Name: Patriotism Jingoistically Speaking | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 74
Uploaded: 2024-07-01T12:00:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Patriotism Jingoistically Speaking | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 74' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Patriotism Jingoistically Speaking | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 74' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-01. Transcript available.

Patriotism Jingoistically Speaking | Joy Tactics Podcast | Ep. 74

What if I said FAITH was an acronym for false accusation, false, don't make me
do it.
Get it.
F-A-I-T-H.
False assumptions in the head.
False assumptions.
Yo.
Yo.
Yo.
Okay.
No way.
False assumptions in the head.
False assumptions in the head.
FAITH.
FAITH.
You mean false assumptions in the head.
Certified little boy.
Certified little boy.
Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.
Welcome to Joy Tactics, the podcast dedicated to all things joyful, joyous, and
meeting as many celebrities as humanly possible.
Hosted by Eric Rahill, Nate Varoni, and Jack Bensinger.
Enjoy.
And we are off to the motherfucking races.
Hello.
Remember us?
Remember us?
Say.
You thought you'd never see us again.
Can.
Oh, should we start it off?
Joy Tactics.
Should we start it off with the national anthem?
Yeah, let's do it, boy.
Well, it starts out with, like...
Oh, say...
No, first there's, like, a little...
Oh, say...
Didn't we already do this on...
We did.
Robert, I had something I wanted to do.
Oh, say, can you see?
By the dons, corrupt...
Oh, interesting.
...all asked, lie.
How...
What so proudly...
Sneaky they behave.
...behave.
All the war crimes...
That's going on currently in the past.
And the people in Congress, inside trade.
And the mass shootings happen in front of my eyes.
To my...
Yeah, right.
And the oil...
Companies...
And the neo-Nazis...
Sees.
Need to crumble and fall.
Bro.
Isn't that just pretty much the state of things, though?
Like, we're joking around, but that's pretty much what the hell's going on
right now.
And you expect us to celebrate with July 4th?
Are we joking around, Eric?
Or are we satirizing?
I don't know anymore.
Because joking is a way of exposing the truth.
I don't know how I'm supposed to act.
Joking is exposing truth.
Joking is therapeutic.
Joking can blind you, too.
Oh, there should be roast...
It has art therapy.
There should be, like, coming for your throat therapy.
It's humor.
Joy tactics.
Non-alcoholic beer.
Joy tactics.
American patriotism.
American patriotism.
What do you guys think...
Seriously.
What do you think makes it unique to other countries?
Well, let me let you guys in on a word that I might have used once before.
This is in the top...
The highest category of my vocab.
Budissi?
Is this word.
Budissi.
This is the...
No, this is as high as my vocab goes.
This is at the very top.
This is the top word.
Everyone has their top words, and I'd like to know which...
Prediliction.
Well, it's prediliction.
Yeah.
I've been using it.
Sepiosexual.
That's how he identifies as well.
That's right.
And mine is jingoism.
Oh, bro.
You're just coming around to jingoism.
That's very jingoistic of you.
That's quite jingoistic.
Jingoistically speaking.
Jingoisticism.
So, now, jingoism is what, exactly?
As you would define it.
I'm curious to know.
As I would define it, it is basically a blind patriotism.
Hmm.
Okay?
You're rooting for the Cleveland Browns because you live in Cleveland.
Yeah.
Not because they're a good team.
Not because they speak to your soul.
Not because they are...
You like how the players look, and you like their sort of vibe.
You're just rooting for them because you live in fucking Cleveland.
How sad is that?
Every patriot is a jingoistic-ly-minded individual.
Well, no, it depends.
No, man.
It depends on your reasons for patriotism.
Is it because you were just simply born somewhere?
Or is it because Joe Biden's putting on a clinic everywhere he runs?
And that's the leader.
A mental clinic.
He is.
The patient's clinic is what he's running.
Am I allowed...
Good God, I'm watching that debate.
I know it's later, but are we allowed to...
You have to be patient listening to him is what I mean.
Well, you have to be patient and wait for your turn if you're up against him.
