Name: We Are Speaking On North Korea... [teaser]
Uploaded: 2024-09-12T11:00:35.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We Are Speaking On North Korea... [teaser]' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'We Are Speaking On North Korea... [teaser]' from Joy Tactics on Comedy Buff. Published 2024-09-12. Transcript available.

Joey Tactics.
Joey Tactics.
I'm drinking one of the worst flavors of sparkling water. I think there is.
Green apple.
Green apple.
Ew.
I know.
Ew, dude.
You know what's nasty? Remember those key lime LaCroix's?
Oh, it's on par with that.
They make me want to puke, and then for some reason they make me want to puke,
and then turn around and eat the puke because I can't stop drinking it.
Yeah, there is something mystical about how irresistible these sparkling waters
are.
What could be in there?
What does it say?
Carbonated water.
Water.
That means water and carbon dioxide and natural flavors.
Well, we don't know what that natural flavor is, do we?
They're hiding.
They are hiding very toxic chemicals, mind-controlled particles.
If you scale a bubble up to be the size of the fucking ocean,
does that make it a nuclear bomb, essentially?
See what I'm saying?
A bubble?
Oh, I like it.
Because there's little teeny tiny bubbles going off up in that thing, drink-wise,
if you blew that sucker up to be the size of fucking Idaho.
With the technology of Ant-Man?
With reverse Ant-Man?
Reverse Ant-Man?
Elephant Man.
Oh.
You know about him, right?
The elephant man?
Yeah, my bad.
There's already an elephant man.
You imagine having to be the elephant man?
Oh, hell no.
At Disney World, they got the new exhibit.
Yeah.
They just got the elephant man.
Elephant man.
Harry Potter's out.
Yeah.
Elephant man's in.
Dude.
I do think when you visit, Jack, if we don't go to Disneyland, we're going to
Universal Studios.
All right.
And we're going to Hogsmeade, or whatever it's called.
Hogwarts Land.
Hogsmeade.
What are all the attractions that Universal Studios has to offer?
Super Mario World.
Hog drinks.
Soda.
Different type of soda.
Okay.
Restrooms.
Restrooms.
Strangers.
Potential for...
Monsters.
Meat people.
Yeah.
Potential meet cute with the woman who works at the souvenir shop.
Who's never been treated right.
I know the employees are hooking up like crazy.
Oh, there's no question about that.
Princess Peach and Wario.
Oh.
Oh, they probably, what they do is they get the mascot costumes, they get them
back to back,
and they unzip the back, and they just start hooking up, you know what I'm
saying, so no one can see it.
That's brilliant, dude.
Yeah.
Unzip both zippers and make out.
Creative ways to make out public.com.
So, fuck, dude, I gotta say it.
I gotta say it, man.
Say it, man.
All right.
There's a reason that you've noticed us being musical since the day we started
this thing.
There's a reason that this podcast was uploaded at maybe 7.03 instead of 7 a.m.
There's a reason for the madness.
Exciting news.
Lincoln Park has a new singer.
They're back.
They have a new song.
And it's a chick.
And it's a chick.
And it's a chick.
What's her name?
Amy Zimmer?
Amanda or something.
Amy Zimmer.
It's Emily.
Emily Armstrong.
We've been in negotiations for a long time on this deal.
It's a very exciting one.
Did you all listen to the new song yet?
Nah, I didn't know.
I thought they were just doing the old shit.
Quit playing.
Quit playing.
Eric, this is the most Ray Hillian track.
It is called...
What is it?
It's called The Emptiness Machine.
You mean the cell phone?
You mean the iPhone 15?
Oh, my God.
You've got to be kidding me.
Can you read off some lyrics to that?
I don't need to read it because I'm off book already.
Going around like a revolver.
You...
Alright, I don't know it.
But it's about being in the Emptiness Machine, I bet.
The Emptiness Machine?
What a metaphor.
That could mean a computer.
That could mean...
A coconut.
The vessel of your physical form.
You are the Emptiness Machine.
Staring into the Emptiness Machine.
It's just...
Man.
It's been...
Well, what I'm saying is Linkin Park is back, I guess.
And we are going to every stop of the tour.
We are selling our own bootleg merch in the parking lot.
All over Sweden.
So...
What's the drug of choice of Linkin Park fans?
Like, you know...
Barbecue Fritos.
