Name: Discussing Every Year: 1 A.D. - Joy Tactics Podcast Ep. 83
Uploaded: 2024-09-02T11:00:34.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Discussing Every Year: 1 A.D. - Joy Tactics Podcast Ep. 83' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-02. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Discussing Every Year: 1 A.D. - Joy Tactics Podcast Ep. 83' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-02. Transcript available.

Discussing Every Year: 1 A.D. - Joy Tactics Podcast Ep. 83

*laughter*
*laughter*
*laughter*
*laughter*
*laughter*
Check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check,
check, check, check.
Whoa, dude.
Check.
I just did a fucking smelling salt. That was awesome.
The idea of time.
Wait, are we going yet? Or, wait, time.
Nate's holding a zen up there.
Well, yeah, this does relate. Years are time.
Years are how we count time.
Are we starting?
Yeah.
'Cause Nate was saying check, check, check, check, check, check, so I didn't
know.
Leave it in. Leave it in.
Joy Tactics, it makes me feel so free.
It makes me feel so good. It makes me want to be free.
It makes me want to sing. It makes me say hello.
It makes me greet the whole world sun shining.
It makes me want to be here. It makes me want to fly.
It makes me feel so free. Why can't I feel so free?
Like Joy Tactics.
Can I add this to my canon?
The smelling salts?
The smelling salts?
Yeah.
What's it called? Ward?
I don't know.
V-V-V-V-Y-V.
This is a fun little thingy to bring around and make people feel cool.
All right.
So, today begins a short detour.
We're going to be going through every single year, presumably, but this one is
about 1 AD.
So, that's the beginning of time, as Eric was saying, in terms of calendar-wise,
obviously...
Well, that's after the, what they call...
The big religious bang.
No.
The big religious bang.
It's after Christ.
And I can't remember what happens...
Oh, it's the birth of Jesus, dude.
I always think it's the death, but it's the birth of Jesus.
Well then, can there be...
I know, don't I?
Is this year 29, JD?
See what I'm saying?
Because I'm 29 years old.
What?
What?
What I'm saying is...
AD means after Jesus was born or whatever.
1 AD.
Mm-hmm.
Can we have 1 JT, which was a year ago?
The time period that begins when Joy Tactics started?
Well, it's almost a year and a half at this point.
Oh.
But yeah, yeah.
We should have it.
There is a new arrow being ushered in by us and our conversational abilities.
So, if you're filling out your tax forms this year, which I don't recommend
doing...
Don't...
Just don't do it.
See what happens.
Don't do it and tell the IRS to...
You can collect...
You want a thousand bucks?
Here's a thousand bullets.
This is what happens when the IRS come to my door after 10 years of not filing
taxes.
I put the JBL Bluetooth speaker out the window.
Many men.
Go back, go back, go back.
I come out.
Haven't slept in a few days.
Looking crazy, swinging some grenades.
You owe $2,100.
Yeah.
Why aren't people doing, like, storming the capital shit on, like, the IRS?
Where is the, like, the IRS, like, headquarters?
Nobody knows.
It's probably in Washington, D.C., right?
I don't think it's in the continental United States.
I think they keep it underground under a volcano in one of those islands we're
not allowed to hold out.
See, they're very smart because, like, every governmental head has a specialty
building.
The Pentagon.
You know where it's at.
You know what shape it is.
The White House.
You know where it's at.
You know what color it is.
What shape it is.
That is funny.
That is funny.
But the IRS is very, is the most, you don't know what shape it is.
You don't know what color that building is.
You don't know where the fuck it's at.
Right.
Let me guess.
It's all beige and boring.
You know what I'm saying?
You know what they could do?
They could change the shape of the.
You know how, when you see sometimes a play that the set pieces move around.
Mm hmm.
So what if the Pentagon had, it was on some sort of rig where it could be a
different shape
all of a sudden.
It's a diamond all of a sudden.
And then it turns.
Oh, chill.
Wrong target.
That's not the Pentagon.
Chill.
Undo it.
Yeah.
The pentinguin.
