Name: The Rich | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 68
Uploaded: 2024-05-13T12:00:38.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Rich | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 68' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Rich | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 68' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-05-13. Transcript available.

The Rich | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 68

What's up you guys? Before we get into this fucking crazy ass fucking episode
of Joy Tactics, I gotta let y'all know about some live shows coming up.
That's right. If you are in Los Angeles, this Sunday, May 19th, you can see
Nate Verone, that's me, live in person, May 19th, 7pm, at the Elysian Theater.
With special guest, by the way, Connor fucking O'Malley. Yep, it's about to get
fucking popping. It's about to get fucking crazy.
Link in the show notes. Also, if you're in NYC, you can see Jack live on
Thursday, May 30th, at Littlefield.
That's Thursday, May 30th, at Littlefield. $10, 8pm. Jack Benzier wants to
change the world.
Get those fucking tickets now before they sell out, because you know they will,
man.
You know they will. So get them now. Link in the show notes.
Alright, now, now let's get, now, now let's get into this, now let's get into
this episode. Shall we?
Eat the, you mean eat the rich or eat the poor?
Yeah.
Because what's funny is, it's a dog-eat-dog world, you gotta eat in every body
to get in.
If you think, unfortunately that's the case.
Do you think that there is a spiritual thing?
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous, and
meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Benzinger. Enjoy.
Alright, well, this is a topic that we have been kind of afraid to speak about.
Just not because we don't have opinions about it, it's just because there are,
this is a powerful group of people that we are going to be discussing.
And I want to tread, and I want to just warn you to, I just want to tread
lightly here, because I know this can get into vicious territory, and this kind
of triggers a lot of emotions in people when we, when, when, when we talk about,
these are the people that are going to be pulling the master puppet strings.
And I don't know if you want to fuck with these people, okay?
I know you think that, oh, it's fun and games to, well, let's just say what it
is.
We're talking about the rich today, okay?
What we call, what I call the 1% in my organization.
You came up with that phrasing?
If I find out that we're hanging out at a bar, and I see you use the ATM, and I
see that you've got more than $28,000 in the checking account, I'm grabbing you
by the hair, and I'm putting your head up against the wall, and I'm forcing you
to buy everybody one round at the bar, or else.
And, mm-hmm, shots.
Mezcal and Amaro mixed.
Calamari as well.
M&M shots.
Yeah.
Oh.
Yeah.
I had a damn-ass seafood pancake this weekend.
Nate was there, and I was eating it so delicious.
This makes me sick to fucking even think about, dude.
And I bit down on something hard, and I spit out a little piece of squid.
It was a tooth.
Eyeball.
It was a squid.
It looked like.
Ow, my back.
It looked like a tooth.
It makes me so fucking sick to even bring up.
That was a line cook's fucking tooth, man.
Nah, it had squid coloring on it.
It definitely was part of a damn squid.
And why are you afraid of that?
Because I love squid.
Some people are really grossed out by it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, because squids are very intelligent, and squids, we can't understand
their intelligence quite yet.
And so, it's shameful.
And they live forever.
Did you know that?
That's not the way that you know.
We're eating an immortal just to just get all fucked up on it, just to kind of
get a little less fucked up on beer and soju.
We're ending immortality by having that little piece of octopus feet that you,
or whatever.
You can guess how many squid I've sliced up with a knife.
A lot.
That's got to be bad karma.
I feel like that, I should go vegan, well, just in the terms of not eating
squid, because that has got to fucking fuck up your karma.
If you're ending immortality, yeah, chicken, all right, that's fucking, who
cares?
Who gives a shit?
I'll throw a chicken against a fucking wall tomorrow and fuck their ass up.
I don't give a fuck about chickens.
Really.
You know, last night we went, got more Korean food, and then we got a whole
chicken just cut right in half.
It just, you know, they tear open its rib cage, they press that shit down, they
get it all extra crispy, its skin is all crispy.
And there's something about seeing that whole chicken just laying there next to
a bunch of radishes.
That makes me just feel like, what have we done?
You know what I mean?
And I, bro, I see the flaws in veganism, trust me, I've written all about them,
I know all the flaws.
It's a very flawed system, very privileged if you ask me to be vegan these days.
It's something that only the rich can do, by the way, to bring it back to the
main topic.
Right.
So why don't we...
I don't think we should be fucking eating these animals for entertainment like
this while we talk shit with our friends.
You know what I mean?
Entertainment.
We should be eating that after a long hunt.
We should hunt for...
You should have to hunt a chicken for 10 days before you can eat it.
And then everything else you eat is plant-based.
And then you have to stab that chicken with a damn-ass spear.
You know what?
I was thinking about this recently.
This brings up a topic that I feel like could be fruitful.
No, I was just pondering.
Oh, I know.
It probably hit home.
Okay.
So what were you pondering?
Okay.
I was pondering this this week.
Okay.
We...
I feel like we...
People think that...
You know people who are like always referred to like, oh, our ancient ancestors,
all right?
They...
We weren't depressed or anxious back then because we were, you know, hunting
and such.
And yeah, maybe we didn't have depression back then.
But that still fucking sucked, you know?
Like, I don't think our ancient ancestors were like happy and gleeful all the
time.
I think they were just...
I think they're just like we've adapted to withstand a specific lifestyle of
sucking.
You know what I'm saying?
And that is the hunter-gatherer lifestyle.
That's our shitty life that we're adapted to be okay with and not be depressed
with.
Okay?
That was...
No, that's a good lifestyle.