The Twisties.
The Twisted One.
Red Bull.
Barbecue Fritos.
Crush that shit up in the parking lot.
And Speeding.
Chester Bennington.
Rest in Peace.
Wait, this is...
This is reminding me of...
Do you guys know Desaya?
Desaya?
He's on TikTok?
Yes, yes.
And he has a new song out with some cutting lyrics.
He won't betray you.
We tried.
Oh, no.
The Hunter out.
The Hunter out.
The Hunter out.
The Hunter out.
He's going to steal cheese, so be careful.
Keep that going.
Once he catches you, you will be doubtful.
The Hunter out.
The Hunter out.
Basically, the lyrics are saying,
The Hunter acts like a cashier.
He'll betray you three times once he gets the cheese of the Munter.
The Hunter out of the Hunter.
He's going to steal your cheese, so be careful.
He's got two characters in this damn song.
The Hunter and the Munter.
Oh, it's a new character.
Yeah, there's the Hunter who's going to betray you,
and then there's the Munter as well.
Who's going to be helping you?
I don't know who the Munter is.
Was it a typo that he left in?
Nah, nah.
He definitely says the Munter.
Okay.
But I bet you get the Zaya up there with the Linkin Park shit.
Let them collab live mixing with vocals.
Mm-hmm.
Holy shit.
They need to do a modern-day remix,
like the fucking Jay-Z remix.
What was that called?
Like Hybrid Theory or another album?
Yeah, yeah, it's called Hybrid Theory.
That shit blew the music industry out.
They had no idea what was coming when that shit had dropped.
Jay-Z and we have rock and hip-hop.
Is that what the Hybrid Theory is?
Is it a theory that you could mix rock and hip-hop?
Yep, pretty much.
I don't think they knew what they meant.
I don't think that's a theory.
They didn't know.
No, that's a fact.
That's a theorem.
That's the Hybrid Factual information.
Hybrid Fact, Hybrid Moments.
Remember that?
Oh.
Wow.
Everything's connected through symbols.
I only smoke hybrids.
I smoke a hybrid.
That's a hybrid, right?
If not, get it away from me.
You ever smoke a Mythical Spliff?
That's where you put the tobacco with the salvia in it?
Yeah.
I want to do salvia.
Dude, that's the one thing I tried doing salvia once in high school, and it
didn't work.
And I was so pissed off.
It didn't work.
I really want to experience that.
You know how you have to heat it up super hard?
I think I was just putting it in a bowl.
And roasting it normal?
Yeah.
I think I needed a blowtorch or something.
If we really want to get the Patreon shit up, we do a link to a live salvia gripping
competition.
Let's do salvia every 15 minutes, take another hit, until we have made our
cover of the new
Linkin Park album song.
And then announce the presidential election results.
Yep.
So we'll do this November 3rd and 4th.
No sleep.
And then do the suicide hug.
I mean, I know this is kind of trigger warning and inappropriate for, we just
brought up,
rest in peace, Lichester Bennington.
But I just had this thought, and I guess I got to get it out of my head,
because I don't
want to be the only one who thought of this and is thinking of it.
And that's two people who both are ready to rejoin universal consciousness.
So one of them jumps off something really high, and the other one gets ready to
give them
a big-ass hug, and they smack.
Oh, interesting.
Huh.
That's called a death hug.
I never thought about that.
It's called a death hug.
I didn't know you thought like that, man.
Well, I don't want to.
That makes me think of the duality of suicide, in a way.
Duicide.
Let's not talk about this.
This is really...
Nah.
Let's talk about North Korea like we're...
Yeah, just like we planned.
Oh, can I say one thing, though?
I do think there's some...
I don't know if you'd call this hubbub, but there's something going on about
the new singer
of Linkin Park.
Oh, with the link to Danny Masterson or something?
There's something going on with Danny Masterson.
That's what I saw about it, yes.
Yes, I don't know.
Oh, interesting.
You guys didn't tap into the live stream and rock out, but you're familiar with
the gossip.
No, this is the end problem with the media, dude.
Yeah.
We don't see the art.
We see the controversy first.
You're in the emptiness machine, dude.
You're in the emptiness machine.
I know I am.
You don't even realize that the machine is empty.
I am in the emptiness machine!
Doing a cover of it without hearing it.
Yeah, I think I could do that whole...