Name: High School (ft. Dan Licata) | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep.70
Uploaded: 2024-06-03T12:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'High School (ft. Dan Licata) | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep.70' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'High School (ft. Dan Licata) | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep.70' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-06-03. Transcript available.

High School (ft. Dan Licata) | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep.70

Dan, do you ever drink N.A. beers?
Nah, bro. I need that buzz.
Full power.
Yeah, man.
Drinking N.A. beers for me, that'd be like smoking a CBD version of crack, you
know what I mean?
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous, and
meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Veroni, and Jack Bensinger.
Enjoy.
Okay.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
That's the sound of the high school bell, as some might remember, unless you
went to one of the more high schools in the woods that didn't have bells.
Dan, did you?
We have Dan.
Oh, Dan Licata's here.
Yeah.
Give it up.
We need to do a drink champs like clap for the guests, you know what I'm saying?
That's right.
Thank you for having me.
Dude, of course.
Yeah, man.
I went to a normal ass high school and not one of them Montessori weird liberal
hippy dippy institutions.
You can say it if you want, man.
Be careful.
Those Montessori teachers and the staff there are violent, and they will be in
your DMs right now.
I've already been down this road.
We have a highly educated listenership.
And if you front on that, they'll come for you.
Right.
A lot of them are children.
Is Montessori for, does it stop after five years old?
Do they kick you out, or can you keep doing it?
I think you could keep doing it.
And I think anyone can start one, and there's no rules.
And I think maybe that'll be my next project, is opening my own Montessori
school.
And it's Italian.
For goofy kids.
Montessori?
I thought it was Jewish.
I thought Montessori was Jewish.
Well, it has a vowel at the end.
Anything with a vowel at the end, like Lakata, Verone.
Yeah.
You're thinking of a guy, Montessori, who's...
That...
Yeah.
He's the first Jewish.
He was Jewish, yeah.
Yeah.
Eric Rahill's dirt biking Montessori Academy.
Imagine that.
Dirt bike in the morning, two a day dirt bikes, and then paintball fucking
lunch.
You make a Jewish extreme sports wing of the army.
Right.
They're underrepresented.
You see somebody coming, flying out towards your head on a motorcycle,
listening to whatever
it's called.
Mahdi's Yahoo.
Mahdi's Yahoo.
He's looking amazing these days, by the way.
Oh, he's looking...
Dude, yeah.
Imagine one of those fucking motocross helmets with the curls coming through.
Hair.
The curls.
Hair.
What are those?
Damn.
Head, side...
I don't know.
That's a good point.
You never see, like, somebody in an NFL helmet with the...
We need someone Hasidic in the NFL.
That would be hard, dude.
We need, yeah, young Jamie to fact-check this shit for us.
Oh, yeah.
The Rogan staff is working double-time.
We need a fucking Jamie, dude.
A producer that we can clown on.
I know.
You know what I'm saying?
It'll deflect a lot of the attention towards Eric that we...
I feel like we tend to put some of that energy on you.
Yeah.
I don't know if you know this, Dan, but I would say the most bullied one out of
all three of
us.
Damn.
Yeah.
And yet the most successful is quite curious.
It's quite interesting.
Well, they're punching up is what they're doing.
I know, bro, but I'm sensitive down there.
You know what I'm saying?
It's ethicality.
Yeah.
By the way, we have to say that Dan Licata just dropped a stand-up special.
It's on YouTube right fucking now.
I just want to say that if you want to just dip out of this podcast right now,
just exit
out right now.
To exit out, just go to YouTube.
Don't even listen to this podcast.
Just go to YouTube and watch Dan Licata's special.
I'm not going to be mad.
I'm not going to be mad one single bit that our listenership just drops off for
this episode.
If we're going to transfer that viewership to Dan Licata's, that's all I care
about right
now, to be frankly honest.
And it's incredible.
You did a special, a stand-up special that no one's ever done before.
