Name: Manners [first 10 minutes of discussion]
Uploaded: 2024-07-04T11:00:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Manners [first 10 minutes of discussion]' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Manners [first 10 minutes of discussion]' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-07-04. Transcript available.

Joy Tactics. Welcome back to Joy Tactics. That is the polite way to begin a
podcast,
is to formally and respectfully welcome you in to a space. How are you guys?
How are you today?
Good. Great to see everybody. How are you today, Eric? Eric, Nate, would you
guys mind taking your
hats off? No, just, just, you're inside. I really can't. I have some surgeries
going on.
I really just can't. Okay, well then I respect, then. I would like the public
to be exposed to it right now.
Thank you for saying that, Nate. And actually, because of my religion, it's
more polite for me to keep it on,
but I don't want to get into that with you. Baseball, religion. I don't want to
be able to respect my swag.
So, immediately we're taking down the walls of manners. Well, manners need to
evolve and kind of
catch up with the 21st century. Okay? There's just no question about it. That's
unanimously agreed
upon by all manner scientists. Right. I think this is a really important
episode for our listeners,
because a lot of people out there, I feel like, you know, just weren't raised
right. You know,
I can just tell from the grammatical errors, just the way that they speak to us.
Sometimes the rudeness, even. I don't want to get it. I'm not calling anyone
out, and I never get
offended, but sometimes the rudeness. I can just tell that it's an angry young
man who hasn't been,
maybe hasn't had a father figure, or hasn't been shown how to be manner, mannerful.
They're raised. They're raised by the wild. These people act like they went to
the Homer Simpson school
of burping. Exactly, dude. And they did, a lot of these people grew up on the
Simpsons,
because they're, you know, this age of gross television raised a whole
generation of sick
people. Oh, that's for sure.
Makes me sick.
Well, you make a good point, Eric, that manners are very ancient and old and
archaic.
Because when you think of manners, you think of a butler. You think of placing
the fork on the right
side of the table. Exactly.
How do you, it feels like manners are just around, like, going to a dinner
party in, like, the South,
in the 1840s. Right. That's where we stopped. We were like, we got all the
manners here.
Let's, let's stop it right now. I feel like society won't progress past this
point at all.
And that's where we're at right now. And lo and behold, the world has changed
very rapidly.
Oh, rapidly. Technology, rapidly.
But manners have not changed at all, I would say.
But really quick, I do want to shout out just sort of the, what manners have
done for us
as a society. Right?
Night's putting in the zen.
You see, I weighed it.
Yo, did you, I saw they had nine milligram ones.
They have nine milligram?
There's 12 as well.
There's a massive shortage right now, by the way.
Oh, shit.
There's too much work being done.
It's crazy.
There's too much grinding being done by the general public.
This is my theory real quick. Sidebar is on the zen.
So they have intentionally put out a shortage of zen because there's the off-brand
ones and
they don't abide by the three six milligram rules. Okay? So these are on two,
four, and eight.
So if you're on a three, you're going to go up to a four. Okay?
When the shortage is happening.
So then, when the zen comes back, you're not going to go back to a three.
You're going to go up to the six.
So then, in a little and bold, you're more and more, you're more addicted to
the product.
And then you're going to want more of those and more and more.
And then you're going to do a shortage again and you're going to go up to eight.
And then you're going to have two sixes in your mouth after that.
You need to stop with this math.
It's all a part of the zen fucking plan, dude.
Diabolical zen math.
That's not right.
I see right fucking through it, man.
Of course you do. You always do.
Why don't people say, behold?
I know some people do, but what's that low about?
Low and behold.
Low and behold.
What's low mean?
Looky here.
What's low about?
Looky, looky.
Low.
Low is like, yo.
Low.
Low, dude.
What the hell, man?
Oh, yeah?
Low.
I'm going to start saying that instead of checking.
Hey, low.
Hey, low yourself now.
Low.
Go low on yourself.
But back to manners.
Oh, I'm looking at this.
I went, dude, really quick.
Also sidebar.
Worst water on the planet.
Went to McDonald's last night.
Dasani water.
You got the McDonald's water sitting on the counter.
It's so pathetic to get a Big Mac large meal and then be like, I'll get a water
with that
actually.
That's like, there's like heroin eating cabbage.
There's like clips of like young Gen Z teens and they, they like try Dasani and
they're
like throwing up.
No, there's not.
That's like so gross.
Good.
It is.
Like, oh, my God.
That is so, I mean, I'll still drink it.
Yeah, listen.
A lot of people around the world would be lucky to have water this clean.
Right.
It tastes like there's one grain of bullion in there or something.
Yuck.
Well, you know, the Dasani is, is, is not, uh, it's just tap water filtered.
Right.
You know that, right?
And smart water.
I just saw a TikTok about this.
