw Denzel, something happened to me.
D.W.
Boner.
Something happened.
Boner.
Oh, come on, man.
Boner.
Chill, chill.
That's not funny to joke about.
Yeah, right.
But he was looking sexy, and we looked up his age.
I saw that picture.
What are you, 70?
He's almost 70, dude.
He looks good.
Him and also many famous women as well are redefining what age means in this
day and age, in today's
modern age.
Thank God.
But I walked a little bit, looked, you know, to my left, and there was, like, a
bunch
of cameras and shit, and I was like, oh, this is, of course, a set of a new
Spike Lee movie.
You know what's funny, though?
To you, that's, like, a crazy once-in-a-lifetime experience.
Like, and if another tourist saw that shit, they'd be like, what the fuck is my
life right
now?
To me and Jack, who live here and have lived here for almost six years, that's
fucking
almost boring, bro.
Like, that would make me fall asleep if I saw that.
I actually forgot what you were talking about.
Well, what we were talking about is you guys are fucking jaded.
No.
And that is one of the words.
New Yorkers aren't the last thing that New Yorkers are.
No, you are jaded.
What you just described is the exact classic New Yorkers don't think about L.A.
New Yorker Webster definition of jaded.
How could I be jaded with so many bagel opportunities to get bagels around me
all the time?
Man, we're just passing the most craziest pickleball fucking court I've ever
seen.
Pickleball is alive and well in New York City, thank God, in heaven.
There's 40 account managers out there right now getting it in.
Getting the sunscreen.
They're hitting the beers afterwards.
They're taking fucking...
Shout out to all y'all account managers out there.
If you're an account manager, I kind of rock with you.
Lord knows you are doing nothing for the company at all.
You are working two hours a day.
No, no.
Shout out to y'all.
Chill.
I need you to...
Imagine an account out there with no strategy behind it.
The world could be over as we know it with an account just loose.
It better be...
I think you guys think that you're doing something really special by roasting
account managers right now.
You thought that I was doing that too.
That's why you felt comfortable talking shit.
Well, guess what?
Some of my best friends are account managers.
And if you think that they're not working hard, these people, whether it's
important or not,
these people are working 14-hour days and getting screamed at by the salespeople
who get real full-ass commissions, bro.
I don't even have breakfast until hour 14 of my day.
So, just next time you want to come for an account manager, come through me.
I'll just say this.
Come through me first.
And you think you're so special, Eric.
You think that you're so special.
Because guess what?
You're talking to an ex-account manager right now.
Oh, my God.
Sitting right here next to you, dude.
Why did you wait so long?
Dude.
That was my fucking job title for years.
Dude, I miss...
Was an account manager.
So, now you're thinking a little bit differently about how I was talking.
Right.
Because I'm coming from lived experience.
You never heard that phrase, have you?
Lived experience?
No, I guess I haven't.
Frankly.
Wow, dude.
Okay.
I take it back.
If you...
Yeah.
Okay, so everybody, we are at West 4th Street right now.
Going up north on Manhattan towards kind of Seinfeld area.
That's about 70 blocks up this way.
They've clearly just paved the roads here.
They paved the roads.
There's no lines.
People are driving as if it's a different type of country.
Do you guys think this is going to be like a time capsule sort of episode where
like in
30 years from now, like people will pull up this video.
Like this is what it was like to live in New York City in 2024.
Well, they can't see out the window.
I think that's part of the...
But the way that we're describing it and the detail at which we're describing...
And the speed at which we're going.
Those videos scare the fuck out of me when I see them.
You know?
Because they've sped up the old film to look a little more like a real movie.
Oh, yeah.
Give them a little bit of the sunroof.
Oh.
You see the sunroof, right?
You all notice how I'm not looking at the camera.
I'm driving so safely and so aware.
We're also praying to get into an accident.
Not because we want to wish harm on ourselves, but because we value virality
over anything
in our lives.
It's destroying us.
It's destroying our safety.
Mm-hmm.
But yeah, if we got into a wreck, man.
Could you...
You don't even know about the monetization that would occur from that.
What you mean?
Oh, you're saying...
Well, insurance-wise...
The views.
The views would pay for all of our medical costs.
I refuse medical treatment.
It's a scam.
Can we get medical insurance through, like, as...
Through tactics?
As a...
We should have that for a patron.
You need, like...
You need 15K views of video to get health insurance for this shit.
There's got to be a way to hack that.
I think we need to offer a health...
Like, get a Blue Cross Blue Shield deal with the patrons.
So if you go to the Patreon and you subscribe $5 a month, you could get the
worst health insurance
ever.
Yeah, it's worse than catastrophic health insurance.
Meltdown.
Meltdown.
Meltdown health insurance.
Damn.
Sometimes I come into Manhattan, especially from...
There is a difference between Manhattan and Brooklyn.
I didn't want to have to get into this, but...
I'll come to Manhattan.
People are fucking so hot.
I'm saying this.
People are fucking hot as hell.