You did a special in front of all 15-year-old boys.
Correct.
At your old high school.
At my old high school in Buffalo.
Yeah.
Which, it's kind of weird that I did that, honestly.
It's quite strange.
Interesting.
What makes you believe this?
Just based on, like, I think it's a good litmus test anytime I would tell
someone, like,
the concept for the special.
I feel like guys like us are, like, hell yeah, when they hear the concept.
But there was a couple times when I would tell people the concept, and they'd
go, huh, so
why do you want to do that?
And I'm like, all right, the special is not for you, okay?
Right.
It's for the real ones.
For the real ones.
Did you get intimidated with the first time you met all the boys?
Did you meet them all?
Did you, like, talk to them before you went on?
Or was it fresh?
I kind of went out on stage and just introduced myself.
Yeah.
And I told them, like, if you guys do a good job, I'll give you all Pete
Davidson's phone
number.
And I thought that would get, like, a laugh out of them.
And it just...
I bet.
Do they know who he is, you think?
I wonder if those guys are rocking with his ass.
Oh, for everyone knows who Pete Davidson is.
I shouldn't have said that.
Bubkis.
They're bumping Bubkis on their fucking iPads all day, I bet.
Yeah.
Well, Bubkis goes perfectly with a lot of the beats from...
Who's the Kid Cudi?
If you play a Kid Cudi instrumentals over the Bubkis show, it perfectly aligns
with the rhythm.
That's why they're connected.
It's like the Wizard of Oz in Dark Side of the Moon.
I wanted to ask you this, Dan.
Are you scared of teenage boys at all?
Do they, like, scare you?
Because I feel like they're some of the most, like, intimidating sort of age
group and gender
combination on the planet.
Like, as a teenage boy.
I mean...
They're mysterious.
You don't know what they're going to do.
They're fearless, too.
They have no...
They're fearless, yeah.
They don't give a shit.
They're really rude.
They don't have, like, the social, you know, education to know what to say,
what not to
say.
They're...
Exactly.
I don't know.
I'm a little bit scared of them.
I guess that's, like, a leading...
And I think New York City teen boys are scarier than Buffalo New York teen boys.
They're built different.
Right.
They're built different, yeah.
Have you seen any of them?
Any of the boys since I shot them?
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
What was...
I saw this...
I think teen boys are scary, but also even, like, some New York City kids are
fucking scary.
Like, I saw this guy walking through McCarran Park wearing, like, a scarf and,
like, a fedora,
and this five-year-old just ran up to him and pointed at him and went insecure
and ran away.
Oh, see, that's what I'm talking about.
Oh, shit.
Jesus.
They know just what to say to fucking make a grown man crumble.
You know, there was also a...
When I was in New York, there was, like...
I think it was a homeless person, but I was kind of, like, picking my nose for
just one second.
Literally did this down the street.
He sniped me from, like, a block away and was like,
You're picking your boogers!
Like, it was...
So there's some...
And that was a child...
It was an older man or a child?
It was an older man.
New York.
So maybe it's just New Yorkers are just kind of...
One time I thought I had, um...
Maybe leukemia or something when I was 23 or 24.
I did...
Not even...
For no reason.
Just that was what I was thinking that day.
And then I was over at our friend Joe Scott's house, who had two kids who were,
like, five years old then.
And one of them, like, looked at me in the eyes, and then they got right up
into my ear and whispered,
Something's wrong with him.
And I thought, like, oh my god.
Like, I have...
I'm gonna die.
They know it.
So there's something wrong with Joe.
Yeah.
And they're identical twin boys, which is...
That is extra scary, you know?
Right.
It's not right.
It might be the scariest combination.
Yeah, because you think you killed one, and then the other one comes at you
with the nine on it.
Right.
Because if you got rid of a...
If you kill a twin, then that other twin has what they call vengeance.
Double strength.
Vengeance against you.