You know, well, you know, smart water is vapor distilled.
It so has no, none of the minerals that keep you alive and healthy.
Right.
Right.
Exactly.
And what is the other one?
They, they, they're basically like, if it doesn't say natural spring water on
it, then
don't even, don't even.
It's not, don't drink that shit for real.
Well, you know, Aquafina is about to get shut down.
Aquafina's Southern, South America plant had to get closed down because people
were getting,
uh.
Isn't Aquafina Coca-Cola or is that?
Aquafina's Pepsi, Dasani's Coca-Cola.
Right.
So they shut those plants down because they were finding like bacteria in them.
These people have no manners for how we, how to make water.
Yeah.
And I just want to say that I lied about what I just said.
But.
Well.
Why would you do that?
I don't know.
It's a podcast.
But back to the origins of manners.
You know that manners, oh, manners are, mom, do we have to fucking sit at the
table like
this and do I have to set the silverware this way?
Yes, you do.
Do I have to take my shoes off when I come inside?
Yes, you do.
Do I have to brush my teeth before?
Manners have kept us.
We are, by nature, a very violent sexual species, okay?
That's how we initially got ahead.
But once we got to this point and we started looking like we do, we beat out
the Australopithecus,
whatever.
We needed something called manners to organize our society into something that
could function,
okay?
Without manners, it's chaos, it's orgies, it's adultery, cheat-ing, murder-ing,
all of this
stuff, okay?
The manners give you a little organization, a little structure to say like, oh,
I can't
do this because this will offend so-and-so, you know what I mean?
Manners have kept us alive.
But they haven't progressed.
You certainly have.
Okay, they have not progressed.
Well, to an extent, I do push back on that, of course.
For one...
Well, please, I encourage that.
Thank you.
Of course.
For one, I want to say let's add Australopithecus to the Joy Tactics bingo card.
Because I feel like...
Right.
For two, I think at first there is an element of control.
Well, the other thing is I noticed that you put violence and sexuality as
things to control
that are associated together.
I would say that's a trap.
Sexuality I associate with calmness and, you know, something that people think
you need to
control it, but you don't.
It's actually the most peaceful thing about a human being, is love.
Okay?
Sexuality?
Yeah.
In the...
Yeah.
In what I'm working on...
Yeah.
But what I'll say about manners is this.
They're almost the enemy of efficiency, in a sense.
It's almost as if manners were invented as a form of mind control, population
control.
Because if I say, hey, dude, you see those grapes on top of that rock?
It's actually really polite.
It'd really mean a lot to me if you'd walk all the way 600 feet that way around
that hill
and then go over to the rock.
That's like how you show me respect.
Meanwhile, I'm going to go eat those grapes.
So, you can see how that translates immediately into put the fork on the left,
put the fork
on the right.
Meanwhile, I'm back in the kitchen where I've got whatever, you know, I'm
smoking golden clove
cigarettes.
See?
Oh, shit.
Because now you're not thinking about anything except respecting what my rules
are.
Ah.
Right.
You need to give a workshop on questioning authority and questioning just sort
of the way things
are because I accepted it as truth.
You saw how I was proselytizing manners and how amazing they were.
And it just takes you one paragraph to make me question everything about my
reality.
Well, thank you, man.
Wow.
Yeah.
And that's free charge.
And can I share a story, a fork-based story from my family history that
revolves around manners
and the repercussions of not having manners.
Say it now.
Now, this is what would happen back in the day, all right?
This happened to my father, okay?
My grandfather, World War II veteran.
Which country?
Oh, respect.
Yeah.
By the way, that's a great.
Which question?
We'll just move on.
I'll talk about that in a different episode.
But he was at, this is like a story that they would all, that was like a fun
story to tell.
You know, it wasn't, it seems kind of dangerous and you'll see why in a second,
but they're kind
of like, haha, when I was a kid, my, uh, there was something happened at the
dinner table.
Somebody was, I don't know, acting, um, without manners in some degree.
Okay.
And manners can mean a lot of different things.
All right.
It's up for interpretation.
Right.
So my dad, I think he reached for something like without like Pat, like, you
know, past
the plate down or something like that.
And my grandfather took a fork and fucking stabbed, like hit him, hit my dad's
like hand
He hit him with a, with it.
And stuck it?
Basically stabbed him.
He basically, my grandfather stabbed my dad.
Jesus Christ.
When he was a, uh, and this is just, so yeah.
Are you going to respect the household manners after that?
Yeah, I think so.
And guess what?
He had about four to five, uh, brothers and sisters.
So yeah, they're going to, and he was the oldest.
You only need to make an example.
All right.
And then they're going to follow suit after that.
You see, that's classic leadership one-on-one, but you see, that's actually a
one-on-two.
That's a little advanced, but this is the way that parenting.