Oh.
New shape.
So one A.D.
Okay.
So what.
The sun rises.
Mm hmm.
And everybody, everybody is born on the same day.
The first ever moment.
Yeah.
Jesus is a baby.
He's chilling in the.
Well, here's what I can't tell.
Is one A.D.
That's a.
Jesus is a year old.
So he's almost becoming a toddler.
Or he's.
Or is there zero A.D.
There must be.
Right.
Oh, do you think.
It's zero A.D.
The day.
There it is.
The Virgin Mary.
Zero A.D. is when he comes out.
All right.
So that's when he's up in the manger.
And then one is where he turns one years old.
Right.
All right.
So it's one year old.
The Roman Empire is going crazy at this point.
Well, they called it the year of consulship of Galois Caesar and Lucius Paulius.
Galois.
Um.
Okay.
So that's what this year was known as.
Hi.
As to why.
Be careful what questions you ask.
Because they were up to some naughty behavior, I would guess.
Mm-hmm.
Uh.
Uh.
Oh, bro.
Listen.
I have to read.
The preceding year is one B.C.
There is no year zero in this numbering scheme.
Of course.
The Anodomini dating system was devised in Anodomini in A.D. 525 by Dionysius
Exigwis.
Of course.
This is back when words were much more delicious in the mouth.
Words you could chew on them a little bit more.
In Sigwis.
Because you didn't.
Augustus.
Because they didn't have fast food or anything to eat.
So you had to eat on vocabulary.
There were no chicken nuggets.
There was only saying Julian.
Mm.
Mm.
What are you going to do?
Are you going to say something?
Dionysus?
Mm.
Lusias Paulus.
Exigwis.
Anodomini.
Furthermore.
Burris.
Oh, this is a good one.
You want to hear about some other people who were born the same year?
Mm-hmm.
Because it's not just Jesus, by the way.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, this is about to be the new mascot of this fucking podcast community.
I could tell.
Sextus Afranius Burris.
Burris.
Burris.
Oh.
That's, of course, a Roman Praetorian prefect.
And what's that?
So we're just, so basically the podcast has evolved into us reading just a
Wikipedia page
slowly over the course of an hour.
No, no.
This is what we, this is the board that Jack and I put together.
It's hypervolved.
Okay?
It's not a devolve.
You know who chose his ass to rule as prefect?
Who chose Sextus Afranius Burris to rule as prefect?
You're not going to believe this.
Was it Gallia Narbonesis?
No, it wasn't.
No, it wasn't.
No, no.
It's Agrippina the Younger.
It's Agrippina, dude.
You think, if you're trying to tell me what laws to follow and your name is Agrippina
the Younger, trust me, I'm going to be laughing my way to the geek team.
Okay?
You're not telling me shit.
Yeah.
Somebody comes up to me named Agrippina and says, stop running and drinking, peeing
in
the well.
I'm going to say, guess what?
Your name sounds like a plant.
Yes.
Change your name.
Change your name.
Oh, and guess who died that year?
Guess who died the year that Jesus was born?
Nobody.
And how interesting.
Satan.
And I'm going to try to read this name respectfully.
Amani Shaketo, the Queen of Kush.
The Queen of Kush.
Wow.
Damn.
Why are these names perfect?
They did it so good.
Now we got fucking time.
Interesting.
I know.
That's wild, right?
The Queen of Kush passes away the same year that Jesus is born and brings in a
whole 2,000
years of anti-drug warfare through his preachings.
There's no coincidence there.
Amani Shaketo, the Queen of Kush.
Now, Kush, also known as Nubia.
This is a region along the Nile River, of course, that encompasses, of course,
the area between
the first cataract of the Nile with then confluences the blue and white Niles,
as they say,
or something.
So what I presume they're speaking of is Egypt.
So was Egypt popping off at this point?
Or were they just kind of on the way?
Oh, Egypt, dude.
Egypt was Miami.
Egypt had been going crazy.
By the time the Romans were around, let me just put it like this.
Let me blow your mind for a second.