Because the soul goes into that other kid's body, and so is the muscle mass.
Right.
They get double the spiritual strength.
And double the thing on it.
Yeah, I don't want you to totally reveal your TikTok short film series for 16
parts.
Starring the Sklar brothers.
Oh, shit.
You know, I see a Sklar brother probably every day.
One of them lives by me.
Oh, man.
And I see one of the Sklar bros walking around.
Maybe it's different ones each time.
Maybe it is.
Maybe it is.
I have a twin sister, but that doesn't really do shit for me, unfortunately.
I didn't know that, Dan.
Yeah.
Wow.
I got a twin sister, and my wife is a triplet, so...
Holy shit.
What?
I didn't know that.
Yeah.
So if I ever procreate, I'm going to have like five fucking kids right off the
bat.
Oh, shit.
I cannot be having that.
Is that genetic?
I think don't mind.
If you have twins, you're more likely to have...
I think so, yeah.
Is it really?
I think it's like diabetes, yeah.
Oh, shit.
Dude, my aunt...
Twins is like diabetes.
Well, twins...
I know a diabetic twin, that's for sure.
My dad has a fraternal twin sister, and she's fully diabetic as well.
Twin...
I bet it's the same gene.
Do you have diabetes yet?
And your dad has diabetic tendencies?
No.
His...
He likes candy, but his sister is the one that has the real diabetes.
Oh, shit.
Interesting.
And yet the government doesn't want us to think about it.
That's all.
Right.
They do not want us talking about diabetes.
What?
All right.
Let's move on.
I don't have it.
What question?
Oh, this is good, because you might...
Wait, can we beep?
Do we bleep out that you're going to maybe be on...
Can we say it?
Yeah, we can...
Maybe bleep it.
When is this coming out?
Monday.
Monday.
Tomorrow.
Yeah, maybe bleep it.
Maybe bleep it.
All right, never mind.
We're bleeping that.
Say James Corden.
All right, so...
Sorry.
Well, you have some...
So, you're doing basically...
We should just talk about the...
Are you going on a crazy-ass press tour right now, Dan?
I mean, you guys are the first stop.
You've got to promote this shit.
First stop.
You guys are the hardest...
We're going to ask...
We have the hardest-hitting questions.
There's no question of that.
I just tried to type...
I just tried to type down a thing to cut out,
and I tried to type down...
All I wrote down was Joy Tactics.
Lose the whole thing.
Joy Tactics.
All right, so we're, I would say,
bodying this one already.
So, what the hell...
How did you choose it to be an hour,
instead of 30 minutes, 45 minutes, 12, you know?
Yeah, I mean, I felt like 45 to an hour
was like that sweet spot that I wanted to hit.
And, yeah, damn, dude.
Yeah.
Not to go back to what you're saying.
I was...
You guys are the first stop for me
on this little press tour I'm doing,
and I knew you guys would be asking the tough questions
and really getting down to the nitty-gritty.
I think I was just remembering the, like, toughest question I've ever asked,
I was ever asked, which I used to work at a hotel as a bellhop,
and there was this, like, cleaner there who was Chinese
and spoke very little English.
And for, like, probably three and a half years,
our entire conversations were just,
hey, how are you?
Oh, you're working the AM shift today.
And then one day, after three and a half years,
he just says to me,
So, Dan, would you rather be eaten alive by a tiger
or beheaded by ISIS?
And I was like...
You're holding on to that one.
Oh, shit.
We need to get his ass on here.
That sounds like a chiller.
Would you get fucked up with your coworkers at the hotel,
or were you kind of a lone operator?
You know, there was, like, this two-month period where,
for whatever, or no, two-month is not correct,
two-week period where we were, like,
huffing computer duster as a joke.
And if you've never done that,
it's, like, a dirty whippet.
So, like, your brain feels like it's going through a wah-wah pedal,
and it's pretty...
I used to do a bit on stage my first year of comedy
where I would huff computer duster on sta