Because wait for your turn in the grave.
That's right.
By the way, we just watched the debates.
The American debates.
Presidential.
Oh, yeah.
The American presidential debates.
Live on YouTube.
On CNN.
Shout out to CNN.
Keeping it down.
Keeping it real.
CNN real.
Not just a candle.
A torch to the truth.
And a red dot, by the way.
And a red dot on the head of liars.
And a spotlight on the speaking tongues of truth.
Uh-huh.
CNN.
God damn.
Don Lemon.
Don Lemon, come back now.
We miss you.
Remember him?
Chris Matthews.
Didn't even know he was dead.
Chris Matthews, come back now.
No, no.
Don Lemon's alive.
He's just been booted from the network for reasons I can't understand.
Well, thank God.
And he beat out a stutter to get that job.
Wow.
Why does God afflict people, so many people who need to be speaking publicly
with-
With impediments?
Speech-wise impediments.
Well, you better ask my mom because she's a speech pathologist, okay?
Not a speech therapist.
What's a pathologist?
Pathologist, dude.
That's when they get to the root of the issue, not just giving you some weak-ass
therapy.
That's nice.
They're pathologizing you.
I like that.
Tell your mom that I like that.
All right.
So if she's retiring next year, we're going to have a blowout party that you
guys-
Should we live podcast for my mom's retirement party at her condo association?
Of course.
Yeah, let me cook.
What do you want to cook?
I want to cook-
Hand rolls?
Shrimp?
No.
I want to make-
I do want to make hand rolls, actually.
Shrimp and scallop hand rolls with white wine, butter sauce, dipping sauce.
If any of my friends ask me to come over for sushi,
and we're making it at home, I'd be like, hell no.
Eric.
Unless they-
I just mean if one of my white loser friends asked me to come over and make
sushi, I'm like,
you guys don't really know how to do this.
You haven't seen me do it, man.
Huh?
Do you consider us white losers?
Do you consider us white losers?
That's how we all met.
If I were the white losers association of Chicago.
Yeah, right.
Well, we could just take-
Yeah, exactly.
That's true.
That is true.
But come over and try the Bensinger omakase, because you might like it.
It's no fish.
There's nothing raw.
Nothing that can get you sick.
What are you putting in there?
Soup potatoes?
Carrots, red peppers, cucumbers, wasabi, imitation crab meat.
Remember when we went to Sushi Gin with Danny for lunch?
I don't want to talk about that.
But yeah, I remember.
It was delicious.
For the listeners, we made a mistake.
We didn't bring this up?
Financially, but spiritually and food-wise, it was an amazing win.
But we went to this place called Sushi Gin in L.A.
We saddled up to the bar, and there were no prices.
We just marked down what type of rolls we wanted, what type of sashimi we
wanted sushi.
And how much was that bill at the end of the day?
$500.
$500.
That was a bit tough.
Can you believe that?
Nothing's ever been so worth it, though.
Right.
So, I have a couple thoughts on Biden, if I may.
Yeah, please.
For one, the way he speaks, right?
Okay, so people have a problem with the way that he speaks.
Nobody has a problem with the content.
So, it's almost like it's the delivery system.
So, would you rather have pizza from Trump's Pizza Hut?
Trump Pizza Hut, where the pizza gets there on time?
But it doesn't taste that good, does it?
Right.
It's a little racist, isn't it?
It's racist and homophobic as well.
And homophobic.
Wait, I don't know, is he homophobic?
Because I do feel like he...
From the text threads that I've been screenshotted and sent?
Yeah, he is.
If he's homophobic, that's where I've...
If you're willing to do it in the locker room, yeah.
Right.
It still counts, dude.
Right.
I feel like Trump is a secret ally.
Yeah.
He was back in the 90s.
I bet.
You think he's a snake?
He's gone inside the system to try to assassinate?
I feel like if you were to go into his heart of hearts, he would be like, I'm
an ally.
He's chillin' with the LGBTQ buzz community.
But he just simply can't because of his proclivity...
His predilections.
Predilections.