When I hear hunting and gathering, I think, oh, that's going to be fun.
Let me all get everybody together.
Let's put on these new purple bandanas I made out of some leaves and some
berries.
Let's go out and let's attack the duck.
Let's attack these motherfucking ducks until they got no home no more.
Well, let me paint a scenario for you.
No, shut the fuck up, man.
What I don't like is this capitalistic rich...
Sorry, Mr. Benziger.
No, it's because...
You don't listen.
It's because of the products which we are...
The products which we are driven to believe gives us happiness.
Really, one of the happiest you could be is killing an animal.
See where I'm going with this?
What do you think?
What they want you to think makes you happy.
Frankly, you're enraging me.
Let me paint two scenarios for you.
There's a group of people...
That's okay, man, by the way.
There's a group of people...
You don't look enraged.
I'm too sleepy to be enraged.
I just show it, but I can feel it deep down.
I can feel it in his belly.
Eric gets hungry.
Hulk style.
Okay, what sounds more fun to you, dude?
Sitting in the back seat...
Eric, stay awake.
Sitting in the back seat of Rolls-Royce and whatever.
Maybe you're in a big high school parking lot listening to music or something.
Nujabiz.
Yeah, you're listening to Nujabiz, learning how to roll a joint on the hood,
practicing with tobacco over and over again in your dad's Rolls-Royce.
Okay, what sounds more fun?
That or sitting on a rock 100 feet in the air above the sea cliffs with a bunch
of people who made knives out of rocks and you're slicing the fucking heads off
a squid like the motherfucking cartel of the sea.
And everyone's laughing their asses off.
Yucka, yucka, yucka, yucka.
Okay.
Versus, oh, I'm trying to be cool, make sure that I have my spliff rolling
skills on point before I go watch the mid-90s.
I don't give a fuck, by the way.
Yeah.
Well, the first situation you just described describes in my mind what you
would call a psychonaut.
You know what I'm saying?
Where you are, your adventure is, happens in the mind, right?
And that can be precipitated by getting all fucked up on weed or getting fucked
up on weed and tobacco, which is what a spliff is, right?
By the way, I want to commend Eric for it.
He gave me his vocabulary list for the week.
Precipitate was one on there, and he's like, I'm going to try and use that in a
sentence.
I'm saying precipitate.
And I was like, good job, man.
Precipitate?
Is that the right?
Is that a precipitate?
Precipitate.
Precipitate.
Eric's trying to up his vocabulary.
So what happens when you're just precipitating?
Okay, that's after it's already happening.
It doesn't exist yet, man, and that word will never exist.
Stop trying to make it happen.
So every precipitate is then followed by a post-scipitation environment.
Okay.
We should make a water brand called Cipitate that has alcohol in it.
Alcoholic water?
Is this watered down liquor?
Alcoholic water, non-sparkling alcoholic water.
Alcoholic still water?
Yo, that is going to change the new fucking game.
And guess what we're going to call it?
Guess what we'll call it, bitch?
What, bitch?
Liquid life.
Liquid life.
Oh, man.
Polish spring.
No, no, no puns, bro.
It has to be.
Spring.
No, it's got to be called Cipitate water.
We're raging against the machine, once again, the water machine.
Polish sprung.
Water fountain.
I gave the name.
It's called Cipitate.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, yeah, right.
You gave it a name.
Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry.
No, no, I appreciate you.
Better names.
We're thinking of when the merger happens.
Guess what I'm drinking.
You know what's interesting?
Maybe this is a good analogy for what the rich are all about.
Hard Fiji.
You see a bottle of Fiji here, right?
You would assume from that that maybe I have some money.
I have enough money to spend on artesian water.
Well, what you don't know is that this shit's filled up with tap water.
That could be dangerous for my health.
Okay?
Sometimes the mind can trick us.
Eric, you're giving like, you know, like red at the end of Pineapple Express.
You're giving like that.
I have never been this tired.
I'm going to get in the car crash today.
I know this.
I feel like you have like a stab wound in your gut that you can't see and you're
just
like, you're like on the last two hours of death and you're just doing a
podcast.
What the listeners don't know is that I have another Airbnb to go to today and
I have four
hours to kill in the middle and I have no idea what the hell to do.
Push-ups, sit-ups.
Push-ups.
No, I don't think my body can handle a push-up right now.
Well, let's get back to the rich.
Back to the hunting.
Back to the hunting, right?
Oh, back to the hunting.
Well, let me say this.
This is the scenario I was going to...
Yeah, that's a fun day on the cliff being the cartel of the sea.
Yeah, that's one day.
But guess what?
That one day is pretty rare out of the year because most of it is spent
starving, okay?
And looking for food.
So these people, these ancient ants, they're miserable.
They're not depressed.
They're miserable all day long.
They're starving because they can't find a fucking squirrel.
But they're getting laid, man.
Because they're too fast and their weapons suck.
But they're getting laid.
Yeah, I know, dude.
That's what's cool.
Do you...
You're acting like you don't realize how much fun that would be.
15 days of no food, but you're fucking like crazy?
You're fucking like crazy?
Yeah.
And you know they didn't have condoms back then, right?
What'd you say?
People had ways, man.
I'll just say this.
People had ways.
We always found...
You said they didn't have condoms back then?
They didn't have condoms.
So there was a...
Yeah, there's no problem with me on that one.
Oh, shit.
The pullout...
Jack, the pullout bends here.
Shit.
Don't say that I've ever done that, man.
I've never done that.
Who's got the craziest pullout game?
Give me in the comments.
Let us kno