By the time the Romans were doing their thing and everybody was being all Roman
with it, Egypt was already in ruins.
Egypt was already, the pyramids were already ancient.
You're kidding.
Mm-hmm.
I'm not kidding.
I'm not kidding.
Do you think there was like one dude who just like was, just lived, you know,
like kind of owned the pyramids?
Who owned the pyramids?
Who owned the pyramids?
Like who was chilling around the pyramids?
Was there a society?
Oh, I think you, that's unknown.
Oh, let me just say an idea.
That's unknown.
I believe there was a force field around them that didn't allow anybody in.
Or do you think the pyramids were basically like the freaking trap house of the
ancient human beings?
And there's actually, those were the smallest things that fucking existed back
then.
See what I'm saying?
And that's the only way they survived the crazy attack from planet whatever.
But actually there was pyramids that were a billion times bigger.
And these were the losers.
You know what I'm saying?
This is the trailer park.
Those pyramids were the trailer park of the ancient.
Right.
Pyramidic societies.
That's my theory.
There's nothing more mind blowing to me when I see a painting, like an old ass
painting.
I'm talking a thousand year old painting that is showing people like living in
the ruins of Rome that were already ruins a thousand years ago.
You see what I'm saying?
Yes.
We've been around for so long and decay has always been a part of our culture
as a, so to speak, as human beings.
If I may put it like that, do you see what I'm saying?
That's interesting to me.
That is interesting.
And do you think aliens were coming around then?
Like they were definitely.
That's what, that's when they were like, all right, we got this, like, no, no
need to worry.
Like they're, you know what I mean?
You think they saw the Coliseum though?
And they saw them floating boats in a, in a, in a stadium.
And they were like, wait, hold up, check this out.
Check this out.
Yeah, maybe.
I don't know.
Like maybe let's be careful.
That was probably one of the first signs.
They put a boat in a, in an arena.
That was the first like kind of lions and tigers as well.
That was the first BTS was like a, they didn't have like bands and shit.
They had fucking boats and that was their entertainment was people killing each
other.
That was their, that was their boy bands back then.
That's what makes me fucking sick.
That's what makes me ill.
But they had to have had like one, like an entertainer open up and then, you
know, do a little song or something like that.
Sing the Roman national anthem.
There had to be, there had to have been like a little, like some famous singers
back then.
Oh, there's no question about it.
Single.
It's one of the most natural talents that belongs to a human being that just
come pours out of us.
You don't think that Fergie existed back then as she is right now.
As a reincarnation.
As a reincarnation.
As a reincarnation.
As a reincarnation.
As a reincarnation.
As a reincarnation.
As a reincarnation.
As a reincarnation.
As a reincarnation.
As a reincarnation.
As a reincarnation.
As a reincarnation.
As a reincarnation.
As a reincarnation.
As a reincarnation.
As a reincarnation.
As a reincarnation.
No, Fergie's an ancient.
Fergie is an eternal.
Fergie is an ancient, ancient spirit.
Not a spirit, dude.
She is made of clay.
And I don't actually know anything else about Golem.
Dude.
I read a book about a Golem.
What was its name?
And I'm not talking about Lord of the Rings.
Okay.
That's Golem.
Golem.
Book.
Watch.
I'm going to type in Golem book and it's going to pop.
Oh, I think it was called The Golem.
I've been trying to write a story about a Min Golem.
The Golem and the Ginny.
And the Genie.
My mom's name is.
Oh, yeah.
This episode is getting off to an amazing start.
So, wait.
But when you say.
Because you've said Min Golem before.
But I think you're talking about Golem from.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
The Golem.
The Min Golem.
That's my fictional character.
Can you describe that, Jack?
Everybody has.
Of course.
Everybody has.
So, I have a pen name.
Herman Salenti.
That is the name under which I come up with my creative authorings.
So, the Min Golem.
I mean, there's the succulator, which I won't get into, but that's basically
Dracula.
But the Min Golem is a golem that lures you in by smelling so delicious.
What is that minty fresh?
It's fresh.
I feel like