What are...
Predilectatory...
What are predilections?
Oh, predilections are what you predile...
Oh, Eric.
Predilections are kind of like, oh, I have a predilection for...
You know when you have your vocab list, you just don't...
You don't just memorize the word, you have to know what it means.
Contact.
Yeah, how hilarious, man.
Once we're all together in person.
I'm like, yeah, you're really...
Good practice.
Good batting practice.
Hitting on me, because I give you t-balls.
You know what I mean?
Anti-disestablishmentarianism.
Anti-disestablishmentarianism.
Remember that?
Yeah.
You know I'm getting the anti-disestablishment finger-to-finger tattoo.
But you're saying would I rather have Trump Pizza Hut or Biden...
Sashimi?
Or Biden Sashimi, where the pizza...
Sashimi pizza maybe gets to you later.
Maybe it doesn't get to you ever.
Right.
But you know it was...
You know it tastes better.
You know it's really good, but it never comes.
And you know it's less racist publicly.
Okay.
Well, you know I'm rocking with Biden fucking...
24, 7, 26, smooth ass skin, piercing blue eyes.
He looks like a pink midtoast.
He's got that.
I want to suck on his head.
He looks all pink lately, for sure.
What do you think his nipples look like?
His nipples?
God, I can only imagine.
Are they pointy?
Are they pink?
They're probably concave.
They're definitely not all soft.
I bet they're darker than you would think.
Darker and smaller than you could ever imagine.
Tiny ass.
He has the smallest nipples that God ever created.
That's why he's so special.
But he definitely got that chest hair.
I know that.
Because if he walked out from the pool house, no hair on his chest, I think he
must have shaved that shit.
Because naturally, I can tell by his body type, he has a big tuft right here.
Northern pubes.
Yeah, kind of like they used to have in the 70s.
That's right.
I bet you he looked like Austin Powers back in the 90s.
Oh, you've seen young Biden.
Oh, of course I've seen him.
No reason.
What?
No reason.
Wow.
His voice is relaxing to me.
Yeah, he's doing whisper ASMR.
It's basically what he's doing is he's putting the, you know, when they spit a
verse from prison,
he's basically got that filter in his throat.
And it's working on me.
He's got the fucked up prison phone filter.
He's got the phone filter in his throat.
The landline.
He's got a landline throat.
He's got the Adnan Syed filter.
Yeah.
Good for him.
Free Adnan Syed now.
Is he in jail?
I don't know what happened to him.
That was the first murder podcast or something?
It's the first one that had the guts to do a podcast about murder.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
When are we going to do that?
When are we going to do the true crime one?
Because we've witnessed it.
We've witnessed it.
And so everybody likes my glasses, right?
Well, I like them too, but they're not mine.
They're Jane's.
It's girlfriend and I.
They're like growing.
When you first put them on, I was like, this is just like, I don't know.
It doesn't seem right.
It makes me seem predatory.
No, right?
Predatory to victims.
Not to sexual victims.
You look like a bad graphic designer.
I'm trying to get a reputation on Fiverr and I'll do it for like so cheap.
You look like the person that Adam Brody is worried about in the crazy high
tech movie about
spies up in the spy lab.
Uh-oh.
Who's this guy coming from my job?
New blood.
I just don't think glasses will fit my, any type of glasses fit my face too
well.
Oh, I have a question.
What?
In the pictures you post, you have like these like Ray-Bans glasses on.
Wait, wait, in the, oh, you mean like the thin ones that Jack has?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Those are, those are like.
AI, bro.
Those are AI that.
What, what?
Because I just got the seven day trial of.
Face app.
Face app.
Face tune, I believe.
Oh, I don't know about that one.
I have face app.
Maybe it is face app, but I mean, it is mind blowing.
It's exactly those.
It's exactly those glasses that Jack's wearing right now.
It looks, it looks very real.
They're the slim shadies.
And these are bad.
Don't anybody ever get these because the slim glasses, you think it's gonna be
fun.
And then you don't realize that you feel the vision is slimmer.
Well, you know